This was also written for the SOB Drabble contest.
Even If You Can Not Hear My Voice
„I chose you… I chose you… I chose you…"
Her voice was muted, a hushed whisper, just a mere outtake of breath that happened to sound like words, like an actual phrase… like the world. Like everything that was and would ever be important. Meant something…
"I chose you… I chose you…"
A mantra, a poem… a drama. The most beautiful words in the world – yet they held a bittersweet charm around them, an aftertaste that lingered longer than the moment.
Like in a trance the words slipped past Bella's lips, her eyes fixed on the sleeping, peaceful features of Jacob next to her and she was mesmerized by how easy the words flew, how right it felt to say them. How natural and comforting it felt to brush her fingertip across Jacob's bare upper arm, drawing circles and lines there on his smooth and warm skin.
"I chose you… I chose you… I chose you…"
So easy… and Bella was sure she had the courage to speak them out loud, actually saying them. To his face. Awake. For real.
Meaning them… was the other side. Was the little needle that kept pricking her heart each time she tried to break free – tried to speak the truth.
This was a try, a craven attempt to ease her heart from all it´s burdens. All the pain.
With each rise and fall of Jacob's chest she drew another circle, left another invisible mark on him, whispered the words he so desperately wanted to her – she so desperately wanted to say and mean – and hoped that his unconsciousness would catch them somehow, turn them into a dream. A happy dream.
"I chose you…"
When Jacob woke up later that afternoon, telling Bella that staring at innocent, sleeping, underage people was rude and a sign of bad behaviour – a boyish and pleased smirk on his face – Bella fell back into routine, into her usual self. Into the person who knew what she wanted but could not bring herself to have it.
"Well, you are the personification of good behaviour, Jake," slipped through her lips… so easily… so naturally.
And Bella wished that she could just say it – everything, the world - as she watched Jacob stretch on the couch and concentrate back onto the long-forgotten horror movie on television.
I chose you…