Thanks for the kind reviews, alerts and favorites, you make me blush (/▼/)... it would also be as nice to hear constructive criticism because I know that my skills are still very lacking. BTW, I can't seem to find a way to insert Grampa Rome in the story so I'm sorry if I disappoint you Lovi's Tomato Lover but I will still try on the last chapter!

Warning:Antonio's Angst (yes, I dare make him angsty again, please forgive me)

Chapter Two - Raindrops

(Antonio's POV)

"Yo Toni! You look like a zombie!" Gilbert's loud voice and not-so-soft pat in the back brought Antonio back to his senses.

"Yeah, good morning, amigo," he responded.

"It's definitely not a good morning for you," the albino said. "You don't seem to have slept any."

"Actually, I haven't."

"Oh."

"..."

"You finally got the Italian to sleep with you?"

Antonio glared at his friend.

"Not the way that you're thinking, no. And I don't feel that way for Lovi."

"I thought so. But you do look so deprived," Gilbert muttered dismissively and set off. "Maybe you should call Francis. I'll cover your shift."

Antonio was at the hospital. But he fixed his things and set off to school an hour early. Since Gilbert's being generous enough to cover for him, might as well follow his suggestions.

While he's walking to school, he saw a very familiar boy walking with his friends.

And he saw an expression he haven't seen Lovino wear when he's with him.

That defeated look.

Somehow, it makes me wonder who Lovino was when he's not with me.

Tap. Tap.

"Yo, Franny," Antonio greeted. The Frenchman noticed where Antonio was staring.

"He's such in a delicate age, huh," Francis commented. "Just one wrong step and the future could change for him."

Antonio glanced thoughtfully at his friend.

"He told me that he loves me."

"Oh, did he?"

"What will I do, Francis?"

"What do you want to do?"

The Spaniard was dumbfounded.

"Do you know what they call elder people who are into children? They call them a pedophile, mon cher. Or a pedo. But the point is, they classify those persons as a whole new category. Someone different from the rest. That's how our society works. They tell you what you should do and then judge you," Francis explained. "And the worst part? They don't care on what you'll feel as long as they get what they want."

"So you're telling me to reject him?"

"No. What you want to do with his feelings depends on you. I'm merely telling the consequences that you will face once you accepted his feelings."

"But what made you think that, you know, perhaps I'll accept?"

"Mon ami, knowing you, you wouldn't come to me if you're too sure that you will reject the boy. You could've turned him down quickly. Smiling, even. But I am glad that you are thinking about it."

"I just don't want him to get hurt..."

"Exactly my point. But it's either you hurt him or the world will."

"So... how can I properly turn him down?"

The French sighed.

"Just tell him directly. That would be the easiest and fastest way."

Easier said than done. Lovino isn't making things easy for me.

Perhaps it was my imagination, but Lovino is being more playful than usual.

"Hey, Antonio, what's up?"

There. His eyes are twinkling. Just like the stars at night. I wonder if I can bear to be the one to erase that.

"Lovino, what do you like about me?"

"Wha-? What are you talking about!" he stammered. "Oh, fuck! Did I sleep talk last night!" Lovino blushed tomato red and cowered in he corner like a cat caught in action. How cute, Antonio thought.

"Well?"

"What?"

"So, what do you like about me?"

Sensing that the Spaniard is far from giving up on the question, Lovino gulped and began his speech.

"Well... when I'm with you, everything seems brighter and more colorful..." he said in a very small voice.

"Wow, that's poetic."

"Shut up! It's true! At first I thought summer was only yellow but with you, I see the read tomatoes, the blue skies, the green leaves and the colors of the flowers!"

"Really, that's - er - nice to hear."

"...so..."

"Hmmm?"

"So, w-what's your answer?" Of course Lovino would be so cute to ask that, Antonio thought. He wanted to tell Lovino to brace himself for his response.

But what can I do? Aside from what Francis said a while ago, it's not like I can openly take the responsibility of accepting the fragile feelings of a mere 15 year old. It's too much for me to handle.

'You're just escaping, Antonio. The truth is, you're the one who doesn't want to get hurt.'

Ah. That voice in my head. I thought I got rid of it already.

"I'm sorry, Lovino. But I'm not someone you could escape reality with."

Lovino visibly flinched.

"You were just bored with your life, tired of seeing the same colors all the time. You probably think of me as a fantasy, someone who will rid you of your monotonous living. You are young. You still don't know about love, the real thing. You just confuse your feelings for me as love."

"You're wrong!"

"Listen to me, Lovino. The truth is, I'm not the best person out there, in the world outside your own. I also don't think that I can love a kid who doesn't want to sleep with me. I can't be the one to take you away from your world.

"I also have problems of my own that I can barely deal with. I can't bring myself to willingly shoulder someone else's problems. Much more of a child.

"I am not the prince you think I am."

Is he gonna cry?

"I won't deny that some of the things you said was right," Lovino began. "But please, don't tell me what I'm suppose to feel. Don't make me do what you want, because...

"My heart is mine, mine alone."

Lovino kept a straight face as he told Antonio those words. But the tears on his eyes betrayed him. He run away before they started to fall.

'You're the one escaping, Antonio.'

After that, Lovino stopped showing up, even in school. Luckily, his brother asked Antonio if Lovino could answer the final exam at home. Feliciano had been very polite and bubbly, Antonio noticed. A complete opposite of his brother (or were they twins?). But somehow, Feliciano's smile lack the depth of emotions that Lovino always shows.

When he checked the paper, Lovino got full marks.

I wonder if I need to wear glasses. Sometimes, I feel like the world has suddenly become blurred. And I'm seeing more gray than usual.

Is this how Lovino had seen the world? Is this why he was wearing such a defeated face when he is not around Antonio?

Why do I get the feeling that I had also worn that expression before?

Somehow, the image of a boy that was bored in life never left Antonio's head. A boy that looks strangely like him. He realized that the boy was him all along.

Truth be told, I'm more afraid to hurt Lovino's feelings by the way I would treat him. I'm sure that somewhere between the lines, Francis wants to encourage my feelings for Lovino. Something like, 'the world might be against you, but at least you're together.' Yeah that sort of thing. I've watched enough chick flicks to learn that.

But I'm not good with emotions. I never had a lasting relationship before. Back in high school, I was told:

"I don't know but you sure say the harshest things."

I used to be the person who says just what comes into mind. I felt free whenever I get to say what I want. It's not like I'm purposely trying to hurt those who are around me. I'm just being honest, because that's how I wanted people to be to me. But my words didn't reach anyone.

I was misunderstood. I was young, and I got confused. The world which asks for honesty from the people, rids them with it. It was all torn and twisted, and I had to change my sense of truth. This was the time that I felt that the world was all in shades of gray.

Time went by, and I learned many things. Like how to deal with people "properly," how to play safe. I became 'oblivious.' It was easy, acting stupid so as not to get too close to others. Besides, I expect nothing from them.

I've become a grown up.

"That's the problem of grown ups, they become despairing and hopeless."

Antonio brushed that memory aside.

Finally, I can say that I am accepted by the society. But on the inside, I still feel empty.

Like my house right now. It feels so empty without him.

Antonio learned to check the weather. That day, it says it's going to rain every afternoon for the rest of the week. It seems that summer's ending early this year. He grabbed an umbrella, trying to let his thought wander from a certain Italian.

But his mind has been playing tricks with him. The moment he tried to avert his thoughts, Lovino just come popping on his head. His half-meant frowns and insults, his peaceful breathing when he sleeps, his fascinated look when he looks at the tomato field, his contented face even when they are just lazing about.

That defeated expression.

And the sincere smiles he wears around Antonio.

I was really happy that he opened up for me. And only me.

Antonio was gazing at the night sky like he did days before. As usual, Sirius is shining brightly in the sky. He raised up his hand and tried to grab it.

"Silly, Lovino. It's really impossible to reach."

He took his cellphone from his pocket and tapped the keys.