Hello again! Quite a quick update from me this time around as I got a bit carried away with writing. Once again I tried to get her voice right – not sure if I achieved that but hey ho it was fun to write :D Thankyou for all of the reviews, I vair vair much appreciate them.

P.S. No copy write intended, so please don't sue me as I can't afford it.

Tuesday, September 20th

8:23 AM

Ah Gadzooks! I've slept in.

8:29 AM

Bugger bugger pant pant up the hill with Jas. Thankyou baby Jesus I have hair gel with me, because on this particularly fine morning I was fortunate enough to wake up with hair very similar to Russell Brand. No time for beret plans either, or make up. Fandabbytasic.

School gates:

8:35 AM

Just in time for Stalag 14 but is Hawkeye ever happy? Non. No it is not enough for her that I'm very possibly a dumpee with mad hair and a nose resembling a beetroot, she has to make my life even worse than it already is. I'd just spent about 5 minutes running solidly to get to this bat place, stopped for a breather with Jas just outside the gates, only for Hawkeye to give me a reprimand for "loitering with intent." Sacre bloody bleu! As I so rightly said to Jas " I bet she collects tea towels for a laugh."

8:50 AM

Assembly.

Slim in full flow of one of her many lectures about respect and conduct. Made vair vair amusing by Rosi whispering really loudly "Jahwohl!" in my ear when Slim began talking, making me splutter and go spazoid and even more amusing by the fact that RoRo and myself were nodding wisely stroking our beardless chins. Well, until Hawkeye saw us any way. She looked like someone had shoved an apple up her bum -oley. Which they probably have.

Lunch time

Huddled in the science block with the ace gang discussing fisticuffs at dawn fandango.

Ellen dither queen of England turned to me and flicked her hair in a flicky annoying way and said " so, um… who like, one the er, fight then?" I may have to kill her.

Jools answered "Dave, but it didn't last long anyway."

"Oh er, why was… um… that then?"

"Because Slim came out. Good thing to really as it looked like Masimo was starting to go blue. I swear Dave sat on him for about 5 minutes."

Mad woman of the wilderness ( Jas ) nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I timed it. 4 minutes and 36 seconds to be precise."

So I turned to her and said very lovingly " you have a bit too much spare time on your hands don't Jazzy spazzy?" She gave me her worst look ( freaky deaky) and shoved me off the knicker toaster. She is vair vair violent.

German

I'm ignorez - vousing she that shall not be named ( Jas ) because of her violent tendencies. Unfortunately she's also ignorez – vousing me, so it's not quiet having the effect I wanted. Ho hum, pigs bum, more pressing matters on hand. Strawberry or cherry lip-gloss? It is essential that I beautify myself in case I run into the luuuurve God outside. I must explain to him with all the maturiosity I can muster why I must not be his dumped burger wrapper. And then snog him senseless.

PE

Last bit of torture for the day thank god. A good old game of hockey is what any girl needs. Unfortunately Miss Stamp seems to have turned up the lesbian radar and was is busy 'inspecting' the showers. I may never recover from this. EVER. Thank all the voles in the world we have Rosi to distract her. She is actually so good at it, it is almost frightening. This time on the way to PE she 'tripped' and 'hurt' her ankle and so is doomed to walk with Miss Stamp to the sick bay as we all shower in a frenzy. It doesn't seem to matter that RoRo 'hurts' herself every week, I just think Miss stamp is glad for the attention. I must remember to point that out to Rosie when she returns from her trauma.

4:15 PM

Back from stalag 14 to find a letter for me. From Masimo. Oh god oh god oh gog – wait oh gog?! What's oh gog? I fear I may have become hysterical. My hands are shaking so much I think I need a horse tranquilliser to calm me down. Shut up brain!

5:33PM

Crying. Again.

5:34 PM

I can't stop looking at it. Mind you, I have cried so much that I've made myself go blind, so when I do look at it it's vair vair blurry. Good thing really. I'm glad I'm blind. I don't want to see the damage this has done to my nose. I can feel it swelling up so it must be serious.

1 minute later

Merde personified, that is my life.

2 minutes later.

How dare he! By note!

2 minutes later

I just keep staring at it like a staring thing on staring tablets.

Ciao, it is smee

Georgia, I like you but you do not like me no? I am very sad cara. Pleez, it is vairy hard but I do this for the best. I am going to Roma wive my family. I will no telefono you no more.

Ciao bellissma, I miss you. Masimo xxx

6:00 PM

The weird thing is that even though I have been dumped, and therefore the dumpee, I'm actually feeling alright even though I'm crying. Almost… Relieved? Sacre Bleu! I'm on the rack of love left all aloney on my owney in the bakery of sex Gods and I feel RELIEVED? Non, this is not correct, I must just be all worn out from my emotional turmoil.

Wednesday September 21st

8:50 AM

My life has reached a new desperatnosity as I actually arrived early for torture. Hawkeye gave us the evil glare as we trudged through the school gates and said really loudly "What are you up to?"

As I have mentioned before, she is full of charm. Still on the bright side of all the poonosity Jas has decided to stop ignorez - vousing me. She just took one look at my nose when I arrived at her house and gave me a hug. I do love my bestie.

8:51 AM

I turned to Jas and I said " I do love you Jazzy." What did I get back? " Shut up, we've only just got rid of last years lezzie rumours." Marvellous, thankyou fringey.

Morning break

Busily discussing the Italian Stallion heart break fiasco.

Jools said " So how are you Gee?"

What did I say? " I'm splitting in two with heart break"? "I'm never going to get over this"? " I'm going to set up a wombat farm"?

No, of course not. I said " I'm not sure…" Because I'm not. This of course scared the pants off of miss fussy knickers and sent her into a fringe fiddling frenzy, and the other lunatics into mad Churchill the dog nodding.

Fringey said "What do you mean you're not sure? I thought you were on the rack of love?"

Honestly, she can be so dim. I said " But of course, but even though I cried so much my nose swelled up last night, I'm actually feeling Ok at the moment. Almost relieved…"

"Well, you can't be feeling that OK, because your nose is still swollen."

So I shoved her off the knicker toaster onto the floor. That shut vole girl up. RoRo just kept nodding like a mad nodding thing sucking her pen

She said " You still want to snog him?"

"Oui!"

Nod nod, slurp slurp

" But you don't mind he officially dumped you?"

" Sort of…"

"You'd prefer it if you were still dating?"

You know for once I didn't have an answer. I just sat there going "Hnnnnnngh" for about three minutes. That pleased her.

Walking Home

Walking homey on my owney because wilderness girl is ignorez-vousing me again, and ran into Dave the L. out of uniform. (ooh er ) He said " stop stalking me misses, you how I love it." Cheeky cat. Then I noticed he was looking like Dave the unlaugh. And his lip had swollen up. Oh poo.

I said " Are you OK Dave?"

He looked at me in the looking kind of way, which I hate, and sighed. Oh triple poo and merde and Donner und blitzen, Dave the unlaugh.

"Nah, I've been suspended from my centre of boredom and torture for the week for fighting with your Italian Homosexualist."

I was so stunned i didn't even think about defending Masimo, or telling Dave that he discarded me into the street bin of love.

I said "Why? Mark Big Gob fights all the time!"

He looked at me like I was vair vair dim and said " Georgia what you seem to have forgotten is that Mark Big gob is a twit of the first water, and would pick a fight with his own reflection, which now that I mention it, I'm pretty sure I've seen him do. Anyway he's never in school enough so they can suspend him. Me on the other hand… Well, the fat lip your girlfriend gave me 'doesn't give a good example'". The last bit he said in the naffest welsh accent known to humanity.

I said " Dave that is the naffest welsh accent known to humanity."

He said "Thankyou, I've been practising."

Anyway, it turns out the fisticuffs at dawn fiasco yesterday earned him his third reprimand of the term. Very very impressive seeing as we've only been back at school for about three weeks. So in a fit of madnosity I decided to ask him what the others were for.

"Well, first one was for "persistent incorrect uniform"" he said, waggling his fingers like a er, mad waggling thing.

"Eh?"

"You have your beret tricks, we have our tie tricks. After all, we are only human. How do they expect us to behave like adults when we are only teenagers? They supply the tools and we work wonders with them. My personal favourite is pretending to be Rambo by tying it around my head, but Dec reckons our best yet was when we linked all of our ties together whist we were wearing them and staged a protest about the lack of chips in the canteen. Of course we all fell over a lot and were put in detention for about a million years, but at the time it was vair vair amusing."

"Ah d'accord."

"And the other was for helping Rollo 'have a word' with the pillock who thought it would be funny to super glue his little brother to one of the benches. There was some swearing and little bit of violence, but I think the main reason it made Mr Sampson have a nervy b. was because it was in the middle of the open day fair and we broke a picnic table. Apparently it put the school in a very bad light, though I fail to see how even if I do say so myself, which I do because I just heard myself say it. "

Mmm, dangerous. My kind of guy. Still, that didn't explain why he looked so down. Last time he'd been suspended he was smiling like a loon on loon tablets. So I asked him.

"Why so down horn meister? For you have just been granted the freedom of 1000 PANTS!"

"Because Kittykat, I fear that my Mutti will tell my Vati and then I will be castrated. I'm still recovering from the last time I got suspended – I may never walk properly again."

"Dave can you leave your maley parts out of it please?"

5:30 PM

On my bed with a nutritious meal of cornflakes and poptarts.

The olds are down stairs playing 'tickle'. Erlack a pongos! Surely there are laws against this type of thing?

Anyway, what was I thinking before I so rudely interrupted myself? Oh but of course Dave. Maybe I should give him a call, see if he's still alive… He really did seem down today. When we reached my house he didn't even try to snog me, just took my shoulder ( I don't mean he snapped it off, he just rested his hand on it whilst it was still attached to my body. Shut up brain! ) and gave me a peck on the forehead. It made me feel a bit funny actually.

5:32 PM

Vati came upstairs and knocked on my door.

I said very lovingly "I'm afraid Miss Nicholson isn't in at the moment, can I take a message?"

He came in any way and sat on my bed. Oh God he wasn't going to try and have a talk about feelings was he?

He said "You don't seem very happy at the moment." Well done dear Vati, very observant.

So I said "How can I possibly be happy with a family like this?"

"Don't be so bloody cheeky!"

Then he stormed out. Charming. Why can't I have a normal Vati? One that can have a shed for longer than a week without setting fire to it? This is the tragicnosity of my life.

5:35 PM

Rang Dave. It was bloody ages before he picked up.

"Bonjour, the Vati at your service. Please supply your name and address unless of course you are Barry from Windows direct, in which case I hate to break it to you, I said we'd want double glazing for a laugh."

"Dave, what in the name of PANTS are you on about?"

"Ah Kittykat, tis a pleasure to hear from you!"

And he actually sounded like he meant it. Finally Dave the un-laugh had gone. Hoozah! In what I hoped was a deeply attractive husky voice I said " Ah but of course. I was just ringing to see how you were, you know after being suspended and everything…"

"Gee, what's up with your voice, you sound like my uncle Joey – who makes everyone call him Josephine. Are you secretly a man?"

Damn. " NO, I er, have to take hormones." What in the name of arse was I on about? Still, nothing phases Dave.

" I believe your are in actual fact criminally insane, and that is why I like you so much."

Anyway, the nub and jist of it all is that he is officially in the merde – and that's all I got out of him before I heard "DAVID, GET OFF THE BLOODY PHONE AND GET DOWN HERE!" and then the phone went dead. Oh happy days.

I hope this was Gut! It's slightly longer just in case I'm not able to update before I'm dragged away from civilisation with the 'rents'. Still, I shall try my best to update by the end of the week :D Also had a minor spazoid attack today in excitement of the film – the guy who plays Dave is exactly how I imagined him! What do you think?