Peter meet Peter
It has been a year and a half ago today. A year and a half since Neal was shot, died, and left our lives forever.
Everything changed after that event.
In the office, things are the same and yet, so different. Sure the FBI as a whole hasn't changed just because one CI was killed, but my team and our office have been heavily affected.
Personally, I seem to have changed the most. He was my partner, team mate, friend, and honorary family member which makes me the closest to him at work so it is understandable that I would be the most affected. Before Neal, I lived for field work and couldn't stand to be stuck behind a desk all day. Now, I seem to spend a lot more time staring at paper and computers while my agents get to do all the footwork. It's for the best really. I still get out into the field, but I am also more likely to make it home in time for El's dinner with time to relax and play with my son. That is what matters after all, to serve justice and do my duty while still making time for my family. Admittedly, another reason to make it home on time is because I'm not trying to keep ahead of Neal and he isn't coming up with interesting leads to follow. (He heaves a sigh). Even after a year and half, he still finds ways to sneak into my work. For instance, the brass has noticed that we haven't taken any more CIs to be a part of the team regularly, like we did Neal, and I haven't taken an official partner to replace him because Jones can fill the position when I am in the field. No one has made any comment, but I know they have noticed the changes in me.
Although the others don't show it as much, they too have felt the absence of Neal in our lives. Jones is the most noticeable when we have important meetings to attend. He has gotten into a habit of always paying attention to his attire to pass critique while brining in one of those fancy coffees that Neal used to encourage. Then before Diana moved to DC she brought a new purchase into the office with her one day. It was a picture of a rustic old bridge which seemed to have a personal connection to Neal for her, because, I asked about it, and she looked sadly over at his desk as she answered. "Someone once saved me from an awkward situation which included entertaining me with a picture like this. It was one of those moments that built our friendship as we each shared a special memory." Even the rest of the team created a memorial of sorts. When the FBI budget allowed for new desks for our department, it was unanimously decided that Neal's old desk would be the new home of the coffee machine June had donated to use when she got a new one for Christmas. Since my old saying had become a common phrase in reference to Neal, I'm not sure who put the sign "Cappuccino in the clouds" on the desk, only that whoever had placed it there, made the right choice.
There have been other changes in the team, but they seem to be more of an 'all included' variety involving everyone. One change is that Neal affected our vocabulary. We hardly ever used the word 'allegedly' when talking amongst ourselves before, but now we use it to describe activities outside of the office as well as when we talked theories placing ourselves in the criminal positions for solving puzzles. Another change is that none of us can get ourselves motivate like Neal could with one of his 'reformed criminal versus agents' challenges. Finally, the biggest change that I have noticed is the laughter. It hasn't stopped, but we aren't as light and jovial as we used to be. When Neal was here, he would be annoyed by the quiet so he would do a trick, crack a joke, use 'alleged' stories to give us insight, or do something nice for people to alleviate the tension (usually, unless he was the cause of the situation). Since he has been gone, we continue to laugh, but it isn't the same… nothing is anymore.
Peter turns away from the window and tries to get his thoughts back onto the work he is supposed to be doing. Instead, his eyes find the newly framed picture on his desk. With Elizabeth and little Neal smiling back at him, Peter's mind wonders to the changes that have occurred on his family front.
The biggest change in my life since Neal has been gone is the arrival of his name sake. My son might look like me, with his brown hair and eyes, but he acts like his uncle. When he was old enough to crawl, we had to watch were he could get away to which was only made worse when he learned to walk. Then there is his ability to reach and climb things which means watching what is in range and where everything is located. The comparison of sneaking off into trouble and fingers that want what they can't have are rather accurate between the two which makes me almost want to put a tracking anklet on my son… almost. Fortunately, big Neal gave me practice in keeping ahead of an intelligent trouble maker so little Neal isn't as much of an adjustment as he would probably be otherwise.
In retrospect El's and my relationship has changed too. We are no longer simply a married couple, but parents as well. Both of us have gotten less ambitious with work allowing it to take a back seat as we would rather invest our time in our home life. This has caused our evenings to change from files and event details to discussing our son's firsts and laughing through dinner before playing on the carpet until bed time.
Thinking about my home life reminds me of one aspect that I would like to change. I wish Neal wasn't dead so that I could have reached the planned time of telling him that we were going to name our son after him. His cheerfulness and willingness to encourage fancy coffee would have been nice when El sent me on those late night grocery runs and when little Neal kept us awake through those early nights. Ironically enough, I even wish he was helping Mozzie to coach little Neal on how to avoid being swindled… lessons which included how to be a criminal one-oh-one.
Shaking his head Peter tries to clear his thoughts. There is a new case coming up and, since it is task forced to work with the CIA, a new team mate is coming in to be their liaison between the agencies for as long as necessary. Finally gaining some focus on his work, Peter looks over the agent's file. He is rumored to be a legendary agent with personal talents in computer engineering and art as well as excelling in all of the usual skills of government espionage. The case he is to join them on is destined to be one of those unique and puzzling cases that has always aroused Peter's interest so he is looking forward to it.
Glancing back at the window as he thinks about the case, Peter is surprised. He wonders why he is once again seeing Neal in the reflection. It hasn't happened in a while and this Neal is different. Instead of the usual fancy suit, smirk, and hat trick, this one stands in a suit that looks only a little more stylish than Peter's favorite Brooks and Brothers, there is no hat, and he is flipping a badge awkwardly. Blinking, Peter tries to dispel the image, but it remains as clear as if Neal is standing down in the office.
Turning around, he is determined to clarify if he is really seeing a reflection of Neal, or if his mind is playing tricks on him due to his recent reminiscing. Studying the man below, he comes to the conclusion that he is really looking at Neal alive and in the flesh, but how?
Eager to learn more, he rises up without thinking about it, and walks out to the stairs. As he descends slowly, he finds himself looking at the others to see how they are reacting. Everyone is staring at Neal in disbelief, and the silence is awkward. Looking back at Neal, he can see that he is feeling the weight of the stares, but no one cares to ease his burden as they are too shocked to react any further at the moment.
Then Neal looks up at him. Stopping where he stands, Peter tries to connect what he remembers of Neal's death, with the live man that he is seeing. He can't come up with an explanation, so he remains as silent as the others while he tries to absorb the situation.
Feeling the need to say something, Neal starts the conversation. "Hello Peter. I have a lot of explaining to do… I know. Shall we?" He gestures back up to Peter's office so that they can talk in private.
Frowning, Peter looks around at the other agents in a look that Neal easily interprets the meaning of.
Meeting the eyes of the rest of the team he promises them their turn. "They will get to grill me too, but as my partner and friend, you get first dibs."
Accepting the terms, but not having found his voice yet, Peter nods at him. With a shift of his head he gestures for Neal to follow.
As he walks through the room, the other agents let Neal pass, but their attitudes scream that he has some ruffled feathers to smooth. Noting the reactions for later, Neal simply continues after Peter.
Entering the office, Neal takes his usual seat while Peter closes the door and blinds for privacy before taking his own seat. Staring at Neal, he can't help but remember. His mind flashes back to the fear he felt when Keller said Neal was dying, the worry from seeing that Neal was hurt, and the shock that set in as Neal said goodbye. Although it seems like a blur now, he also remembers identifying Neal's corpse, receiving his personal affects, and crying over his loss from the hallway to the grave and various times since when he has missed him. Having started down the path, Peter also remembers his visits to said grave, just to talk about the missed future that they could have had, the future that has haunted him for a year and a half. Caught in an emotional tangle of curiosity, hurt, and anger, but unsure of which one to feel, he decides to get some answers first. Keeping a blank expression, he begins. "Explain how you did it, why, and why you didn't tell me you were alive until today."
Neal doesn't hesitate to answer as he expected something like this. "First, I am sorry to have had to hurt you like that Peter. There is a bigger story, and I am going to try and fill you in as best I can."
Knowing that Neal is giving him a pause to respond, but feeling like he can't accept the apology yet, Peter simply nods for him to continue. He is still in shock needing time and understanding to come to terms with what is going on.
Hurt, but understanding, Neal presses on. "There are two primary reasons that I faked my death. The first was the Panthers. They have a tradition where they murder all of those closest to the people who betray them, and I couldn't let them go after you and Elizabeth… especially since there was a third Burke on the way. Then the second reason can't be specified until I tell you who I really am."
That statement garners a reaction from Peter as his eyes darken and his posture sharpens. He doesn't like that he named his son after Neal if the man he knows isn't even who Neal is.
Raising his hand to forestall any angry comment that Peter might have, Neal explains. "I'm Neal Bennett and went into Wit-sec as Danny Brooks. The part where the story and truth part ways is when I turned eighteen, so that is where you need to be caught up from." He watches Peter relax some again before following his lead to continue.
"After my conversation with Ellen, I officially left the system, was given my legal name of Bryce Larkin, and went to college. In order to get in to Stanford the Marshalls set me up with scholarships for my academics and my track records. During my time there, I studied computer engineering, minored in art, and met my other best friend Chuck. We connected in the first few weeks over shared computer interests, his honesty, and our messed up family history that he taught me how to deal with through his own problems.
During our junior year a professor called me in to his office for a meeting. He told me that he was a recruiter, we talked, and I signed the contracts to become an agent.
Then senior year came around and changed things again. Chuck is a genius, so it was no wonder that one of his test scores drew bad attention. He was drafted for a joint military and government operation that was tantamount to a suicide mission. There was no way that I was letting him get sucked into that!
In order to protect him, I worked with our recruiter and we set up documents and my false statements that made it look like Chuck had cheated to get such good results. He was expelled taking him off of all the radars, there were more than I knew of, but he hated me for my betrayal.
It turned out that Chuck's father was a secret agent who had been working off grid for decades to protect what he lovingly called his 'third greatest creation.' Since I was willing to take on the entire government to protect his son, he decided I was trustworthy enough to help protect a computer database full of two agencies worth of information. So, for four years I worked with Orion, played Caffrey for my undercover work, and occasionally worked missions with another agent. During that time, there was a civil war raging in the black ops world. On one side you had the current government, and on the other side you had a multi level organization trying to usurp the current regime.
When I was recruited by the CIA, I am told that I drew attention for my athletic skills of running, my academics with particulars in computers, my social engineering capabilities, and my physical appearance. It turns out that the enemy was looking for the same type of recruits, so they went after me too. Their strategy was to hack into my information in order to have me complete their missions while seemingly just doing another job for my bosses.
As soon as I learned what had happened and what it caused me to do, I went to my boss. Since they had pulled me from my Caffrey cover by placing him in prison, Graham decided to turn the tables and tasked me to go undercover as a traitor in operation Sandwall. My first official task with the enemy was to steal the database that I had secretly been protecting for years… and it didn't end well for me, even though the information was kept safe."
Neal's eyes were distant for a moment as he remembers the feeling of being shot and dying; while Peter shudders at the feeling of a chilling horror running down his spine as he realizes that Neal's death could have been real at another time. Clearing his throat, Peter drew Neal's attention back to the story so as to distract himself from thoughts of how things could have gone bad for Neal.
"Sorry." He looked apologetically at Peter. "Anyway, Chuck accidentally rescued me over a year later, I was put back into the field for another two years, and then things went bad again on another round of protecting the database.
Eventually, I was rescued again and Beckman decided that, due to the circumstances, I should go back to being Caffrey for a while. After technically dying in action twice my aliases weren't safe, I had nowhere to go, and rogue agents had betrayed me so many times I hardly trusted anyone. We decided that laying low in the FBI as a CI would be a safe place where no one would look for me. I chose you for my handler because you have a reputation for being an honest man and good agent, like Chuck, so, despite my lack of faith in other agents, I gave you a chance. It was worth it. The risk was high as I was gambling my life on you, but you never let me down.
While I was here secretly working missions hidden as 'shenanigans' with Mozzie or assumed things with my street contacts, Chuck was acrossed the country busy taking down the organization that had caused my technical deaths. Although the leaders and known elements of the groups have been taken down, there are still several traitorous agents at large in the CIA, NSA, FBI, and more… which brings me back to the second reason for faking my death.
Unfortunately, when we worked the Panther case there were a lot of things going on that you didn't know about. The main thing was that the organization that I have mentioned, called The Ring, was spotted with growing activity in the city. Beckman feared that I had been discovered and my presence here would only bring war down on the team's heads. I couldn't allow that. In response, I took the Ring on a merry old International goose chase just like my mentor taught me how to. My reports have been helping map out the remnants of the organization, so the boss felt I was of better use where I was than coming back here for the time being. Then the current case came and I will go into full detail on that in a few days when all of the agents are here and ready to go to work."
Peter is caught between leaning forwards with part of his body as he was curious to learn more about his elusive friend, and leaning back with the weight of the information that he is sharing. The result is that he curves back into the chair before leaning forward on his arms as he listens. "So you have been an agent the whole time?" There is a lot that he would like to talk about from this story, but this feels like the most important one at the moment.
"Yes Peter. So when you teased me and threatened to throw me into prison, it wasn't that much of a threat." He smirks at him in an effort to lighten the mood and hopefully break Peter from the blank state that he seems to be stuck in.
Ignoring the jibe, Peter repeats one of his earlier questions. "How did you do it?"
Sighing, Neal passes him a folder while he answers. "Working with Orion, I learned a lot of things, one of which was how to fake my death. I had never done if for myself, but I have assisted him with it before. The process was as simple as gaining assistance from key people which was easy with official backing, provide evidence with the bullet and blood, poison of a puffer fish for physical reactions, and really good acting. It was hard to watch you react to the situation, but as your life depended on it, I had to." His voice grows harder as he finishes in an effort to hide the emotions.
Suddenly, Peter realizes something. "You said that you technically died twice before and you faked your death with us. Did you have any friends for the last year and a half?"
Neal's silence is the answer that he doesn't want. While he was missing Neal, Neal was off in the world alone knowing that he had friends out there, but not allowed to contact them. It was worse than he thought, so he shivers thinking of the loneliness Neal must have felt and looks sympathetically at Neal, only to find that Neal can't seem to look at him. "I'm sorry Neal."
Jumping in surprise, Neal swings around to look at him. "Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for? I'm the one who left you here grieving for me when I wasn't even hurt!" He is incredulous, what could Peter mean?
"I'm sorry that you were even more alone. The rest of us had each other, but you were completely alone." The words are soft and heartfelt, completely Peter.
Now it is Neal who isn't ready to handle the turn of events, so he redirects Peter. "I'm sure you need some time to adjust to all of this and I would bet you a new tie that Elizabeth would enjoy seeing you home early. Why don't you call it a day while the team takes their crack at grilling me for a while?"
Seeing that Neal isn't ready for things to go back to normal either, he decides to take his suggestion. "Alright, I'll take you up on that offer. Not of the tie, but of going home early while the team grills you." Pausing, he smiles at Neal like he used to when Neal was getting a task he didn't want, but deserved (van detail for instance). Then he continues with what he really wants to say. "I want you at my place in the morning though and I'll give you a ride in. It looks like you get to meet the boy after all and there are some things that I want to share with you."
Smiling, Neal agrees to the deal. "Good, and I would be honored to meet the little Burke. Congratulations again by the way. What did you name him?"
Looking more excited than he has been in ages, Peter is only half listening as he signs off of his computer. "There is a story behind that so the secret will wait until tomorrow."
He refuses to tell Neal anything more so they get up and head towards the door. Before leaving the room, Peter pulls Neal into a bear hug and tells him that he is glad he is alive… even if he didn't turn back up until a year and a half later.
Letting Neal go, Peter puts a hand on his shoulder. "I'm proud of you Neal. I was even before you turned out to be an agent. For some reason though, there is this thought that your 'final secret makes it all worthwhile' running through my head…" He drifts off questioning where the thought stems from before shrugging it off and walking out into the main office.
Standing above the other agents, he calls them to attention. "Neal will take you all into the conference room in a minute to fill you in, but first I want all of you to know that he is getting introduced to my son tomorrow, so no one is to spill the secret before then, you hear?"
They all nod their understanding.
Before anyone can go anywhere though, Neal steps up with a word of his own. "I have something that I need all of you to know. Since Neal and Bryce are both variations of my legal names, there may be times when I need you to refer to me by one or the other in order to keep my identities separate and secure. In the office you can call me which ever you're most comfortable with, but in the field, I'll need you to call me Bryce unless directed otherwise."
Assured that he would get to enjoy his surprise after all, and nodding to Neal in acknowledgement of his statement, Peter leaves the office and heads for home.
Behind him, the other agents evade Neal's questions about the name by attacking him with their own questions of his faked death.
Peter feels the happiest that he has been in quite a while when he walks through the door of his home a little while later. That feeling only improves with the happy sight that meets him as little Neal and Satchmo hurry over to greet him while El follows closely behind.
Elizabeth is delightedly surprised to see Peter looking happy as it is the best she has seen him in a long time. Greeting him she asks, "Not that I'm complaining, but what makes you so happy?"
Unable to hold it back, Peter's grin grows. "Neal. He is alive!"
As Elizabeth looks shocked, Peter continues. "It turns out that he is the CIA agent we are going to be working with for the foreseeable future. We had a long talk this afternoon and he explained the situations behind his faked death." He pauses a moment to put a wiggling little Neal back on the floor. "Our lives were in danger, so he prevented the Panthers from extracting their vengeance on us, and took an old enemy of his on a wild goose chase. The danger seems to have past for us all, but he is still being cautious by keeping his identities separate."
Although there is no immediate threat, Elizabeth still looks worriedly between Peter and little Neal in a way that goes beyond words.
She is showing concern where it isn't necessary so Peter tries to calm her down. "Don't worry hon. The agent Neal turned out to be is a legend, and the other team we are going to be working with are considered the 'dream team' for field work. They are very protective and won't let anything happen to anyone… and based on some things Neal said, I get the feeling he will be especially protective of me." He kisses Elizabeth trying to reassure her that he will be okay.
Kissing him back, she smiles and tells him that dinner won't be much longer before returning to the kitchen. She isn't entirely reassured so she decides to focus on dinner while trying to get her thoughts in order.
Little Neal and Satcmo have already returned to playing in the living room so Peter finishes leaving his work things behind. Walking into the living room, he picks up little Neal and swings him high causing squeals and giggles to erupt from the little boy. Carrying the laughing child into the kitchen, he stands holding him where he can also talk to Elizabeth.
"Neal is coming over in the morning. I told him that I want him to meet our son. He doesn't know his name yet, so one of the ways he refers to him is 'little Burke.'" Smiling proudly, Peter anticipates getting to see the look on Neal's face as he finally gets to tell him the boy's name.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth loves the giant grin on her husband's face, but a small part of her fears that they might lose Neal for real someday, and then what? Shoving that aside, she decides to try and enjoy the second chance that they have been granted. It turns out that they can still look forward to all of those missed opportunities that Peter has been lamenting. "That sounds great! I'm surprised that you didn't invite him over for dinner." There is a questions there as to why he didn't.
"It was his idea for me to come home extra early and get used to knowing he is around while the team gets their chance to grill him. Come to think of it, he probably also wants us to have some time to talk it over together instead of just dropping back into both of our lives like nothing happened. He is right though. We needed this time for both of us to prepare for his presence again."
Smirking at him with her eyes sparkling mischief, Elizabeth can't help but tease him. "Even though that means giving up your nice quiet 'Neal free' breakfast?"
Laughing in response to the jibe and the fond memory it carries, Peter smiles as he answers. "Yes, even to the point of giving up my 'Neal free' breakfast. I don't want to lose time with him so I picked the next best opportunity. Besides, I think I have missed fending him out of my cereal. Luckily for him, little Neal isn't ready for fake badges yet. Isn't that right, Neal?" He asks the little one as he tickles him into laughing. When he stops, he is pleased to hear the plea for "More!"
Leaving Elizabeth to finish dinner, he takes Neal back to the living room to play until dinner is done.
Once dinner is finished and little Neal is tucked into bed, it is time for Peter and Elizabeth to settle in on the couch to really discuss Neal's reappearance in their lives.
Peter begins by going through Neal's real history as it was shared with him earlier in the day. Then picking up a sad air, he tells her what he learned about Neal having been killed before in a more literal way and how things had been for him during his absence. "He was alone El. All of his friends who were missing him had someone to lean on and connect to, but he couldn't contact any of us without risking danger to himself and those he cares about."
Ever the practical person, El tries to brighten him back up as she has seen this sad face too much since Neal's passing. "Well he is here now, and perhaps you two can arrange some kind of communication for the future, just in case he has to leave again."
Peter thanks her as he feels hope return with his smile. "There is a reason why I married such a smart woman as you."
Relieved to see him cheerfully relaxed again, Elizabeth hates the questions that are rolling around in her mind. She wants to ask them, but not at the cost of upsetting Peter.
Seeing her internal debate, Peter asks her what she is thinking.
Deciding to be out with it all, she asks. "Do you ever regret taking Neal on as your CI? I mean after the secrecy, deceit, the situation with Kate, the treasure, Keller, the island, his dad, how he cleared your name illegally, faking his death, and every other complication that he has brought into our lives. Do you ever regret taking responsibility for him and the trouble that seems to tag along with him?" That is the big problem that is bothering her about Neal being back. She can't help but associate him with so many things that cause major or minor problems for her family.
Understanding her need to see what he thinks, Peter simply leans back and reflects over the years. Coming to a conclusion, he answers. "No. I don't regret it. He is an agent who was secretly pulling off missions behind the scenes, when we were in danger he was always ready to do what it took to bring us home safely, and he was playing a role to protect more than we could imagine. His actions literally had more lives than we could count hanging in the balance, so sometimes he took risks we didn't like, for gains that we couldn't see. On the personal, front he has been a comrade 'in arms' in more ways than I thought, my best friend, and even an extended member of our family." Getting a thoughtful expression he voices another thought. "Of all of the friends that we have had, he is the only one to be able to understand my love of justice, athletics, and nerdy interests in numbers while also being able to understand and connect with you as an art aficionado with a palate for the finer things in life. How many people out there can understand and connect to both of us in such a way?" He knew that she was associating his presence with the danger and complications that might follow, so he wanted to remind her of the rest of the picture through the love, laughter, and friendship that he also brought into their lives.
Elizabeth understood what he meant. She shouldn't fear Neal for things that he couldn't control, and that they were lucky to find such a friend who was capable of connecting to both of them on such a level while also being a true friend with their best interest at heart. Although the mysteries that the future held still left room for fear to creep in, she decided that she was relieved to have Neal back in the picture. "I know that you're right and we are lucky to have such a friend in our lives…" She didn't say that although Neal couldn't control the situations, they still affected them because Neal was here.
Knowing what she left out, Peter has more to say. "Elizabeth, I know you don't directly blame Neal for all of the things that have happened to us since he has been in our lives. He is just an unfortunate person available to blame so you associate his presence with the bad things. Just remember that it was Adler behind everything with Kate, Mozzie is the one who stole the treasure, Keller has attacked us since before the treasure situation, Neal's own father betrayed him when he was three and only came back into his life to use him, and Neal faked his death to save our lives. None of those things were problems that Neal asked for, but they happened anyway and he reacted as best he could. El, please don't hold things against him that he couldn't control and tried to avoid."
With tears in her eyes, Elizabeth smiles at him. "Talk about marrying smart, I'm lucky to have such a smart, caring, and understanding husband." It is something that she has to work on. The association of Neal being connected to trouble has been around since the beginning so it isn't a feeling that she can easily get rid of.
Changing the topic a little bit, Peter decides to mention the strange though that he had had at work. "Today, when I was talking to Neal, a weird thought came to mind. Suddenly the phrase 'final secret makes it all worthwhile' in relation to Neal being an agent started revolving around my mind. Where do you think that came from?"
Peter blinks, and when he reopens his eyes, things are different.
He is no longer sitting on the couch in the living room, but rather he is standing in the dining room. Looking around, he notices that this is before their kitchen remodel as there is still the wall and swinging door separating the kitchen from the dining room.
Having adjusted to the changes in his circumstances, Peter starts looking around to see where he and El are in this time. Fortunately, the answer is obvious because he is sitting at the table acrossed from him completely absorbed in what looks like the "Neal file."
Although he is pretty sure that he can vaguely remember this happening before, and a little of what happened (or happens for his current self), he still finds himself feeling rather surreal. After all, he was just several years in the future talking to El about not regretting taking Neal on as his CI and the general essence of what he is going to tell himself in just a few minutes, before being transported through time and space to be standing in the next room over in the pivotal time being discussed. He shivers slightly at that thought, but then he shakes it off. It is weird how normal the strange is becoming in his life between friends coming back from the dead, criminals turning out to be secret agents, and time travel; which means there is no telling what he should be expecting next… he might have to pay more attention to Mozzie's conspiracy theories in the future as he never knows when he might find himself in one.
Watching himself study the file, he knows that he won't even realize that he is no longer alone in the room for at least a few more moments. It's funny how much time has changed his perspective on this conversation. Then he was unsettled by watching himself from the future and tried to forget the whole situation as soon as possible. Now he is simply curious of what it is like on this side of the table as he is the one in the know.
He stirs from his thoughts as the other Peter looks up at him only to drop his pen. It is obvious that the man is very confused, but he doesn't feel threatened as the other person appears to be himself.
Then to make matters worse, Elizabeth comes through the door with a cup of coffee for Peter. At first she thinks that Peter is simply staring off into space, but when he isn't distracted by her placing the cup in front of him, she decides to see what has his attention. Looking at the papers, she doesn't see anything to particularly distracting, so she follows his eyes and makes a loud startled sound. Why is there another Peter standing in the corner watching them? Is her random thought, but she asks a different question out loud. "What is going on here?" She asks neither Peter in particular.
Past Peter simply moves his mouth unable to determine what to say, so future Peter decides that the conversation is going to be up to him.
"Apparently, I have traveled through time for some reason. A moment ago I was sitting on the couch talking with El in my time and I asked her a question, only to blink and open my eyes here…" He simply shrugs. The more he thinks about what is going on, the more he remembers things pertaining to himself and Mozzie. It remains surreal, but is taking on more of a repeated dream quality so he simply waits for it to play out.
"How are you taking this in stride?" Elizabeth looks at him in an almost panicked state.
Unfazed Peter answers her. "I faintly remember disappearing with some comment that 'I'll be fine' because someone else travels soon to tell me that I get back okay." He'll have to remember Mozzie's trip because it appears he is going to have to deal with that when he gets back to his own time.
Bringing him back to the present, the past Peter decides to ask him to settle his quandary. "So, if you come from the future perhaps you could answer a question?" He obviously doesn't really believe this is happening. But, he has been puzzling over this decision for weeks so why not get another opinion from a more objective version of himself who had seen the results?
Getting a look on his face like he just answered his own question, Peter smiles. "Well, this explains why this phrase has been running through my head today." Proud to have solved the question he had last asked El, he continues to plant the seeds of the future. "Neal will bring complications and sometimes trouble will follow him, but when his final secret is revealed, it all becomes clear and you know that it was all worth it."
Puzzled, Elizabeth asks him "Why are you smiling as you came up with that?"
"Neal revealed that final secret today, so it's the last big one that I have heard. As we were talking in my office I remember the phrase 'final secret makes it all worthwhile' and have been trying to place it all evening. Oddly enough, it was the question I asked Elizabeth for help solving just before I blinked and travelled. Then as it crossed my mind in answer to your question, I in turn answered my own question." That is one mystery off of his mind.
"You said that he was going to 'bring complications and sometimes trouble would follow' him… do I ever regret this action because it sounds like I'm going to take him on?" Peter continues with his decision to take advantage of his future self whether this is real or not.
"He supposedly does something that gets Elizabeth kidnapped and her life in danger… that is one time that you definitely feel that you are done with him, if not regretting the decision to work with him all together. Then there are times that you have to take responsibilities for your own actions… like running a name which draws attention and gets a member of his family killed. In the long run it is a roller coaster ride with its ups where he is your best friend, partner, and family before it plunges back down into its lows when there is distrust, anger, and deceit. Then as I said earlier, he eventually reveals a secret that shows you were right all along, that he is worth the trouble and heartache, because as much as you suffer, he goes through more in ways that you can't imagine. He is a lot more like you than you will learn for several years to come and even Elizabeth here has to admit eventually that he is the only friend that you have ever had that can understand and get along with both of you on such a deep level of friendship." Peter wishes he had remembered more of this over the years. It would have made going through the distrust with Neal a lot easier because he would have known that it got better. Instead, he knows that he will continue to think that this isn't entirely real, only acknowledge it when Mozzie travels, and generally go on with life like it never happened.
Remembering to be a hostess, Elizabeth offers to get him a coffee too. She feels awkward with this future Peter, so she decides to treat him like a guest because he isn't her husband, but her future version's husband.
Accepting the coffee, Peter remembers that it is his time table. He has until the cup is empty to take advantage of this awkward opportunity to reassure Elizabeth and himself that everything is going to turn out okay even in those moments when they couldn't possibly end well.
Ducking into the kitchen Elizabeth decides to take advantage of the opportunity to get her thoughts straight. When she is confused, she often finds it easier to get her bearings by keeping herself busy in order for the initial emotional reaction to wear off and give her time to intellectually think the problem through.
While she prepares the coffee, Peter is disturbed to have learned one thing. "I get a member of his family killed?" That is worse than getting a person endangered. If they are returned safely, the situation can be moved past, but a death is a permanent problem.
"Yes, and he justifiably hates you for awhile. That is one of those times where you have to admit that the problems in your relationship aren't all because he is a criminal, but sometimes because you are an agent. He eventually forgives you and you regain a lot of the ground that you had lost, but it tempers your actions after that because you have to remember that your actions caused his biggest loss." He hadn't thought about that in a while. It was one of those things where he knew Neal had second guessed the value of working with him. Like Peter though, he had decided to forgive. Looking at the situation in the new light of Neal being an agent, Peter wondered if perhaps there was something that Neal was hiding in relation to that… since he wasn't dead, was Ellen?
Elizabeth walked back through the door and passed him a cup of his own. She was bashful but Peter could tell she had a personal question that she wanted to ask. Remembering what it was and his answer, he couldn't help but smile in anticipation.
"Do we ever have any children?" She barely gets the question out, but it is of great importance to her so she pushes on despite the awkwardness of asking him that.
Smirking, Peter answers her question with double meaning. "We have Neal, and that is all that I am going to say on that matter." He knows that they both want a more detailed answer than that, but it is one surprise that is worth waiting for, so he won't spoil it.
Disappointed, Elizabeth decides that there is something to cause the smirk, but she has no idea what, so she almost heads off to bed to hide her emotions.
To avoid hurting her, Peter decides to tell her about his answer. "I'm not going to say whether we do or not because that is something that you will have to wait and see for yourselves. My answer did mean that we have Neal though. He is alone in the world so we end up being family to him. Sometimes that means he is the little brother who is annoyingly stealing the toy from my cereal box, and other times he is the wayward son looking for direction and support." He didn't tell them that they name their son Neal, so that worked out from his answer too, but they would learn eventually.
The conversation settles into a more general talk about life and work without going into details. Peter and Elizabeth from the past are curious in a way, but they don't know what to ask, and future Peter doesn't want to spoil all of the surprises so he is careful in how he responds to them. Eventually the cup comes to an end, and as Peter places the empty cup back on the table, he says his farewell. When the cup is safely settled, he blinks again.
Opening his eyes again, he is relieved to see that he is sitting back on his couch in the future. There is a change though. In his absence, Elizabeth had dug through the photo albums to find an old picture of two Peters sitting at the dining room table talking over the Neal file. While she had waited for him to come back, she had set up a few pictures on the coffee table for him to peruse.
He is surprised, he didn't know that she had taken pictures of him so he surmises that it was while she was in the kitchen 'making the coffee' and he was distracted talking to himself about Neal and the future of their partnership.
"You took this while you were in the kitchen didn't you?" He finds the words tumbling out while he stares at the odd image of himself duplicated.
"Yes. It was so bizarre seeing two of you that I had to take a picture to reassure myself that everything was going to be okay… at least to a point. The problem was that I only knew you would be okay until Neal's 'final secret' was revealed and I had no idea when that would be." For years she has had the reassurance that Peter would be okay until the secret was revealed. Now that it is known, she is back to worrying again with a new level of anxiety as little Neal also relies on Peter.
"We'll be okay El. Even without Neal in our lives, we are strong, and now he is back in our lives making us stronger. Trouble may come, but we will stand for what is right and the pieces will fall where they may. It may be unpleasant at times, but then there is no guarantee that everything will be perfect, that is a risk that everyone takes." It is simple logic that can't be argued with.
Looking at the clock Elizabeth decides that they had discussed this enough for one night and it is time to go to bed. "I can't help but fear for your safety when I know that you're going into a situation that could turn hostile, knowing that enemies might decide to go after our son to get to you, knowing that someday we might lose Neal for real in the permanent way, and that isn't even thinking about things like what happened with Keller happening again. There are so many things that could go wrong and I don't want to lose the people that I love, but I also know that you are an agent with or without that badge so you might as well have the badge backed by a team of agents to protect you. Learning that Neal is an agent also, I assume that he is the same. Someday something bad might happen, but there is no point in worrying about it until it happens. For tonight though, we might as well get some sleep, because tomorrow sounds like it is going to be along day."
Agreeing with his wife, Peter helps to close up for the night and they head up to bed.
The next morning Peter gets up and hurries to get ready as he is looking forward to the coming events. Elizabeth rolls over with a smile and lets him get Neal ready while she snoozes for a change.
Once he is up and has Neal ready to go for the day, Peter settles in with his son and dog to play on the floor while they wait for big Neal.
Later in the morning, Elizabeth is coming downstairs as there is a knock on the door. Letting Neal in, she finds herself taking a moment to absorb the fact that Neal is really standing in front of her alive and well.
"Hello Elizabeth. Peter probably filled you in on what happened, but I should still say this to you in person." He looks up at her intending to look her in the eyes to back the depth of how much he means what he is saying. "I'm sorry about lying to you. I'd do anything to protect you guys, but I still wish that this round didn't call for me faking my death on you."
He looks younger than she has seen him before. Neal is standing in front of her wearing slacks and nerdy T-shirt with the rest of his suit hung over his shoulder. Then she notices the bag of weapons with it and the badge on his belt which reminds her that Peter said he was an agent secretly hiding all along.
"I'm sorry too Neal. Being an agent isn't always about sacrificing everything and working alone to keep your friends safe. As much as I would like to keep my family away from dangerous things, Peter is an agent and I am his wife, so danger is something that we have to take as it comes. Although I appreciate you protecting us, sometimes you have to stand back and get help from friends, so if you ever need us, you know where to find us."
Smiling, Neal looks away with an awkward look on his face. "Thanks El. I'll try to keep that in mind, but hopefully it won't be needed as the worst of the current danger has been arrested…"
Giving him a hug, Elizabeth welcomes him further into the home. Closing the door, she directs him to hang his things up high and safely out of little boy's reach.
With that done, Neal turns around and is greeted with the sight of Peter sitting on the floor surrounded by toys and playing with a little boy. The boy has brown hair and brown eyes like his father, while having a crayon and paper in hand as he draws. Then Neal is greeted by a nervous Satchmo who hasn't seen him in over a year and a half. While he is distracted petting the dog, he doesn't notice that he is being approached by Peter carrying the little lad.
"Neal." Peter smiles proudly as he carries the little boy over to where Neal is standing at the edge of the living room. "Daddy…" The kid laughs at him and Peter only manages to smile wider.
"Peter. Congratulations again you two. He looks like a mini version of you Peter in the eyes and hair with more of El's features… lucky kid. I think he got the better end of the stick." He winks mischievously at El as he teases Peter.
Giving Neal the 'behave' look, El changes the subject by asking her son questions. "Who is he? Do you recognize your uncle?" She coos.
Thinking for a moment, the little guy mimics Peter's thoughtful expression as he considers the answer.
Bouncing him in his arms, Peter tries to help him along. "Come on son. You know this. He's uncle…"
Brightening up the boy shouts "Unca Neal!" before looking to his parents for confirmation.
Elizabeth congratulates him "That's right honey."
Peter simply watches Neal for his reaction to the boy's statement.
Smiling proudly at Peter, Neal meets his eyes and decides to ask the little one directly what his name is as no one else is willing to answer his questions. "Hello, and who are you?"
The little boy shyly leans into his dad as he answers. "Neal."
Neal blinks, and both Peter and El look at him as they eagerly anticipate how he will react. "Yeah, I'm Neal, but who are you?"
Giggling the boy answers, "Neal." Then he squeals in amusement at Neal's expression.
It takes Neal a moment to put the obvious facts together. "You named him after me?" The disbelief is strong in his voice as he softly asks the question.
Peter answers just as quietly. "Yes, Neal. I named my son after my best friend."
While Neal is absorbing that, Elizabeth hits him with another reason for why they chose the name. "You're family Neal. We named him after the little brother we never had." She is quiet as well.
Even little Neal finds himself quieting down, like he can feel the importance of the moment.
The group remains quiet as Neal absorbs the news. He is flattered that the Burkes would name their long awaited son after him, uncertain since it was due to his fake death, and wondering how they would feel now that he is back in the picture. "Wow. You named him after me." He raises his eyebrows as he thinks of his next words. "That is the first time anyone has ever named anything after me… yet alone someone so special."
Peter shifts little Neal to his other arm and moves forwards to put his free arm around big Neal. "We named him after the person that he was going to grow up thinking of as 'Uncle Neal,' no matter whether you were really dead or not. Fortunately, you aren't dead so we got the chance to watch your expression as you learned that you have a name sake." He pauses for a moment before clearing his throat to say the next part. "What we didn't tell you before Neal… is that we had decided on naming him after you in either first or middle name before we even knew he was a boy. Your leaving us only moved it to first name. There is no way that we are going to regret naming him after you."
That relieved Neal's concerns so he relaxes with Peter's arm around his shoulder.
Realizing that Neal is relaxing, Peter offers to let him hold little Neal as they move in to arrange breakfast.
Little Neal realizes that he is being passed to a stranger so he is nervous, but Peter encourages him by making it exciting to see his "Uncle Neal." The little guy decides that it isn't so bad being held by this stranger so he starts chatting with Neal while Peter and El prepare breakfast.
Smiling at each other, Peter and El love seeing the two Neals chat together, even if big Neal occasionally struggles to understand the baby talk. When they settle in to eat, El focuses on little Neal while big Neal and Peter talk.
Later when the group is heading out the door, Neal cracks a comment. "You know, I've been thinking. What is it with this case and people time traveling?"
Looking back at him, Peter gives him a questioning look.
"Chuck can tell you about his part later, there was your trip, and how could you forget Mozzie's adventure?"
Suddenly, Peter isn't so excited to be walking out the door to work. Unfortunately, the clock says that they have to go. It's time to take his own advice and 'Cowboy up.'
Thank you everyone for reading, reviewing/commenting, following/bookmarking, leaving kudos, and choosing to favorite :D I hope you are all enjoying this time traveling adventure. It has been playing through my mind for years! (Like since I learned why Bryce did all of the things to/for Chuck and it has evolved over the years before settling into this).
Also, for those who might recognize a few similarities, this chapter is where the first chapter of "After the Panthers" originated. When it got to be too long and started taking over, I kicked the phases of Peter's grief into their own story which evolved from there.