Disclaimer: This piece is based on 'Inuyasha', owned by Rumiko Takahashi. No copyright infringement intended or implied.
Author's Note: This is a re-write of last year's "Someone To Protect." The one-shot has been expanded here into two sections (prolog and chapter 1), with some details changed. This story will hopefully continue to be worked on in 2010.
Chapter 1: Someone To Protect
Thunder rumbled in the distance. He raised his chin, sniffed, and then grimaced. A massive rain storm was moving in. He would be thoroughly soaked, unless he released sufficient youki to create a barrier. However, his aimless wandering had taken him into human lands. The flare might attract unwanted attention.
He didn't want to fight another human who hated all youkai, and who had the power to do something about it.
Better to deal with the discomfort of sodden silk, if he failed to find a cave for shelter.
Sighing with mild regret, he started ambling down the faint forest track again. Less than five steps he took, before he halted again, momentarily freezing as a flash of youki flared from the sky. His head snapping up, the silver-haired youkai saw a horde of lesser youkai materialize and stream eastward, screeching in rage and need. He didn't need to extend his senses to scan their bloodlust. But they puzzled him. Such a grouping was rare, unless something truly powerfully drew them. But, what would be drawing them that hadn't already come to his attention? He had noticed nothing out of the ordinary in days--
Or... had he? His eyes closing, the youkai pushed against the ever-present lump of pain, thrusting it away long enough to concentrate on the full extent of his senses. To his surprise, he realized that something was whispering to him that had turned his path a full day ago. Something that promised his heart's desire. Whatever he wanted, whatever he wished--
His golden eyes snapped open, starting to glitter in ire. Whatever he wanted? That was a lie. He knew the world, knew the truth--anything that promised a 'heart's desire' was a deceit, a trolling to use pain to increase pain.
He growled, and his youki flared. Armor misted into view and solidified, settling over his plain, dark-gray silks, as his obi widened and lengthened, shifting from black to an intense red and blue. Fur cascaded down his back in a silver, two-tailed cloak. His right hand went to his left side, and bewilderment clamored against his anger as he found his hand unfilled. For a moment, the ball of shrouded pain threatened to claw back into the forefront of his mind. But with another growl, he shoved it away again. Not this time. He might not remember who he was or what he was. But, nothing was going to whisper fake promises to his heart and lure his steps against his will, and not pay for it.
Launching himself into the air, he followed the swarm under the rapidly darkening sky. It was not just the approach of the natural storm, but the darkening of evil as more and more youkai appeared. He felt mildly astonished at the sheer number--when had youkai been so numerous, especially in human-dominated lands? But, he left the question behind as he sped forward, slashing away the youkai who blundered into his path. He could smell fire, human blood and human fear. Irritation flickered over his nerves at the human taint, for he did not understand why they should be involved with something that called to youkai. Where they all fools?
The sky turned black, and he saw narrow flashes of white and pale pink flaming upwards. Youkai shrieked and exploded, dozens perishing with every shot, and he understood. A human was involved! He--no, she--was luring the youkai to her, to destroy them!
Rage flared. He flung himself forward, his youki slashing ahead of him, parting the mindless waves of youkai like the bow of a ship parting the waters. He had no care for the mindless breeds of youkai, yet still he would not stand for the deliberate luring of creatures to their deaths. She saw him, limned with his power, as he dove towards her. An arrow, then a second, sprang from her bow, blazing with power. Not enough power. They slammed into the youki swirling around him and disintegrated, swallowing discomfortingly large amounts of his youki with them, but not enough. Not near enough. He struck, with exquisite care for all his rage, and she flew backwards, her bow shattering, to slam into the ground.
He landed lightly, knowing that the human was unconscious. That should have taken care of her spell. But, moments later, he realized he was wrong. There was a second locus of power, on her but not of her. A locus that shimmered with far more power than he could remember ever seeing enclosed in an artifact. A power that was a strange mixture of dark and light, with the dark dominating the light.
It was the dark that was calling.
The swarms descended towards the helpless woman.
/==/==/==/==/
Lightning crackled above the pouring rain, for a blinding instant revealing the battlefield the meadow had become. His bangs glued to his forehead, the youkai panted as he braced his hands on his thighs. He had not had to expend as much power in any of his known memories. Of course, he had never put himself in a position of defending a single spot on the ground before. To the extent that their tiny minds had allowed it, they had the choice of attack, and they had simply swarmed him from all directions. If he could have remembered how, he could have slain them all long before they reached arm's length. As it was, he had been forced to dance in the middle of a cyclone of his own youki winds, slashing at those who made their way through the winds. His eldritch and physical claws were deadly, but, under the circumstances--
--Somewhat inefficient.
The swarms were dead, their instincts of self-survival too weak to overcome the lure of the calling darkness. At least that call--perhaps no longer powered by the swarms' gathered youki--appeared to have lessened, for he could detect no other youkai within the considerable range of his senses.
Sighing, he straightened, focusing his attention on his own youki. Concentrating, he tamed the winds, drawing them back within himself. He considered, but chose not to draw back his armor and his fur. There was, after all, the miko lying senseless between his feet, who might wake unexpectedly early.
And there were the humans calling from beyond the clearing.
He supposed he could leave the miko to their care--they were probably her allies, after all.
But, there was a chance they weren't. And he had questions about that lure thing. For once--just once!--he wanted some answers.
When the villagers arrived at the meadow, they found only the remnants of massacred youkai, a broken bow, and a discarded quiver.
/==/==/==/==/
Kikyo's first awareness was that her head ached abominably. Her body wasn't far behind. She was oddly warm, however, and she seemed to be lying on something far softer than any futon. Which, for some reason, didn't make any sense.
A hand slid behind her head and lifted. She winced at the pain of the movement. "Sorry," rumbled a deep voice. "But you need to drink. Here." The wooden lip of a cup jostled her lip; aware of thirst, she opened her mouth, and drank. The water was cold; with an odd under taste she did not recognize. The cup drained, she felt the hand behind her head lower her back to the softness. "Better. There's fish on the fire, when you're ready to eat."
Her head still throbbed, but the water had woken her mind, and questions were starting to come to the fore. Slowly, she cracked her eyes open, blinking as her pupils adjusted to the dancing light. The fire. Of course. Looking straight up, she saw rock overhead. Rock? A cave? Why was she in a cave? Why not in her hut? Her fingers twitched, and she realized that what she felt with them was fur. Fur? Who used fur for bedding? And who was the source of that totally unfamiliar voice? Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Slowly, mindful of her aches, she turned her head. A face edged into view. A triangular face, with heavy black eyebrows obscured by silver bangs, with golden eyes and jagged, indigo slashes on his cheeks. And pointed ears--
Youkai? What was she doing in a cave under a youkai's care?
Then she recognized the feel of his aura, and her eyes went wide in remembered terror. "You!" she exclaimed, struggling and failing to sit up, to move away from him. "You tried to kill me!"
The soft growl was oddly dog-like. "Woman," said the youkai, "If I wanted you dead, you would be dead."
She stared at him, struggling with a wave of pure fear. She could sense his strength, even cloaked as it was: it was overwhelming at this range. She remembered the youkai rushing towards her from the sky; remembered how her arrows vanished against his towering youki, how she had desperately flung out a barrier, only to see both barrier and her bow shattered with a twist of youki wind. Then, nothing--
"Woman, I am not going to kill you--at least, not now. So stop shaking in fear. It's irritating."
Kikyo bit her lip, ashamed to realize that she was shaking, her forehead beaded with sweat. Looking away, she closed her eyes, struggling to get her fear under control. She was a powerful miko. She could not afford to show fear of any youkai, no matter how powerful. She had to protect the Shikon No Tama, no matter what the cost. She had to be fearless, calm. But, a small voice inside her kept screaming in terror, and she couldn't make it go away.
"Baka," The voice was fainter, as if it were not talking to her. "Miko. Miko power, miko senses--no wonder she's trying not to scream..." Moments later, her terror began to fade. Eyes snapping open, Kikyo stared at the ceiling, puzzled, then understanding, as she felt the youkai's aura shift and fade. This youkai was so powerful that he could control how his youki appeared to those around him. She doubted that he could make it entirely 'disappear'-- it was clearly too powerful for that-- but her senses were no longer being drenched in an aura that shouted 'fear me!'. Closing her eyes, Kikyo again tried to assert her emotional control, and felt her body responding. She breathed deeply, willing herself to relax. Her racing heart calmed.
She repeated the calming exercises a third time, before opening her eyes and turning her head to look at him. His yellow eyes were watching her intently, and she had no doubt that he could read every emotion on her face. Telling herself not to be intimidated, she met his gaze. "Youkai-sama. What is your name?"
He considered the human woman, impressed--and puzzled as to why he was impressed. He'd realized that her sensitivity to his youki had caused her physical terror, but it was still a bit surprising that she'd managed to control her fear so quickly. Humans were supposed to be afraid of youkai--that was something he'd always known, presumably before he had awoken under that annoying tree. He supposed youkai-hunters must be able to control their fear, or be truly fearless, but he couldn't recall ever meeting such a human.
"It is not important," he stated, not sure he would have been willing to let her know his name, even if he did know it. "Do you wish to eat?"
She glared at him, and then struggled to sit up. He leaned over to assist her--
At that exact moment, she realized her state of dishabille under the fur. "My clothes!" she exclaimed, clutching the fur to her chest and pulling away. "What have you done to my clothes!"
Trying not to roll his eyes, the youkai glanced at the other side of the fire. "Your clothes were soaked, little miko," he said as he stood up. "It seemed unwise to let your body chill further." It wouldn't have been a problem she had been wearing fire-rat robes, he thought as he plucked the now dry and warm material from the green branches he'd spread them on. Wondering why that thought had occurred to him, he dropped the clothes next to the woman, before strolling towards the cave's exit.
He studied the hint of overcast sky from his position behind the jagged wall that separated the main cave from the entrance, and felt the urge to leave. Why spend any time with a mere mortal woman? Except there was still that bauble around the woman's neck. He wanted it and its irritating whispering destroyed. But, it felt too powerful and dangerous to touch without knowing what it was, at least if he were a prudent youkai. Which he believed he was. Which meant he had to manage a conversation with a human.
Rubbing one temple, which was starting to ache, the youkai grimaced as he felt her body sitting up on his fur. He was taking back his fur as soon as she was dressed--it was part of him, damn it, and what had ever put the crazy idea in his head to keep her naked body warm by wrapping her up in it? His fur was his--was his--
Was his what? The youkai clenched his jaw as a spike of pain ran from one side of his skull to the other. Why didn't he remember his past? Did he want to remember? The inexplicable grief caught him unexpectedly, and he choked, and grabbed at the wall as the sudden urge to run away as fast and far as possible, struck him. What was this? She was only a mortal, only a human woman! Why was he having these strange questions, these stranger thoughts? Why did he suddenly remember how it had felt to be carrying her slight figure in his arms? Why did it suddenly feel as if it should be pleasant, rather than a degrading necessity? She was only a mortal woman! She was nothing to him. Nothing!
Stone crumbled under his claws.
/==/==/==/==/
Kikyo dressed as quickly as her aching body allowed, then crawled off the warm fur. Kneeling by the fire, she pulled up the skewer of fish and settled back to eat, disciplining her mind not to think about the situation she was in, particularly the fact that she had been naked under that fur. She bit into the fish, surprised to find that it had not only been gutted and descaled, but deboned as well. It was the next thing to falling off the skewer, and she had to use both hands to keep from dripping fish onto her hakama. But it was good, she was famished, and she knew she needed to get as much strength back as possible, before this youkai revealed why he had attacked her from the middle of that swarm, and then kidnapped her. She knew it was quite unlikely that she could ever find a way to defeat him. But that didn't mean she wouldn't prepare to make him pay as much as possible before she died.
Though she didn't want to even try to imagine what would happen when he took the jewel from her dead body.
She reached for the second skewer, and then hesitated as a new thought crossed her mind.
What if she used the Shikon No Tama to defeat him?
That would be a selfless wish, wouldn't it? He would be a clear and obvious danger if the jewel increased his power, wouldn't he? Wouldn't it be selfless, to wish for enough power to defeat him, to save everyone?
She bit down on the second fillet, its taste turning bitter in her mouth. It wouldn't be a selfless wish, but rather one based on fear and selfish desire to live. Her first most task was to purify the jewel. Protecting it grew out of that first task, but it could not supersede the first. She could not protect it from youkai by using it against them...
As she finished the fish, motion flickered at the periphery of her vision. Turning her head, she saw the fur fly up from where it had been lying. At the same moment, she realized that the youkai was returning, but from her left, though the fur was to her right. Looking around, she saw him approach. A silver, twin-tailed, furry cape hung down from his shoulders--very obviously the same fur she had been lying in. The tips didn't quite brush the floor, and they were twitching, as if they were somehow--alive? "Umm ... your cape, what--"
"I will ask the questions, woman," he interrupted sharply. Kikyo snapped her gaze back around as he stepped to the opposite side of the fire and seated himself. She glared at him, welcoming her surge of anger.
"The name is Kikyo, youkai."
Golden eyes stared back over the fire. She met his gaze, hands turning into fists as she forced herself not to look away. She could not match him in power, she knew, but that didn't mean she couldn't match him in strength of will. She hated the memory of how afraid he'd made her feel fear just by his youki: she wouldn't let him make her show fear again!
He blinked, and looked away for a moment. The loss of contact left Kikyo feeling almost dazed, as if something pressing against her had been released. She blinked several times, not quite dizzy.
"Miko-sama." The gaze was back, but was guarded this time, and less intense. "This one would ask you about the jewel around your neck. What is it, and to what use are you trying to put it?"
She reached her hand up to grasp the jewel hidden beneath her clothing. "Why do you want to know?" she asked. "It will do you no good, youkai-sama."
He sighed, a flicker of annoyance crossing his face. "Little miko, this one wants nothing to do with that trinket. Except to destroy it."
"You can't!" she exclaimed.
His eyes glittered, and Kikyo jumped as he cracked his knuckles. "Why not?"
He listened with all the patience in him as she told what she knew; what the shattered remnants of the taijiya clan had told her, after they had fought their way to her village, repulsing the almost constant attacks after their headman and most of their village had died destroying a youkai which had used the jewel. A ripple went along his nerves when she mentioned its name, as if he had heard of it somewhere before, but he ignored that reaction, keeping focused on her story. The remaining youkai-fighters had stayed to protect the village, which came under attack within days. They had given her the task of purifying the jewel, at a minimum, and finding a way to destroy it, at best.
"I'm doing the best I can," she concluded, clearly defensive in her tone. "But I have to spend so much time and energy just defending myself and others, it feels as if I have so little left over to concentrate on purifying it. And ... one of the attacks killed my little sister. Fire-youkai burned the hut: she was hurt, she didn't make it outside..."
Something slammed hard in his mind, and the youkai gasped, one hand flying to his forehead. Fire - death- the pain hit him harder than it ever had. Why? What was it about fire and death that made him hurt so? Who--what--had died in fire that he could not remember? Was not allowed to remember?
"Youkai-sama? What's wrong? You--you look to be in pain."
With sheer force of will, he pushed the grief away from him, angrily aware that his effort was etched on his face. "We are discussing your dilemma, little miko, not mine," he told her icily. "So. If you were not constantly defending yourself, you could purify this Shikon No Tama?"
She opened her mouth, then hesitated, looking away a moment. "If I can keep my grief from darkening my heart, I believe I can."
Her answer was more satisfying than a simple 'yes' would have been. He knew his own heart was darkened, beyond the mere fact of being youkai, and it was due to whatever had stolen his memories. "So, you purify the jewel. Then what?"
"I--make a wish on the jewel, and--and hope it is the right wish."
"Which is?"
"A selfless wish. If the right wish is made, the jewel should grant it, and simply disappear."
Selfless. He considered what kind of wish would be good enough to cause the jewel to disappear, and blinked as the answer came to him. Obvious. There was only one answer. But, as he watched the dark-eyed human, it became clear that she had no clue, and that whatever she was considering would only drag her deeper into the jewel's hold.
Humans. So full of needs and wants and emotions, so easily tempted.
Though perhaps he shouldn't judge. He was not without his own problems and his own desires. That he knew none of what he wanted could be achieved by depending on something as treacherous as an inanimate crystal: perhaps that was why he was not tempted.
He sighed, when it became obvious that she was still running down all the wishes she could imagine, trying to find one that would fit her definition of selflessness, not realizing what mattered was the jewel's perception, not hers. "The right wish, miko, is to wish it to disappear, forever."
"What?" She stared at him, startled eyes wide. Something twinged inside. Someone else had looked at him that way once. Who? "Disappear?"
"Think about it, miko-sama," he said, gentling his voice. "Any wish for it to do something, despite how selfless it seems, is by definition selfish, because you want it."
She looked stunned. He settled back to wait for comprehension to come to her. More quickly than he expected, she nodded. "The only selfless wish is to not wish for anything," she said, meeting his eyes. "Yes. I see." Her mouth closed, compressed, and then opened, her expression reluctant. "Thank-you. Youkai-sama."
Something inside him wanted to chuckle at her obvious resentment at feeling grateful to a youkai. He didn't, as the mere thought scratched the ever-underlying pain, but he also realized something important. It was the first time since his awakening that he had even thought about chuckling. This woman was doing something to him.
And he was tired of drifting without a purpose, ignorant of himself, slashing out blindly when threatened, never making a change. He wanted...
"Miko. You need better defenses, so you can concentrate on purifying the jewel."
She blinked at him, then nodded.
"I will protect you."
The word vibrated within him, startling him, filling him with pain--and a sudden certainty. This was the key to his restoration, the key to what he had been, and what had happened to him. His right hand felt warm, and it was as if, for a moment, he could feel a hilt in his hand, feel a blade shimmering with power--his power, his blade. It was--it was his deepest, unfulfilled need. To protect someone.
If she would let him.
/==/==/==/==/
Kikyo stared at the youkai in shock. "Protect me? You--a youkai--want to protect me?"
"Yes."
She continued to stare at his armored form, disbelieving. "You're youkai! I'm human! You can't be serious!"
His gaze hardened. "Do not insult me, woman."
She forced herself to not look away. "How could I possibly trust you? You attacked me last night!"
"I attacked in the belief that you had invoked a spell to lure youkai to you, so you could kill them."
He said nothing more, though she waited for him to apologize. "You kidnapped me," she accused, and then blinked as she thought she felt something shiver through his aura. But, there was no change in his expression or body.
"You are free to leave."
"I don't know where I am," she snapped.
"I will give you directions or escort you."
"You want me to trust you."
He blinked at that, as if he had not considered that. "True."
Kikyo looked down, thinking hard. A youkai protector would be enormously powerful. But, no matter how powerful, how could she trust him? Even if she trusted him, could she purify the jewel in the presence of his youki? And even if they could work together, what would other people think? Her thoughts quailed, as she abruptly realized that her position was already threatened. Her people would have questions when she returned. If they found she had spent the night in a cave human-shaped youkai... oh, kami ... She shuddered. She knew the legends, the stories. Kami, no--no...
"Miko. What are you doing to the jewel?"
The sharp question jerked her out of her horrified contemplation. Dismay struck her as she realized that the jewel was reacting to her bleak thoughts. Pulling it out of its hiding place, she rested it on both palms, closing her eyes, descending quickly into a light trance. She dismissed the dark feelings, concentrating on the still, quiet place within her that was purely light. The jewel's darkness calmed, fading slightly. Carefully she left the trance, opening her eyes to find the taiyoukai less than a length from her, his eyes on the jewel, and his youki, she noticed absently, tightly controlled.
It was not affecting the jewel.
Which answered that question, at least.
"Miko-sama?"
She glanced at him. "If we work together, my people may revile me and cast me out."
"I..." His eyes flickered, and she thought she saw a flash of pain on his face. "True."
"But I must purify the jewel. It is my duty."
He nodded.
Kikyo closed her eyes, willing herself to breathe out the fear and dismay that accompanied the thought of working with a youkai. Any youkai. If she had been able to take on the duty of purifying the jewel, knowing she might die while protecting it, then surely she was strong enough to live with the risk of living with a ruined reputation. But the other risk--
"Youkai-sama, I need you to trust me."
She heard his soft snort. "Of course."
Opening her eyes, she tucked the jewel away before looking at him. "Then give me your name, and let me touch your soul."
/==/==/==/==/
The youkai knew--bereft of memories or not--that the mortal miko, for all her strength, could--at her worst--only slightly injure him. Since he wanted to protect her, and needed her to trust him, he understood the need for that trust to be both ways.
What he forgot to consider was that trust concerned more than mere physical safety.
He visibly flinched at her request. His soul? His name--he should have expected that, but his soul?
The youkai found himself near the entrance, fighting the urge to flee. Why hadn't he thought, before offering his protection to a mortal? How dare she want to see his vulnerability, his secrets? And what would she 'see'? His lack of memory? This damnable pain? The source of the pain, which was so hidden from him? What right did she have to ask that? He should just leave! She was only mortal, let her protect that disgusting jewel by herself, why should he care?
Except he'd already made the offer.
He couldn't go back on that offer.
He could not.
"Why are you in pain, youkai-sama?"
Tensing, he said nothing. How did she know?
"You've been showing flashes of pain, as we spoke," she said very quietly, answering his unspoken question. "When I--surprised you, for a moment, you--there was pain. Tremendous pain--heart-pain, not physical pain."
He could not answer her. But, she did not take his silence for the end of questions, walking around him, looking up to meet his eyes. "I mean no insult, youkai-sama," she continued. "Nor do I mean you harm. But can you understand why I need to know I can trust you? And that I cannot trust words? It will only be a touch, just to know that there is no evil directed at me."
With an effort, he made himself speak. "And if you find no evil, little miko?"
"Then I will accept your offer."
That settled that. Sinking his fingers into the rock, he looked away and nodded. "Do as you must, miko."
"Only a touch." She moved closer. He felt the heat of her body as she stepped into his personal space. He concentrated on the feel of his claws digging through the rock, concentrated on not reacting--
Fingers touched his cheek, giving only warmth, and the pressure of contact, then drew lightly down his face. He felt nothing more, but from her soft, whispered "Kami," she obviously did.
"Are you finished?" he asked abruptly.
There was a pause, and he thought she would turn him down, leave, and flee from whatever she had seen. He was youkai, after all. That his soul was so terribly bound by that tree's spells could mean nothing good, and the human already feared him...
"Thank-you, youkai-sama." Startled, he looked at her, meeting her eyes. They met his without fear, though there was another emotion swimming in their depths, that he didn't want to try to plumb.
"I accept your protection."