I stretched and blinked sharply. What was I doing outside, naked? And why was I so happy about it? I frowned, trying to remember.
"Good morning, sleepy," a smooth male voice spoke from near my ear.
I turned my head towards the voice, coming face to face with the Michelangelo sculpture that was my imprint and then it all came flooding back. Demetri.
We had spent the rest of the day and well into the night making love before exhaustion claimed me. And now, here I was, waking up in his arms. I could definitely get used to this.
"I have to be going, though it felt abominably rude to leave while you slept."
Scorching pain shot through me and it took everything I had to keep from screaming. "You're leaving now." Good. My voice sounded neutral, at least to me.
"Yes." He stood and began pulling his clothes back on. "I'd imagine my coven is probably wondering where I am already. Best not have them find us like this."
Suddenly my own nakedness left me feeling much too vulnerable so I yanked my own clothes on and wrapped my arms around my chest. I wanted to beg him to stay, to not leave me alone, but I managed to keep my mouth shut.
As he fastened his cloak back around his shoulders, he looked at me for a long moment. He reached up and removed the chain hanging around his neck. Walking over to me, he slid it over my head. "So you don't forget me," he murmured as his knuckles brushed against my cheek. His gaze dropped to my mouth and he kissed me softly. Pressing his forehead to mine, he whispered, "Farewell, lovely Leah."
I kept my eyes closed, unwilling to watch him leave.
An imprint was supposed to heal me, not give me an even greater heartbreak. I thought I knew pain, but this was beyond anything I had ever experienced. As his footsteps faded away, my soul rent in two and I fell to my knees. This was what I was afraid of. I knew this was going to happen. Why did I even hope for any other outcome? I wasn't good enough. All he needed from me was a few hours worth of pleasure and now he was done.
I wasn't wanted. No one wanted me, not Sam, not the wolf packs, though Jake made an effort, and now my imprint. What did I do to make people not want me? Sure, I brought the wolf pack's acrimony on myself. However, I hadn't wanted them either, so there was no love lost there. But my imprint? The one who was made for me and me for him? The center of my universe, my reason for existing felt nothing. I was nothing to him, only a body to slake his lust with for a night.
The tears fell in earnest and I buried my face against my legs in effort to silence my sobs. I wouldn't let him hear just how much his leaving hurt me.
It could have been minutes, it could have been hours later when a wolf howl drew me out of my stupor. Seth. There was a panicked edge to it so I stripped with shaky hands and phased.
Leah! Seth's relief was palpable. You're okay! He howled again, this time to signal the others that I'd been found.
Why wouldn't I be? My voice sounded detached, even to my own ears.
One of the Italian leeches took off by himself last night. Thankfully Seth was too distracted to notice that there was anything off about me. We tried to track him, but we couldn't get very far. He was tricky and took to the trees when he realized he was being followed. Jake and Sam both felt it was unwise to leave the rez unprotected. Then, a few hours ago, we picked up on his trail again. Jake swore he carried a trace of your scent, but I think Sam told him he was crazy.
I didn't say anything as I rocketed through the trees. I needed to get home and I didn't want to think, didn't want to share this with anyone, especially not my little brother.
What's wrong?
Nothing. I'm just tired. Somehow I managed to keep my thoughts blank.
I could feel Seth's curiosity, but thankfully, he didn't press me for answers. Jake phased in.
Leah? Jake recognized that something happened to me, that there were fresh, deeper wounds scouring my heart. He pressed just a little deeper, then withdrew when he felt the new pain.
As soon as I was within walking distance, I phased, unwilling to share my head space any longer than I had to. I was nearing my breaking point and I didn't want them to know. They didn't need to see that my imprint was a vampire and that after one night with me, he'd left.
Sue was waiting for me when I walked through the door, her face creased with worry.
"Where were you all night? Jake said you took off."
"No where important," I mumbled. Hurray for rapid healing because the hickeys Demetri left throughout the night faded long before I woke up this morning. Now any evidence a human might pick up on was long gone.
"With that strange vampire in the woods so close to home running around by yourself is dangerous!"
"I was perfectly safe." Hearing my mother mention Demetri, even as indirectly as she had, sent a fresh hot blade into my heart and I kept my head down in an effort to hide my pain.
"Leah?" Now that her panic had passed in light of my safe return, Sue finally picked up that I was in a bad way. "Honey, what happened?"
"I'm gonna take a shower." I had to make an escape. I couldn't have Seth or one of the other wolves finding me smelling like sex and the vampire they'd been chasing. Seth might be a little leech lover, but even he would draw the line at his sister rolling around with a leech who'd come to kill our Alpha's imprint.
As I walked down the hall to my bedroom, a thought crossed my mind. Maybe it was a good thing I'd gone through what I did with Sam, because now heartbroken was a normal state and this new wound would not be so noticeable, at least to those who didn't know me as well as they thought they did.
Grabbing the first set of clothes I could get my hands on, I went to the bathroom. As I closed the door behind me, I made the mistake of looking into the mirror. The bitterness and anger that so often marred my face was gone, replaced by emptiness. There was no expression. I looked as hollow as I felt.
I turned the water on as hot as it would go, though it wasn't as hot to me as it used to be. The chill that had been so comforting the night before now felt like poison, sapping at my strength, and I wondered if I might ever be warm again.
Another sob broke from my lips and I slammed my hand over my mouth. No one could know what happened. I couldn't bear their pity or their self righteous glances as they talked behind their hands that I got what I deserved for behaving the way I had when my life had been ripped from my grasp the first time.
As soon as all traces of vampire were gone from my skin, I climbed out of the shower and dressed quickly. Now to remove the last of the evidence of my torrid night. I gathered up my dirty clothes and exited the bathroom.
Dumping my clothes into the machine, I added a bunch of Seth's and some more of mine before starting it up. Now, all traces of my imprint would be so muddled no one would know for sure who is was or what had happened.
When Sue saw me start a load of laundry, her brows furrowed. I rarely did laundry unless I had nothing clean to wear.
"I've got some spaghetti I can reheat for you," she said.
"I'm fine." I closed the lid to the machine. Inhaling, I searched for any trace of vampire and came up with nothing. "I'm gonna go to bed."
Without another word, I walked past her and went to my room. Closing the door behind me, I collapsed on my bed and gave into the pain once more, allowing the tears to fall in earnest. I wrapped my arms around my pillow and pulled my knees to my chest, as if by making myself smaller, I could lessen the pain.
I wanted to claw my heart from my chest, just to end my suffering. But I couldn't move. I didn't know if my imprint wanted me dead or not so I couldn't take myself completely out of his life until I knew one way or the other.
Sam walking away from me? That was nothing, a perfect day in La Push. That was a human heartbreak, which was nothing in the grand scheme of things because humans could fall in and out of love so many times over the course of their lives.
Finding out Sam and Emily were together? I would endure their betrayal a thousand times, if it meant that this torture would end, because that had nothing on this agony searing through me. Because they didn't mean so much to me anymore.
Turning into a wolf and finding out that I had to share my thoughts with the boy who'd broken my heart and not just him, but all his little followers too? That was a night in with my best friends. I would take that over and over again with a smile on my face.
Losing my father? How could I have ever believed that it was the worst thing to ever happen to me? It was easier to accept that he was gone because with his death it didn't feel like my soul had been torn from my body. I would take that and be grateful.
Before this, I had begged whatever god would hear me that I would imprint. And in a sick twist, I had imprinted. I'd gotten the last part of my wish too, that I imprint on someone, anyone, when Fate gave me the enemy, and he'd left me after he'd had his way with me.
I wished I could go back to before, before this all consuming love and despair. But an imprint was forever. I couldn't go back. I was stuck with a leech who didn't want me while I was left to mourn him like a pathetic little puppy.
Guilt added itself to my torment. I shouldn't be thinking about my imprint like that. He was the center of my universe, how could I possibly wish ill on him or to want to separate myself from him? How could I blame him for this. He didn't know, didn't understand what he'd come to mean to me.
Let me die. Please. Just let me die.
Sometime later, there was a knock on my door. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. The knock came again.
"Leah?" Seth called.
"Go away," I whispered. I knew he could hear me crying, but how could I tell him the truth? "Please, just leave me alone."
"Seth?" Sue asked softly. "What happened? She was fine when she left yesterday, but she comes back like this."
"I don't know. She's too good at blocking her thoughts when we're wolves. Now she's crying like I don't even know."
"Go away," I mumbled, knowing Seth could hear me. There was a shuffle and they complied.
Finally, I gave in to the exhaustion and I slept.
In my dreams, I searched for something, but I couldn't find it. No matter what I did, it was always just out of reach.
When I woke, I found new tears on my cheeks.
As I lay staring at the ceiling, I came to a single conclusion. No one could know why the vampire broke off from the others and they definitely couldn't know that I'd spent the night with him. As difficult as this would be, it was for the best. I couldn't have my brothers trying to find him and starting a war they had no hope of winning.
Sue was in the kitchen, stirring a pan full of gravy. "I've got biscuits in the oven."
I didn't want to eat, but if I was going to convince them that nothing happened, I needed to at least pretend to go through the motions, so I sat down at the table and allowed Sue to pile food onto my plate.