Same disclaimer applies from prologue. Not beta-read. I'm so drained. So sorry.
Chapter 1: Come Across
Dressed in a black skirt, white blouse, black sweater and the black and white headdress of a novice nun, the woman who had once been known as Cagalli Yamato hurried along the sidewalk outside Archangel Academy. Head down, the folds of the wimple obscured her features. She rushed as though late for an important appointment. In the carefully tended soil near the academy's entrance, she noticed the green blades of new dahlias, a harbinger of springtime, a promise of new life. Yet, her mind was consumed by thoughts of death.
She still couldn't accept her brother's murder. Kira was too young to die.
Quickly, she mounted the steps at the arched stone entryway of Archangel's Academy, a school she had once attended a long time ago in another life. Her name was Yula Attha now. She was 25 years old now, a single mother, currently living in Orb, making an honest living from smart investments and part-time owner of a caterer service. The key word there was "honest", a description not often associated with her past in this quiet Mendel Colony suburb.
She never thought that she will come back here in Mendel but her brother died. She ought to give respect and say her final goodbye to him. 6 years ago, she wasn't able to say goodbye to him. Wasn't able to let him meet his nephew. She stayed in Orb, adopted by a good family. Uzumi Attha and his wife had been kind enough to let her used their family name and helped her until now. From then on, she treated the Attha family as her own.
Inside the academy, Cagalli flattened her back into an alcove beside a plaster statue. Her plan was to sneak through the bowels of the academy into to the cemetery next door where her brother's funeral would take place in a few hours.
She had risked everything by coming here. If recognized, six years of carefully constructed anonymity would be erased.
Cautiously, she peeked out from behind the statue. Had the hallways always been so narrow? Years ago, the school had seemed much more impressive, filled with whispers and laughter. In a rush, she remembered spelling bees and notes passed in a class and best friends and nostalgia. She needed to slip through the school undetected. It shouldn't be too hard. Classes were in session, and no one should be in the halls. The tricky part would be to avoid the nuns and secretaries who worked in the main office.
Before she could make her move, Cagalli was caught. A hand clasped her shoulder and spun her around. She faced Ms. Murrue Ramius who was in her full regalia- curly hair on loose; the white uniform for teachers fitted her nicely.
Silently, Cagalli cursed. She should have remembered that Ms. Murrue had always been able to creep silently and appear out of nowhere. The joke was that, Ms. Murrue moves in mysterious ways.
The 30 plus years old teacher looked at her intently. "I don't believe we've met Sister. May I help you?"
Cagalli hoped Ms. Murrue couldn't see her too clearly. From a distance, Cagalli could pass for a novice nun. Up close, her white blouse was definitely silk, and the sweater showed a stylish cut. "I'm new here," she said. "A math teacher. I transferred from, um, another parish."
At the sound of her voice, a smile softened Ms. Murrue stern visage. Gently, she chided, "You were never a good liar, Cagalli."
Her arms spread wide like the wings of a wise black bird, and she pulled Cagalli into a hug. The soft warmth of Ms. Murrue felt like a wonderfully safe heaven, and Cagalli hugged back with all her might.
Ms. Murrue had been a comforting presence in the background of her life. When her mother, Caridad Yamato, died from natural causes while Cagalli was in fourth grade, Ms. Murrue had pulled her from class and had given her the news. The same with her murdered father, Haruma Yamato, in seventh grade, but Cagalli hadn't wept on that occasion. The Hibiki family tragedies had become too regular, almost expected. Still, she appreciated the solace offered instinctively by Ms. Murrue, and Cagalli wished she could have stayed in touch. "I'm sorry Ms. Murrue. I left without saying goodbye."
"I understand. Your family… let's just say, I understand why you had to depart so abruptly, Cagalli."
"Call me Yula if you may. Yula Attha. That's my name now."
Ms. Murrue stepped back. With a clean white hanky that had appeared from nowhere, she daubed at the corners of her eyes. "Yula it is. I've been expecting you."
"You have?" tension shot through her. Was it so obvious that she'd return for her brother's funeral? "Why?"
"Come with me."
Cagalli balked, fearful of a trap. If Ulen Hibiki sank in his talons into her, she's never to escape. "Ms. Murrue, I can't see my grandfather."
"Of course not. I might be a teacher but I'm not an idiot." Bitterness tinged her voice. She thoroughly disapproved of Hibiki family activities. "There's someone else who wants to see you. And I promise you'll come to no harm."
"Who is this mysterious person?"
"You'll see."
Her grandmother? Cagalli's heart leap. She missed her grandmother, Via Hibiki, so very much. As soon as Cagalli heard Kira's death, she'd called her grandmother.
On the phone, Via sounded desolate and weak. She'd outlived both her only daughter, and now she'd lost her only grandson, Kira. Granddaughter Cagalli felt guilty to be living so far away; she was good as gone. She'd left her grandmother alone in a nest of vipers.
Ms. Murrue led her down to the stairs, past the cafeteria and into a tunnel that connected with the cemetery. It was the route used during snowy weather. "I'm sorry for you loss, Cagalli. I mean, Yula. Your brother chose a dangerous path."
Kira's life in crime, supposedly serving the family, had killed him. Just as it killed her father and her uncle. And her one true love. His name whispered through her conscience like a forbidden breeze. Alex Dino. Over the years, Cagalli had tried not to think of him, to force his presence from her mind. But her senses would never forget his gentle caresses. Her ears always listened for the rich timbre of his voice, speaking to her of love, promising he would never leave her. Her eyes were reminded of Alex every single day. Their son, Nicol Alexnadre, who was nearly 6 years old, looking more and more like his father as he grows. He was named after his father and his father's deceased best friend. Sometimes, Nicol Alexandre would cock his head at a certain angle when asking a question, and she would see the reincarnation of Alex in the emerald eyes of a son who had never met his real family. And never would, Cagalli swear. Her primary goal in life was to keep Nicol Alexandre safe from the Hibiki's.
In the basement of Archangel Academy, Ms. Murrue pushed through one closed door and then another. She paused outside a third door. "This may be difficult for you, Yula. But I believe this meeting is necessary. For what it's worth, I've always known in my heart that he was a good man."
He? What good man was she talking about? "I don't understand."
"I'll just stay here. Be strong." Ms. Murrue guided Cagalli inside and closed the door behind her.
In the smallish room where racks of teacher's robes were stored in plastic dry cleaners' bags, the light came from a single forty-watt bulb. It wasn't dark, but Cagalli squinted, unable to comprehend what she was seeing.
She focused on a rugged man in a worn black jacket. Every detail came into stark clarity. She noticed the shine on his shoes, the jeans he wore, the buttons on his white shirt, the slight bulge of his jacket concealing a shoulder holster. His jaw set hard as granite. His emerald eyes shone with unspoken gravity.
"Alex," she whispered.
He looked more grown. His high cheekbones and jaw line were more sharply chiseled. His blue hair is slightly longer.
She must be dreaming. He couldn't be here. Alex Dino was dead. He'd been dead for six years, the entire lifespan of their son.
"Cagalli," he said.
"Yula," she corrected automatically. Her heart beat fast, speeded by the pressure of a thousand emotions. It felt like her rib cage would explode. "Cagalli is dead. Like you, you're dead."
"I didn't want to meet like this. I would have given you time to - -"
"Stop!" The music of his voice was overwhelmed by a roaring in her ears. She'd lost her mind. Gone insane, "You're dead."
"Touch me."
When his hands reached toward her, she shied away in horror. This handsome specter might pull her into the grave beside him were they would rest together for all eternity. Too often she'd dreamed of such peace, being in Alex's arms one more time. Forever. But she couldn't leave her son to fend for himself. She had to protect Cedric Alexandre. For his sake, she had to stay alive.
The ghost stepped toward her, leaving the shadows.
"Keep away from me," she gasped.
"Cagalli, it's all right, I won't hurt you."
The glow of the forty-watt bulb glistened in his hair. She stared, incapable of absorbing the miracle that stood before her. He was here. Alive! Alex Dino had returned from the grave. A miracle or a curse, she didn't know which.
Cagalli closed her eyes. Her head whirled. Her knees went limp. She cursed when she felt herself falling, falling into a bottomless abyss.
Kneeling beside her, Athrun cradled her head against his arm. Though he hadn't intended to shock her into a dead faint, he should have expected her reaction at coming face-to-face with a living, breathing ghost.
He should have asked Ms. Murrue to prepare Cagalli, but there wasn't time to gently ease her into acceptance. Too soon, his enemies would arrive for the funeral. Athrun was investigating on his own, looking for prove to charge the corrupt agents who had killed Kira and sabotaged Athrun's career. At the same time, he was on the run. His identity had been revealed to the Hibiki's – the criminals he had secretly prosecuted so long ago. They wanted his blood.
Every minute Athrun stayed in the academy increased the colds against his survival, but he had desperately needed this time alone with the woman who had haunted his heart for six years. Cagalli Hibiki was the ghost, the vanished lover, the only woman he had truly cared for.
He stared into her face – a perfect shape for a face, framed by white headpiece of a novice nun. Her blonde eyebrows arched delicately over thick, sooty lashes. A stubborn jaw and a straight Japanese nose lent character to her features. In her teens, she'd been adorable. Now, at age 25, she was breathtaking beauty.
Her lashes fluttered, her eyelids opened and she gazed dreamily, not yet fully conscious. Her lips parted as if she were about to smile. He wanted to kiss those lips, to embrace her and pretend the last six years had never happened.
Her expression transformed. All gentleness left her face as she snapped. "You're supposed to be dead."
"Sorry," he said.
"Six years ago, you died."
"I was shot and in the hospital for a week, but - -"
"Bullshit!" her amber eyes flashed. Her beautiful lips pressed in a tight, angry line. "I should kill you myself!"
"Cagalli, I tried - - "
"Don't call me that." She shoved away from him with a wild flailing of arms and legs. "I'm Yula Attha now."
"Fair enough, though I really like your original name." He had a confession of his own. "I'm not Alex Dino. I never was. My real name is Athrun Zala."
She bolted to her feet. For a moment, she wobbled. Her hand rubbed against her forehead and she yanked off the wimple. Her fingers raked through her shoulder-length golden hair.
She glared at him. "Why are you smiling?"
"A nun?" That sure as hell wasn't the way he remembered her.
"A schoolgirl disguise didn't cut it. And I didn't bring any old uniform with me."
"You're the first nun I've seen wearing a silk blouse and cashmere sweater."
She stiffened. "The outfit worked well enough to get me inside the school without being noticed."
"You look good, Cagalli."
"So do you. And again, it's Yula," she said grudgingly. She hated the way he looked. His body was hard and strong. His face had grown even more attractive with age. Damn him! In a righteous world, he would've been physically punished for deserting her while she was pregnant, even though he hadn't known about her condition. He should've guessed. He should've gotten word to her. Instead, he abandoned her! Even worse, he lied about his name… and I named him after our son! And what else? What other lies? Alex or Athrun, should be forced to wear his deceptions and cruelty on his face. He should be hideous.
After all she'd been through, she would never forgive him. She'd given birth alone, a frightened nineteen-year old in a strange city. And she'd raised their son. Alone.
Rage sluiced hotly through her veins as she paced back and forth in the small vestment room, slapping at the plastic garment bags, seething. "You let me think you were dead! You deserted me!"
"I couldn't find you." He stood and casually brushed the dust from his pants. He looked classy, even in jeans and a beat-up jacket. "I searched every damn computer file, every record. I followed lead all around the country. I even went to Heliopolis!"
"I don't believe you."
"Give me a break, Yula. Nobody could find you. Not even your grandfather. You pulled off the disappearing act of the century."
She'd done too good a job. When Cagalli fled, she withdrew all the money from her accounts. With insurance payouts for both her mother and father and college fuds, it had been a considerable amount. Not knowing where to go, she turned to her grandmother who referred her to friends in Orb. However, after the initial contact, Cagalli buried herself more deeply. With the help of the Attha family, she changed her name, her vital records, her identity. No one could find her. She was completely alone. "I had to do it. I had to break away from them."
"I understand," he said.
She walked away from him and stood, staring at the corner of the room where the walls met the ceiling in mathematical ninety degree angles. She yearned for logic. Nothing made sense.
She didn't dare to turn and confront him directly, not while she could still feel his intense magnetism. If she gazed full into his eyes, she'd be helplessly drawn to him, unable to resist.
Cagalli tossed her head. "If you really wanted to find me, you could have. All you had to do was talk to Grandmother Via. I had a post office box where she could contact me."
"You're right, I should have paid more attention to Via. I'd concentrated my search on associates of Ulen Hibiki, but I hadn't ignored Grandmother Via. Undercover, in disguise, I kept her under surveillance as she sputtered in the marketplace or sat in the front pew of the Broadway. I wire-tapped her private telephone. I'd intercepted much of her correspondences to no avail. Unfortunately, I couldn't approach Via with a direct inquiry from Alex Dino who was, as you pointed out, supposed to be dead."
"You're a coward," Cagalli muttered. "Too afraid to return from the dead and face the Hibiki family."
He shrugged. Undercover work was no place for heroes. The job required stealth, not macho bravery. It was time for another confession. "I was undercover, Ca – Yula. I'm a senior agent for the Zaft Forces."
As she whirled to face him, her amber eyes narrowed. "Another lie. You were never honest with me."
He might have defended himself, might have told her that every syllable he'd uttered in praise of her beauty, intelligence and wit had been truth. The language of his emotions had been pure.
But she had a right to her anger.
And she unleashed her rage, full-force. Cagalli rattled through a barrage of invectives before facing him directly, fists on hips. "So you're a Zaft. It was your work to bring down my family."
He wouldn't blame her if she hated him. She'd been raised to put family above all else, and Athrun had betrayed the Hibiki.
Instead, she gave a curt nod. "Good. At least you had the right idea, saving the family from crime."
"But it didn't work," he said.
"Not for Kira." Her jaw tightened as she struggled to maintain her tough attitude. "Kira used bad judgment. And he paid for it."
The sorrow in her eyes belied her harsh judgment. No matter what she said, he knew that Cagalli considered her brother's death to be a tragedy. Palpable grief surrounded her. Athrun had known that she couldn't stay away from her family at this terrible time. He'd counted on her need to be with them. Hoping to console her, he reached out and touched her arm.
She yanked away from him. "Don't"
Somehow, in the back of his mind, he'd always imagined that when he saw her, she would melt into his arms and allow herself to be carried away on clouds of bliss. Apparently, he'd been wrong. In simple words, he could forget about it.
"Okay, Yula, here's the story," Athrun opted for facts. This time, there would be no lies between them. "I'm undercover, again. This time it's more complicated than before. I was framed by another agent. Inside Zaft, I'm considered a renegade. They're looking for me; want to take me into custody. Plus, your family knows I'm alive."
"So, you're wanted by the Hibiki and the Forces?"
"Essentially."
"Nice work," she said sarcastically.
"I didn't see the double-cross until it was too late."
"What double-cross? I want more explanation," she demanded. "And don't even think about lying to me."
"The setup happened at a restaurant in Aprilius City, I saw your brother shot."
She gasped. Her hands flew to cover her mouth. She whispered, "Who kill him?"
"An agent. His name is Shinn Asuka. That snob, raven head bastard shot Kira in cold blood." He wanted her to hear this information from his lips. "No matter what anyone tells you, I didn't kill your brother."
"Why would people say such a thing, if it wasn't true?"
"Part of the setup. Shinn delivered me to the meet in Aprilius. I suspected something was wrong, but I didn't understand until I saw Kira walk through the door. Shinn drew and fired." Athrun had since learned that Shinn had used an exact duplicate of his own weapon, right down to the serial numbers. "His gun was identical to mine."
"So it would be assumed you were the shooter," Cagalli said. "And what were you doing while this Shinn person killed my brother?"
"There was another agent in the restaurant, Sai Argyle. He was aiming at me. My guess is that his gun was a match for Kira's. When the ballistic people analyzed the crime scene, they'd assume I shot Kira and he shot me."
"But there were witnesses," she said.
"Parents and kids having dinner. When the bullets started flying, they dove for cover. They were scared, hysterical. I doubt any of them could say exactly what happened." Especially not when Shinn was directing the investigation. "Here's how it's going down. I'm accused of killing your brother and shooting agent Argyle."
"Did you?" she asked. "Did you shoot the other agent?"
"Yes."
"Is he dead?" she asked.
"Alive and recovering," Athrun said. "He's a hero."
"And you're the goat."
She leaned her back against the wall and regarded him steadily as if she were weighing his words against her standard of truth. He trusted her instincts. Through raised in an atmosphere of base treachery, Cagalli had a finely tuned moral compass.
"If you had met my brother on the street," she said, "and he recognized you, would you have killed him?"
"If it came down to him or me," Athrun said, "I'd shoot."
She frowned, considering. Then she glanced at her wristwatch. They were both aware of the ticking clock. Soon, the Hibiki family would gather for the funeral in the upstairs cemetery. "Why did you come here Athrun?"
"I wanted to see you."
She brushed away his comment. "I've never heard of a Zaft who was so sentimental. There must be another reason."
"Surveillance." By observing those who attended the funeral, he might be able to connect the dots and figure out the connections that led to Shinn Asuka. "You're brother was killed for a reason, I want to know why."
"Why does this make a difference to you?"
"Until I have proof to implicate Shinn Asuka and Sai Argyle man, I'm out in the cold."
"Because Zaft thinks you're the corrupt agent who's working with the Hibiki."
"Yula, we don't have time to talk about this. Not right now. I want you to meet me after the funeral. I'll be at this motel." He handed her a card. "I'll wait until four o'clock."
"Before four o'clock," she repeated. "At this motel."
Cagalli glanced at the card, aware that he was literally trusting her with his life. Is he betrayed him by giving his location to her grandfather, Athrun would be trapped in a motel room with no escape. The Hibiki family would take their revenge without mercy.
It was what he deserved for deserting her. A slow and horrible death. But she knew, in her heart, that she would never cause him to suffer. Besides which, he might have another motive in revealing his location. What if Athrun expected her to pass on the name of his motel? He might be arranging a sting to catch the Hibiki assassins. Or, if she came alone, he might be plotting to kidnap her, using her for leverage against her family.
With sudden alarm, she realized that Athrun's apparent trust might have something to do with Nicol Alexandre. Did he even know about their son? His son? Though he hadn't mentioned Nicol Alexandre, this might be part of a plot to steal her child. So many devious possibilities lay beneath the surface. As a daughter of the Hibiki family, she learned to navigate the twists and turns of the criminal mind. She must always beware of murky deceptions.
And yet, as she had stated, Cagalli Hibiki was dead. She was Yula Attha, a law-abiding citizen who expected honesty.
She looked at Athrun again. Frankly, she demanded, "Why should I come to this place? Why should I believe a single word you've told me?"
An infinitesimal twitch at the corner of his left eye was the only warning before Athrun closed the space between them with a few quick strides. His arms surrounded her. His mouth slanted across hers.
Furiously, she fought his kiss. She twisted her body, but his strength was too great. He held her even more tightly. Cagalli wrenched back her head and prepared to scream at him.
"Trust me," he whispered.
His emerald eyes shone with mesmerizing light. He was the man she had dreamed about, night after lonely night, the only man who had ever touched her soul. Someone help her, she wanted his kiss. With every fiber of her being, she yearned for him.
He held her nape gently. His lips pressed against hers. Her resistance ebbed, swift as the retreating surf across smooth, shimmering sands. Her eyelids closed in a swoon. Lifted beyond reality into a netherworld, she welcomed the flow of passion through her veins, awakening dormant sensation. Her arms clung to him. She kissed back, releasing years of longing.
He was alive and in her arms. She treasured this precious moment.
He ended their kiss and stepped away from her. Silent as a shadow, he went through the door and closed it behind him.
Cagalli was left wondering if this meeting had really happened. Her fingertips touched her moist lips where the taste of Athrun still lingered. She had to see him again. Slipping the card with the name of the motel into her pocket, she went to the door and prepared herself to face her brother's funeral.
Outside, at the end of the first hallway, Ms. Murrue stood waiting. "Are you all right?" she asked.
Cagalli nodded. "How did you come to be friendly with Athrun Zala?"
"Like you, I first knew him as Alex Dino. When you two started seeing each other, he came to me for advice."
"Why?" She was curious.
"Well, he couldn't very well talk to your grandfather. Ulen Hibiki had let it be known that you were off-limits."
Cagalli was well aware of her grandfather's decree. Most men ran in terror when they learned her name was Hibiki. But not Athrun. He hadn't pursued her, but he certainly hadn't pushed her away. "He told you about our relationship?"
"Remember, that both of you were very young. Only nineteen. Only a year out of high school. And he was one of your grandfather's men. He didn't want to take advantage."
"What did you tell him?"
"The truth," said Ms. Murrue. "You had to grow up more quickly than most girls. In your nineteen years, you'd experienced more than your share of sorrow and responsibility. I assured him that you were capable of making your own decisions and taking care of yourself."
"You were correct."
Sometimes, Cagalli thought she'd been born an adult. She'd met Alex, now known as Athrun, with her eyes wide open and would never regret their earth-shaking nights of passion. She wasn't sorry for moments that felt so right, lovemaking that brought her a son, Nicol Alexandre, the light of her life.
"Now, you have another decision," Ms. Murrue said. Her tone was brisk, almost businesslike. "Your grandmother is here. She's alone in an anteroom with the coffin. Do you want to go there?"
"Yes." She answered without hesitation. Cagalli owed her escape to Grandmother Via.
Once again, Ms. Murrue showed her to a closed door and stationed herself outside. "I'll make sure no one bothers you."
Cagalli stepped inside. The air was redolent with the mysterious scents of flowers. Beside the casket was a gray-haired woman whose head is dropped yet in a graceful manner. Her eyes closed. With a small hand, she caressed the gleaming coffin.
"Grandmother," Cagalli called.
Via rose slowly to her feet. Sorrow kept the smile from her grandmother's face nevertheless she held herself erect. A proud woman, much stronger than anyone expected, Via had learned to cope with tragedy. "Come."
Cagalli stepped forward. There would be no embrace. No show of emotion. The women of Hibiki accepted their fate without weeping.
Via took both of Cagalli's hands and squeezed hard before nodding toward the coffin. "Say goodbye to your brother."
Drawing from her grandmother's dignified example, Cagalli straightened her shoulders. Woodenly, she moved to the open top of the coffin. Kira's eyes were closed. His cheeks, sunken. His skin was colored by an unnatural pallor. Cagalli barely recognized the grown man. Instead, she saw a brown haired boy, her older brother, who had defended her on the asphalt playground outside Archangel Academy after their mother passed away. The other kids had taunted that her mother deserved to die, that all Hibiki were poison, especially her. Poison Cagalli, poison lily. With his fists and supposedly long but unfortunately had run out patience, Kira made it clear that anybody who messed with his sister would face his wrath.
Although he doesn't always show it, Kira had always acted as her protector. When she needed him, he was there for her… except at the very end of their time together when she left the family to have her baby. Kira would never have understood why she needed to escape the clutches of the Hibiki. Family was everything to him. Above all, he was loyal, and that loyalty had killed him.
Cagalli fought the hot tears that threatened to spill from her eyes and moisten Kira's crisp white shirt. Her skin felt hot, flushed with the effort of self-control. "Oh Kira, you could have been so much more," she whispered silently.
She placed a final kiss on his cold cheek and stepped away from the coffin to face her grandmother.
"He had no children," Via said. "His wife was barren."
Cagalli nodded. In frequent letters from Via delivered to the anonymous post office box, her grandmother had made clear her disappointment with Kira's wife, Flay Allster, a beautiful but annoying twit who was not worthy of the family name. Secretly, Cagalli suspected that Kira's wife was infertile by choice and not ready to give up the flashy nightlife for the role of motherhood.
She reached into the pocket of her skirt and pulled out two snapshots, her latest pictures of Nicol Alexandre. "These are for you."
As she gazed at the photographs, Via's lips almost smiled. "Such a handsome boy."
"And he's doing well in school. All A's in his report card even if he was accelerated to grade 1 which is too early for his age."
"What about sports?"
"He took swimming and now he's learning to play soccer. He's a forward." She glanced back at the coffin. "Like Kira."
"You've done a good job," her grandmother said. "You were right to leave Mendel Colony, to protect your child. But now, things have changed."
"What do you mean?"
"Kira is dead," she said simply. "Your son, Nicol Alexandre, is the only male heir."
"Heir to what?" A shiver chased down Cagalli's spine. Apprehensively, she watched the hint of a mile fall from her grandmother's face. "What are you telling me?"
Via said, "I'm sorry."
A small rear door swung open. Ulen Hibiki strode into the anteroom. Though in his early seventies, his fierce strength remained undiminished. With broad shoulders thrown back, he looked like he could wrestle a lion. His thick white mane bristled with energy. He stood before her, blocking any chance of escape.
He didn't bother to say hello or welcome back. His mouth barely moved as he issued his implacable proclamation.
"I want the boy."