Disclaimer: All original characters belong to SM
A/N: I have posted a pic of how I picture Jared on my profile , just picture him looking older and a bit darker but I thought this face was perfect it has all the right angles along with Hanna (a new character), Katy and Jared's sister so take a look. I will try to add some more character photo's as the story goes along or scenery of Lapush and stuff. I really wanted to find a character photo of Eros but I couldn't find anything that was acceptable she's cute but not gorgeous. I will also try adding character outfits to show you what their basic style of dress is. Also as always please review and let me know what you think. At this point I'm not entirely sure where I'm taking this story. So if you have ideas of where you'd like to see it go or things you would like to see happen please share and I will definitely consider them or try and work them into the story somehow Last but certainly not least,
Thanxs to
Angelikmely
Clearliquicrytal
BabeBoAngel
And especially
Mango
For reviewing I really appreciated it!!
And all those who added me to their alerts and favs – which is why this next chapter is up so soon!
Artis (are-teese)
Jael (Jay-L)
Jaidon (Jay-done)
Katy(Cat-ee)
Chapter 2
I looked up; Jared was standing at Mr. Lucwen's desk holding the packet, receiving last minute instructions.
I lowered my head and took a deep breath. I could not believe this was happening.
Jared….Jared….Jared
I could not believe….ANYTHING! I could not believe he was talking to me, smiling at me. What, had his personality decided to do a three-sixty in the last three weeks? Where had he been?
I put my hand on my forehead. I was seriously starting to get a slight stress headache. My brain was trying to move to fast, trying to take it all in. I was thinking too much, I had to calm down. I decided to shelve it until later.
I decided I was probably overreacting. I looked up, Jared was still standing by the desk he seemed anxious and slightly annoyed as Mr. Lucwen handed Jared another folder similar to the one Mr. Gellner had laid on his desk in Ancient Lit. He looked back at me and I couldn't control the slight smile that came to my face. He smiled back and then turned his attention back to Mr. Lucwen.
That's when it occurred to me. I was totally over analyzing everything Jared was doing! I REALLY WAS CRAZY! Putting emotions and feeling into the looks he was giving me. Things, if I was being honest with myself, I desperately wanted to see, but wanting did not bring fantasy to reality.
Of course he was being nice, of course he was smiling at me, of course he was friendly. For god sake KIM!
He was like that with everyone. Wasn't he? The only difference was that usually when he acted like that they weren't some obsessed love crazed groupie.
I felt so stupid, silly, and foolish, but grateful at the same time. He'd talked to me, he wanted to be my partner which meant he didn't hate me and if he wanted to be my friend, that was fine by me. I smiled slightly at and shook my head. Yeesh I was acting as bad as Eros, getting my hopes up.
Eros!
At that thought my head whipped around looking behind me. Not bothering to contemplate what would happen, what I would say, or how I'd explain my inexplicable behavior. She was not there. Her usual lab partner Jamie Spenera was there but she was sitting with another girl, what I assumed was her partner for our joint project.
I looked around before I spotted her almost all the way up near the front sitting at a table with Sean, Ben's best friend. She wasn't looking at me, thankfully. I couldn't read her face though she just appeared to be looking through the text with Sean. Obviously trying to decide on an animal for their project.
My thoughts of guilt quickly disappeared, with the return of Jared. I looked up at him as he sat down giving me a slight smile. I almost returned his smile full force, but caught myself at the last minute and returned a polite yet uninterested smile instead.
Finally a bit of control, way to go Kim!
He frowned at me leaning slightly closer."What's wrong?"
The tone of his voice took me by surprise almost as much as his question. How had he noticed that? I could feel my face; feel that my expression was dead on. I was pulling off some of my best work here! His voice was soft and honestly…..caring. Which surprised me.
"N-nothing." I bit my lip. Ok that was so not even remotely convincing but He'd caught me off guard.
He opened his mouth as if to refute my answer. I panicked. It wasn't all due to the fact that he'd noticed my disappointment in my inability to control my imagination, or my worry over the fact that I'd probably inadvertently hurt Eros. No, I was terrified that if he asked me again I would tell him. It had seriously taken a good deal of will power, much more than it should have, to lie and tell him nothing was wrong. It was almost instinct to tell him the truth.
What the hell!
Luckily for me he seemed to see the fear in my expression and backed off. For which I would be eternally grateful. Since I seemed to have lost the ability to not only act well, but keep my big, fat, stupid mouth shut. Talk about your verbal diarrhea,
He gave me one last unsure smile, which I tried to return and failed miserably.
He took the packet and begin taking out its contents. He set them on the table between us and then moved his chair slightly closer.
My heart rate sped up. His eyes flickered to me then back to the papers almost too fast for me to follow. Almost as if he'd heard my heart rate increase as his proximity had. Thankfully human ears were not that sensitive.
"Ok," he said looking seriously at the paper. "He's given us a syllabus for the project with instructions, the yellow paper has to be filled out and given to him before we leave the class today, and the two white sheets are for us."
I loved the sound of his voice. I honestly think I could sit and listen to him read from the dictionary and be completely enthralled. Pathetic!
It was amazing…..absolutely amazing that part of my brain could be studying him so intently. While the other part could still pay attention to what he was saying. He was so….amazing to watch especially when he was concentrating, since it meant the chances of him catching me staring, like the fool I was, greatly decreased.
He leaned back on his chair and smiled at me. "So how's your writing?"
"Um…" I bit my lip
He smiled even wider
"What?" I asked smiling
He chuckled slightly and it felt like an excess of heat and blood had rushed into my chest making it a bit too tight.
"You're going to chew through your lip if you keep doing that." He said nodding at my mouth
SHIT! How many times has he noticed that?
I quickly released my lip and changed the subject.
"My writing?"
"Yea, mine is horrible."
"It's pretty good….now."
"Now?" he said his brow slightly furrowing. He looked adorable
I laughed at that thought and ran my fingers through my hair. He tensed when I did that. I looked up at him but his face revealed nothing. I decided to ignore it.
What had I been about to say? Oh right!
"Aahh…yea when I was about nine my writing was horrible; some kid saw it and made fun of me. So I got my feelings all hurt and didn't want to write anymore..."
"Who was the kid?" The tone of his voice caused me to look up at him, which I had been trying not to do since it made me feel….to full, to complete. It made me feel off balance.
His face was serious and slightly….Angry? Was he actually mad about the fact that some kid had hurt my feeling over eight years ago? The thought made me giggle slightly. Especially since that kid was him. I laughed again. He probably didn't even remember.
"What?" I looked up at him my eyes locking with his
"Nothing." I said "So anyways, my mom took calligraphy when she was in college, and still has this impeccable penmanship that looks like something out of a Jane Austen movie. So she offered to work with me." Why was I telling him this stupid story!
I looked up at him trying to decipher just how much I was boring him.
His expression was not what I expected. He seemed completely captivated, his stare intent taking in every word I was saying. I quickly turned back to the papers on the table before my imagination could pull any more ridiculous notions from one simple expression.
I looked over the sheets of paper then handed him one of the white sheets of paper and went to work filling out the yellow sheet.
"So basically," I said "We just have to put our names and the subject of our paper on this yellow sheet and then hand it in. The paper itself is due in three weeks." I said looking over the syllabus.
"If were unhappy with our partner we have till Friday to file a complaint…" I trailed off feeling the heat on my face again.
I looked up at Jared and my breath caught. He was staring at me with the sweetest expression on his face. I felt my heart throb, a seriously felt teary. This was so stupid! I never cried. Was I honestly imaging all this, seeing things and making interpretations on his facial expressions that were exaggerated and simply not there?
I turned back to the desk, I felt like I was trembling slightly, like when you get off a roller coaster or at the end of a haunted house and the rush of adrenaline is making you feel all wobbly and slightly disjointed.
"So," I said my voice slightly shaking. "I guess the first thing to do is pick our subject." I grabbed my text book and set to work.
Throughout the rest of the class it was comfortable. We worked together making small talk, although it seemed like more than that. We discussed movies, school, and music. Jumping from topic to topic. It was relaxed and comfortable, and yet soooo not comfortable and relaxing.
Intense yet relaxing which is odd in itself. Odder still was the fact that I kept trying to stop talking so much, but Jared kept pulling me back into talking. He would skip around from subject to subject asking me question until hitting on something that I was passionate about. Seeming to sense that I wouldn't be able to give a short or one word answer on the subject.
I would have been even more embarrassed and felt even more foolish if it weren't for the fact that every time I looked up at him, he seemed too engrossed and captivated by every little thing I was saying. Which would have been even nicer and more flattering if it weren't for the fact that I so desperately wanted to hear him talk, hear more about HIM. Hear the sound of his wonderful voice while enjoying the way it made me feel safe and secure.
I finally succeeded when there was a little less than twenty minutes left in the class and we had finished filling out our forms, deciding on a subject, and deciding on who would do what. That was the part I was most satisfied with.
Mr. Lucwen had made it so that if we wanted to we barely had to communicate with each other to do this joint project. You could divide the paper into sections, giving each person the parts they would do and then writing it on the white sheets of paper we had been given. Then each person could do the research on his or her own and write their part of the paper and then meet up and put it together. Meaning the amount of hours you would need to spend together to complete this project would be relatively few.
Jared, however had decided that this was not quite acceptable, and that we would need to collaborate more, and do our research and parts together, just so there wasn't any mix-ups or misunderstandings.
This shocked the hell out of me, but I wasn't complaining. I honestly felt like squirming like a little happy puppy at the thought of all the time this would require us to spend together. Pathetic!
The bell rang. I stood collecting my things, unable to help the slight smile on my lips from my Jared contact high. I expected him to leave as soon as he had gathered his things since I was handing our yellow sheet in, but he didn't. When I looked up he smiled at me standing there waiting it seemed, for me?
Kaitlyn was in this class, as I glanced around the room she caught my eye. She was standing collecting her stuff facing me she gave me a slightly bewildered and angry expression before turning and marching our of the class room none too pleased. Perfect.
I didn't miss who was standing slightly behind her off to my right collecting her things; I decided not to look directly at her just in case she was looking at me.
I finished gathering my thing Mr. Lucwen was coming down the row collecting papers I handed ours to him and turned unsure what to do, Jared stepped aside to let me pass smiling at me, I gave him a slight smile and moved toward the door.
At that moment Paul passed him giving him an amused and slightly exasperated look and shook his head. Jared just gave him a smug smile and shrugged his shoulders.
It was odd they seemed close, like brothers or something. Which was fine of course. FINE IF THEY HAD, IN THE LAST ELEVEN YEARS WE HAD GONE TO THIS SCHOOL SAID AT LEAST TWO WORDS TO EACH OTHER.
When I got out of the class room I moved out of the door way and slightly to the left unsure of what to do.
"What's your next class?" I looked up at him he seemed hopeful.
"Art." I said he seemed slightly disappointed then his face lit up a bit, like something amazing had just occurred to him.
"You like to draw?" his tone was slightly awed.
"Yea. I love to draw."
"Cool" he said. "I have English, opposite way so I'll see yea." He said sounding slightly disappointed again
I smiled. "Bye. See ya later."
He turned then heading to his next class but he stopped abruptly almost jerking back his hand went to his chest rubbing slightly where his heart was.
I took a step toward him. "Are you okay?"
He looked down at me, a slightly confused expression on his face. Then he laughed slightly as if realizing something
"Yea, fine." He laughed again and shook his head. "Great actually."
He winked at me. "I'll catch ya later." Turning down the hall heading for his next class
I was so very thankful that when he winked at me I had been so close to the wall, with my hand on it. Firstly so I did not fall over and secondly so that I was able to cover my going weak in the knees and nearly falling over as simply leaning against the wall. I really hoped I had fooled him but somehow I sincerely doubted it.
Sean walked out of the class room then, glancing at me oddly. I turned quickly heading to my next class
I was so glad the day was over and yet dreading the fact that it was. Why was I always in the middle of a conundrum?
I was glad it was over because all I wanted to do was make it to the safety of my home and think over all that had happened today. The day felt like it had lasted for weeks. So much had happened.
I was dreading it because I was going to see Eros. What was I suppose to say. I reasoned to myself that there was nothing to say. Nothing had happened. It wasn't like he had asked me out or anything. I snorted at myself. As if!
My heart stopped as Eros slide through the crowd coming to walk beside me. It had completely slipped my mind that we always met at this intersection on Monday's because I usually had Art, and she had Ancient Lit.
"Hey." I said as casually as I could manage. I had no idea what else to say. What could I say?
We were silent until we reached our lockers. We opened them grabbing what we needed, returning what we didn't. She finished first and turned to me. Here it comes. I took a deep breath
"Are you still coming over today?" I looked at her, confused.
"You were going to help me and Hanna with our art projects for Mr. Hall's class?"
Shit! I'd completely forgotten about that, but considering the events of today I think I could be forgiven.
Mr. Hall was a great art teacher and very interesting, but he had a habit of picking difficult and challenging art projects for us to do and since I had inherited my mother's artistic talent and got A's in his class I'd volunteered to help Eros, Hanna had heard us at lunch and asked if she could join. I didn't mind I wasn't close to her at all, no fault of hers. She was one of those generally nice people who had a bit of a bite to her she was pretty cool but she was still just a filler friend, my own fault.
"Oh yea, that's fine. It just slipped my mind." I said "Your house right?"
"Yea, Hanna has a different bus, so she's getting dropped off and then she's going to borrow her mom's car and meet us there."
"Ok. That's fine." I said. She was making me nervous her voice was normal but it sounded slightly controlled and her expression was slightly off I knew Eros, she was waiting for a private moment. Knowing she wouldn't get anything out of me surrounded by people.
"I'll go straight to your house I…." I trailed off. I had finished putting my stuff away and closed my locker glancing up at her, but her expression had stopped me. Her gaze was slightly above my head and off to my left.
I turned around and took a step back slightly.
"Jared!" I said my tone a little too excited. DAMN HIM!
H e smiled, a huge grin breaking across his face. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. This was a huge change from his demeanor this morning.
Eros spoke behind me. 'I'll meet you at the bus." Her voice completely level.
I turned to her to say ok but she had already turned heading for Sean, Hanna, and Ben who were standing by some lockers watching us. I am a traitorous bitch!
I turned back to Jared and managed a shaky smile.
"Are you okay?" he asked glancing in the direction Eros had gone.
"Fine." I said "What did you want?" I said I little sharper than I had intended.
He looked slightly taken aback but more hurt, almost as if wondering what he had done, he looked at me seeming to search for the answer in my eyes. My stomach clenched as I saw the slight hurt look on his face that disappeared as quickly as it came. It was like it physically hurt me to see him hurt.
I am such a FREAK.
"I'm sorry Jared." I said reaching out to touch his arm, but I caught myself and quickly pulled it back.
I looked down at my shoes. "I was mad at myself, not at you." I looked back up at him
He had this slightly awed expression on his face.
"What?" I asked smiling, his expressions were always surprising me, always unexpected and while it seemed that with Jared it was always easy to read his expression I couldn't begin to fathom the reason behind them. They made absolutely no sense to me.
"That's the first time you've ever said my name." He said still sounding slightly awed as if he'd just made some life altering discovery.
I was….slightly stunned. An "Oh" was all I could manage
He shrugged and shook his head as if he was confused himself "I just liked how it sounded."
I blushed. I looked back up at him. Now he seemed slightly worried about my reaction to what he had just said. I smiled at him and the worry disappeared.
We stood staring at each other for a bit until I realized that he'd come over for a purpose.
"You were going to ask me something?" I said
He blinked. 'Oh right." He laughed. "I was going to ask if you wanted to come over and start working on the project."
I laughed "Anxious to get to it uh." I marveled at how natural it sounded. How natural it felt, considering who it was I was making small talk with, not to mention the fact that Jared…JARED!!!! Had just asked me if I'd like to come over his house, ok it was for our science project, but still. I was about to follow it up with a sure. When the rational part of my mind decided to kick me in the ass and remind me that I had a prior commitment.
"I can't" I cringed at the regret in my tone and hoped that he hadn't noticed it. I looked up, hoping he wasn't too disappointed. I checked myself. He would not be disappointed by the simple fact that I could not spend the afternoon with him. No, that ball was completely in my court
I was right he didn't look disappointed; he looked slightly confused he studied my eyes. I wanted to look away but I couldn't he stepped closer to me.
"Well, can I give you ride home?"
My heart skipped a beat. I resisted the urge to wince. "No," I said studying his face.
He took a step back giving me the slightest of crooked smiles. "Oh, Okay." He said lightly but it did nothing to disguise the hurt in his eyes. My stomach clinched, again. I was being ridiculous seeing what I wanted to see. Wasn't I?
My intuition flared.
He thought I didn't want to be around him, he was respecting my decision, making it easy for me, by trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal, like he was okay with it, but why? It made no sense. I decided to quickly correct his misconception.
"I would love to but I'm going to Eros's house when I leave here, not home."
"Oh," He said his mood lightened.
"I could still drop you." He said hopefully
I smiled at that. "Really you don't have to its fine."
"I want to." He said as if confused as to why I would think he would do it out of obligation and not out of want.
"Please." He said softly
He said it so fervently. How the hell am I suppose to say no to that face, that voice? If anyone has an answer please tell me.
I am completely and utterly convinced that anytime you ask yourself how your suppose to say no to a guy your attracted to or seeing you are in deep shit!!
"Ok." I said
He breathed an audible sigh and I laughed. I know it sounds bad but Eros did not even enter my mind until we turned to head for the main doors and I realized she was no longer standing there. That's when I realized the hallways were completely empty.
As we exited the building I saw that the buses had already left. Jared laughed.
"Looks like you didn't really have a choice anyways."
"I don't mind." I said
His smirk broke into a full grin then. I felt my heart squeeze.
Note to self: check with doctor to see if erratic heart behavior can be dangerous to health
We reached Jared's car and he clicked the locks. I reached for the door handle but he beat me to it opening the door for me.
I looked up at him a little shocked but then smiled and slide into the car. No one had ever done that for me, I mean my dad didn't even do that for my mom.
Jared's car was nice, black and silver with black leather interior. He turned the car on and some loud heavy metal song came on saying something about "I'm an animal." He turned it down
"Who is that?" I asked
"W.A.S.P.." he said
"WASP?" I said raising an eyebrow at him.
"They're classically awesome." He said
I burst out laughing at that. 'Classically awesome?" I said trying not to laugh
"You heard me." He said looking over seriously.
I laughed again. "What song was that?"
He was silent for a minute, the laughed. "Fuck like a beast." He said laughing again. I seemed to be missing some inside joke.
Now I'm not sure why (yea right!) or what it was exactly about hearing the word "Fuck" come out of Jared's mouth, but it definitely made my insides squirm slightly.
Jared picked up the conversation where we'd left it in Biology but I quickly changed it back to things he liked to get him talking asking about his older brother and his sister who I knew very little about. I only knew that is brother, Jaiden was at college all the way in L.A., was twenty years old, hadn't been home in over a year, and although they were close in age they were not close. I knew his sister Jael mostly by reputation only but I'd seen her a few times she was gorgeous just like Jared, 15 and occasionally hung out with Katy, Mallory and the rest of the girls that Jared hang around apparently Katy was very close to her.
"So, do you miss your brother?" I asked
"No." was all he said
"What's your mom's name?" I asked
He looked over at me smiling. "Why?"
"Just wondering, she reminds me a lot of you."
He smiled at me an odd expression on his face. "Jerusha." He said
"That's a unique name. Was it her idea to give you all J' names?"
He rolled his eyes. "Yes."
I laughed at his expression
"I think it's kind of corny." He said. I shrugged
He looked at me skeptically. 'Admit it." He said "It's kind of corny."
"Yea," I said "Alright it's kind of corny." I laughed
"What's your Dad's name?"
"Vail."
"How do you spell that?"
"V-A-I-L, but the I is silent so it sounds like veil."
"Are you close with him?" I asked
"No. he died when I was eleven."
I didn't know what to say. Why didn't I know this! I thought I'd seen him with his dad.
"Philip is NOT my father." He said it in a way that made it clear.
"You don't like him."
"I don't hate him, he treats us good and everything…..I just…"
"He's NOT your dad." I said
"Exactly, my dad…" he paused. I was unsure whether or not I should change the subject. It seemed a bit hard for him
"My dad was…..different. I don't know how to explain it. He was awesome though. He just had that way of making everything ok, making you feel….loved.
"I know the feeling." I said looking down at my hands. Apparently Jared had inherited that talent from his father. "How did he…" me and my big stupid mouth!
"Die." Jared finished
"Sorry." I mumbled "You don't have to talk about this with me if you don't want to."
"It's fine. I actually don't mind. Surprisingly."
"Surprisingly?"
"I don't talk about my father. I just don't, usually, but with you it's easy." He smiled over at me.
"Good." I said
"He had a brain aneurism. My mom came home and found him slumped over the table. They said he died instantly. My mom stayed in bed for months and then one day we came home….and the house was spotless, but it was months before she talked. And sometimes I'd wake up at night and hear her sobbing or she'd wake up screaming. She really loved him. They loved each other a lot". He laughed. "It was kind of gross sometimes I'd come home and catch them making out on the couch or in the kitchen. "He laughed
"A little over a year later she met and married Phil. I….she…likes him, loves him I guess, but nowhere near how she loved my father."
"So none of you are his?"
He shook his head. "No."
"And your last name?"
" Brummett is not my last name. She changed it without asking us. I was so mad when I found out I threw a huge tantrum, didn't speak to her for months, apparently Phil…wanted it….so." he said with a shrug.
"But when I turn eighteen, I'm changing it back immediately."
"What was your last name?" I said. It kind of irked me that I didn't know Jared's real name.
"Artis." He said.
"Why'd she….marry him if she didn't feel nearly what she'd felt for your father?"
"Because…so we could have the life we have, I think that's a big part of it. And she liked him enough to marry him and be reasonably happy. My father wasn't rich he was just….normal."
"That's why you're so close to your mom." I said
"Yea." I studied him carefully making sure I wasn't making him uncomfortable. "That and I remind her a lot of my dad. I look more like her, but apparently I act a lot like him."
"What does your… Phil do?" I ask
"Market Analyst, he travel a lot. Why all the questions?" he asked
"Do my questions bother you? Right here this one on the right." I said pointing to Eros's house
I wondered if she was here already I looked at my watch, I doubted it but she would be here soon, I really hoped Jared was gone by then.
I removed my seat belt. He put it in park and turned to me and smiled then he reached over I resisted the urge to cringe away from his touch. I wanted it so badly but I was afraid of how much I would feel. I was pretty sure my heart at been through enough today.
He simply brushed my hair back behind my ear revealing more of my face, but his finger lingered in my hair resting against my neck, his skin was so warm, no hot was a better word, it was so hot in fact that the heat of it seemed to seep into my skin and move outwards. It was an odd feeling, but nice, my breathing picked up, my heart, thankfully didn't race or squeeze but simply picked up the beat a bit pushing against my chest. I studied his face. It was smooth as he studied me staring at my hair. His gaze slid over slightly to the right resting on my throat his lips parted and his eyes slightly narrowed, his breathing picked up, he moved his gaze upward slowly, resting on every part of my face, when he got to my lips his breathing slightly hitched, before his gaze continued, he met my eyes and sighed.
"I find you…….so beautiful."
I blinked…….hard! Shocked
Did he just say what I think he just said!
He said it so honestly, passionately, and unabashedly that I had only one reply.
"Are you messing with me?"
He looked at me like I was the one who was crazy.
He shook his head slowly. 'No, no I wouldn't do that."
I believed him but I was still confused. He smiled at me. I gave him a slight smile then looked out the window trying to bring my emotions under control.
"And no to your other question." I turned to look at him
"No, your questions don't bother me. I was just wondering why you were asking them."
"I…I'm just curious about you."
He let out a small laugh, "You're much more intriguing then I am."
"You're wrong." I said shaking my head "I'm not that complicated, I can assure you."
He laughed "You are, you're always in your own world, it's like nothing really touches you. Even when you talk to people it's like you're not really there, I always wondered why that was.
My mouth fell open I was dumbfounded, baffled, and a bit excited
He noticed me! When?
I desperately wanted to ask him. I had always been under the impression he didn't know I existed. That was until I found out on that fateful day that he actually knew my name, but never did it even enter my thoughts that he might have noticed me or even contemplated my existence, but before I could ask he spoke.
"So what are you doing after school tomorrow?"
"Nothing." I said he turned at the sound of my voice. I was still awed by his confession. He studied my expression for a minute before continuing.
"Can…can we get together tomorrow after school to work on the project?" I smiled he sounded nervous as if he was afraid I would say no. That definitely wasn't going to happen, not after the things he'd said.
Your beautiful? OH MY GOD!!!
"Sure." I felt utterly stupid but I just couldn't help the big grin that spread across my face.
"Is it okay if we do it at my house?" Ok now I was a bit nervous, did I really fit in at his houses?"
"My mom is expecting a delivery and I promised her I would go straight home." He said
"Yea sure that's fine."
He sighed looking out the windshield then looked back over at me smiling. "I should let you go, it's getting late and you have things to do." He sounded disappointed, so was I.
"Yea." I said I grabbed my bag and reached for the handle. "I'll see you tomorrow." I opened the door
"Kim?" he said my heart gave its all too familiar-not so little squeeze at the sound of my name on his lips. My name had never sounded like that before, never!
"Yeah?"
"Do you want I ride to school tomorrow?"
Sweet Mary mother of God!
YES! Was so on the tip of my tongue, but I stifled it, remembering whose house it was that I was sitting in front of.
My shoulders slumped, "I can't, sorry. I really am." I said "but my friend hates to ride the bus same as me and I'm not sure she'd forgive me if I abandoned her twice." Especially since she's practically in love with you. I silently added
I looked at him but he didn't appear upset, he smiled "I understand." He said
"Bye." I said
"See you tomorrow." I shut the door and headed for the front porch, turning as he drove away.
I stood on the porch and rang the bell and took a deep breath praying that Eros wasn't already home since I'd been sitting in her driveway for how long?
Sure enough Hanna answered the door. She gave me an odd almost knowing smile
"We're in the dining room come on in." She said holding the door open for me. I gave her a small smile, the most I could manage. Now that Jared was no longer present. My brain was clearing, my rational was returning, along with my memory, and nerves. Mind racing, check. Heart rate out of control, yep!
I made my way into the dining room. Eros was sitting at the head of the table, Hanna's stuff was spread out across from me, I set my bag on the table and begin pulling my books out since Eros and I were suppose to work on homework after this.
Eros looked up at me but didn't smile, she simply launched into the project, her ideas, and how far she'd gotten, then Hanna went into hers comparing and contrasting. I gave pointers looking over what they had done, going through the project syllabus. After a bit Eros headed to the kitchen asking us if we wanted anything. Hanna opted for a coke and some chips. I declined, I was too nervous to eat anything, my stomach was in knots.
Eros disappeared down the hall heading toward the kitchen. I let out a slight sigh. I wondered how bad this was going to be. She was waiting for Hanna to leave which would be soon.
I looked across the table to find Hanna looking at me with a slight smile on her face. What did she know?
"What?" I asked my voice was steady. Of course now my emotions decide to be controllable.
'Congratulations." She said with a slight laugh. I would have been insulted or even pissed but her tone wasn't mocking. She sounded like….like she meant it.
I opened my mouth to respond but nothing came out, I didn't know what to say.
"It's about time. You've liked him for…what's it been about four years now."
I opened my mouth, then closed it, the opened it again, this time managing to squeak out a small "How." I shook my head unable to know what to say.
She rolled her eyes then shrugged her shoulder. "Pa=lease," she shook her head. "A blind man could see the way you practically try to disappear whenever he get's within ten feet of you. I don't know how no one else seems to notice. Not trying to be rude, but your misery was pretty damn funny at times." She said laughing.
I frowned at that. I thought I was being very coy, no one else noticed.
She seemed to know what I was thinking "I know," she said shrugging again "You're usually good, it's usually hard to know what your opinion is on something unless you decide to voice it, and anyhow I noticed him looking at you to." She said
My eyes widened at that statement. She held up her hand as if to stop with me.
"It never really seemed like that." She said "More like curiosity then interest." She shrugged again
"Who can say, boys are weird."
A small "Definitely." Was all I could manage.
Eros came back with the snacks at that point and we continued on
About fifteen minutes later we had finished with the art and were starting on our other homework.
Hanna took a look at her watch and then stood up collecting her things, I better get home, thanks for the help K.. She paused then.
"Do you want a ride? It's on my way."
I knew what she was doing, giving me an escape. I so wanted to take it, but I was not a coward and Eros deserved to talk to me, it was the very least I could do.
I smiled up at her, 'Thanks." I said "but my mom's picking me up on her way home"
She took one last look at me. "Okay, see ya guys tomorrow."
"Bye." Eros said
The door closed and I braced myself, but nothing came. Eros simply returned back to her homework.
About a half hour later my phone range. It was my mom. I flipped it open
"Hey mom,"
"He sweetie, I'm about twenty minutes out. I'm I still picking you up at Eros's?"
"Yep, I'm here." Missing Jared, missing his smile, missing his voice, missing his amazing smell, missing…him.
"Alright." She said "See ya in a bit."
I hung up the phone and begin collecting my stuff.
"Are you going to say anything?" Eros said in low hard tone causing me to jump
I turned to look at her. We looked at each other for a minute before I sighed and rubbed my hand over me face.
"What would you like me to say?" I said my voice slightly higher then normal, it almost sounded like I was crying but I wasn't. I felt so guilty and yet my guilt felt disconnected. What made me feel even worse was the fact that when I had been with Jared I had barley even considered Eros. All my attention had been completely on him and even now, thinking about him kind of pushed my guilt to the side.
"Well for one thing," she said slightly whispering as she leaned forward sounding like she was about to cry. "I'd like an explanation of just what the hell happened today! What the hell Kim!"
I put my hand to my mouth and took a deep breath and then laid it on the table. "I don't know what to say." I said a bit breathlessly.
She gave me a hard long look. 'That's…..NOT GOOD ENOUGH KIM!"
She was right. I owed her more than that.
"Okay." I said holding my hands up.
"I'm not sure I can explain it…."
"Well you had better damn well try."
"It was like….like.."
"Do you like him?" she asked in a small, angry, slightly anxious voice.
I nodded
She stood up leaning over the table "How COULD YOU? You know I've been in love with him for like……..like over a year Kim!
She sat back down in her chair shaking her head at me. "I can't believe you. YOU! Of all people!"
"I've liked him since eighth grade." I blurted out
"What?"
"I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed about liking someone so unattainable. I thought It would never happen so what was the point, and then…in tenth grade when you started liking him I didn't tell you. Again, because I thought it would never happen, so what was the harm if we liked the same person.
Here expression was livid.
"What do you want from me?!! I can't help the way I feel anymore than you can! I CAN'T HELP WHO I LOVE EROS I'M SORRY.
"Love uhh.." Eros said shaking her head she stood back up folding her arms.
"What do you mean, you thought would never happen?"
I looked at her. The answer should have been obvious and I knew it was she just wanted me to say it.
I stood up giving her a look.
"You think….he likes you. Like that?" she asked
"Yeah," I said in a small voice. "I think he does." I tried to keep the marvel out of my tone. I wasn't sure I succeeded
She shook her head as if unbelieving.
I was getting frustrated now. If I was in her shoes I was pretty sure I would have swallowed it and pretended, yes pretended that I was happy for her.
"What do you want from me." I said in a tired voice. "I don't know what else to say, there's nothing else I can think of to say. I've been honest with you.
"And that's suppose to make it better!?"
"Just answer the question Eros." I knew my tone was a bit bored but I couldn't help it, it had been a long and mentally exhausting day and I was ready for it to be over.
"Stay away from him!" she said as if this was the most obvious solution and she couldn't believe that I'd had the audacity not to come to this conclusion myself.
I looked up at her shocked, feeling my eyes begin to tear, all I could do was stare at her. How could she ask this of me? Could I do it? NO!!! My heart seemed to scream throbbing almost angrily in my chest taking my breath away. I rubbed at my heart and took a ragged breath. I pulled myself together and looked up at her
She seemed slightly taken aback by my behavior.
"So what happened?"
"Nothing."
She folded her arms, looking at me, disbelieving.
"I swear it!" I said. "We talked in class, he stopped me by the locker to talk about our project. I missed the bus and he offered me a ride since it was his fault. That's all"
OKAY, okay I was sugar coating. You're telling me you wouldn't?
"Really?" she cocked her head to the side meeting my eyes.
I meet them right back. I was in complete control of my emotions now….after the slight nervous breakdown.
"Yes."
"And that required…..sitting in his car for almost fifteen minutes?"
Shit! I'd forgotten about that.
I gave her a hard look and rolled my eyes. "We were discussing the paper! He was asking me questions. There was no touching or anything of that nature."
It was pretty much the truth.
"Oh." She said. "Then how come you were freaking out, acting all guilty?"
I looked at her as if the answer was so obvious. "Because…you were freaking out."
She was silent for a moment and smiled. "I guess I did. Sorry. I just thought…"
"I know, I'm sorry for not telling you about Jared."
"Its fine," she said throwing up her hands "I understand why you didn't tell me, and I mean it's not like I can blame you…I mean he is amazing." She said laughing
All I could do was nod.
"I just thought…he liked you or something and you were…I should have known better, AND NOT jumped to conclusions."
I wasn't sure if I should be insulted. She should have known better that I wasn't actively pursuing him behind her back or that he would like me.
And what the hell? Had she not just heard me say I thought he might like me and now she was brushing it all aside, not even trying to pretend to care that I was crazy about him.
It seemed like Jared was really interested. I wasn't naïve to think that he liked me as deeply or as much as I liked him. Maybe it was just idol curiosity or simple infatuation. He would, if I wanted to be perfectly honest, probably break my heat in the end. He might just be using me for a good grade, I had to admit this thought had crossed my mind several times since biology, but he was so nice. I knew better though, men could be excellent liars and manipulators when they really wanted something. It could all be an act, but the reason I was going to follow this road and see where it lead was that if I didn't I would always regret it, wondering if it had been the real thing. If he had really liked me, and I didn't think I could live with that.
I was spared from having to come up with something to say by my phone ringing. Nothing has ever sounded sweeter, except for Jared's voice.
"It's my mom." I said as I answered
"Hello"
"I'm here out front."
"I'm coming." I said I shut the phone and grabbed my bag. "I'll see you on the bus." I said. I couldn't manage a smile.
She nodded and followed me to the door.
"So…you're not going to pursue him. Are you.?
I turned to look at her. I shook my head no then decided to be honest, mostly.
"Look," I said "I'm not going to actively pursue him. We basically just…..but if he likes me I'm not sure I can…" I shook my head not sure what to even say.
"KIM…" I held up my hand.
"Please," I said "It's been a really long day. I can't discuss this now. I'm…I don't know what I'm going to do. Let's just talk tomorrow.
I heard my mom's horn beep
"I gotta go." I said
I headed for the door and opened it she grabbed the handle holding the door open for me.
"I would never do this to you." She said she said in a low, serious voice.
I turned and gave her a small smile. "Yes you would." I said nodding. "And I'd let you."
She didn't say anything I gave her another small smile.
"See you tomorrow." I said and with that I headed to my mom's car.
Finally free to think.
Jared's POV:
It was after eleven as I headed home. My mom was going to be pissed; at least she hadn't caught me sneaking out to patrol. Yet! It would be just my luck that when I start sneaking out for an honorable purpose, instead of just to party she would start checking in on me. I'd been sneaking out of the house to do….whatever since I was fourteen and I'd never gotten caught.
She was going to be so ticked, maybe she wouldn't be up, or maybe Phillip would have taken her out to dinner or something. Jael would probably be home, but she would cover for me. We always covered for each other.
The last month had been hard for my mom. She usually was easy going and let me do whatever I wanted staying out all night on weekends, but lately she'd been worried. Who could blame her? I'd changed so much, my personality, my mannerisms, and my friends. Thankfully the school board hadn't called to tell her I hadn't been to school in almost a month, thanks to the council.
I had promised her I would be home for dinner, seven sharp. But I had really needed to talk to Sam. If I had waited he'd have been pissed, who could blame him considering what had happened to his imprint.
It had been worth it though.
I would have to be careful. If I felt myself getting angry around her I couldn't stand around and try to calm down or explain myself to her. It would be better to just walk away and try to explain myself later. That was where Sam had made his mistake, trying to explain himself. I also had to be careful how far I let the relationship go before I told her what I was.
Just thinking about telling her the truth made me start to shake slightly. It terrified me. I could picture her face, horrified, disgusted, walking away from me and telling me to stay the hell away from her. Just thinking about never moving forward and getting close to her made my stomach feel like it was pushing back against my spine, a now familiar feeling
Seeing Sam's imprintation, if that's even a word, in his head had made me hope that I would never imprint. I'd thought I wouldn't because it was suppose to be rare.
Now that I had imprinted. I was ecstatic. I couldn't have imprinted on anyone better. It was incredible, and a bit terrifying the intensity of it. The way I wanted to protect her and make her happy no matter what. The territorial feelings I had when it came to her. She was so…perfect was the only word I could think of but it didn't seem to do her justice; she was so much more than just perfect. She was beautiful, in a unique and natural way. With her straight nose, high cheek bones, and full lips. Those lips! I sighed. What I would love to do with those lips. And her skin, paler then most of the girls in the school. She had a long thin physic that somehow managed to be curvy. Amazing legs from what I could see. Perfect. Her personality was even better; she was sweet, and smart yet complex. AND HER VOICE!! Her voice made my chest hurt, it was a bit deep for a girl yet soft and smooth.
My first day back.
It had been rough. My enhanced senses made everything too close, too loud, and the smell! All the different lotions, perfumes, and soaps mixing with everyone's natural sent gave me a headache and made me feel slightly nauseous. Luckily Paul and Sam had warned me about this. One of the first things I had done after becoming a werewolf, after I calmed down and managed to change back, was change the type of soap I used and get rid of all my colognes.
I loved Kim's scent I was so drawn and attuned to it that it kind of blocked out every other scent when I was with her. She wore no perfume. She only smelled of soap that smelled only clean and was slightly sweet scented. It was amazing how well I could distinguish the different smells. And her hair! God It smelled so good, like a concentrated dose of her sent, when she'd ran her hand through her hair in biology it had caused her scent to become a lot stronger for just an instant, hitting me square in the face. My instinct had been to lean over and just start sniffing her.
Somehow I doubted that would be acceptable to her. Instead I'd tensed holding my body in place. The wolf in me hadn't liked that and I'd felt a growl almost escape my throat at the lack of contact.
Emily had been thrilled wanting to hear all about her, wondering when she would get to meet her. Sam had been shocked and more than a little bit worried, but who could blame him. Paul had just been annoyed, saying and I quote "Great, now I not only have to deal with Sam's acting like a fool."
Sam had smacked him in the back of the head, causing him to start shacking and run out of the house phasing. Served him right.
Sam had given me some good pointers on how to control my more primal urges when I was with her. Like sniffing her or getting to close before she was ready. Controlling my emotions so I didn't make her feel uncomfortable. That was the hardest part.
They felt so natural.
It was hard to tell how I made her feel when I slipped up. And even when I tried to cover, I had a feeling she saw right through me.
Emily agreed with me she said that she had seen right through Sam and that the way he had acted toward her, so….intense, hadn't made her feel awkward, nervous or scared but her brain had jumped in telling her that she should be scared.
Which meant that I still needed to be careful.
My attraction to her was odd and confusing because while I wanted every inch of her so bad, to taste her scent, to be close to her. At the same time I didn't want her. I wanted to wait, to make sure she wanted me, that she wouldn't regret me.
I was happy about our project; it couldn't have come at a better time. Now I had the perfect excuse to be around her without her thinking I was stalking her or something.
I had noticed Kim before, but I wasn't sure if I was attracted to her before.
When I noticed her I had told myself that I was just curious about her because she seemed so odd, but now I wondered if I'd just told myself that because we moved in such different circles and I was too much of a coward to approach her.
She had seemed…..if I was being completely honest with myself, above me. She made me a bit nervous I had this instinct to cringe away from her. I'd never understood it. So I'd told myself it was because she was weird.
I first noticed her last year. I was standing next to my locker talking to Torren. The hallways had been packed. Everyone trying to grab their stuff, and heading for the buses.
She was walking down the hall with a guy and another girl on either side of her talking to each other. She looked so far away. Like her body was there but she wasn't. She had made it to her locker and started going through the motions of preparing to leave for the day, but her eyes were still vacant even her actions were robotic. It amazed me that she could function while her thoughts were obviously so far away. I wondered what she was thinking so hard about. Her friend had turned then speaking directly to her. She had snapped out of it then replying to the girls' questions.
As they'd turned down the hall heading for the main doors, her eyes had shuttered again even though she was talking to the girl and making conversation, she was not all there. The girl didn't seem to notice.
I'd turned to Katy then asking her who that girl was. She'd turned to see who I was talking about.
"The girl with the ponytail and the yellow shirt?" she'd asked turning to look back at me strangely. I knew what that look was for.
"Yea." I said still watching her.
"That Kim."
"She's kind of odd." I'd said with a small laugh.
"Yea she is." She'd studied my face so I'd quickly changed the subject.
That was the last time I'd ever mentioned her, but I still noticed her at least a few times a week. I soon realized that her demeanor that day was not just a onetime thing. She was often like that. Even when she laughed and talked with people she seemed slightly distant. In her own personal bubble, it was like nothing ever really touched her. I wondered how she did it and sometimes wished I could do it.
Sometimes I thought about her at the oddest moments, but the feelings were always vacant I didn't really feel any emotion or arousal when I thought about her. Her face would sometimes just pop into my head seemingly for no reason.
I found nothing particularly interesting or tantalizing about that face. I chalked it up to the fact that I'd always been interested in odd things.
I had thought about her at the worst possible moment last summer. I'd been getting a blowjob from Mallory and all of a sudden she had just popped into my mind for no reason, and out of idol curiosity I'd imagined that it was her on her knees in between my legs, but that was the first and only time I'd thought of her like that.
Today when I'd walked into my Ancient Literature class. I'd felt…almost something like a pulse. It had become stronger as I had moved towards the back of the class room. It was like being in a huge crowd of people and one person was giving off this pulse that was sending slight shockwaves through the room and only I could feel it. It was like putting my fingers to my wrist and feeling my pulse throbbing beneath my fingers, only instead of my fingers it was my whole body.
It had distracted me and I'd only been able to give the smallest of smiles to Katy. Which was pathetic since for the last three weeks her and the rest of my friends had been calling me, and I'd been ignoring them.
The class had been full by then so I couldn't exactly tell where it was coming from, since it seemed to be all around me. I'd told Paul about it after class. He'd suggested that maybe there was someone else in the room who was slightly less than human.
"Like what?" I'd asked
He'd shrugged his shoulders. "Who knows? If we exist who the hell knows what else is out there."
He had a point.
Then biology had happened.
As soon as I'd walked in the room I'd felt that pulse, that pull. I'd paused in the doorway. Then pushed myself forward heading for my seat next to Kim. It had really amused me when we'd been partnered. She was still weird though. I'd noticed that when I got close to her she almost cringed away from me, but she didn't seem as distant as she usually was. I had wondered why that was.
It had shocked me to say the least when I'd walked into my kitchen a little over a month ago to find her sitting at my counter. I had said hi to her and I'd thought my manner was friendly enough but she'd seemed distant and incredibly tense, I thought her back might snap.
As I'd headed to my seat I'd muttered under my breath to Paul that the strange feeling was here, but he'd said he hadn't felt anything
As soon as I got to my seat and set down, I knew exactly where that pulse was coming from. It made since she was a little strange after all. I'd starred at her trying to figure it out.
Imprinting had never even crossed my mind.
She'd been tense, gripping the edge of her book for dear life. Worry gripped me. Was she something that allowed her to know what I was?
She'd slowly begin to relax after a while and I begin to recognize that far away look in her eyes. Her gaze had drifted slowly over and then her eyes had met mine.
In that moment the pulsating had stopped completely. Everything stopped. I felt lighter than air no cares no worries. I cared about no one and then everything shifted, it felt long and drawn out but I knew it only took seconds. I was bound to her; I couldn't put it into words or coherent thought, only feeling.
I was hooked, linked by something invisible yet so real and tangible that it surprised me that I couldn't see and touch it.
I discovered just how real that connection was when I tried to leave her for the first time in the hallway. It was like one of those strings you pull to get a doll to talk. Only a lot strong and much more painful.
I'd begin to turn and walk away from her and it had felt like I was pulling against a strong pulley that was connected to her I'd ignored it. I'd only made it a couple of feet when it yanked on my heart as if I had stretched the steel cable as far as it could go. I'd jerked back feeling the pain and pull in my heart. It had scared me a bit until I realized it was her. I'd seen this in Sam's head before, felt these emotions.
Only it was a thousand times worse and stronger because it was actually happening to me.
I'd moved forward pulling against it terrified that it would snap. It didn't.
The feeling didn't get any worse thankfully, or any better, instead it was like it became a dull ache in the back of my mind. I hadn't realized how much it ached until I'd been near her again and felt the relief.
It was amazing how as soon as I was beside her that invisible cable, string or whatever it was. Slackened and I could physically feel it.
Sam had said it would never get easier. I would just get use to it, learn how to ignore it and just walk away.
I had been so worried when I'd imprinted on her. Would she be distant with me like she seemed to be with almost everyone? There but always distant. What if I was never able to get close to her? These thoughts had made me shake slightly and made me honestly hurt inside, my stomach pressing up against my spine. It felt like pressure on my heart, like it didn't have enough space to beat properly.
My fears had quickly disappeared though. She was so open, so there. It was like I could see right into her and every emotion she was feeling,
She didn't seem scared of me. At times I wondered if she was. When her heart rate sped up, but when I looked into her eyes I saw no fear.
I doubted myself a bit though, I wanted her to trust me, like me, and want to be around me, I'd never wanted something so bad in all my life.
It was amazing how when she was upset or angry it made me hurt and how much it worried me. It almost made me panicky.
Especially at the end of the day when I'd thought for and instant that she might just want to get away from me.
She was too funny, biting her lip when she was nervous; she didn't think she was that interesting. She amazed me. How shy she was and yet she seemed confident and sure of herself at the same time. I had a feeling that her shyness was more due to how I'd react to her then her lack of confidence in herself.
When I found out that Paul knew a little about her I'd questioned him relentlessly until he'd gotten irritated with me and told me to leave him the hell alone, and that he didn't know anything else. Emily had thought we were hilarious. Which had caused Paul to get angry again and have to run outside before he phased. I swear that boy phases at least five times a day.
I could care less if Paul was angry. I'd still managed to get quite a bit out of him.
Like the fact that Kim was an only child, her parents were still married, Her mother was a gourmet chef, her dad did something with numbers which Paul hadn't been too sure about. She had some friends but only one close friend, whose name Paul didn't know, he only knew that it was something "weird". She had only gone out with two guys, but never really dated anyone including Paul. Which made me very happy.
I arrived home and looked through the garage window, which I was now tall enough to do. Phil's car wasn't here, I was in luck. I went in and made my way to the fridge pulling out leftovers.
I heard the sound of soft footsteps coming down the stairs. I sniffed the air double checking my ears. I was correct.
Jael appeared around the corner seconds later she came over to the island and sat down folding her arms and looking at me with a smirk on her face.
I looked up from my food. Then went back to what I was doing.
She shook her head. 'You're in big trouble." She said. "Mom was so pissed you missed dinner after you promised."
"Where is she?"
"Her and Phil went out for drinks with the Larson's" she said rolling her eyes.
Phil was always socializing. My mom hated the Larson's they were Mallory's parents and really pretentious.
I heard more footsteps. I listened intently, I recognized those footsteps, I was really not in the mood for this. I was about to sniff the air then realized I couldn't do that, Jael would notice. I decided to just ask her but then realized she couldn't hear the footsteps and would find it odd that I could.
A few minutes later she rounded the corner, I smelled her before I saw her. She was wearing my favorite perfume. I hoped she wasn't wearing too much. I was enjoying my food
I liked Katy but I didn't love her, never had. Which was why we were friends…..with benefits. Well we use to be.
I really didn't want to see any of my friends or I should say ex-friends.
I couldn't be friends with them anymore because a. I would never be able to even spend time with them now that I had other more important responsibilities so what was the point, b. what if I phased in front of them revealing what I was or worse yet hurt them, what would I say oh yea I burst out of my body and sprout fur and paws no big deal, yea right, and c. the newest development, there was only one person I wanted to spend every free moment with right now and it wasn't any of them.
Of all my friends Katy was probably my closest and the one I least wanted to see, especially considering the nature of our relationship.
Sam had warned me about this part of imprinting. Paul thought it was by far the worst part and a major downside, but honestly I couldn't bring myself to care or even mind in the slightest.
I cringed I didn't really notice what Katy was wearing, I simply couldn't, but I knew that smell only meant on thing.
"Hey!" she said coming over to counter where we sat.
I smiled then returned to my plate of food. I was careful how much I ate in front of my family. I would sneak later and eat more.
The three of us stood around talking for awhile then my sister got a call and ran up to her room. My whole body tensed. I nearly breathed an audible sigh of relief when Jael called Katy saying she needed her. She gave me a slight smile then left running up the stairs.
I headed for the TV room. I spread out on the couch and turned on some sitcom but I wasn't really watching. My mind was far away on Kim. Going over the time I'd spent with her today. Going over my favorite parts again and again. Trying to remember the sound of her voice perfectly. It made the ache worse but I couldn't bring myself to care, it was worth it. I only wished I could sneak over to her house to see if I could catch a glimpse of her but I had to be here when my mom got home, she would check. Unfortunately.
I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn't hear her, I didn't even realize she was there standing behind the coach until I smelled her.
My eyes flew open.
"Shit!" I said jumping.
She covered her mouth laughing at me. "Sorry." She said." Were you sleeping?" she asked leaning against the back of the couch. To close! I felt myself growl at her and quickly turned it into a throat clear. I sat up. Moving slightly away from her.
"No. just thinking."
She came around the couch sitting next to me. I resisted the urge to move away from her. I looked up at her slowly. Her warmth and smell were to close. They made me uncomfortable. I felt bad. I couldn't help it, it'd never felt this away around her before.
She looked up at me. "Thinking about me?" Her hand came up brushing my hair back off my forehead.
It was automatic, instinctual I jerked back from her touch, scowling at her. It felt wrong for her to touch me in such away. The wolf in me was loud and insistent. I was Kim's! No one could or should touch me like that, it made my stomach roll.
She looked at me strangely, a bit hurt. I had always let her into my personal space, always let her touch me. She was my first after all. I cringed at that thought. I wish Kim could have been my first and only.
"What's the matter?"
"Sorry," I said shaking my head, "I…I'm just a little…" I shook my head again I didn't know what to say.
She put her hand on my back. I held my body still. Refusing to allow myself to cringe away from her touch.
She moved closer and I could feel her breath on my neck as she adjusted herself sitting on her knees. "Let me make it better." She leaned in and kissed my neck right below my ear where she knew I liked it, he hand moving to my inner thigh.
I felt nothing. Not that I gave it much of a chance. I shot of the couch nearly toppling her over. I turned to face her, my body rigid. I felt violated.
She looked at me like I was crazy.
I held my hand out as if telling her to stop. My breathing was a bit fast, but it wasn't from excitement.
"I'm sorry…… I just can't." I said my voice low
She stood up and took a step toward me but I backed away eyeing her warily.
"Why not? What's with you?"
"I just….don't feel…" I trailed off
"In the mood?" she asked
I so wanted to say yes. I'm tired. Anything to get me out of this situation, but I knew that if I wasn't honest I'd be right back in this situation.
"No." I shook my head. "I don't feel like that anymore." And it was true. I couldn't blame her for being confused or even a bit angry with me. I was the one who usually made the first move, inviting her over, practically ripping her clothes off before we even made it to the bedroom. Now I couldn't, I just couldn't I knew she was wearing I fitting blue dress, that it hugged her curves. That her hair was done and logically I found her pretty, but I could not care or even feel turned on by that fact, I could not feel any desire for her at all. Maybe I could have tried if I didn't feel nauseous at the thought of it but I knew my body wouldn't respond enough to even allow me to try, I didn't want to try.
Katy took a long hard look at me I met her eyes, her shoulders slumped slightly and she sighed.
She plopped herself down on the couch, curling her legs up under her and resting her arm on the armrest.
"So…" she said. "Who is she?"
I looked at her for a minute then went and sat on the edge of the armchair that was next to her the end table between us.
"Please tell me it's not Kim," she said a slightly worried and amused look on her face.
I looked up at her sharply. "How'd you…"
She rolled her eyes. "Kaitlyn said you were like staring at her in biology." She said with a shrug. "And then Charles said after school you were talking to her in the hallway looking like…" she finished with another shrug
She looked at me a bit longer." Jared." She said with a smile. "Come on, if you don't want this," she said pointing with her hand to herself and then me. "Fine, but Kim? Come on!" she said with a slight laugh.
I looked up at her sharply. "There is nothing wrong with Kim!" I said
She looked shocked and slightly hurt. I'd never used that tone before especially not with her and I wasn't apologizing for it. I mean come on! She knew every girl I'd hooked up with or that had come on to me and I'd excepted. I mean most of the latter were her friends. Mallory and I hooked up all the time and it wasn't like I'd never hooked up with or dated someone outside of our STUPID clique. She doesn't even know Kim.
We were silent for a bit before she spoke. "Sorry. I guess…I mean I don't really know her so it was wrong of me to act like that."
I looked at her. "Its fine, I understand."
I did understand. We always understood each other, well at least we use to. I could remember wishing that my feelings for her weren't so shallow, that I could lover her passionately. I thought we would be perfect for each other if I could truly love her. I'd tried to make myself lover her like that, but I just couldn't. I'd cared for her which was the reason I had been honest with her, but that was as far as it went.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure." I said even though I was slightly unsure. Lately questions made me a bit uneasy, for obvious reasons.
"Kaitlyn said it's like your…in love with her or something. Do you love her?"
"Yes." I said without hesitation. I knew she could hear the honesty in my voice, the fervency. She knew I was serious, but she still looked shocked as it sunk in.
"Why her? I mean……..What is it…." She said shaking her head not finishing her sentence
I understood what she was asking. I knew her feelings went deeper than mine.
About a month after we'd broken up we'd had our first hook up. I'd told her no. Explaining to her again that I didn't feel that way. She'd told me she understood that she knew I didn't feel that way. That it was just sex that it could be just sex with me because she trusted me.
I didn't want to do it but I had to I needed her to understand, and I was hoping she would pass on the message to Mallory, who I occasionally hooked up with. Not that it would stop her. I would undoubtedly have to do it myself and she would not be nearly as excepting as Katy had been.
I took a deep breath
"It would take too long to explain it. It's a combination of a hundred different things." I said slowly. "Kim is…..I don't know. Everything." I finished looking up at her I knew she could hear the admiration in my voice.
Her mouth hung open. She closed it and then gave me a small smile getting up. I stood up.
"I'm sorry." I said. It was so not enough, but I had nothing else to offer.
She smiled at me. "I know me too. Don't sweat it Jared. You can't help how you feel." She had no idea.
After she left I ate again. Then took a shower. I hoped I'd be able to sleep. I'd never been so anxious for school in my life.
I fell asleep thinking of Kim. Content and happy for the first time in nearly a month.
Something occurred to me as I was falling asleep. Maybe imprinting was about more than just carrying on blood lines. Everything was easier because of what I got to have. I was certain I would have missed Kim, and I was definitely sure the Sam would have missed Emily. We would have never realized how perfect they were for us if not for imprinting. It made all of this bearable. It made it, all of it worth it.
When I'd first phased I'd been so angry and sad, even a bit depressed. Friend's gone, life as I knew it changed forever, an invisible wall had forever come between me and almost everyone I'd ever known or would ever know and I would never be able to tear it down and worse still I would, most likely have to watch everyone around me that I cared about die, leaving me behind.
Imprinting changed all of that. I no longer felt unhappy or angry. The burden of this life had become so much more easier to bear. I now understood why, with imprinting every other connection was severed and she became the thing you cared about the most, the one person you could tell anything and everything too.
It was more than enough.
A/N: Ok so I so didn't want to do anything from Jared's POV because I just feel like I do a much better job from Kim's. I'm STILL not happy with the way I ended it but it had to be done. If I do anything in the future from Jared's POV it will be a lot shorter. By the way this chapter was thirty-three pages on Microsoft. WOO-HOO for me! Also check out the song that plays on Jared's radio, yes it is a real song lol. I couldn't resist you can use or project playlist for quick and easy listening. Enjoy! Oh and sorry for the long AN's;)
.