A/N-And so, the search for vocal talent continues. Chi and the remaining contestants (and their guests) now move onto England, where more fictional characters await thee Chi and her over-active imagination.

All file into big auditorium. Jacob heads over to place by Chi once more (here that? Yeah, that's the angels singing)

Chi: Okay, let's get started.

Jacob: Hey, Shorty!

Chi: FOR THE LAST TIME, JAKE, DON'T CALL ME SHORT!!!!!

Jacob: If it really bothers you…

Jasper: under breath I agree to no such thing.

Chi: I thought I told you to go home.

Alice: He's here supporting me.

Chi: Oh dear God, that means I haven't heard the last of him.

Edward: Okay, we all know how off-topic Chi likes to get, so now can we-

Chi: SHUT UP!!!!

Edward: snicker

Bella: Oh, they're here. Oh, they're so funny looking!

Chi: You have no clue who you just said that to, do you?manic growl

Bella: Who?

Chi: I, who was in love with Harry for years before I knew about Edward...OH, CRAP! I wasn't supposed to say that out loud, was I?

Emmett: I think there are several people in this room who would like nothing more but to see you writhe in pain about now.

Rosalie: Shut it, Ems. She's been tortured enough.

Chi: Ems? That's a detail Stephenie Meyer left out.

Edward: Stephenie who?

Chi: Uhhhhhh, never mind. Let them in.

Alice opens door, and a handful of witches and wizards enter the room…Chi falls faint, and then realizes that this could lead to more bruises from Jacob and returned to consciousness. I'm running out of ice.

Chi: Okay, why don't we start by introducing ourselves?

Harry: Uh, okay, I'm Harry Potter.

Chi: Yeah, I know.drools

Harry: Err, who's the kid?Looking at Edward

Chi: I AM NOT A KID!

Hermione: in sweet, child-talking voice what's your name? I'm Hermione Granger.

Chi: VERY agitated-is the only one here from America who knows anything, let alone everything, about Harry Potter and everyone he's ever met I know you are, tell them, and I'M NOT FOUR! I'm thirteen, and know more about you than you probably do!

All newcomers stare at Chi in amazement that something that small can talk

Serious: Uh, hey, little girl-

Chi: I AM NOT A-

Serious: yeah, yeah, whatever. Can you tell us where to find the director of this thing?

Chi: through gritted teeth You have just insulted her!

Serious: Huh?

Bella: You're looking at her. Chi is the director.

Emmett: Yeah, we were shocked too.

Chi: It should be made illegal to make fun of people who can't even fight back.

Jasper: That's because you're short.

Chi: NO! It's because you are a solid mass of cartilage, and I'm smart enough to know not to attack a wizard.

Emmett: yeah, and you're too short.

Chi: SHUT UP, before I disqualify you all!

Lupin: We're still here.

Chi: right. Now, everybody find a place and sit your sorry butts down. I'll call you one by one to come up and sing.

Ron: This sucks.

Chi: Why?

Ron: I didn't want to try out in the first place, and my name is first on the list.groan

Chi: Well, on the bright side, you get to get it over with.attempts to smile

Ron: Fine.

Chi: Okay, go up there and start when you're ready.

Serious: Wait, it wasn't a joke? That little girl is the judge?

Chi: Watch it murder man!

Jasper/Emmett/Edward: snort

Chi: to JasperGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (growling)

Jasper: snarls like the vampire he is

Chi: EEK!Turns around and jumps into Jacob's arms.

more special moments…

Chi: Uh, you can let me down now.

Jacob: I'm okay.

Chi: blush, blush, blushUh, Jake? I have to judge Ron now.

Jacob: Ron who?

Chi: Oye. Just go Ron, I'm listening.

Ron:

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait… I already am)

Chi: Hey, not bad. Okay, you're in.turns to JacobJake, will you please let me down? I'm afraid of heights…and werewolves.

Jacob: Is that why you're so short? You're afraid of heights?

Chi: Completely beside the point.

Lupin: Did you say the 'W' word?

Chi: Oh, yeah. Jacob Black, meet Remus Lupin. You two should get along nicely.

Jacob: eyeing Lupin's tattered appearance shiftilyAnd why is that?

Chi: You're both part werewolf.

Lupin: are you serious?

Serious: Someone say my name?

Chi: Uh, yeah, sure, why not. You're up next.

Jacob: I'll be back, Chi, I'm going to talk to Remus.

Chi: YES! I mean, can you put me down first?

Jacob: groanFine. Be right back.

Ron: takes Jacob's old seatHey, Chi. How did I really do?

Chi: Actually, you were really good. No offense, but I didn't think you could sing.

Ron: None taken neither did I.

Chi: Well, congratulations.

Ron: Uh, thanks.gives Chi a one-armed hug

Chi: thinkingOH, MY GOSH!!!!! Don't panic, it was a one-armer, it meant nothing, besides, you like Edward (wait, he made fun of you) and Harry (wait, he did too) Okay, new plan. You like Jacob, he seems to like you.

Ron: Soooooo, are you seeing anybody?

Chi: thinking some more-wow, I've never thought so much in my lifeYES! I'm seeing angels. They're singing. Uh-oh, not again…Dr. Leigh said that if I heard the angels again that I needed another 'appointment.'

Ron: after long pauseUh, I'll take that as a yes. Sorry, I shouldn't have intruded.

Chi: NO! SHUT UP YOU GOD DAMN ANGELS-heh, no pun intended-Opportunity is slipping through your fingers. Jacob will get over you.back to realityUmm, no, I'm not, actually.

Ron: Really? I would have thought that guys would be all over you. Short is the new tall, you know.

Chi: Yeah, in England…in the wizarding world…in a fictional book. I'm from America…in the muggle world…and I'm real.

Ron: I still think you're cute.

Chi: I swear to all you singing angels, if you don't shut up now, I will personally stab each one of you to death with a tooth-pick…I love being random.Uh, thanks.

Serious: Uh, when do I start?

Chi: now.tears eyes away from Ron, and doesn't notice Jacob glowering at him…It's good to be the Queen.

Serious:

They see me rollin, 'they hatin, 'Patrollin'
and tryin to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
My music so loud; I'm swangin' .They hopin'
that they don't catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.

all jaws drop. Several people develop twitches. Chi considers the fact that she might just need more than one therapist now.

Chi: Uh, no comment…Next, Harry.

Serious: But, am I in?

Chi: Let me phrase this lightly. IF I EVER HAVE TO HEAR THAT AGAIN, I WILL SAW MY EARS OFF WITH A WOODEN SPOON!!!!

Serious: Is that a no?

Chi: yes.

Serious: yes?

Chi: no.

Serious: no?

Chi: yes.

Serious: it's a yes?

Chi: No, it's a no.

Serious: no it's a yes or no it's a no?

Chi: yes it's a no.

Serious: so I'm in.

Chi: NO. Let me make this very simple…GET OUT OF HERE, YOU ARE NOT IN THE NEXT ROUND!!!

Serious: ……………………….. So I'm out?

Chi: YES!

Ron: chuckle

Jacob: Weasly, get out of my seat.

Ron: Make me, dog-boy.

Edward: SHUT UP! We have a newcomer.

Ginny enters the door

Chi: GINNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

Ginny: CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

runs up and hugs each other

Alice: Uh, you two know each other?

Ginny: Yeah, we've been pen pals for like ever, and once I heard that she was running a competition, I had to come. This whole thing was my idea, but does anybody pick me up for side-along apparition? Nooooooooooooooooooo.

Harry: So you knew we were going to a singing competition judged by the smallest muggle to ever be born?

Serious: sobbingand the cruelest.

Chi: Suck it up. And I'M NOT SHORT!!!!!!!!!!

Ginny: What are you thinking? You never call Chi short. Do you know what happened to her sister-may she rest in peace?

all turn to Chi.

Chi: It was an accident.

Bella: Oh, and she killed Victoria. I was the only one who saw that…Oops, I wasn't supposet to tell you all that was I?

Chi: Bella, you have the biggest mouth-

Edward: YOU killed Victoria? I thought you told me doggy-boy did it.

Emmett: and you didn't save any fun for me?

Chi: Well, she called me a half-pipe midget who has to use a latter to tie her own shoes, then she told me I liked to play hand-ball agenst the curb, and I lashed out.shrug

all back away

Harry: Who's Victoria?

Hermione: Who cares? It's Harry's turn, Ginny, come sit down over here.

Ginny: Oh, but I was going to sit with Chi.

Hermione: Ginny get you're red-haired butt over here.hiss

Ginny: Fine, talk to you later, okay, Chi?

Chi: Okay.

Ron: I'm glad Ginny didn't sit here.

Chi: Why?

Ron: Because then I wouldn't be able to do this.leans in to kiss Chi

Jacob: No, you wouldn't!basically flies through the air and crashes into Ron

Chi: AAHHHHH!!!

Jasper: Will you two grow up! We have a living legend on stage about to sing, and you're fighting over a half-pipe midget, who-

Alice: throws hands around husband's mouth.

Chi: How do you know he's a living legend?

Jasper: When you never sleep, reading is something you tend to do a lot of.

Harry: Can I please just get this over with?

Chi: Yeah, you two, get up. Go ahead Harry.

Harry:

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets

Chi: Oh, m'God! YES, you are in!!!

Harry: Thank you.

Chi: Next, GINNYYYYY!

Ginny: Yay!

Jacob and Ron take seats on either side of Chi-who can't breath

Ginny:

Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets
'Cause you're the only one that I know who'll keep them
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets
I know you'll keep them, and this is what I've done

I've been a bad, bad girl for so long
I don't know how to change what went wrong
Daddy's little girl when he went away
What did it teach me? That love leaves
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets
'cause you're the only one that I know who'll keep them
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets
I know you'll keep them, and this is what I've
done

Chi: W-O-W! Ginny, you're amazing. Duh, you're in.

Ginny: Thanks.

Chi: Lupin?
Lupin: NO! I'm here to support people, I don't sing.

Chi: Oh, come on, just for fun.

Lupin: my idea of fun is a long walk on the beach and a bottle of champagne, not singing in front of a multitude of people whom I don't know.

Serious: Yeah, when Moonie starts singing, we all need a little champagne.

Chi: Sing, or die!

Lupin: Fine, I have been working on one little number here and there.

Chi: Belt it out!

Lupin:

I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook's
Going to get himself a big dish of beef chow mien
Werewolves of London
If you hear him howling around your kitchen door
Better not let him in
Little old lady got mutilated late last night
Werewolves of London again
Werewolves of London
He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair
Better stay away from him
He'll rip your lungs out, Jim
I'd like to meet his tailor
Werewolves of London
Well, I saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen Doing the
I saw Lon Chaney, Jr. walking with the Queen Doing the
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's
His hair was perfect
Werewolves of London Draw blood

Serious: disgustedWorking on it here and there? You were planning on singing today, weren't you?

Lupin: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Jacob: Nice song choice, my man!

Chi: In!

Serious: YOU SUCK!

Edward: So, we're done here?

Ominous voice: Not quite. You see, you killed my accomplice, but I am still here. Hopelessly indestructible as ever. I, Lord Voldemort, shall kill thee with a smile on my face.

Lord Voldemort steps out of shadows. All, save Chi, gasp.

Chi: I think someone has some anger issues. Why would you want to kill us? Huh? I think that you should see someone; I have this great Dr., Dr. Leigh, he would be more than happy to help.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: Not this time. My girlfriend, Victoria might have fallen for that one, but not me.

Chi: Girlfriend?

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: Yes, Victoria and I had an affair. What, like she couldn't cheat on James? The vampire was a blithering idiot!

Chi: Uh…that's news that might take a moment of incomprehensible laughter to take in. One moment please…laughs like a mad-woman…who's the blithering idiot now?Now, where were we?

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: I was just about to kill the shrimp that killed my beloved Victoria.

Harry: Beloved?

Hermione: Victoria?

Ron: Kill Chi?

Chi: SHRIMP?!?!

He-who-must-not-be-named: Yes. How my Victoria was lost to a miniscule pinprick of a muggle existence like the chiwawa sitting before me, I will never know.

Jasper: I got news for you, she's not sitting. That's her full height!

He-who-must-not-be-named: Are you serious?

Chi: smoking at the earsMINISCULE-PINPRICK-CHIWAWA?

Edward: Whispers something to Emmett.

Emmett: dawning realizationOh, yeah, she's short alright.

Chi: SHORT?!

Edward: Hold her back, Black.

Serious/Jacob: I'm on it. Wait, What? He told me to, not you.

Jasper: they're both called Black. Jacob, hold her back

Jacob: Suckers.wraps arms around Chi's waist.

Chi: too angered to notice that a boy is totally touching her-she should be kickin' the crap out of himLET ME AT THEM, LET ME AT THEM!

Bella: Bean-sprout!

Rosalie: Insect!

Chi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!going completely insane

Edward: Jake, on the count of three. Everybody run for your lives then…One…

He-who-must-not-be-named: What the…

Edward: Two…THREE!

all leave the room except for Chi, Voldemort, Jacob, and Ron.

Jacob lets go of Chi, who flies like a pin-ball in a pin-ball-machine, around the room in a manic rage, killing the auditorium. Voldemort is in shock that something so small can do such damage, and forgets to move as Chi runs him over. He falls into a nearby broken shard of metal, gets stabbed, and dies. Yayyy, only one problem; Chi is still not quite sane, so She is still running around kind of like she did in her old rubber-room, back at her favorite vacationing spot-A.K.A, the asylum…

Jacob and Ron catch her, Ron knocks her over the head with the arm of one of the broken chairs, sending her into a state of unconsciousness…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Ten minutes later…

Edward: Is she okay?

Harry: HOW MANY YEARS HAVE I BEEN HUNTING DOWN VOLDEMORT, AND THEN A PUNY LITTLE THING LIKE THIS COMES ALONG AND KILLS HIM IN ABOUT ONE SECOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hermione: Turns out, he never had the time to make all of those horcruxes.

Rosalie: All of what?

Hermione: never mind.

Ron/Jacob: LOOK, she's waking up!

Chi: Ugh…What happened?

Ginny: You killed he-who-must-not-be-named.

Chi: Oh, yeah, now I remember. WAIT, now, let me see, I seem to recall several other people with death wishes…BEAN-SPROUT…INSECT?!?!?!?!?!

Jacob: hugs Chi-who blushes profusely

Chi: I'm okay.

Lupin: Good, 'cause you have two more people to judge.

Chi: Really?

Serious: Yeah, ever heard of Tonks, or Fletcher?

Chi: As in the ones from the order?

Serious: I will never know how you know this stuff, but yeah.

Chi: SWEET!

Tonks: uh, we arrived about five minutes ago, and it's an honor to meet you… Is He-who-must-not-be-named really dead, still in there?

Chi: Yup!

Tonks: whistleWhoa.

Chi: Don't call me short.

Tonks: Random?

Chi: Not really. He called me short, so he died…Just like my sister and Victoria.

Tonks: You killed Victoria? We heard about her, apparently Voldemort had feelings for someone.

Chi: My life is getting interesting.

all think-she's thinking out loud again.

Alice: Shall we move back inside?

Chi: do you mean to the place where the dead body lays?

Edward: Chi, don't insult us. The place looks as good as new.

Chi: and the body?

Edward: gone, Harry decided to teleport it to Dumbledore or someone.

Harry: It's called apparition.

Edward: Like it matters.

Tonks: So, are we going in?

Chi: Sure

Jacob: picks up Chi and carries her inside-these 'moments' are getting more and more painful.

Tonks: I'll go first. When do I start?

Chi: just start whenever you're ready.

Tonks:

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
Turn and face the strain
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
Turn and face the strain
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me; But I can't trace time

Chi: Not bad…nice song choice by the way, I LOVE David Bowie!

Bella: Who?

Edward: I have every record, CD and concert ticket!

Chi: You serious? Why did you not say anything when Harry sung 'Under Pressure' then?

Edward: Because it's not his song, it's mainly Queen in that one.

Chi: and that's why it rocks! Queen is AWSOME!

Edward: Eww.

Chi: EXCUSE ME?!?!?! I grew up on Queen; my dad taught me the words to 'Bohemian Rhapsody' before I learned to talk!

Edward: Now I know why you're so screwed up.

Chi: You wanna say that to my face, pretty-boy?

Edward: You're Queen-loving face isn't worthy of my comebacks.

Chi: HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT INSULTING ME?!?!?!

Edward: BRING. IT. ON.

Chi: AARGH!

Edward: Did your dear, dear daddy like 'Kiss' too?

Chi: YOU GOT SOMETHING AGENST KISS?!

Edward: Oh my God! You're hopeless.

Chi: and you're disqualified. You stay to support Bella now; you are no longer my responsibility.

Edward: WHAT? You can't do that!

Chi: Sure I can, I'm the director.

Edward: No, I'm sorry, I mean, I love Queen! See?

Can anybody find me- somebody to love?

Chi: Ha! You can come back in if you sing the whole song.Evil menacing laughter

Edward: Are you kidding me?

Chi: Nope!

Edward: Ugh!

Each morning I get up I die a little

Can barely stand on my feet

Take a look in the mirror and cry

Lord what you're doing to me

I have to spend all my years in believing you

But I just can't get no relief Lord

Somebody ooh somebody

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard everyday of my life

I work till I ach my bones

At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own

I get down on my knees and I start to pray

'Til the tears run down from my eyes

Lord somebody ooh somebody

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Every day - I try and I try and I try -

But everybody wants to put me down

They say I'm goin' crazy

They say I got a lot of water in my brain

Got no common sense

I got nobody left to believe Yeah

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Got no feel I got no rhythm

I just keep losing my beat

I'm OK I'm alright

I ain't gonna face no defeat

I just gotta get out of this prison cell

One day I'm gonna be free Lord

Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love

Somebody somebody somebody somebody somebody

Find me somebody find me somebody to love

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me find me find me

Find me somebody to love

Somebody to love

Find me somebody to love...

Chi: Show off!

Edward: Leach!

Jacob: No, that's your job, BLOODSUCKER!

Chi: Jake, calm down, we're joking around. Edward was never disqualified and he knows it.

Bella: Then why did you sing the song if you hate it so much?

Edward: lifting Bella into his armsI love Queen. Chi's not such a bad actor.

Chi: Needless to say, you're not so bad yourself.

Jacob: Now I feel left out…picks up Chi, hugging her tight (or as tight as she'll go without breaking)

Tonks: So, I'm in?

Chi: Without a doubt. Now, Mundungous?

Fletcher: uh, okay.

Chi: Start when you're ready.

Fletcher:

You're having trouble with the high school head
he's giving you the blues
you want to graduate but not in his bed
here's what you gotta do
pick up the phone
I'm always home
call me anytime
just ring 362436 oh
I lead a life of crime
dirty deeds done dirt cheap
dirty deeds done dirt cheap
dirty deeds done dirt cheap
dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap
dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap

Chi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! If you have any decency at all, and if there is any justice left in this semi-fictional world, then you will never sing that again!

Edward: Honestly, that was painful.

Harry: You broke my glasses…again.

Bella/Chi: YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jasper: I say we call it a day. We have to take these two back to the hotel, and all you other non-humans need sleep too, so, see you in round two.

all shake hands, Bella falls asleep in Edward's arms, as does Chi in Jacob's.

See you all in round two of the fictional character's idol…

WWWWWHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!