Ranger Reinstated

Chapter 2

I still remember the set of coordinates for the enemy camp on my first mission as a Ranger. I know how many employees I have, and the exact balance on my checking account. I can recall identifying characteristics for every mark I've ever taken out. Blindfold me, drop me in a jungle, and I'll find my way out, but I can't remember the moment she became the most important person in my life.

I stared out the window at the dark street below, wondering why I confronted her. What made yesterday different from any other fucked up day in my life? I closed my eyes and relived the visual of her and Morelli in the alley. His hands on her, and her head tipped back with a look of ecstasy on her face that only I deserved to evoke. I scrubbed my face with both hands trying to erase the visual images that continued to replay in mind like a bad train wreck.

What gave me the right to push the "us" issue?

How many times had she tried to confront me in the past about my feelings? How many excuses had I construed followed by sexual innuendos designed to keep her off guard, and always wondering? The bottom line would always remain the same.

I didn't deserve her, and she certainly didn't deserve the life of heartache that I would provide.

I wanted her because I didn't want him to have her. Why did I give her the impression that something had changed, when all that fueled me was a peep show of a fuck in an alley. She had made a valid point. Why should it bother me when that alley conjured the same desires for me?

Because for once I wasn't imaging him fucking her, it was real.

I hard a soft tap on the door to my office and I slowly turned and saw her enter my office. If one of my men had entered without my consent I would have taken their head off, but she was different. When I looked at her, I often wondered what I found so special in her. I had beautiful woman walk in and out of my life too many times to remember. Stephanie was far from being a cover model, but to me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Babe."

She walked halfway across the office and stopped near my desk. She looked at me as if she was about to impart a national security breach.

"I need to talk to you." She said softly.

I nodded toward a leather club chair in front of my desk. "Have a seat." I started around toward my desk chair when I heard her squeak of a reply.

"I don't want to sit down."

I stopped at the corner of my desk and looked at her. "Okay."

I walked over and stopped in front of her. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was tortured, and my gut ached because I was the cause.

"Tell me that you came to me last night because you really care about me, and not because you saw Joe and me in the alley."

So how was I going to play this? Was I going to be a man and put it all out there, or was I going to forfeit the game?

"You know I care for you, but I'm not going to force you to change your mind when you already know what you need in your life." Why make myself look pathetic?

"So you didn't mean anything you said to me last night, you were basically fucking with me?" She wrapped her fingernails on the desk in a staccato fashion, probably mimicking what she would like to do with a tire iron to my head.

"I meant every word. I don't waste energy unnecessarily." I replied.

"So if I leave Joe what happens in a month when you decide I'm smothering you?" She dangled the question like a fishing lure devised to pull me in hook, line, and sinker. What she didn't know is that where she was concerned I wanted to be the catch of the day.

"I don't take you for the smothering type." I said.

"I'm not, much of the time I'm just the opposite. But you need to convince me that this is about us and not about Joe and me."

"If I have to convince you of my intentions then we are wasting our time." I stepped closer to her and trailed a fingertip down her cheek. When all else fails- mesmerize.

I looked into her eyes until she finally flushed and looked away. "What's the matter Babe, don't you trust me?"

"I don't trust the longevity of a relationship between us."

I placed my fingers on her chin and pulled her eyes back to mine. "And you totally trust a relationship with Joe?" I asked.

"Ranger there are no guarantees in life."

"It's all about the risks you are willing to take." I said. I brushed the pad of my thumb across her lower lip. Then stepped away.

"Convince me that this is not about what you saw last night." The pleading look in her eyes made me feel like the lowest man on earth.

"It was what made me decide to confront you."

"That's not good enough." She said.

"Good enough for what?" I asked.

"I've given you a million opportunities to express an interest in something more between us, and seeing me with another man is what finally pushed you to say something?" She placed her hands on her hips. She was winding up for the throw.

"I've seen you and Morelli grow closer over the last few months."

"You always said us being together wouldn't be good for either of us."

I turned away from her and walked over to the window. "I'll never offer you a conventional life. But I never see you adapting to a picket fence and a mini van."

I could almost feel her shudder from across the room. "Joe has always been a constant to me, and you have always been a long shot."

I braced my hands on the window casing and stared at the street below. "It's your decision Stephanie."

"What exactly are you offering me?" She asked.

I turned and looked at her. "Something that you will never find with him."

"You are so frustratingly vague."

"And you want someone to promise you something that they will never be able to deliver." I said.

"That's not true. I just need a guarantee of a committed relationship."

"I haven't wanted another woman since you walked into my life. I don't see that changing."

"But is that enough for us?"

"That is something you'll have to decide." I answered.

"Why now, when everything is perfect between me and Joe?"

"If it's so perfect why are you here?" I asked.

I watched across the room as the anger in her eyes simmered to a slow boil.

"I don't have to explain my feelings for Joe to you."

"I didn't ask…"

"DON'T do this." She shoved her hair behind her ear and turned away. She walked toward the door and grabbed the door handle.

"If you leave this is the last time we will discuss this." I said.

I took a deep breath as her fingers slid off the handle. Then she grabbed it with determination and walked out.

I never expected to be the only man in her life, but finding out that I never would, felt far worse than I ever imagined.