9.
"The only thing I could remember how to do was a Stunning spell," he confesses in a mumble, face buried in the sofa cushions.
Across the room, Sirius hears Remus set his goblet down on the table. He feels pathetic and incredibly ashamed. Isn't he supposed to be the great Sirius Black? A bold Marauder and a Gryffindor to the core? Why is he moping about – face buried in the bloody sofa, for Merlin's sake! – like some melodramatic Ravenclaw?
"Try not to think about it."
"Not think about it?" he says loudly, sitting up to glare at Remus. "For fucks sake, Remus, isn't that what I've been trying – he was strewn all over the ground! I can't just –"
He's so angry he can't get the words out. This is the side of Remus Sirius hates; he hates how Remus can just draw up his emotional barriers, living in safe neutrality, leaving Sirius outside to face the tumult of his emotions.
The door of the flat slams behind him as he leaves.
10.
Peter's mum makes him a bacon sandwich.
Sirius doesn't think he's ever been in Peter's house and not had Mrs Pettigrew produce a bacon sandwich for him within fifteen minutes of stepping over the threshold. He's not complaining about it; it's just one of those family quirks, like how the Potters never use magic to light a fire or the Snapes' abhorrence of showering.
He sits down at the small kitchen table to eat and Peter joins him looking worried, as though he expects Sirius to start yelling at any second.
"Have you and Remus had a fight, then?" Peter ventures timidly, after a prolonged silence.
"Yeah," Sirius says. "He just doesn't understand. It's almost like he doesn't want to know what happened."
"I think you had to be there to understand."
Sirius meets Peter's eyes and immediately knows that Peter has been going through the same torment as he has – strangely, it makes Sirius feel a little more confident.
"I'm sorry I just turned up unannounced," he begins awkwardly. "Tell your mum she doesn't need to set up a bed, I'll just kip on the sofa."
"I thought you would've gone to Prongs's parents' first," Peter says as he dumps Sirius's dirty plate in the sink.
"I would have. But they would just make me feel guilty and tell me to go back and apologise and –"
"And you knew I wouldn't stand up to you if you came here."
Sirius frowns. There was a harsh note in Peter's voice that he's never heard before.
"Are you okay, Pete?"
"I'm fine. You know where the sofa is. See you in the morning."
11.
The tenth of November rolls around again.
James insists they go to the pub to celebrate, and though Sirius would rather stay at home, he allows himself to be dragged to the Three Broomsticks anyway.
"Happy birthday, Sirius," Lily says in greeting when they arrive at the booth Madam Rosmerta has reserved for them. Sirius can still smell the trace of hospital disinfectant in her hair, as Lily hugs him.
"Thanks Lils," he says, then turns to look at the other people squeezed around the small table. Beside Lily and James is Peter, who's sitting next to the newly engaged Frank and Alice. Remus is there too, squeezed in between Sirius's old Beater partner, Bertie Russell, and a clearly already tipsy Beatrice McElroy.
Remus's eyes meet Sirius's, as he squeezes himself onto the end of the bench, beside Beatrice. Sirius is tempted for a brief moment to tell the others to fuck off home and leave him here alone with Remus – but that would probably create more arguments than it would solve, so he contents himself instead by saying:
"Well, it's not everyday you turn nineteen. First round's on me guys!"
12.
Three hours later and the edges of Sirius's vision are starting to blur.
The table in front of him is now littered with an array of glasses and bottles, most of which Sirius knocks over as he reaches for his own disappointingly-empty glass. Across from him, James and Lily seem to be treating his party as the perfect opportunity to hold a marathon snogging session, and Frank and Alice are hardly better. Peter has already succumbed to to effects of the alcohol, and is staring at into the fire in a drunken stupor. Remus vanished to Merlin knows where twenty minutes ago, and Sirius can't decide if he should try and find him or not.
Draining the last mouthful of mead from his glass, Sirius pushes himself up from his seat, stumbling over James's legs as he heads to the bar.
"Another pint of mead please, Rosie," he says to the curvaceous barmaid.
"Well, hello Mr Black," Madam Rosmerta says as she pulls him another pint. "It's been a while since I've had to cater to four drunken Marauders – I can't say I miss it."
"Oh, come on, Rosie! I know you've always had a soft spot for me," Sirius teases, flashing her a wink.
Rosmerta chuckles and winks back. "Happy birthday, Sirius," she says, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before moving further down the bar to see to other the customers.
It's then Sirius feels a warm hand on his elbow. He turns, and feels his heart sink when he sees that the hand is not Remus's, but Beatrice McElroy's.
"Sirius," she purrs, pressing her warm body up against his. "Let's get out of here."
"What?" Sirius says distractedly, his thoughts still on Remus.
Beatrice laughs softly and runs her hand up his arm. "Come back to my place. My roommate's working night-shift, so we'll have the place all to ourselves."
"Oh – uh, Beatrice, I can't..." Sirius mutters, trying to back away, but Beatrice's arms have somehow wrapped themselves around his shoulders and he's trapped between the bar and her.
"Oh, come on, Sirius," she whispers, her lips dangerously close to his own. "Since when do you back down from a free shag?"
Her lips close over his own, and for a moment Sirius considers just letting himself follow Beatrice home and lose himself in the company of another lonely soul. But the angle is all wrong and it's not Beatrice he wants to end the night with.
"No, Beatrice," he says firmly, freeing himself from her embrace.
"But Sirius, I –"
"I need to pee," he says shortly.
13.
He breathes a sigh of relief as he shuts the heavy bathroom door behind him.
The noisy chatter from the pub is muffled and it's much cooler in here. Sirius walks over to one of the small, chipped sinks and splashes some cold water on his face. In the mirror he can see that some of Beatrice's lipstick has smudged onto his own mouth, and he hastily rubs the back of his hand across his lips.
His hand is still raised when the door of the bathroom opens again and a familiar figure steps through.
"Hey," Remus says. He looks as if he's about to say something more, but stops himself and instead leans against the wall.
The water's still gushing from the tap that Sirius has left on; he turns it off and silence fills the room.
They both start talking at once.
"I'm sorry."
"She kissed me."
Their words echo off the tiled walls and blend together.
Remus's eyes meet Sirius's as he says "Listen, Padfoot, I really am sorry. I shouldn't have been so short with you." He swallows and Sirius watches his adams apple bob in his throat.
"It's okay." Sirius takes two steps forward so he's standing in front of Remus. "I'm not angry anymore."
"You should be. I was an insensitive git."
"Well, it makes a change from me being the insensitive git, so I think we're even." But Remus still looks remorseful, so Sirius takes another step closer and reaches out to grasp his hand.
"I just didn't want to think about it," Remus continues in a voice that's so quiet Sirius can hardly hear him. "I just kept thinking that I should have been there. I didn't want to think about what I would have done if it had been you instead of Benjy."
"It wasn't your fault you couldn't be there," Sirius says, drawing Remus slowly into his arms. "You can't make the Death Eaters schedule their attacks around the full moons. I forgive you."
Remus exhales a shaky breath and relaxes into Sirius's arms. They remain like that for a few moments, then their mouths seek each other out. Suddenly, Sirius feels alright. As though hadn't realised how off kilter he's been until now Remus has set him back on his axis.
"Let's get out of here," Sirius says quietly, breaking off the kiss. He reaches down for Remus's hand and entwines their fingers.
"Okay," says Remus with eyes that look like they'd follow him anywhere.
Elated, Sirius pushes the heavy bathroom door open and makes to step through, but Remus refuses to budge. He turns around exasperatedly as Remus, grinning mischievously, says, "Wait – who did you say was kissing you?"
14.
Outside the Three Broomsticks, Remus attempts to cast a sobering charm on them before they disapparate home, while Sirius makes every effort to stop him removing his wand from his pocket.
"Padfoot, you utter arse," Remus exclaims as Sirius traps Remus's wrists in a vice-like grip.
"We don't need a sobering charm," Sirius insists enthusiastically, as Remus struggles to reach into his pocket. "Let's just apparate randomly and see where the night takes us. Besides I just blew the whole of last month's wage on alcohol tonight, and I don't want it to be wasted."
"The last time you persuaded me to apparate randomly with you," Remus gasps, trying to trip up Sirius with his feet, "we ended up half-naked on my parent's living-room sofa. I still can't look my mother in the eye!"
They begin to wrestle in the middle of the High Street. Sirius feels the giddy deliriousness, a mixture of part-alcohol part-Remus, course through him. He laughs loudly into the silent night-air.
"You know there aren't many people who would openly provoke a werewolf," Remus pants after finally trapping Sirius in a head-lock.
"But we don't have to go home," Sirius whines, as Remus releases him. "I bet you the teachers still don't know about the Honeydukes tunnel. We never did manage to do it on top of the Astronomy Tower – that was on my list of things to do before we left school."
"When we were in Hogwarts it was all about how to break out to shag you," Remus says, "and now we've graduated you want us to break back in to shag?"
"C'mon, we can go to the Shack. For old time's sake."
"And be caught by Filch?"
"Well, I do feel bad that I never got the chance to say a proper goodbye to him."
"And you think that letting him catch you mid-coitus will, what, level the score?"
"You know you sound so sexy when you speak latin."
"Tu es stultior quam asinus."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
15.
Heading back to the Goldstein & Son office at the end of his lunch-break, Sirius weaves his way through the crowd of shoppers in Diagon Alley. Business has slackened off somewhat at the solicitor's office. Clients who would usually turn to lawyers for advice, are more unwilling to do so; fearful that they might press charges against the 'wrong' people and end up in the Daily Prophet's rapidly expanding obituary section.
"People are just too frightened to trust each other these days," Mr Goldstein said to Sirius earlier, after setting him the task to clean the office floors as there's no other work for him to do. Sirius knows it's only a matter of time before he's laid-off on account of the low business.
He's about to cross the street to the office, when a hand reaches out from down a side-street and grabs his upper arm, pulling him into the narrow alleyway. Immediately he draws his wand out, a curse on his lips, when he sees that the assailant is none other than Regulus.
It's been a long time since Sirius has seen his brother up close; he looks thinner and at his wit's end, there's fear lurking in his pale eyes.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Sirius snarls, pointing his wand at Regulus's throat. Regulus's breath hitches nervously and Sirius feel his anger rise.
"I-I need you to pass a message to Dumbledore," he says shakily, drawing an envelope from the pocket of his robes. "He needs to know that –"
"Dumbledore doesn't need to know anything that comes from your stinking lips," Sirius growls. "If you want to speak to Dumbledore, I'm afraid you've chosen the wrong side, Reg. He doesn't make a habit of helping Death Eaters, especially the snivelling, cowardly ones."
"Sirius, I've got to tell someone! I've found out something, it's about You-Know–"
"If you're too pathetic to even say Voldemort's name, Regulus, then I don't even care what you've got to say. Realised you've got yourself in too deep, have you? Well, it's your own fucking fault for swallowing all of mum and dad's twisted pureblood shite. I know you were there when they murdered Benjy Fenwick – yeah, that's right, I know about that," he hisses vehemently as Regulus's eyes widen, "so you're wrong if you think I'm going to help you."
"B-But you've got to help me – we're brothers."
"You stopped being my brother a long time ago, Reg. I don't have to do anything for you."
Regulus, suddenly, looks very young and for an instant Sirius can see him clearly as the schoolboy who has wandered into something that is too big for him, and is seeking an escape.
The silence stretches between them until Regulus turns away from Sirius, slipping out of the alleyway, heading back up the crowded shopping street.
Part of Sirius wants to chase after his brother, but he holds himself back.
Besides, it's not like he'll never see Regulus again.
END OF PART II
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