A/N: I bring you my second installment of Even Half a Chance. I also went back and tweaked the first chapter a bit. Nothing major though. This chapter's a lot more humorous. I just couldn't bring myself to be serious, and it serves as a sort of 'calm before the storm' kind of thing. Enjoy!
"talking"
'thinking'
my interjections are no longer labeled
Disclaimer I prayed a whole bunch last night, and looked in the mirror again, but I was still a 19yr old Caucasian female. Not Kishimoto.
Even Half a Chance
Chapter II
Naruto was in a good mood today. Sure he had missed an important jounin meeting and been rudely awakened on the floor of his study, but he had learned some new jutsu (at least how they were supposed to be done) and had figured out a way to avoid punishment for missing said meeting-send a Shadow Clone to take the blame!
This plan may have worked. Unfortunately, Naruto's brain had forgotten to remind him of three details. First, if Naruto never showed up for the meeting, everyone would mill around for a while until his advisor took the floor in his place. Secondly, this situation always made said advisor very angry. And of course Tsunade plus angry equals Naruto in pain.
Naruto of course wasn't very good at math, but if he had remembered these details, he could also have told you that Tsunade plus angry where Naruto equals Shadow Clone actually equals Tsunade plus angry-squared, which comes to Naruto in lots of pain, but later and after a long, involved chase scene. This is all hypothetical though, because Naruto did not remember any of this and was more concerned with visiting a few patients in the hospital. Which is where he is now.
Naruto has a routine for hospital visits. Upon entry, he asks about the health of the ninjas that he knows personally and/or feels really guilty for landing in the hospital. If they are awake, he visits them. He wanders the halls for a while, comforting anyone who seems to need it, and before leaving, he always visits Gaara.
This visit began well. He'd gotten two people to stop crying, and had spoken to Kotetsu and Izumo for a bit. They had been on escorting a group of merchants to Konoha. Kisame had toyed with them awhile before allowing the merchants passage. Kotetsu had come back with a broken arm, and both he and Izumo had some nasty gashes, but they were mostly tired. Apparently, Kisame had just been bored. Now though, Naruto found himself in Kakashi and Shikamaru's room again. He needed to talk with his tactical genius. Regrettably, the genius had gone on vacation, leaving moping, brooding Shikamaru in charge. Temari had long ago dubbed this persona 'Crybaby' and sadly enough, the name seemed to fit.
The question at hand is: how to get a call through to the 'Genius' to tell him to come home?
"Oi, Shikamaru."
"…"
"I know you're awake Shikamaru, I'm not that stupid. You might as well listen, the sooner this talk starts the sooner I leave you alone again."
The answer is: Appeal to Logic.
"…Troublesome. What do you want? You never bother me this soon. You wait another three days and sic that woman on me."
Maybe not. It seems that it didn't quite get through. Try again!
"You're right I don't normally, but I need to talk to you about something. …Although if you want to see Temari that badly, she's probably with Gaara right now. I can send her in here when I visit him later if you like.
"No, that's not necessary. What do you want to talk about, anyway?"
Oh duh. He's a Nara-threaten him with a scary, troublesome woman!
"I need you to help me fine-tune a plan. Those Akatsuki assholes are gettin' to be a pain."
"You made a plan, huh? They must really be annoying you." With some difficulty, Shikamaru sat up, getting into his thinking pose. "You'd better sit down and tell me what you had in mind. This is going to be awhile."
qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp
Meanwhile in Naruto's office:
Tenten had gotten a chuunin to come and replace the office door, and Gai and Lee had recovered their composure (but not their dignity). It had been an hour since Naruto sent out his summons. His urgent summons. He still wasn't here. Worse, Sai was.
He and Tenzo(still known to some, namely Naruto, as Yamato) had come in as the chuunin repairman left. Incidentally, they should pay that guy a lot. With as many windows Tsunade went through and as many doors Lee and Gai go through there's a lot of work for him to do. Not to mention all of the furniture that Tsunade destroyed in the process of breaking said windows. Anyway, Sai never did get the hang of social etiquette, nor did he give up on nicknames. Picture it: Sai, insulter of all living things; and both Gai and Lee at once. And of course, 'Fuzzy-brows' is not near creative enough for Sai. Tenzo and Tenten shared an exasperated look before sighing and trying to get their respective teammates to just 'Shut up!'. Inuzuka Hana, walking in the door, was greeted by Gai and Lee-hugging with a sunset and waves backdrop, Tenzo holding his head and muttering unintelligibly, and Sai and Tenten-Sai having moved on to insulting Tenten when Lee became …distracted. Tenten was now brandishing several kunai. Hana and her three dogs sweatdropped.
Hana, one of the only rational Inuzuka of the entire line, decided that it was in the best interest of her sanity not to question the chaos in front of her. But still…
"Where is Naruto-kun?" How unfortunate. Now she's gone and called attention to herself. Tenten and Sai stopped arguing, and Gai and Lee broke up their latest 'rant of YOUTH' to see who else had shown up. They took in the three dogs standing around her, her tight clothes and half-zipped flak jacket, and the red fang-like triangles on her face. Tenten, Lee and Gai immediately recognized the standard Inuzuka traits. And Sai… well he does have an excuse, being completely isolated until he was 15, and being an antisocial bastard after that. Tenzo's muttering became more pronounced and seemed to be about "not being paid enough."(I think he knows what's coming)
Apparently Hana was a much more interesting target than Tenten, because Sai turned toward her, and spoke with the weight of someone telling a sad truth.
"You know, dressed like that and hanging around those mutts, it wouldn't be surprising at all if someone mistook you for some-" Sai was cut off here, as it's difficult to speak while someone is tackling you. It is common knowledge that it is wise not to call an Akimichi 'fat'. The same principle applies to implying that an Inuzuka is 'loose' and particularly to calling them bitches. Tenzo had pulled out of his muttering and despite there being more efficient ways to silence Sai, had gone at him in a flying tackle. Team Gai watched Hana warily; she seemed to be in shock.
She shook it off and glared at Sai. "The Haimaru triplets are not mutts."
And to think-there are people who haven't shown up yet.
qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp
"That should increase your chances somewhat. It would have been better if we had more information, but if you're determined to do it now, then I guess it can't be helped."
Naruto was about to retort, but was at that moment reminded of a very painful math problem-the reminder being in the form of a rush of information ending with a livid Tsunade and a fist in the face. 'Oh crap.'
"Nah, you were lots of help, Shikamaru. Even if you are just lying in bed. Well, I gotta go see (run from) Tsunade-baachan about something, so I'll leave you alone now." This said, he walked calmly out of the room and out of the hospital, before running for his life for the Hokage tower.
qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp
He entered his office in considerably worse condition. He sported several large bumps on his head, and appeared to be missing a few teeth. Tsunade had been waiting for him at the tower. He had immediately turned around and run all over Konoha, but she had found him in the end. Maybe he shouldn't have tried to hide at Ichiraku Ramen.
He sat down at his desk and dropped his head against it. His day wasn't going quite as well as he had planned. It was then that he noticed the waves of murderous intent directed at him. 'Damn what now, assassins?'
He picked his head up to see Gai, Lee, Tenten, Chouji, Gaara, Temari, Hana, Hana's dogs, Tenzo, and Sai. Glaring at him. 'Okay Naruto, it's just nine elite jounin who want to murder you for being… two hours late. Just ignore it and pretend you have control of the situation.'
He looked everyone over and paused dramatically before asking, "Gaara what are you doing here? You weren't actually asked to come you know. And aren't you supposed to be in a coma?"
"I will be a part of this. And obviously not, if I'm standing here."
"Hey dickless, what took you so long anyway?"
Twitch. "None of your business Sai." 'I'm Hokage damnit! Show some respect! OK breathe, don't let him get to you, its just Sai.' "It's actually really good that you showed up Gaara, we could use the help. So has anyone seen-"
Uchiha Sasuke just walked in the door. He looked around and made note of the people glaring at Naruto. "Good, I didn't miss anything." He then propped himself against a wall and looked at Naruto expectantly.
"Never mind. He's here."
Gai couldn't take it anymore. "DAMNIT KAKASHI! LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! YOU HAVE CORRUPTED YOUR STUDENTS WITH YOUR ETERNAL TARDINESS AND YOUR LAID BACK ATTITUDE!"
Everyone stared at Gai. Then Lee. And back at Gai. 'Kakashi corrupted his students?'
Naruto sighed. "If we can be serious for a moment, I'd like to get started."
Everyone instantly sobered up and put on their 'I kill people for a living' faces.
"Thank you."
"I'm sure you're all aware of the situation, correct?" No dissent. "Good. In short, we're making a stand." Here Naruto scanned everyone's faces. He was met with various forms of excitement, determination, nervousness, and boredom. And one form of creepy sadistic glee.
"When you get down to it, the attacking force consists of four ninjas. We're hoping that the main force will back down if we take out the leaders. If not, they'll at least be disorganized enough for us to drive them out of Fire Country. Our targets are Uchiha Itachi, Hoshigaki Kisame, Deidara, and Zetsu. We need to take them out, and we can't afford to wait anymore. Everyday, we lose ninjas, and they have more opportunity to get backup. All of you have fought Akatsuki before. We will split into teams. Two or three of us for each target, all of the teams attacking at the same time."
"Hana and Tenzo. Your target is Zetsu. We don't know a lot about him so be careful. Here's everything we do have on him." He handed Tenzo a folder. "He's from grass so he deals with plants, so be careful using your mokuton. And he relies heavily on stealth, so Hana, your tracking abilities should be helpful. He should be easy to catch alone, he tends to isolate himself from the others."
"Gaara, are you sure you're up for this?"
"Do not doubt me Uzumaki Naruto."
"…Right. Fine, you, Temari, and Sai will take Deidara. You've fought him before, so you know what tricks he might use. He still relies mostly on his exploding clay. If you can get him by himself, you'd have a better chance of success. You can brief Sai when we're done here."
"Why am I stuck with the Sand Freaks?"
"If Deidara takes to the sky, you need to be able to go after him. You, Temari and Gaara all have the ability to stay airborne."
When Sai didn't protest further, Naruto continued.
"Moving on. Tenzo, Gaara, you're in charge of your teams. You have four hours to prepare. We meet at Ichiraku. You five are dismissed." Yamato, Hana, Sai, and Temari left. Gaara stepped forward.
"I will stay. I would hear the rest of your plan."
"Ok, but none-"
"As Kazekage and as your …friend, I am entitled to know what foolishness you have concocted."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Pulling rank and the friend card, huh. I'd almost say you're worried 'bout me."
"Just get on with it, dobe." This came from the back of the room, where Sasuke actually looked like he was paying attention.
"Alright. Jeez. The problem is that Kisame and Itachi are hardly apart. So we have to go at them both in a large group. Gai, you have experience fighting a Sharingan user, so focus on Itachi. And somehow I doubt that this will be a problem, but Sasuke, you should stay away from Kisame. He would know a lot of the Sharingan's weaknesses. Otherwise, we need to focus on taking down Kisame first. Attack him hard and fast, and don't let his sword touch you. Aside from his sword he attacks with standard Mist village water techniques, but he has a helluva lot of chakra. If Itachi's still standing after Kisame goes down, do what you can but make sure you avoid friendly fire as well." Here everyone looked at Sasuke. "Don't under any circumstances, look into Itachi's eyes. Use any means necessary-we can't afford to lose here."
"Does anyone have any questions?"
"Can we really pull this off? …I mean sure, we're all good ninjas, but what are the chances that we can actually beat these guys? They're S-class for a reason you know."
Reassurance came from an unexpected source.
"Che. Naruto's never been one to go by odds, Tenten. He is 'Konoha's number one ninja at surprising people' after all. If there's even half a chance of us winning, then Naruto will find it." Sasuke shoved off of the wall he'd been leaning against, and started to walk out. On his way out the door, he tossed back the words, "If any of you get in the way of my revenge, I'll kill you."
I didn't say he was good at reassurance.
Naruto stared at the door for a moment. "I was wondering how long it would take for the Angsty Avenger to show up. But I think he just added that so I wouldn't make fun of him for saying something nice about me for a change."
"Alright, Ichiraku Ramen bar at 6PM. If you're not there, I'll assume you're not coming. Dismissed."
'Half a chance, huh Sasuke?'
qpqpqpqpqpENDCHAPTERqpqpqpqpqp
A/N: I had lots of fun doing this chapter. I was hoping to get farther than this, but it seemed like a good place to stop. There will be fighting next chapter. If anyone seemed OOC, oh well. Chalk it up to personalities changing over huge timeskips. Any reviews would be cherished wholeheartedly for about 10min, and any helpful comments would be appreciated and considered.
Edit:For those not in the know, Tenzo fills in for Kakashi on the mission to meet Sasori's spy. He is more commonly known in the manga by his code name "Yamato" I figure that everyone would have gotten used to using his real name, despite most fans being used to him being refered to as Yamato. I apologize for any confusion.