A/N: Thank you all, for the AWESOME response to chapter one! I was giddy all day as the reviews came in. *does happy dance*
Just as a little pre-warning…..this story is going to be in several POV's, so please know that I don't mean to confuse anyone! Any questions you may have, fire away!
I want to shout out at my kick ass beta, Jen! The poor girl is going to have her hands full with me, lol. Don't forget to check out her fic, called Siren's Song. It's looking like it's going to be all kinds of steamy….a 3 way relationship between human Bella, along with Vampire Edward and Jasper. YUMMY!
Leah's POV
"God dammit, Quil! Quit fucking arguing and do your patrol! Why in the hell do you have to question me all the time?" I growled as I patrolled the north end of our territory.
When Jacob left, I was nervous about the Pack respecting my authority, and for the most part, I didn't get any trouble out of them.
Except for Quil.
The little weasel would always try to trump me, trading patrol times and partners just to piss me off, and I wasn't in the mood. I had my own shit to deal with, let alone his petulant childishness.
"Jeeze, Leah, you've been a royal fucking bitch lately! What the hell? Is Elliot not giving it to you like I did?" he taunted, running by me and nipping my flank. I froze at his words, torn between a rage that nearly forced me to kill him, and crippling grief over the news I recently found out.
When Quil saw that I wasn't giving chase, he slowed down and turned to look at me. I couldn't hold it in anymore, so I let out a pitiful howl as my body collapsed to the forest floor. Quil cautiously walked over to me, careful not to get too close. I could hear his confused thoughts, wondering if I was faking just to draw him near, or if I had totally lost it.
I fought to hide my thoughts, the visuals, my grief, but it was no use. The words and images flew from my mind to his, making his whole body tense up when he saw what was upsetting me so badly.
I never broke down in front of these guys. NEVER. To break down like this, as their current Alpha until Jacob returned, was a really bad thing, leaving me vulnerable.
And I was vulnerable enough, DAMMIT!
"Le, I didn't know….is Carlisle sure?" he asked, finally moving next to me and sitting down. I didn't look at him, because I didn't want his pity. I wanted things to stay the same between us, not turn into a mushy Lifetime movie.
"Yes, he's sure," I whined, burying my snout in my paws.
Several months back, after talking to Bella about going on the pill, I went to see Carlisle. Of course, he wanted to run a battery of tests first, along with performing a full examination.
Flashback…..10 months prior………
"Ok, Leah, everything looks good, physically. If your blood work comes back good, then I don't see a reason as to why I can't put you on birth control," Carlisle said, leaving me to get dressed while he went to get my preliminary test results. I was just finishing buttoning up my blouse, when he walked back in, the look on his face making me freeze.
"Leah, have you been having regular periods?" he asked, his brow furrowed. My hands immediately started trembling as my chest started to tighten.
"When I was younger, yeah. They showed up every twenty eight days like clockwork…."
"And when you started phasing?" he asked, his eyes meeting mine.
"They started getting lighter and lighter, then disappeared about a year ago…I just assumed that it was because I was more physically active…patrolling more," I weakly said as my blood started whooshing in my ears.
"I wish you would have come to me about that…Leah, I'm going to have to run a few more tests….mainly fertility and get your hormone levels…but from these results so far, it seems that you have stopped ovulating…," he murmured softly, taking my hand into his as I started to hyperventilate.
"What do you mean?" I asked in a weak voice.
"Leah…I don't know how to say this….but from what I am seeing, it seems that you are in a menopausal state. I don't know if it's because your body isn't aging, putting you into a suspended animation, but like I said, I have to run more tests…," he trailed off.
"So, you're saying…I cannot have children with Elliot?" I asked, my voice growing harsh.
"Yes,…I am so sorry, Leah. But please, let me try to help you here… I can put you on a cycle of progesterone to encourage your body to ovulate on its own, and if it doesn't work, there are a lot of other fertility drugs we can try ….and it's possible Leah, that these tests are wrong..."
"I have to go," I whispered, jumping off the table and running for the stairs.
"Leah, wait!" Carlisle called out, and I spun around, glaring at him.
"Look, doc…you can't help me. I am a genetic dead end, and that's that. I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone, because I have enough shit on my plate right now," I spat, noting as he visibly flinched.
"Leah, please…let me at least try," he begged, his eyes filled with…pity?
"JUST FORGET IT! I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY!" I yelled, wrenching free from him and taking off, without looking back.
Current Day…………
"I'm so sorry," Quil said as he nudged me with his snout.
"Look, jagbag, I do not need your pity! This is my issue, not yours! Go procreate with your precious Claire! GET OUT OF MY FACE!" I growled, snapping my teeth at him. The guy had balls, and he stood his ground, not even flinching.
"Does Elliot know?"
My heart wrenched in my chest when his name was mentioned, and my sobs came harder and harder. I didn't have the heart to tell Elliot. He loved children, and often talked about having as many as Jake and Bella did, someday. I merely smiled and nodded, not having the heart to ruin his dream.
So, I played the part, obtaining packets of birth control pills and pretending to take them. Each day I popped the tiny pill from the disk, my heart died a little bit more, hating the fact that I was deceiving Elliot. I didn't need to take them, but I still did, hoping to lessen the pain in my heart. Hoping … no, praying that somehow Carlisle was wrong.
"No… I don't… I don't have the heart to tell him."
"Shit, Leah. Why not? You guys are Imprinted. It's not like he's going to up and leave you, because you may or may not be able to have children… You guys are head over heels for each other. Even Stevie Wonder could see that! So, this is a little bump in the road? Do you have any idea how many kids out there need good homes? You need to tell him eventually, Le," Quil said, his voice devoid of pity and filled with gentleness.
For once in my lifetime, I saw him in a totally different light. Gone was the cocky bastard who only wanted to get into my pants and torment the hell out of me. Gone was the guy who gave me so much shit that I wanted to beat him to death with his own legs. In that jerks place was a nice guy, who tore down his walls to show me the man he really was.
And it scared the living hell out of me.
"Why are you being so nice to me?"
"Because you need a friend. Yeah, I fuck with you all the time, and have a great time doing it. But under all that crap, I care for you, Le. You are my Pack sister…now my Alpha…and my former fuck buddy," he said, his voice teasing. "But when it comes down to it, you are my family, and I never want to see anything bad happen to you. I may be a prick, but I honestly do care a lot about you."
"Thank you, Quil. For being my friend… but, please, I'm begging you, don't let the others know, ok? I'll continue to patrol with you, that way you can't slip up around the others… I feel like such a failure!" I cried out, a fresh batch of tears streaming down my face. Somehow, in my pain, I phased back, and was now naked. Quil phased too, and when he held me, there was nothing sexual about it.
He didn't try to grope me, didn't make any lewd advances, didn't try to tease or kiss me. All he did was hold and rock me, shushing my tears away. I held onto him so tightly that I knew it would leave bruises, but he didn't seem to care. He kept murmuring into my tear soaked hair how wonderful I was, and that Elliot loved me so much, no matter what. And it went on for such a long while, I lost track of time.
"Le, Seth and Sarah are going to start their shift in a few minutes. Why don't you phase and meet up with them, and I'll walk home like this, ok? This way, I won't slip up and make things any harder for you, sound good?" he asked as he brushed my tears away. I nodded my head, but stopped him when he went to stand up.
"Claire… she's one lucky girl to have you, Quil. You're a really great person," I said, and meant it. His face turned red at my appraising words, and he turned away for a brief second to compose himself.
"Elliot would be a fool to let you go over something so trivial. You give the word, and I'll kick his ass good," he said, partly teasing, partly serious.
"Go home, doofus" I chuckled, getting to me feet. Incredibly, my heart felt lighter, as if a yearlong weight had been lessened. It was still there, but the burden was now shared, which made it much easier to bear.
"Tootles," he called over his shoulder as he began walking in the direction of his house. I quickly phased, then ran out to meet the changing of the guard, running faster, freer than I had in a long time.
Jacob Black….you better get your ass back here, soon! We all have lives to lead here!
Please….be safe, Jake…..come back to us……
JPOV
Peter and I were keeping to the forests and unpopulated areas, as much as we possibly could. When we started out that morning, he left me for an hour to feed, returning with his golden eyes intact.
For some unknown reason, he didn't want me around when he fed, almost as if he was embarrassed. I didn't know why, and I didn't press him on it. If he wanted me to know why, he would tell me.
"Come on, Poochie! I know you must be hungry, so let's get some food in the next town," Peter called out to me.
I wasn't hungry. Not in the least. But rather than get into a huge blowout with him, I caved in, knowing he was absolutely right. Besides, I knew he had an ulterior motive for wanting to stop at the next town….they advertised the best ice cream in Nevada, and that was a guilty pleasure of his.
Flashback……8 months ago……
"Jake, dude, we gotta stop!" Peter whined after we traveled for thirty hours straight. I didn't want to, because the harder I pressed on, the faster I could get home to Bella and my family. I halted my breakneck pace, and turned to look at him, whining in frustration.
"Seriously, let's stop for the night. I can tell you're about to collapse, and you need to eat. Besides, I know of this little place that sells killer ice cream," he said, excitement on his face. I motioned with my head, letting him know that I was about to phase, and once he turned around, I did so, quickly pulling on my T shirt and shorts.
"What does ice cream have anything to do with us stopping off here?" I asked.
"Just shut up and follow me," he gruffly said, leading me down a small path that led to the sleepy little town. We ended up at a 1950's type diner, which made its own ice cream, as well as 'The Best Burgers in a 30 mile radius'. I followed him inside, nearly gagging when he started flirting with the hostess. Once seated, I grabbed a menu and began glancing over my options.
"Why are you looking at a menu, tick? You don't eat," I said, cocking an eyebrow at him. He looked a bit uncomfortable, then wiped the look away with a smirk.
"You know how some of the Cullens have special gifts and shit? Well, I never lost my fondness for human food. I enjoy the tastes, the smells, the textures. My favorite is ice cream, though. I haven't had it in such a long time, so I think I'll have some," he said, pulling his eyes from mine and going back to the menu.
"Oooh kaaay. But, you don't digest it, so, uh, where does it go…uh…later?" I asked, not sure if I even wanted to know. Peter grimaced slightly, then explained.
"Yeah, I don't metabolize it at all, because it holds no nutritional value for me, as you know. Later on….when I can sneak off so nobody will see….I make it come back up. Not pleasant at all, mind you. It sucks ass, to tell you the truth. I don't do it all the time, because I hate barfing, but when I do eat, it makes it all worthwhile," he said.
"A bulimic vampire… nice," was my reply, shuddering at the thought of vomiting.
"Yep, that be me. But hey, makes it a hell of a lot easier blending in, wouldn't you say?" he asked.
"True, true. You are a freak of nature, Petey," I laughed.
"Oh please, wolfman Jack, as if you're not?" he hissed, glaring at me from over his menu.
"Touché"
Current Day………..
"Fine," I replied, letting him lead the way into town. It was early morning, and people were just starting to bustle around, either going to work or running errands for the day. I followed Peter down the boulevard, shrugging off the strange looks we got from the town's people. When we arrived at a small storefront, he opened the door, and ushered me inside.
It was a cute place, with old Western charm, decorated in muted colors. It was a combination of little convenience store, diner and soda shop, and was extremely welcoming. We sat down in a booth, grabbing our menus and placing our orders before any conversation.
"You don't look so hot, Jake. You feeling ok?" Peter asked, looking at me worriedly.
"I'm fine. Let's hurry the hell up, get some rest, then head back out," I gruffly said, ignoring his pissed off look.
Truth be told, I felt like absolute shit. As each day passed that I was away from Bella, my strength slipped away a little bit more. I felt as if a part of me was dying, plaguing me with chronic headaches, nausea, and sharp pains in my stomach and chest. I hid it from Peter, though, not wanting to show weakness, as well as keeping him from bitching me out.
"Maybe we should call this off, man. Go back to La Push, grab half of the Pack, and come back to take Irina out," he mumbled.
"NO! I am not involving my Pack, nor my family in this. We'll continue on, like we have been, and get the job done. Did you get the contacts you needed?" I asked, abruptly changing the subject.
"You are a stubborn prick, you know that? And yes, I got them, wanna see?" he asked, getting to his feet and running to the restroom. He returned a short time later, wearing sunglasses, his face scrunched up.
"Fuck me, I can't see shit out of these things! How do they look?" Peter asked, tipping his glasses so I could have a look. I had to admit, they looked convincing, but with my sharp eyesight, I was able to see that he was wearing them.
"Those are not going to work, Peter. If I can tell that you are wearing them, then the leeches will, too," I said.
"Dammit! How in the hell am I going to sneak around and get info, then? These vamps will take one look at me, with my pretty golden eyes, and know I was up to something! SHIT!" he snarled, digging into his pancakes that had arrived while he was in the bathroom.
"I don't know…maybe I can?" I asked, hearing the ridiculousness of my words as they left my mouth. Peter looked at me, then busted up laughing, so hard that he choked on a piece of pancake.
"Oh man, that's rich! A dog, poking around, trying to fit in with vampires! Are you sure this whole Imprint thing hasn't made you a retard?" he scoffed.
"Shut up and eat, freak flag," I snarled.
"In all seriousness, Jake, we gotta find some way of getting into the inner circle….I have a little idea….DO NOT FREAK OUT ON ME," Peter hissed as he fidgeted in his chair. The hairs on the back of my neck immediately stood up, wondering what in the hell he was up to.
"I'm all ears," I said, my fork poised right in front of my mouth as I waited for him to speak.
"We can…uh…rob a blood blank…I can suck down a few bags…my eyes will turn red….and our little problem goes bye-bye," he answered, not looking at me and playing with his food.
"No. Are you fucking insane? You are too new to this lifestyle, Peter. If you even sip human blood, you know that you could go all crazy and start killing again! No, no, no, no, NO!" I growled, throwing down my fork and glaring at him.
"Look, Jake….I know you don't trust…my kind, but you need to know that you can trust me. I swear to you that my motivation for wanting to do this is not so I can relapse on human blood. We need to find a way in and this is the only way I can think of….SHIT! Maybe I was right, so many years back…," he trailed off.
"What do you mean?" I asked, chewing my food but not tasting it.
"Char and I came to visit Jasper….and I accused him and his family of being driven to insanity because of the animal blood. That it was unnatural for us to do that, and that there would be repercussions. Maybe, because I've been on animal blood for almost a year now….maybe I'm starting to get fucked in the head."
"Peter, you're not crazy…well, not insane crazy, anyway. I understand your motivations here, but I'm scared," I explained as a knot clenched up in my stomach.
"What are you scared of, man? I'll go in, get the info, sex up a couple hottie vamps, then be on my way. That's it, finis!"
Ugh, time to go all Oprah and Dr. Phil on him….feel my emotions or some shit….
"I'm scared that you will lose control, once you drink those bags of blood…and start hunting humans again. I cannot let you do that, Peter. Also….I don't want to have to kill a friend…"
"Jake, man, you gotta trust me, dude! You have my permission to take me out of this miserable existence if I screw up and start feeding from people again. Now, don't be getting all excited, bro. I know I'm a thorn in your side and all that happy horseshit, and you sometimes give me that look like you want to tear off my limbs and beat me over the head with them. All I ask is for you to have a little bit of faith in me." he quietly finished.
I was warring deep inside of my being, wanting to trust him, wanting to have faith in him. It was just too risky for me to let him go off half cocked like he wanted to. I thought the idea was brilliant, but the fallout could be devastating.
Maybe I did need to test him in this way, to see if he really wanted the current lifestyle he had been living since coming to me so many months ago. Because of my growing, weakening state, I would have to test him quickly in order for me to be able to handle him if he did go off the deep end.
"Fine. You fuck up, and you're a dead ma..er…THING," I snapped.
"I won't let you down, Tanto!" he smirked.
Hours later, when darkness set in for the night, we went to the local blood bank, and tried to find an easy way inside. Since Peter was several inches shorter than I was, I helped him wiggle through a broken window.
Now, I stood outside, pacing, nervous, watching for any people who might come by. My mind kept going to this visual of an all you can eat buffet, with Peter laying, sprawled on his back…hundreds of empty blood bags around him, his stomach swollen and satisfied.
In the midst of my disturbing visuals, a hand slapped my shoulder, making me jump several feet into the air.
"You are such a shit! What the hell took you so long?" I hissed, trying not to all out yell.
"Jake, I timed myself, buddy boy. I was gone for four minutes and thirty seven seconds. So shut your gob and let's get the hell out of here so I can go drink these in peace," Peter said, holding the six packets against his chest like he was holding a newborn child.
I have a REALLY bad feeling about this………
"You can drink those at the hotel, now let's go," I said, turning to walk away, but stumbling when a wave of extreme dizziness and weakness crushed me.
"Whoa, there, buddy. You ok?" he asked, his brow furrowed.
"Yeah, I need some sleep," I replied, once the weakness passed. Peter cocked his eyebrow at me, then shook his head in frustration.
"You took on the wrong animal to shift into. You should have been a bull…," he grumbled as he stalked away from me. I followed behind him, slightly pouting. My mind was whirling, wondering what in the hell was wrong with me.
Maybe I'm getting sick or something…..I have never felt this bad before….other than when I phased for the first time…It has to be the Imprint….being away from Bells for this long is slowly killing me….I just have to hang on a little longer….then I'm on the first plane back to La Push……..Please give me the strength I need to hang on just a little longer…..Please….
When we got to the hotel we checked into after dinner, I laid down on the bed and began my nightly ritual of staring at the phone. Everything else faded away, and all I could see was the cheap, black, plastic phone that would bring Bella's sweet voice to me.
"Maybe you should call her…," Peter said.
"You know I can't. Once I hear her voice, I'll go running back, Peter. Then all of this torture would have been for nothing. No. We finish this, then I call her. End of discussion," I firmly said, glaring at him to get my point across. He narrowed his golden eyes at me, then shrugged.
"Alright. Your call. I'm not the one being torn to shreds by an Imprint. So, did you want me to do this here, or do you want me to leave?" he asked, motioning to the bags of blood lying next to him.
"Uh, here? Do you really think I'm going to let you out of my sight once you drink those? You're out of your nonexistent mind," I hissed, closing my eyes as the dizziness came over me once more.
"Here goes nothing, then. Chug a lug, chug a lug! Makes ya wanna say HI DEE HO! What's the fuckin' sense of drinkin' slow? CHUG A LUG, CHUG A LUG!" he sang before sinking his teeth onto the first bag. Immediately his body went rigid, and a feral growl escaped his lips, followed by an almost sexual moan.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up, my whole body tensing as he slurped away. When he finished the final bag, he turned to look at me, wiping off his mouth with the back of his hand. His eyes began to shift right away, going from gold, to dark bronze, to muddy reddish brown, to crimson. His eyes narrowed as he looked at me and grinned evilly, his teeth stained red with the blood.
"Ahhh! Now I finally have the strength to kill your sorry ass, once and for all!" he snarled, launching himself at me. I shot up from the bed and went to phase, then freaked out when I couldn't find the strength to do so. His body slammed into mine, his fingers circled my throat as he went to try and strangle me.
Then he started to laugh. Hard.
"OH! MY! GOD! You should have seen the look on your face, dude! PRICELESS!" he snorted, falling off the bed as he laughed like a manic.
"You are psycho!" I yelled as I ran into the bathroom to compose myself.
My whole body was shaking terribly. Full tremors that shook me from head to toe. My nightly panic attack began taking hold of me, forcing me to suck in deep breaths as I tried to calm myself.
"Oh, come on, Jake! I was just messing with you! Open the door, man!" he laughed from the other side. He knocked a few times, then continued to holler at me to open the door.
I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I was so weak that I could barely stand. I was so out of it that I barely registered the fact that Peter kicked the door in, nor the smirk that slowly faded from his face as he looked at me. The last thing I saw were his red eyes, and him yelling my name….then darkness took me over and I slumped to the floor.