A troll drags twenty-five pounds of garbage out of his restaurant. He groans from the pressure against his old back. The garbage stops moving for a second for the troll to wipe yellow sweat from his forehead. Why did his employees have to go home early on garbage night? They're just a bunch of lazy pests.

He returns to the trash dragging it to the front of his pizza joint. The troll sighs; a job is finally done right. Now, he can go home and take a nice bubble bath-

A flying object hits and knocks down the trash can, spilling its contents. He sees that the object is a now broken glass bottle of water.

"Hey Phizles!"

Phizles looks up at his caller. Someone is standing in an open roof limo window shouting at him.

"Look at me now Phizles! I'm Vriska Fucking Serket!" She cackles at him and drops back into the limo.

Jade Harley worries, "You didn't hit anyone did you Vriska?"

She continues to laugh, "No I didn't, but you should've seen his face. That'll teach him for treating me like shit when I worked for him." Vriska turns to the only sea dweller in the ride, "Thanks for the water Peixes! I'll let you know if I need another one."

Feferi is perplexed, "I think I know why you wanted us to go this way."

"Please, I only gave him what he deserved." Vriska nudges the troll next to her, "You agree with me, right Kanaya?"

The jade troll spills her own bottle of water on her skirt, "Oh no." She tries to dry it up quickly.

Vriska continues to laugh, "What's your problem? It's only water! If you keep this up, I'll have to start calling you fussy fangs!" Kanaya frowns at Vriska's behavior.

"Did you start drinking before we left?" Jade asks annoyed.

"No I'm just in high spirits!"

Feferi forces a smile on her face, "Yes and when you are drunk, it'll be great for everyone to go home in this limo. I won't deny that I want everyone home safe . . and anyone in your path Vriska."

"Actually I think I'll have to take a taxi home," Kanaya informs.

"Why? This is supposed to be a girls' night out fun time!" The sea dweller pouts, "Don't tell me that you are leaving early."

"No nothing of that sort, I just live opposite of where the rest of you live. I would hate to take advantage of your limo and put everyone out of their way."

Jade frowns, "Come on Kanaya- wait, how do you know we live so far away from you?"

"Well," Kanaya blushes, "I do view your addresses often for mail and checks of sorts."

"But I don't work with the rest of you," Feferi questions.

"True, but Mr. Captor does have me send things to your house, Ms. Peixes."

Both trolls blush remembering the sort of 'things,' "Right . . . Hey call me Feferi. You're off duty."

"Yeah!" Jade agrees, "Stop talking to us so formal, we're all crazy friends here!"

"If you say so Feferi, Jade," she turns to the blue blood, "Do you agree Ms. Serket?"

"Call me whatever you want fussy fangs, but you need to calm down if you want to have some fun tonight."

"That reminds me," Jade begins, "I invited someone with us to increase our funitude!"

Vriska takes a swing from a fresh bottle of water, "Who is it?"

"You don't know her, but I'm sure you'll get along."

The driver's window rolls down, "We are here Ms. Peixes."

"That's great Galamoz."

Feferi's limo driver steps out and opens the door for the females. One by one they step outside and take in the view. A club with bright lights and loud music inside attracts the small line waiting for entrance. A buff troll bouncer stands at the door.

Jade smiles, "This is sooo cool!"

"Yeah whatever, blaring lights are fun to look at," Vriska rolls her eyes. "Let's just get in already."

Feferi jumps up, "I'll see about getting us in, I'm sure it'll be a snap!" She runs off to speak to the bouncer.

"Jade, who's our mysterious special guest?" Kanaya quires.

"Hmm I don't see her right now." Jade searches around the crowd, "I wonder if she went in already, I asked her to wait for us." The trained officer continues to search the area and across the street; however, she becomes so involved in her search that she doesn't notice the troll who sneaked behind her and spoke in her ear.

"Why Ms. Lime what a pleasant surprise."

Jade screams surprised and turns around, "Terezi?"

The troll laughs at Jade's upset, "My my, what is an officer of the law doing in a place like this?"

"Girl's night out?"

Vriska pops out from the crowd to frown at Terezi, "Is this it? I'm disappointed Jade, I thought this guest would be special. I know this blind bat."

"And I know you Vriska." Terezi grins, "However, I can't tell if you're Ms. Blueberries or Ms. Cotton Candy right now. But I'll go with Ms. Blueberries since those are bitterer."

Kanaya steps in, "Good evening Ms. Pyr- I mean Terezi. Enjoying the night?"

"Definitely, I caught some bastard today who stole food. Claimed it was for the orphans, like I never heard that one before. Justice cares not for the weak minded."

Jade starts to feel awkward in this now tense group of trolls, "Well we're still waiting on someone Terezi, but I'm sure we'll be happy if you came along."

"Sure, I could use some good company. Who else is here?"

"Well our friend Feferi is trying to get us in, and we're still waiting for-"

"Jade?" A young blonde woman taps on the officer's shoulder.

"Rose!" The other woman abruptly wraps her arms around her friend. "So glad you're here!"

"Agreed," Rose removes herself from the grip. "I've just turned in an essay and feel like celebrating. Who are we dining with?"

Jade forgot about the confused trolls around her," Oh right! Everyone this is Rose, she's a friend I met a short time ago. Rose, this is Terezi, Vriska, Kanaya, and Feferi is around somewhere." All the trolls give their idea of an appropriate greeting except Kanaya who acknowledges the woman with a frown.

Rose ignores the strange greetings and wipes the teal spit from her hand onto her skirt, "It's nice to meet all of you."

"Oh Rose!" Jade bounces, "I forgot to tell you that Feferi got us a limo. We rode in a limo! You can too when we go home."

Jade's friend tries to calm her down, "I'm not too sure about that Jade, I live far off and I've planned to take a taxi home. I hope you understand."

"Far off?" Jade ponders this for a second, "Oh I got a great idea, you can ride home with Kanaya!" Rose gives an innocent smile considering this proposal.

Kanaya thinks otherwise, "Excuse me?"

"This is perfect!" Jade ignores the troll, "You two can share cab fare and tell silly stories! I thought you two would get along great! You'll be friends by the end of the night, I'm sure of it!"

Rose smiles at the troll, "That's fine by me Kanaya. I could use the companionship for the ride home."

The human sticks out her hand for a shake, and Kanaya stares at it disgusted on the inside. She hesitantly accepts, "Sure, I'm positive that we'll have a blast." No one can see it but Kanaya is screaming inside her head.

Rose withdraws her hand that now feels a little sore for some reason, "Well I'm excited now. When can we get in?"

"Never." Feferi glooms at her company as she joins them. "The bouncer is a jerk; he wouldn't let me in no matter what." Rose peers over at the bouncer.

"One second please," and she leaves the group to speak to the frightening troll. Interested, the others follow her.

The bouncer takes one look at Rose and steps aside, "Nice to see you again Ms. Lalonde."

Rose smiles and gestures at her party to join her inside. Jade is astounded.

"How did you do that?"

"I have connections."

"Seriously Gamzee, how do you even live like this?" Karkat Vantas complains while standing in the mess that is Gamzee's apartment. Trash, clothes, horns, clubs and pie tins completely litter the floor. The trolls walk through in this ankle deep disaster.

"I guess it's just one big motherfucking miracle bro." The other troll finds his couch and collapses resting in its glory.

Karkat gets closer to the couch but backs away throwing his hand over his nose and mouth. "Why the fuck does this smell like . . I can't even fucking name it!"

"Chill bro, I just had some good times on this couch." He gives a deep laugh, "Good times."

"Blag!" Karkat jumps in the air, "Something just brushed against my leg!"

"Yeah, that'll happen. Aren't they little miracles?"

"Gamzee this place needs to be cleaned up. As your moirail I order it. I don't know how I can ever come here again after this traumatizing experience."

The other troll sniffs the air, "Oooo I think I smell some of my pie finally baked." He gets up and goes to his kitchen, "Want some?"

"No Gamzee," Karkat kicks some of the trash, "I do not want your disgusting pie. Do I look like I want to get doped up so Chief Ass Sweat can do a surprise drug test tomorrow and get me fired? Is that what I want to do Gamzee? Because now that I think about it I honestly don't know since I listened to you and came here. I must be the most idiotic living creature alive. So please tell Gamzee because you are the fucking genius in the room!"

"Bro you're funny, I know you don't have work tomorrow."

Karkat rests on a randomly placed wooden chair. He lights a cigarette, "Can we just find your stupid pet now?"

"Sure bro, I miss the little motherfucker. He makes this shit feel like home." Gamzee starts searching through the trash.

"I swear the animal rights activist would have your head swinging if they knew."

"Fonzie!" Gamzee shouts at the microwave. He pulls out a turtle with white makeup on its shell, "What are you doing there you little motherfucker. Had me all worried and shit. I was praying for days that you'd come back."

Karkat stares horribly amazed at his friend, "Why do you have a fucking turtle named Fonzie?"

"Well bro, I was at this sweet motherfucking pet store, and I met this fine body of a troll there. I talked to him forever bro. I felt bad for taking up his time, so I got this awesome turtle! Look at him, he runs so fast."

"Gamzee it's a fucking turtle. A fucking turtle!"

The now happy troll continues, "I got the name from this human show Happy Days. It's the motherfucking bitching tits best friend. You have to tell me that you watched this miracle show."

"Gamzee." Karkat takes a deep breath to calm down, "Why would I watch a show with the fucking word happy in it!"

"I wonder what it's like," the drugged troll continues, "to live in a tv. What if you didn't like the motherfuckers in with ya? Then it gets dark and what happens then bro? I just don't know. But they are all the best motherfuckers and pull through it. Make me laugh and cry every time. How do they know me so well? Joanie is the shit's tits and I just want to grab her in my arms and hug her. But I couldn't get in the tv, the miracles couldn't let me have that. Oh Merciful Messiahs why!" Gamzee falls to the ground hugging and crying to his turtle.

"Fuck you for making me hear that." Karkat nudges his sorry excuse for a best friend with his foot, "Get up, I'm leaving now."

Gamzee stands up but remembers something, "Oh fuck."

"What is it now?"

"I just all up and remembered that I lost my motherfucking wallet."

Karkat is frozen, "You mean to tell me you lost the wallet I fucking gave you?"

"Yup."

He sighs and brings the cigarette to his mouth, "Put the turtle away, we're looking for your wallet even if it takes us the whole night."

AN: Updates might be delayed for a while.