Chapter two ... Keep an eye on the year ... time has skipped.
Each chapter is prompted by a verse of the lyrics.
The song is 'The One' by Kodaline. I am now seeing them in concert in March ... So excited :)
I know,
We'll have our disagreements,
Be fighting for no reason.
I wouldn't change it for the world.
2012
Clary stares out of the window watching the rain patter down on the glass. She bites her lower lip and tries to clear her mind.
She feels arms wrap themselves around her and momentarily she is filled with warmth and happiness. Until one sentence enters her mind and she stiffens under his touch.
"Don't ..." She says shrugging him off.
"Clary..." He says softly pulling her against him, "don't be like this."
She sighs and lets his body wrap around her she bites her lower lip again. Her eyes are clenched tight as she tries to stop unwelcome thoughts spring to mind and tries to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. She doesn't succeed and they spill down her face silently.
She rips herself from his grasp and runs into the bathroom barring the door behind her. And she sinks against the floor and she finally lets herself cry properly.
"Clary... Open this door right now!" She hears his voice call as he knocks on the door.
"Leave me alone!" She shouts out her voice thick from crying and the banging on the door stops.
"I'm not leaving until you open this door." He says loudly but his voice is muted by the barrier between them.
"Well you'll be waiting a very long time!" She shouts anger welling up inside her.
"Fine! Have it your way ... I'm going out! I'll see you once you've calmed down." He shouts through the door. She hears shuffling noises and the front door slam.
At that her anger dissipates and raw hot pain emanates from her chest. She is sobbing now and curls up on the floor weakly. She pulls herself into the foetal position and let's all the emotion inside her pour out until she feels empty inside. She feels drained and she falls asleep on the cold hard ground.
When she wakes up her head hurts from crying but she finds she is no longer in the bathroom. But lying across their bed. Jace has his arms wrapped tightly around her. His head is buried into the back of her neck as he holds her against his body.
"How...?" She starts her voice groggy from sleep.
"You scared me... I had to take the door off its hinges..." He says quietly breathing deeply. His arms tighten perceptibly around her.
"Jace..." She starts but holds herself back, "I need some water... My head hurts."
He lets go of her and disappears out of the room. When he comes back in he has a tall glass of water and two white tablets. She pops the tablets into her mouth and downs the glass of water. She sets it on the bedside table and sinks back down onto the bed.
Jace pulls her around so she is facing him. He takes her hands and laces them with his own. She looks at her small white hands in his larger golden ones staring for a moment she feels at peace. She looks up at him and he looks visibly upset.
"Clary..." He says softly, "this might not be the right time to say this ..."
"I don't want to talk about it anymore... I don't want to argue anymore." She says weakly.
The argument they had this morning was off the scales. Literally one of their worst ever. And it wasn't something that could be solved by a kiss or an apology.
"I'm not going to change my mind." He says simply as if he were stating the colour of the sky or the fact that it is raining outside.
"I just... I hoped that you might change your mind... Maybe someday." She says in a resigned tone.
"I'm not going to lie to you, Clarissa. I'm not going to give you false hope. I love you isn't that enough?" He asks his voice tense but soft at the same time.
The words she screamed at him this morning echo through her mind like a haunting memory. If you truly loved me you would want this. You would want a family with me.
"Jace..." She says sighing.
"I can't Clary... It would just be wrong. All wrong ... I couldn't put anyone through what I went through growing up. It ruined me. It's never even been a consideration for me." He says softly with no apology.
"You are not your father." Clary says but it's not a defensive argument anymore it's more of a consoling sentence.
"I am my father's son... I am everything he made me." Jace states simply.
She sighs and she knows out of everything she could possibly convince him otherwise about this is the one thing she can't pull him out of. The one dark hole that Jace retreats to where even she can't reach him.
"Can we just... I don't want to talk about it anymore." She says burying herself against his chest. She breathes in his scent deeply to calm herself down. Despite everything his arms are the only place she can find comfort.
"Do you hate me?" He asks pulling her closer.
"I love you." She says tiredly.
"I'm sorry I can't give you this." He says dejectedly, "Anything else and you know..."
"Please Jace, just stop talking. I can't argue about this anymore." She says sighing.
"Are you going to leave me?" he asks in a tone that is full of agony.
She stops and looks up at him in confusion.
"What?" she asks as if she isn't sure she heard him correctly.
"I can't give you the one thing you want the most..." he says looking pained.
She laughs lightly but there's a hint of pain in it.
"You're the one thing I want the most, Jace Herondale. Here in your arms ..." She admits blushing, "I'm home."
He smiles back at her a genuine smile. "You're home to me, Clarissa. I would do anything for you ... You know that." He says smiling.
Except that. The words silently manifest in her head
"Can we just rest?" Clary asks yawning. Their shouting and crying has drained her and she just wants him to hold her despite everything else. She loves him, she always has and always will.
"I can't sleep if you're angry at me." He says quietly.
"I'm not... I'm just ... Just hold me." She says and he wraps his arms around her. She presses herself against his chest listening to the thudding of his heart. It is faster than usual but the steady rhythm still manages to lull her to sleep.
The last words she hears before she drifts off.
"I love you. I love you more than anything Clarissa Fray. You're my world."
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When she awakes her back is pressed to his front and she can feel him against her back. His head is nestled against her neck his arms around her waist. She feels an involuntary clench in her lower abdomen as she feels his hardness pressed against her. Their argument though still in her mind is but a distant memory. She can't stay mad at him for long. Even this, deep down she knows he isn't trying to hurt her. This is the way life has made him.
He is fast asleep. His breathing even. She wants to wake him up and grins as she presses herself further back against him.
She hears him groan in his sleep and moves her hips until she is grinding her ass up against him. She feels him harden further and his breathing becomes unsteady.
She feels him awaken abruptly and his arms tighten against her body.
"If this is how you're going to wake me up after we argue... I think we should argue more often.." He says his voice hoarse.
"I need you..." She says turning around to whisper in his ear.
"I need you more..." He says moaning against her as he trails kisses from her ear to her neck.
"Do you love me, Jace?" She asks softly. She always asks him this at moments like this.
"More than anything. I love you, I love you even when you're arguing with me about who finished the milk."
"I love you even when you get annoyed at me for hogging the bathroom." She says back smiling.
"I love you ... No matter what." He says incoherently as he kisses her neck.
He pulls brings her face down to his and captures her lips in a sweet kiss.
And at that moment she forgets everything. Why they ever argued. All she knows is that she loves him and couldn't bear to live without him.
Thanks for reading. Please hit review and check out my other stories.
Much love x