Still own nothing! Well, other than this mysterious new villain... at least, i think i own him. I've always wanted to write a torture scene, so be prepared... actually, i've been wanting to write a Joker/ Batman for a while now, ever since i discovered the fandom.

Ugh. Blackness. A lot of dark – well, obviously it was dark, the Joker chided himself – blackness. And then his head hurt. And his chest. The Joker's hand slid up to rest just under his collar bone, feeling the rather large bruise that had formed. Oh right – that was where the bastard had gotten him with a stun gun.

The Joker shook his head, chuckling to himself. Ow. His throat felt as if it were filled with needles. Even laughter was proving depressingly painful.

"So you're awake." The breathy voice came from somewhere to his right.

The Joker squinted, trying to see better in the dark.

"Uh, no, I always laugh in my sleep," he said, checking for restraints. Brief inspection made it clear that he was handcuffed by both wrists to the wall just above his head, leaving him in a rather uncomfortable sitting position.

"What do you think of my hospitality?" asked the voice.

"Love it, love it," answered the Joker airily. "Ya know, I haven't had a room this good since I dated a dominatrix. Of course, she did have better lighting."

"Sarcasm?" asked the voice, sounding genuinely disappointed. "Is that any way to behave when I've gone to all this trouble to get you such a nice surprise?"

"Well, gosh," said the Joker. "How'd you know I, uh, loved surprises?"

"I know everything about you," whispered the voice. "I'm your – "

"Biggest fan. I know. Ya mentioned it before the whole, uh, thing with the stun gun." The Joker clicked his tongue. "Not ver-ry nice."

"You wouldn't have come with me otherwise," said the voice. "I had to use the stun gun. But you're not hurt."

"No," agreed the Joker. "Now, uh, what's this surprise?"

"Don't you want to guess?" asked the voice.

"All right," said the Joker, pretending to think. "I love guessing games."

"I know you do."

"And I know you know I do. Are ya gonna let me guess or not?"

"Go ahead," said the voice. The Joker could hear the smile, even if he couldn't even see the tips of his own fingers.

"Is it… a puppy?" asked the Joker, his mocking grin just as wide as the one worn by his captor.

"Guess again."

"Brooks Brother's latest pinstripe suit?"

"Guess again."

"A batch of… cookies?"

"Guess again."

"Dynamite."

"Guess again."

"Fingernails."

"Guess again."

"Bazookas."

"Guess again."

"Bombs."

"Guess again."

"Uh.. cactuses!"

"Guess again."

"Turtles."

"Guess again."

"A piñata."

No dice.

"A pony?" The Joker's smile now threatened to split his face in half as he continued to guess the first things that came into his head. "Playing cards, vodka, lawnmowers, tinsel…"

"A bat," said the voice.

The Joker blinked. "A bat?" he echoed, momentarily confused. And then he understood. For the first time that night the smile slid completely off his face, replaced by a puzzled frown. "How?" he demanded, sitting up taller, straining against his chains. How had this measly, dressed-up wannabe managed to capture the Batman when he, the Joker, had tried so many times and failed?

The lights clicked on. The Joker blinked against the sudden onset of brightness, the room falling into gradual belief. They were in a large storage room, most likely a basement or warehouse of some kind. The slight growth of fungus on the walls led him to believe they were underground. He was in a cell of some kind, shackled to the wall. His captor stood in the middle of the room, dressed exactly as he'd been on the rooftop, his eyes still shaded. And in the cell across from his, suspended by identical chains, was Batman. Unlike the Joker, he hadn't recovered from whatever means their jailer had used to trap him there, and was still unconscious.

Lucky for him, the Joker caught himself thinking bitterly. "How did ya let it happen, Bats?" he whispered disbelievingly. "How did ya let yourself get got by an amateur?" In a way, he felt almost betrayed.

"It was actually pretty easy," said the man modestly. "You could have captured him ages ago yourself, if you'd actually tried."

"Oh, believe me, I tried," hissed the Joker, eyes still fixed on Batman.

"No," said the man," and for the first time he sounded slightly angry. "You let him get away. And he let you get away. You were stuck playing cat and mouse, and soon your whole life became about that silly cat and mouse game. You started to… lose your touch. Whenever you pulled a heist, your heart wasn't in it. I couldn't let that happen to you." He turned to the Joker, his hat falling back so that his face was finally visible for the first time.

A pale, mousy face with sandy blonde bangs and poison green eyes and those thin, ruby lips. A face that absolutely glowed with something almost religious in its fervor. "I'm going to save you," he said.

The Joker laughed nervously. "O-kay," he said. "Uh, thanks for the present, and all, but, uh, I don't think I really need saving."

"Oh, you do," said the man confidently. The Joker studied him closer. He couldn't be more than a year over twenty.

"How so?" he asked, interested.

"Oh…" the man said. "You'll see. Soon enough." He moved forward, his footsteps impossibly quiet against the ground. The Joker watched with increased wariness as the man's hand slipped again towards his pocket. "I'm going to have to stun you again," he said apologetically. "It's just, I need you to do what I want."

"Heh." The Joker licked his lips nervously, tongue flicking out over the ragged flesh of the scars. "Any chance you'll, uh, just trust me on this?" he asked, deliberately not flinching as the man drew out the stun gun and unlocked the door of his cell.

"Sorry," said the man, and the Joker saw stars.

When his vision cleared again, the Joker was in the same cell as Batman, and the masked man was apparently just beginning to regain consciousness. "Wakey, wakey," the Joker murmured under his breath, wondering what their captor had in store for them.

"Where am I?" Batman whispered, his voice pitched differently than the Joker remembered. He frowned, but then Batman seemed to fully take in the figure in front of him, and he lunged forward against the restraints. "You!" he said, voice back to the familiar deep growl.

The Joker smiled innocently. "Not me this time, Bat Man," he said, making the name sound like an insult. "Uh, I'm in the cell too, see?"

Batman looked around, seeing their jailer for the first time. He looked back and forth from the joker to the man in the hat, apparently (it was hard to tell with the mask) confused. "What's going on?" he demanded harshly.

"That would be telling," said the man amiably. The Joker, who had positioned himself far out of Batman's reach, shrugged.

"Now," said the man, now standing only two feet from the cell. "I'm going to ask you to do something."

The Joker shook his head. "Now, why would I do something just because you asked?"

"Trust me," said the man. "This is something you'll want to do." His eyes flicked to Batman.

"Go on," ordered the Joker, growing impatient.

The man slowly dragged his eyes back to the Joker. "Take off his mask."

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