Chapter II

All the important characters were relocated to Lorien after Bombadil had been sighted in the area. They all were riding Elf style of horseback riding, meaning no saddles, on one foot, operating their bows with their right hands and their teeth, and holding a cup of tea in the other, while the horse was rearing up, walking on two legs, while balancing a mug of ale on their heads, except for the Hobbits and Gimli, cause they're lame.

When they finally arrived at Lorien, it was already preparing for an attack. They'd gotten wind of a troop of happy prancing ballerina Orcs (after Sauron was reduced to a wandering eye floating aimlessly around Middle-Earth, the Orcs established happy little colonies of ballerinas) and were terrified of their oncoming threat, but a lot more than they should have been. Being a new arrival, Xelma was permitted to have dinner at the super long table where the high Elves of the town ate. There were a few others there, assorted Elves, mostly from Lorien, a few from Rivendell, and she was the only from Mirkwood that she saw. There was a strange Elf at the end of the table who looked like she was hating every minute of it was eating as fast as she could. Galadriel mistook this gesture. "I am glad you like the meal. I cooked it myself." She said, as she readjusted her hairnet.

They all ate faster after that, but were not allowed to leave until the Lady of Lorien (who had once been the lunch lady at the Mirkwood School) gave her speech.

"I am glad that you all were able to make it today. I was thinking about assigning two select students to bodyguard Tom's suspected targets.

"I know! The two who graduated alone. You probably need the companionship anyway." Xelma nearly choked on the disgusting failed lembas, prepared by the fail of a lunch lady. "You there, from Mirkwood, I have no clue what your name is, you're on Frodo, because I heard you are always looking away by accident when he does the... er... eye thing. And that random other Elf who likes my cooking" (and in that moment the moody Elf slipped off her chair and hid) "-oh, um... what are you doing? Anyway, I want you on Sam. I hope you like art, 'cause he's taken up painting with no garden of his own."

Faint crying could be heard from under the table, and she dashed out the door, to which Galadriel was oblivious to.

So, later, they met up at the Hobbit's door. They didn't talk to each other, and both ignored Sam when he flipped through his sketch pad, which had a variety of abstract arts painted into it that happened to look like Frodo (with no intent on Sam's behalf). But then, one day, they were walking past the garden windows, which a large Lorien tree was planted that grew right up there to the sixth story, and Gimli and Legolas were happening to walk by a few feet away, and then Bombadil's grinning face appeared in the trees. His eyes were crossed and pure red, and his mouth foamed, and he was readily swinging an ax covered in blood, and they all jumped back a few paces. Gimli looked at his friend, and said, "They probably need our help! But I can't see what's going on outside that window!"

"Oh, would you like me to get a box?"

"Woah, laddy, watch what you're saying there!"

"But I'm older than you!"

"Yeah... but you're blond!" and he shoved Legolas, who made a face at him, then looked at his fists for a few seconds, not knowing what to do with them. Then, they got into an awkward little fist fight. Xelma and Faenstra stared at them for a moment, then muttered, "Juveniles." Then Bombadil jumped out of the tree like a wild cat, then advanced on them. "Get out of the way, children!" Faenstra ordered the halflings. Frodo screamed, "You racist!" then ran over to Sam and cried into Sam's shoulder. "They're all racists..." and Sam shot them a dirty look, and they shrugged, and drew an arrow to the string.

Magically, Bombadil reflected the arrows, cackling madly, and brandished his knife, and started singing, "Old McDonald had a knife! Bwa, ha, ha, ha ,ha!"

So the Hobbits started to run, forgetting about any racist remarks for the present, and Bombadil frowned, which may have looked scarier than his mad grins. The Lorien alarm special for Bombadil sightings started playing; Old McDonald had a Knife...

And Bombadil mysteriously popped back out of the window. He was not seen for another good day. So the Elves ran around the palace, trying to find the little 'children', and they found them in an old storage room. Both were splayed out on boxes, and Xelma raised her eyebrow. "Are they sleeping?"

And sure enough, Sam, at least, was snoring wickedly loud. Xelma grabbed a pan from the rack on the side, and put it over his face, and miraculously he didn't wake up, but it amplified the noise of his snoring, so she took it off and went into a rage.

After setting the room on fire in a couple of places, she walked over to Faenstra, who was staring straight forward, looking brain dead. "What are you doing?"

She blinked a couple of times, then looked angrily at her, and said, "Shut up! I'm talking to my mom."

Xelma for several more weeks thought she was insane, and left it at that.

So the Hobbits, of course, wanted to do something that turns out to be dangerous, like people who are assigned bodyguards always do, and went for a walk in the woods. The bodyguards, of course, were taking tea break, while elf style riding, off a few miles away, and Sam got side tracked with some tasty mushrooms on the edge of the path that only the Hobbits liked. And Frodo was all alone, as usual, and he came across Boromir- or Piggamir- he couldn't tell which- and he shadily asked, "I don't suppose you still have that ring of yours, or do you?"

"Boro-Pigga-mir, you need to stay with the times! Didn't you hear? I got the ring into Mount..."

But the 'Mir advanced on him. "Hehehe, I bet you still have..." but Frodo dashed off in the other direction, screaming "STRANGER DANGER!"

And the Elves of Lorien on patrol all rushed over at the sound of a frightened child. "We heard a child cry out!"

From a half a mile away, they heard, "RACISTS!" and the 'mir was taken off to prison with Arwen.