The Lost Heart
Chapter 2
Sirius didn't know where to look. Everything had passed in a blur, a very fast blur. Harry had been placed on a hospital bed by his father. By his father, the very man that was supposed to be dead and wasn't. Sirius took a shaky breath and hunched over, burying his face in his hands as he tried to accept the past few minutes. Everything was so wrong.
So very wrong.
Remus had shoved him in to this marked off hospital bed. The curtains were drawn tight and he was sure that they were spelled shut as well. Sirius doubted he could get out, he didn't know where his wand was anyway. He had dropped it. No, he hadn't dropped it so much as it had slipped out of his fingers when he had been blasted through the veil.
Another shaky breath. Another shudder.
Everything had gone black and cold. He had seen Harry running at him from across the room, he had seen Remus diving after. And then the curtains had fallen down and he didn't see anything anymore. Everything had just gone on and on forever. A darkness that never ended, he hadn't even known if his eyes were opened or closed until something soft and warm landed hard in to his cold stomach. He had thought it was an enemy or an animal at first and grappled at it.
Then the weightless feeling went away and Sirius realized he was falling on to the thing that had run in to them. He had fallen on the body as they tumbled out on to the cold hard floor of the battlefield. Sirius had glanced down once to see what had run in to him even as he started to scramble from the invisible fingers of the veil. That one glance obliterated all other thoughts in his mind. All he could think of was his godson.
Harry.
His Harry.
Sirius pushed the heels of his palms in to his eyes as if that could stop the headache that was approaching. He was cold, he was damp with sweat and above all else he felt sick to the core. He had met up with the other kids, not even thinking about how this would expose his identity at all. He just wanted to get Harry to the hospital wing. He was unconscious, Sirius had to help his only godson, James's only child. The last Potter…
Sirius whined deep in to his throat. His head ached awfully.
…But when he had arrived, Remus had appeared. And then he had seen that the warm hands on his shoulders belonged to a dead man. James Potter. James had eyed him like Sirius was the corpse as he pulled Harry from his weak arms. He pulled him over to a bed as Remus came about and shoved Sirius in to isolation.
And now, sitting here all alone, Sirius couldn't even muster up the tears of frustration. He couldn't cry, he was just so tired. He didn't even feel anything at this point—drained, he was just drained at this point. Another sigh. Sirius used his feet to toe off his shoes. He glanced down to the dark grey socks before he laid back on the hospital bed. He was a hard bed, it always had been. But at least it was better then nothing. Sirius threw his arms off to the side, letting them hang off the sides of the hospital wing's bed and let his mind wander.
He didn't understand what had happened. Remus had tried to explain where they were going on the way over, but Sirius hadn't been listening. Oh, he was regretting that already. He sorely wished he had listened to the werewolf now. But then again another part of him didn't regret not listening. He had been able to save his godson after all, right? That had to be worth something in the end, right?
As long as Harry was alright, as long as Harry lived on then Sirius didn't mind throwing his life away. It was his fault that James was dead. It was his actions that had killed Harry's father. It was only right that he die doing his best to ensure Harry's safety. To die in the place of family so that they would live on—James had done it, Lily had done it. Sirius had been about to do it… And then he had fallen in to that queer veil.
Sirius sighed again and crushed the anger that welled inside him. He didn't know what had happened. Someone knew, or had an idea. Maybe it was best to have him sit here and wait while things from the battle were sorted out. Maybe he was in trouble for showing himself off to the kids. He was a wanted criminal. Sirius stiffened, but even then that didn't explain James. Sirius raised his arms and placed his hands over his face, only dimly surprised about the tear tracks that had appeared on his face.
Remus would know what to do. He always did. But Sirius was tired of sitting and waiting! He had sat and waited for a whole year in that god forsaken house of his Purist mother who had yapped more then a small dog! Sirius growled in a dog like fashion as his fingers crawled up to curl in his dirty hair. His body tensed, all he wanted to do now was move. He had to move, he had to do something because all this waiting was killing him!
James rubbed Remus's left shoulder as the man hunched over against the wall by Harry's bed. They hadn't found anything wrong with him, Remus had deemed him to just be asleep. It hadn't taken long to settle the other children down and helped send them off to the land of healing sleep with a few well placed suggestions and potions. They were relatively unharmed and because of that they were easily dismissed in place of the current 'problem'.
They had calmly sent them off.. but as soon as the last child went under to start their recovery, the tears had broken out. Remus had sobbed. The fit hadn't lasted long but it had drained the other of what little energy he had with him. All James had gotten for his efforts to help calm the other down was a hollow stare and more tears.
It had been the best option to wait it out. Even if it had driven James mad as he had done so.
He sighed, James didn't know what was happening. But Sirius was dead and that was the end of it. But that man had been.. unmistakenable. He wasn't the Sirius that any of them remembered but James was unable to deny that that had been him. A Sirius that didn't match up with the final memories he had had of the man. A stranger but at the same time he wasn't a stranger. James patted Remus on the shoulder before guiding the man to sit down on the empty bed next to Harry's own instead of sobbing in to a wall. When he reached the bed, Remus shrugged off the other's hand. James soon moved and perched himself on the end of Harry's bed.
They didn't speak for the longest time.
"James... Sirius is dead." The first words spoken in a long while, courtesy of Remus.
James nodded before he nervously raised a hand to run his fingers through his messy hair. He nodded mutely again as he adjusted his thin glasses on his nose. Remus had turned to look at him and James cleared his throat. "I know.."
"James. I killed him. I saw him die, he shouldn't be alive. You saw him!" Remus's voice rose as his hands moved to cover his own mouth as if he was going to hurl. James's hands tightened in to fists as he nodded once again but didn't move to help. This wasn't something he could help the other. It had been years already but Remus had never recovered… James had seen Sirius's corpse as well, he had been brought around to identify it. But James didn't think another 'I know' would help matters. So he listened to Remus as the other broke himself up once again over a matter that had never really been put to rest.
Remus was shaking, James noticed that easily enough. The years had not been kind to him, they had never been kind to him. Not since he had been bitten and turned in to a werewolf as a child and not since he had murdered his first man. The small, rail thin body the other sported was just testament to that. Lily had been getting on the other's case about it for a while now. She had come to James several times about it and they had both gone to Remus with several interventions that worked for a few months before fading off again.
James closed his eyes as if in pain, James didn't think Lily had seen the man who had saved their son. But she would know soon enough, he could never hide anything from his wife. Though, he dearly wished he could keep this one from her ears and eyes. He didn't think he could stand it either, to see that man again.
That was not Sirius. It had to be some kind of sick joke.
"Maybe it was a polyjuice.." James spoke up hesitantly.
Remus shook his head. "Sirius never looked like that." The werewolf choked out, his golden-brown gaze leveled to the floor. No one else had arrived at the castle, so James supposed that Madam Pomfrey was dealing with the injured at the base before she headed back. "Polyjuice doesn't work like that. You should know." Remus added with a baleful look to the other. James quickly looked away with a flinch.
"... what should we do, Remus?"
"We wait for Dumbledore."
Lily Potter rubbed her thumbs against the bottom segment of her wand as she hung back from the crowd at the base. The wounded were relatively low in number and there hadn't been any news of just how many had died. She had seen Madam Pomfrey a few moments ago for a nasty gash that had littered her side a few moments ago.
The red headed, thin woman gingerly touched her tender side as her mind ghosted back. She pushed some ragged strands of hair behind her ear as she nervously moved around the room. She didn't have anything to really contribute. Frank Longbottom had met her a few moments ago. His wife Alice at his hip and both of them on edge—they wanted to go and see their son as well. But they were unable to go. They were such key figures that they were needed for the following meeting.
James and Remus were generally there but they were at Hogwarts. Where Lily wanted to be. Her heart clenched painfully as she thought about her son. Her poor, dear little child—Lily knew that she mothered the boy senseless but she had done it out of love!
She heaved a sigh and looked up with a hand touched her arm. Tonks, adorned with puke green hair and frog eyes pulled a face. Puffing her cheeks out ridiculously around her mouth. Lily shook her head and let out a chuckle at the younger woman. Tonks quickly morphed her face back into some semblance of normality. The frog eyes giving way to black human eyes and her hair changing to a blue shade.
"Don't fret so much Mrs. Potter." She elbowed Lily gently in the side and spoke in such a way that Lily could feel her anxiety fade a little bit. "We'll be seeing our boys soon." The confident smile faded slightly from her face and Lily noticed the tightness around her eyes. Lily gave the other a small smile and a nod. Tonks would be anxious to see Remus, after all. Just as Remus would be to see her—it was on odd friendship the two had gained. Rather on accident, as Lily remembered.
Tonks had been one of their newest members of the order and on her first mission. Sirius had been there, Lily recalled. They had gone to fetch Remus from his negations with some southern werewolf tribes when things had turned sour had Death Eaters had shown up. The three of them had fallen off the map for a week.
Sirius had said that he had been passed out a lot due to the pain of a few broken ribs. But he remembered that his cousin and Remus had hit it off, talking to keep each other company and exchanging embarrassing stories about him. Sirius had heard a few every so often when he returned in to consciousness.
Lily closed her eyes when she felt another pang in her heart. Shortly after that mission had led to Dumbledore showing up with the prophecy… and then their dear friendships had been broken apart.
And then Sirius had died.
She raised her hands and roughly scrubbed her face with her sleeves. Dumbledore was calling everyone's attention. She had to wait just a little bit longer. There would be another meeting come tomorrow as well. Just a little bit longer and she'd have her baby in her arms and nothing save the end of the world would make her remove her protective arms from around him.
An awkward silence had fallen over them as they waited in silence. James glanced up to Remus once again at the silent, sulking man. James quickly looked down to Harry once more. He had moved from sitting on the end of the bed to standing at his son's side. He reached down and smoothed the flyaway black strands of hair from his son's face.
James could feel some unnamed tension ease as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to his son's forehead. He lightly ran his fingers over the unmarred skin as he hovered over his son. He appeared to be unharmed, though he hadn't woken yet. He had been chilled when they had first arrived. But a well placed warming charm and some nice sheets had removed that.
He touched his son's hair again, it was so much like his own. He could see a lot of himself in his still growing son. The same jaw and forehead, James could see that they had the same shoulders and James bet that when his son finished growing they'd be nearly the same height. Give or take a little bit. He did see some of Lily in there too, the eyes and the shape of the eyes. The thin nose and small ears, the tapering hands and thin wrists—all of that was Lily.
He pulled back after patting Harry once more on top of the head. At least his son was safe. He looked around for a moment before drawing his wand. A mumble later and luminescent red numbers appeared that spoke the time.
It had been an hour since he arrived.
He looked over to Remus, but the man was still staring at his hands. He hadn't moved at all since they had stopped talking nearly an hour ago.
"I think we should go talk with the guy."
James just barely stopped himself from flinching at the intense look Remus gave him. He couldn't fully read that face, but James knew that something was going on in that head of his. He saw the man look to the curtained area. Watched as the werewolf clenched his strong jaw in indecision. Remus finally shook his head.
James hesitated before he spoke again. "The meeting should be over. Dumbledore is probably too busy." James rolled his shoulders as he took a step away from his son's bed. "Its been over an hour, any potions would have worn off.." James trailed and glanced to the curtained area. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Remus was looking that way as well.
"He didn't seem to have a wand. I imagine if he had one he'd be out of there already." James spoke. He was moving on to some tedious ground now.
"We could find out who he really is. Maybe it is some guy who just looks a bit like him. After all… we both know that he never looked like that." James added, he couldn't help as he started to draw closer and closer to the curtains.
He was rationalizing this. "It might be some new recruit we hadn't seen yet. We don't know everyone, after all. The order is too big."
There was a plausible, reasonable explanation for this.
James stood just outside the curtains now. Remus hovering at his side, he wanted to know just as much as James did. There was some desperate look on his best friend's face, and James didn't like it.
"Lets put this ghost to rest." And James quickly spelled the curtains open.
A/N; Well, once again.. not the Demon Diary one. But I'm getting to it. This one is just coming faster at the moment. I'm just working out some dynamics, s'all. Hope you all enjoyed. And thank you Lucillia and Miss Eliza Azraelian for your reviews. I hope you both enjoyed the chapter. If you got any suggestions I wouldn't mind hearing them.