A/N: By now, some of you may have figured out that TRF is a fictional replacement for a certain well-known group in great need of satirization. The name, though, comes from one of my favorite guilty pleasures, Porky's 2: The Next Day.

You know have a feeling about how far down the rabbit hole we're going with this.

Thanks to all who have made this a favorite...I hope I earn your trust with #2

GAY MAYOR DIES...GAY SHERIFF WAS WIFE

(US Press) It not that common in the 21st century to find a town with both a LGBT Mayor AND Sheriff. Even more rare that both would be life partners.

But Sheriff Emma Ann Swan, 29, of the small town of Storybrooke, ME, is mourning the loss of her partner...and boss...Mayor Regina Coraline Mills.

Mills, who age was not available at press time, collapsed at the home of a friend, Mary Margaret Blanchard. The mayor was declared dead when she arrived at the local hospital.

Grief then turned ugly when "Tex" Nix and his daughter Polly, leaders of the controversial anti-gay cult The Righteous Flock, vowed to picket Mills' funeral, the elder Nix calling the relationship, 'and affront to the creator that made them."

Eugenia "Granny" Lucas had run her Inn for more times than she could count. She didn't get too many visitors, mainly because the curse that enveloped the town for decades kept the hamlet secluded from curious visitors. When the curse was lifted a couple of years ago, people in Storybrooke could come and go as they pleased, but they liked their seclusion. So the late, lamented Mayor, otherwise known then as the Head Witch Bitch in charge (one of Granny's little pet names for Regina Mills), placed a shroud over the town. You could only visit Storybrooke if Storybrooke wanted you to visit. Everyone else passed through the two-lane through the place sight unseen.

So when the square-jawed, white-haired man with the pot-marked clean-shaven tanned face, wearing a white Stetson hat and western-style suit and boots walked into the inn and stepped up to the desk, accompanied by a younger woman, flat-bodied, chestnut-haired, looking for all the world like Jane Hathaway's homelier sister, Granny knew that Storybrooke wanted these two in. Besides, Granny was expecting them.

"Ma'am, my name is Tex Nix of the Righteous Flock, and this is my lovely daughter, Polly..." (Granny took a look at the woman and knew the younger woman was well-named...girl had the face of a parrot)."...we'd like to rent a room for a few days."

Granny put on her best fake-pleasant demeanor towards the two: "I'll be happy to help you you. Righteous Flock...I reckon you're here for that Mills woman's service, is that right..?"

"Yessum," (Polly's face was one thing, her voice was another...as irritating as the proverbial finger-nails-on-blackboard)."This is NOT an easy place to find."

"Oh, I understand, honey..." (be as sweet as pie for these folks...as much as they want to make you hurl...) and you get close to them and whisper: "...between you and me, the mayor and the sheriff...well, it can keep a body up all night..." (yeah, those two put a new meaning to the term, you can hear them coming from a mile away...)

"Well, we're here to let them know how folks like you feel...that women like Regina Mills and the harlot of a girlfriend of hers are abominations!" (Tex Nix had a Southern preacher's voice. Rich baritone. Very forceful. Pompous as shit.)

Granny then hands them the keys to their adjacent rooms: 12 and 14. She calls over Hap to help with their luggage (one of the few times the dwarf was not living up to his hatched name). "Well, I know how other places have treated you, but we know how you feel. And believe me, Mr. and Ms., I am being very honest with you when I say, the majority here in Storybrooke will be very happy to take you in. Very very happy!" Granny's grin is as wide as the Mississippi, and the Nix's smiles are equally has wide (they really need to see the dentist..). It was only after the pair was safely up the stairs that Granny Lucas exhaled, put her hands over her face, then dropped the hands, exhaled a "Jesus!," and picked up the phone, and, after it picked up, talked in a very low voice...

"They're here...they're worse than I thought...is everything set? Good...I'll let our "guests" know that the "wake" is tonight at 7...Bye, Snow." And with that, Granny hung up.

And as Eugenia Lucas eyed up that staircase, a very conspiratorial smile came over her.

Yes, the residents of Storybrooke will be very, very happy to take this bunch in. Very, very happy...

TO BE CONTINUED Next: The wake.

By the way, I hope that Scribes and Scrolls is not upset that I named my Granny the same name as her Granny in her excellent A Ledger Squared In Blood. Read it of you can.

Once Upon a Time is property of ABC Studios. This story is done for fun and therapy, not for profit. Unfortunately.