Disclaimer:: I own Kingdom Hearts as much as Mansex does. :P
"Your what??" My mother screeched. I winced. For a man, he could hit some rather high notes…
"My wife," I said calmly. "Now, Mother, I know I should've told you, but–"
"How could you not tell your own mother you got married!" he sobbed, burying his face in my father's shoulder. "You told your mom when we got married, right?" Mother looked up at him expectantly. My father's blank expression and lack of words spoke for him. My mother blanched.
"There's no respect for women these days!" he said. Demyx and I exchanged looks. Mother was a diehard feminist and would take any opportunity to rant about the hardships women have faced over the centuries, how they were oppressed by the male gender, and how even today the blatant denial of every woman's civil rights still existed.
It was times like these that made me think that my mother liked to rant just to hear his own voice.
"Ah, Mommy!" Demyx said as he forced a smile onto his face and put his hands on our mother's shoulders. "I think I've come up with a solution for this problem!"
I flashed Demyx a look. "I think you come up with enough 'solutions' for one day–"
"They can get their vows renewed!"
A deafening silence fell across the room. I looked over at Demyx, my eye twitching.
I was definitely kicking his ass later.
"Ah… Daijoubu desu ka?" Sora asked, waving a hand in front of my face. Mother suddenly grabbed Sora's hand, breaking everyone's trance.
"THAT'S IT!" Mother said, his passion revived. "A renewal of your vows! Why didn't I think of it before?" He grabbed Demyx into a bone crushing hug. "Demy, you're a genius! Mommy likes this plan! Mommy is very happy!"
"Mommy needs to let go so I can breathe!" Demyx wheezed, his face not unlike that of a Smurf.
"Oopsies! Sorry about that!" Composing himself, he continued where he'd left off. "It's settled then. Riri and his wife – Xemnas, get off the lamp – will have an actual wedding with all of their – Xemnas! I said get off the lamp! … Where was I? Oh, right. Where their family will be able to witness their holy union – Dammit, Xemnas!"
Crack! Father's unconscious body was lying at the feet of my mother. I blanched as Demyx and Sora hid behind the ficus.
"Mother, I hope you plan to replace that figurine. It's Swarovski," I said, picking up the remnants of what was a crystal lion.
"No, it's broken," Demyx said from behind the plant. "God, Riri, for a smart guy, you're pretty stupid!"
... Bloodlust rising… Toleration dwindling…
"Ooh, I can't wait!" Mother said, completely ignoring what we'd just said as he submerged himself into his own little fantasies. "I know just the place to have it! I'll do the flowers, I'm pretty sure Uncle Luxie won't mind being our bartender, and – Oh, there's just so much to do and so little time!"
"Doushita no?" Sora asked as he and Demyx walked over to me.
"Uh… Wa-wakarimasen," he replied with a nervous smile on his face. Even without a translator, I could tell by his expression that he was utterly clueless.
"Hmmm…" Mother said, examining Sora's flustered face from a two centimeter distance. There was no way this could end well. "Clear skin, healthy hair, beautiful eyes, there's just one thing missing." He smacked a hand down on Sora's chest with a dull thud. "Boobs."
"M-Mother!" Of all people to say such a thing…
"What??" He said, not caring that Sora was obviously uncomfortable with this strange she-man feeling him up. "I'm just stating the facts!"
"Mother, you know I don't care for that sort of thing," I said, feeling my face heat up. He blinked, face blank. I brought my palm to my face.
"Yeah, Riri only cares about useless things!" Demyx said as he spun around in my office chair. "Like college diplomas and connections. Pshaw!"
"Is it my fault, Riri? Is it my fault you don't think you can be with the beautiful people in life? Am I just too much for you to handle?" Mother asked as he struck a pose.
You have no idea.
"This is terrible!" He put a hand to his forehead. Mother had always been one for dramatics. "The beauty that God has graced me with is the cause of my son's lack of libido! Oh, how to go on?? I think I might-!"
"Actually, Mother," I said, pointing at my comatose father. "It's Father's overabundance of said libido." Mother froze mid-rant.
"S-so, are you saying… I'm not beautiful?" He said, turning his head slowly towards me.
"Demyx," I whispered to him, taking a glance at my unstable mother every so often. "Take Sora and run."
"Don't have to tell me twice," he said, turning to the brunette. "Kinasai, Sora-chan!" He grabbed his hand and made a run for it.
They got to about the door before all hell broke loose.
"OH, WOE IS MEEEE!" Mother sobbed, throwing himself on the floor and throwing a tantrum reminiscent of a three-year-old's. "MY OWN CHILDREN DON'T LOVE THEIR MOMMY!" As my mother showed us a prime example of what a pink-haired transvestite having a seizure would look like, the large bangle he'd been wearing flew off his wrist. Sora caught it easily and gave it a quizzical look, surprisingly calm for someone who was witnessing what looked like an exorcism.
"Riri, do something!" Demyx yelled over my mother's earsplitting sobs.
"You're the favorite!" I yelled back.
"Ah, sumimasen," Sora said who was suddenly crouching next to my mother, holding the bracelet in his hands. "Mahrushia Ahsuteritsu desu ka?" Mother lifted his head from the floor and blinked at Sora.
"… What?" (Where have I seen this before?)
Sora held up the bangle. "Mahrushia Ahsuteritsu," he said, finger pointing to the engraving on the bangle and then at my mother.
"Well, of course I'm Marluxia Austerlitz! Who else would I be? The Queen of Czechoslovakia?"
"Technically," I said, unable to control myself from correcting my mother. "Now it's become the Czech Republic and Slovakia, but even during the period in which it was Czechoslovakia, the government was communist, not a monarchy-"
"Riku Leighton, now is not a time to be smart with your mommy!" I blanched, but Sora's face broke out in an ear-to-ear grin.
"Aa odoroita!" Sora said, standing up and still smiling as he bowed at Mother. "Fleur no dai-fan desu!" He reached into the front of his dressand pulled out a pendant dangling from the brass chain around his neck. A Lucite orange blossom hung from it. Mother's eyes lit up.
"Th-that's from my collection!" He said, more surprised than anything. "The orange blossom necklace from Fleur…"
"Yeah, Sora said she's a big fan," Demyx said with a smile. "Just like me!" (Suck up.)
"And since your fans are present," I said, cutting in. "Don't you think it would be wise to straighten yourself out and present yourself as the ingenious designer and owner of Fleur?" Something must've clicked inside Mother's head because he jumped up with renewed passion.
"Yes, you're right, Riri!" he said with determination. Mother turned to Sora and grabbed his shoulders. "Do you know what the orange blossom means, darling Sora?" He didn't wait for a response and continued as he paced around the room in long strides, gesticulating wildly. "It means'Your purity equals loveliness. Innocence. Eternal love.'" Mother, who was now directly across from Sora on the other side of the room, pointed dramatically at the brunette. "A woman with those qualities… Why, I'd be a fool to try and stop this holy union!" Mother crossed the room in four long strides and took Sora in his arms, rubbing his face against his. "So instead of calling me your idol, just call me 'Mommy' from now on, okay, darling Sora?"
"Mother," I said, rubbing my temple. "Sora doesn't speak a word of English-"
"Yay! We got Mommy's approval!" Demyx said, jumping up and down as he pumped his fists in the air.
"'We got'??" I yelled at him, forgetting all about my mother and my "wife". "You didn't do anything! In fact, if it weren't for you, this whole situation would've never happened!"
"But that's where you're wrong, little Riri!" Demyx said, an evil glint in his eyes. "I'm not the one who decided to get married without Mommy's say-so."
The visit concluded with Demyx's screams of terror and a trip to Wal-Mart for some steak to stop the swelling.
There were five of us crammed into my father's Corvette. Why, you ask? Well, for starters, Mother wanted to show Sora his newest line of necklaces and get his opinion on them. (Forgetting of course that Sora spoke no English whatsoever, but I digress.) The reason I was stuck in between a black-and-blue David Bowie wannabe and a cross-dressing hyper-active (but clueless) foreigner was because I'd beaten the afore mentioned wannabe for being a complete and utter idiot-
"Moooom!" the idiot whined. "Riri's making scary faces at me again!"
"Riku Leighton," Mother said from the passenger seat. "Stop making faces at your brother. You know how fragile he is."
Fragile my-
"Mooom! He's still making those scary faces! Call the priest! Tell him we need an exorcism, stat! Riri's possessed by-!"
"Shut it, miscreant." Demyx shrank into his seat, his eyes (well, eye, seeing as the other one was swollen to the point where he couldn't open it) wide beyond belief.
"M-M-Mom… S-save me…"
"K-kowai…" Great. Now Demyx and Sora were cowering in fear from me.
"Hey… A Camaro…"
"DAMMIT, XEMNAS, NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT!"
Please… Take me now…
The wrought-iron gates of the Austerlitz Manor opened slowly as the cherry red Corvette and all its passengers drove in. Sora's eyes were alight as he gazed out the window with child-like wonder.
"Do you like it?" I asked, trying (and failing miserably) to make small talk. The sudden quietness that had gripped everyone in the car upon entering the manor was a bit…unnerving, to say the least.
"Utsukushii desu!" Sora chirruped, turning to me and smiling broadly. It reminded me of this one time I (sarcastically) told Demyx I had David Bowie's personal number at my disposal.
…Of course, seeing as we were all buckled in, Sora couldn't possibly jump up and strip me bare of everything (and I mean everything), just to see that I didn't even have a phone, much less David Bowie's number. But I digress. (I've been doing that a lot lately. Must be Demyx's fault. I'll have to beat him later…)
"Welcome to your new home, Sora darling!" My mother said as Father parked in one of the numerous garages. "Do you love it? Bahaha, of course you do! Come along, children, out of the car!"
"Welcome home, Mrs. Austerlitz," a butler said as he opened the car door for the (drag) queen of the universe. "Did you enjoy your visit to-"
"Cut the crap, Xehanort, we have a feast to plan!" Mother said, waving his arms around extravagantly.
"Oh? You have guests, Mrs. Austerlitz?" Xehanort said, just barely missing Mother's flailing arms.
"Yes!" Mother said, running over to Sora and me as we stepped out of the car. He put his arms around our necks. "It's Riri and his new fiancée!" You'd think he was the one getting married, the way he was talking about it…
"Congratulations, Mr. Riku. She's quite a looker."
"That's what I said!" Demyx practically fell out of the car in his frenzy. "See. Riri? I do have good taste!"
"Riri, what is Demy talking about?" Mother looked at me expectantly, her voice pleasant, but her eyes ready to kill.
"Nothing," I said a bit too quickly. "Right, Demyx?" I turned my head to him and our eyes met. Say anything about the Internet and I will castrate you, I mouthed to him.
Demyx froze. "M-Mommy?" He said, slowly turning his head back to our parents. "I… I think I'm going to go ice my Internet- KNEE! I meant knee!" Demyx didn't even look at me before he took off running into the manor screaming bloody murder. My parents remained as calm as ever and my father even followed him without so much as a bye. This kind of thing was normal.
"Ima doko dakke?" Sora asked with a broad smile on his face as he looked up at me. I rubbed the back of my neck and looked to my mother for some help.
"Come along, Sora darling!" He said, linking arms with the brunette and sashaying off. "I've got so much to show you! Your new bedroom, your new wardrobe, your new car-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait," I said, stopping the two men from leaving. "Mother, you've known Sora for approximately four hours. How do you know her-"
"Style?" Mother cut in. "I know everyone's style! It's fabulous. And who knows fabulous better than your own Mommy? …Well, Riri?" I sighed. There was no getting through to this she-man.
"I was going to say size, but…" Mother cut me off.
"Be a good fiancé and go show Sora around!" he said, shoving the dress-clad man at me. "I'm going to go check on the dinner preperations! Ta-ta!" And with that, Mother skipped off into the manor, his manslave – ah, excuse me, his servant– followed suit. That left the two of us, Sora and me, outside; Sora against my chest and my hands holding onto his upper arms. (Which, might I note, are quite bony. Mother won't like this.)
"Er, sorry about my mother," I said letting go of Sora's arm. Taking a step back, I rubbed the back of my neck as I looked over at him through the corner of my eyes. "I'm not related to them, I swear. Well, Demyx isn't either but-!"
"Omoshirokunai," Sora said with a giggle, showing the first signs of actually enjoying his stay here in America. To say I was surprised was fairly accurate.
… That is, until I felt my face heat up. That's when all hell broke loose in my conscience.
He's a man! A man! You may have the same last name as him, but you are not about to drop to Demyx's level and think he's a she! Nonononono!
… My inner conscience seemed to be having some anger issues today.
… Childish anger issues. (I blame Demyx. The idiocy he radiates is contagious.)
"Hey, wait a minute!" I said suddenly. "Mother was supposed to show you around! He did say he was going to show you around, didn't he?"
"Well, you did cut him off."
"He said he was going to do it," I said, surprisingly angry at my mother. "Then he just dumps it on me instead and goes off on his fruity little way! What kind of parent does tha- Wait, did you just speak English?" I looked at the brunette, having snapped out of my fire-breathing rant mode. Sora stared back at me, his baby blues as innocent as ever as he raised his index finger to his mouth and said;
"Himitsu desu."
A/N: Here it is! Finally, after waaay too long with too little time, I've finished the second chapter that everyone's been waiting for! There's even a lovely cliff hanger for all you people! :D *is shot by angry readers*
But in all seriousness [well, as serious as you can get with his kind of story], I've slowly come to realize that Marluxia and Demyx remind me creepily of Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club. A lot. Marly would be the narcissistic, dramatic side and Demyx would be the idiotic side…?
Special thanks to Oathy for meticulously beta-ing this for me and giving me deliriously good advice! Where would I be without you? :D
Anyway, I've dragged this author's note on way too much, so peace everyone! vn___n