Matsuda the Brave
Chapter 2
Matsuda
After three weeks of the paid vacation I just couldn't take it anymore. I hadn't been in the mood to go anywhere or see anyone, especially not anyone from the Kira case. But after a couple weeks I just felt like what I needed was to go back to work and move on to other cases. Sitting at home all alone and remembering, wasn't exactly helping. As it turned out, Ide and Mogi came back to work early too. I was sort of glad. Coming back and not seeing any familiar faces would be strange. Aizawa was using the whole month to spend time with his family, I'd guessed. He was the only one of us who really had one anyway. I was an only child and my mother and father both lived a three hour's train ride from the outskirts of the city, so seeing them took a lot of time and effort. I didn't know much about Mogi's and Ide's families, but I knew they didn't have anyone close by either.
I had missed the team. They had become my closest friends and we'd made attachments to each other. After all, seeing each other just about every day for six years, we'd sort of grown on each other. They were like my surrogate family, people to look out for each other. During the Kira case, it was us against the world. I felt guilty that they were the ones taking care of me most of the time though. I tried hard not to be so childish or seem stupid, but my efforts were always in vain. I was oftentimes made the errand boy, running out to get L more sweets, or getting everyone's order of coffee. Even then it seemed as though I couldn't do the task at hand, tripping and spilling the coffee, or squishing the pastries. My clumsiness always got the better of me, no matter how serious my endeavors.
Mogi and Ide were standing right inside the doors, to my surprise. I just casually strode over to them, trying to give off a more confident vibe than what I was actually feeling. We greeted each other nervously. "Hey guys."
"Hey Matsuda, nice to see ya," Ide replied. Mogi just nodded and added a small "Hi" as we started walking together toward the lounge area, which was just a small kitchen like area off to the left side of the building. There were a few chairs around a couple of tables along with the counter top where the coffee maker was. We sat down at one of the small round tables and as we pretended to drink our bitter coffee we made small talk, not really knowing what to talk about now that the Kira case was over.
Strange. It was really, finally over. The thought finally sank in at seeing my comrades and not worrying about a crazy serial murderer with a killer notebook and a shinigami running around giving people heart attacks.
But the crazy serial murderer was Light, and I had shot him. Five times, to be exact.
Such a trivial number made all the difference in the world. Literally. The world was torn in two. Actually, it was more like three: the Kira supporters, the Kira haters, and the people that it didn't really concern and who just wanted to move on with their lives.
I stared down at the cup of coffee in my hands that was resting on my lap, but not really looking at it, the steam warming my face from the cold, cloudy February morning outside. The images kept replaying in my mind. I tried not to think about it but sometimes the memories just crept up on me and ambushed my thoughts. I always tried to distract myself when that happened, usually with organizing or cleaning; anything to get my mind off of it. But one day, after about the first week and a half, I realized my apartment was already clean and tidy. It was a bit too neat, in fact, and it looked as if no one had ever even lived there. That's when I started going out to bars and drinking. It wasn't bad at first, but I got worse and worse, each time getting more drunk than the last.
Secretly I'm glad Ryuuk, the Shinigami and rightful owner of the death note, had written Light's name in the notebook and killed him. I already felt guilty enough for shooting him, so I didn't need the added guilt from killing him on top of that. If Ryuuk hadn't written Light's name he would have bled to death from the wounds I gave him anyway. So, technically, I hadn't killed Light, but sometimes I just couldn't help feeling like I had, somehow, contributed to his death.
I sighed.
I could guess that Ide and Mogi knew that I was thinking about the case, and Ide put a hand on my shoulder sympathetically. The look on his face told me, 'I understand, it was rough on all of us.' Mogi was still as quiet as ever but also gave me a compassionate look. I half-smiled back, and took a glance around the artificially lit building, trying not to think about it.
Now that Kira was gone, the NPA was, very slowly, rebuilding, gaining back employees. Although I noticed that there weren't even half as many officers as there used to be. There were still those that didn't believe Kira was truly dead, and that he would return, seeking revenge. Most of the people that were back probably didn't want to be there, and only came back because they needed the money. But I knew better. I knew that, luckily, Kira was definitely not coming back, seeing as how I was the one who had shot him.
I started to think about that day again and shook my head quickly, as if I could somehow physically shake the memories out of my mind. I took a deep breath and yawned. I really hadn't been getting enough sleep lately and I'm sure everyone else noticed the dark circles under my eyes. I briefly remembered how L had had huge dark circles under his eyes. I never actually saw him sleep. In fact, now that I thought about it, I don't recall him ever even yawning either. It was weird how I was suddenly thinking about L though. I haven't thought about him for some time now, months I'd guessed.
Near is the new L now though, huh?
I stared down, again, into my coffee and noticed out of the corner of my eye Ide, checking his watch.
"Well," Ide stood up, stretching his back out with his hands on his hips. "It's almost eight now and the director said she wanted to see us. I wonder what this meeting is all about anyway."
"W-wait," I stammered. "She wants to see us? Even me?" I was utterly confused, which wasn't much different than normal I guess.
"Yeah, Matsuda, didn't you get a call from her yesterday afternoon? I thought that was why you came in today."
"Well, uh, I don't know. I went out yesterday in the afternoon, and when I came home I forgot to check my messages. I guess it was lucky I decided to come back today, huh?" I rubbed the back of my head with embarrassment and gave a small, nervous laugh, avoiding his gaze.
Ide let out an exasperated sigh. "Matsuda, you idiot."
"Hey, I'm not stupid," I defended. "I'm just…I've been really tired lately," I said quietly, looking down.
"We can sort of see that," he pointed out, indicating the dark circles under my eyes. He had a bit of concern in his voice as he added, "Are you really alright, Matsuda?"
"I'm fine," I lied. I'm sure Ide and Mogi both knew that. They had spent too much time around me not to know, and I was never a very good liar to begin with. I just hoped they didn't ask me where I was when I went out. I didn't really feel like telling them I went to a bar like I did almost every day for hours. So I changed the subject. "Hey, what about Aizawa? Is he coming?" Actually, I was curious. It seemed like since Mogi, Ide, and I were together, Aizawa should be here with us too. It seemed…unnatural that he wasn't. He was like the last piece of our puzzle, and we were incomplete without him. He was the fearless leader of our team, though it was unofficial. He just sort of took charge without being appointed, but no one complained. He was a great leader, and I had always been more of a follower anyway.
"He should be here any second. It is almost eight after all," Ide pointed out again. And, as if on cue, Aizawa marched through the automatic front doors of the NPA.
AN: Yay! Another chapter! Yeah, I know, kinda boring right now…but the first few chapters are just an introduction to everything and everyone. I do have a character (or a few ^_^) that's mine, that's going to be coming up soon. Some more suspence also! XD