Chapter 2

After the dream again this morning, Sully needed to clear his head. So with Wolf had his side he decided to go to the one place where he so often had gone to in the last year. He just wanted to forget about this woman in his dreams. It was not right to have dreams about a woman when another had just been taken away from him. No, it was not fair.

Finally, after what had seemed like an endless walk through the woods, he reached his destination.

With now tears in his eyes, he looked down to the small wooden cross in front of him. Going down on his knees, he touched the cross tenderly with his hand.

"I am here Abigail." Closing his eyes, he forced his soul to reach out to her. To be close to her, letting her know, that he would always be here and never letting her go. Telling her, she would always be in his heart no matter what. He was trying to feel the connection again between his wife and him that he had felt so often. But there was nothing. Instead, the picture of her face began to slowly fade away. He tried harder to keep her image but it was hopeless. He was about to give up when the picture came back. But it was not Abigail's face that he saw. It cut Sully like a knife, ripping out his heart.

And all of the sudden he couldn't take it anymore. He stood up and took a few steps back. He burned up with anger. Breathing hard now that his lungs began to hurt, he got scared. No. No. Don't do this. Why?

Sinking down on his knees again, he burst into tears and with anguish of despair he yelled out his anger.

"What do you want from me? Just leave me alone. I don't know you. I don't want to know you!" With no more strength left in his body, he collapsed in front of Abigail's grave. The last picture he would remember later was the imagine of that same woman from his dreams again and the warm feeling in his heart.

Cloud Dancing, who had witnessed his brothers outburst, stood also, with a heavy heart, not to far from the scene where his brother was now laying on the ground, curled up like a little child.

He had a vision that his friend would need his help in the near future and had looked for him at Sully's lean-to this morning . As soon as he had found the spot empty, he knew where he was needed.

And here he was.

The spirits wouldn't allow him to know every detail of what his friend was going through. He only knew, the time was near that there would be a change for the better in Sully's life. So what ever it was, this was the beginning.

With Sully now laying across Cloud Dancing's horse, he made his way back to the reservation where he would prepare for his friends healing.

Neither Sully, nor Cloud Dancing had noticed another person watching the scene at the grave.

With tears in his eyes, he approached the spot where Sully had just been. He was angry. He didn't understand all what had happened to his best friend but he wished that he could help him and do something to get his best friend back.

Not knowing where to turn to, he let his anger out and screamed at Abigail's grave.

"Why did you have to do that? Why did you take the best friend I ever had away from me?" and with that he run back towards town to find comfort in a woman embrace.

Back at the reservation, Snowbird had already been waiting impatiently for her husbands return. She knew from the conversation this morning that their friend would need all their help in the next few days. She knew that if Sully would let them help him, it would be a turning point in his life. But it was Sully and they knew that he had his own head and it would be difficult to get him to open up again.

Once she saw Cloud Dancing walking towards her, she could see from his expression that Sully had a tough morning already.

"He fainted at Abigail's grave. That's where I found him. His spirits had spoken to him. We must begin his healing," Snow Bird had watched Cloud Dancing getting Sully of his horse as he told her what needed to be done.

"Where do you want to start, Cloud Dancing?"

"We must prepare a sweat lodge. He needs to understand that by saying goodbye, he doesn't have to let go. That he has enough room in his heart for something new."

"This will be difficult," answered Snowbird. "You know him."

Now, having a little smile on his face he touched his wife's cheek. "Yes I know him and that is why I know he will learn. Trust me. He will understand when he understands his dreams."

With that the preparations began. Cloud Dancing knew that only with the help of the spirits would Sully understand that his life was not over. Every step he took so far, every breath he had taking will lead him to something unexpected and beautiful. This he knew from his visions. Something good will fall upon the Cheyenne, which would help them through a difficult time. He didn't know what it was yet but the trust in the spirits had always guided him. He wouldn't stop believing now.

Snowbird, who was tending to Sully, watched her husband building the sweat lodge. She never had questioned his judgment and always believed in him in every way possible. She knew the spirits had visit him as well and that there would be nothing that could stop him from helping their friend.

Sully woke from the rising steam and temperature. He was disorientated at first but saw his brother sitting across from him.

"Welcome back my brother. You were out long." Cloud Dancing spoke first.

Trying to sit, Sully felt as if the world would be crashing down on him. His head hurting.

"What happened?" Sully asked, finally finding a comfortable position.

"I have found you at your wife's grave. You fainted."

Sully's senses were slowly coming back to him and he started to remember.

"I remember." Closing his eyes, he felt the anger, the guilt but also the warm feeling rising again. No, he wouldn't let it happen again. He didn't want to think about it and definitely not talk about it. He wanted to be left alone.

Sully tried to stand up but something was holding him back, not the muscle ache he felt. No. He felt a sharp pain in his heart.

"That is your last chance Sully. If you walk out now I can't help you anymore. What do you remember?" Cloud Dancing knew that this was his brothers only chance to finally let go of the past. The spirits had chosen this moment. He didn't know why but he wouldn't question them now. So with a gently voice he asked again.

"What do you remember?"

"I don't want to remember. Can't you see that?" Sully shot back. "I don't want to talk about it" Again he tried to stand up but it was useless. The pain in his heart came again as if something or someone was pulling at it. Not wanting to let go.

Finally giving up, Sully sat back down. He looked back over to Cloud Dancing and his gaze met his. In that moment Sully knew that he wouldn't get out of here as long as he wouldn't tell him what he wanted to know.

Letting out a sigh, Sully's emotions got the better of him and finally answered.

"I lost Abigail."

"You have lost her a long time ago, my friend."

"I lost her now, Cloud Dancing. I can't see her in front of me anymore."

"Because she is not here," Cloud Dancing said.

Anger building up inside him again.

" I know she is not here. What ever was left of the connection we had is gone now. I feel she is slipping away from me." Tears were forming in Sully's eyes now rolling down his cheek as he was speaking.

"I don't want to lose the best part I had in my life and the last part I had of her. I don't want to let her go! I don't want to have those dreams because they make me forget Abigail. I don't want to forget her Cloud Dancing. I don't want to." Then there was silence. Sully tried to control his emotions but couldn't anymore. With now read eyes and a trembling body, he asked the question he feared the most.

"What is happening to me?"