okay sorry it there are mistakes i tried, my beta isn't around at the moment to read it, so i cannot get her to read it if there are mistakes tell me and i will try to fix them. this is in Sam's mind as he was trying to sleep that night. the bold is his thoughts. no one really told me if they wanted to read the thoughts so if you want to read them you can, if you don't than don't.

Sam's Thoughts

As Sam lay in bed, he couldn't help but wonder exactly what his brother felt about him now. He had betrayed him; hurt him, when he wasn't even thinking about how his brother would react to it. He hadn't originally wanted to cut. He didn't know much about it; he was a law student not a psych student. Sure he had heard about it. A girl in his English 101 class did a research paper on it, and had read it to the class, when the teacher had asked her too. She talked about it but Sam thought she was just being silly, that everything she said about the urge to cut again never leaving you was crap, but apparently she was right.

If Dean had done it so many times that his forearms were all scarred than what was the hope that I would be able to stop. Dean was mentally stronger than me. If that damn ghost had possessed Dean instead of me he would have been able to fight him off, and no one would have been shot at. Sam thoughts to himself.

He sighed and turned on his bed facing his brothers still form. I cannot believe it. Sam thought my brother was a cutter and had been for a couple years. Why would that girl that died man so much to him? Were they an item like Dean and Cassie, or did he just feel bad about her dying? Is that who he felt responsible for killing? Is that why his eyes were bleeding when they went up against Bloody Mary?

Sam wasn't sure he would get the answers for those questions. But he wasn't sure he wanted the answers. He didn't want to see Dean being vulnerable. He was the big brother, the one that had protected him the one that had saved his life more than a couple times. Dean was good at keeping his secrets; he hadn't told Sam about Cassie before she called, and he hadn't told him about that girl or that he was a cutter. Sure Sam probably wouldn't have picked up the phone if Dean had called while he was still in Stanford, but in the 7 months they had been traveling together Dean hadn't said anything about it, or let on that he was a cutter.

Sure Dean slept shirtless most of the time, but Sam would just think the old scars that he saw were from some creature that Dean had gotten beat up from, and the newer ones were from a whatever creature they were up against. Dean had so many scars that it worried Sam, he wasn't sure which ones were from his own brothers doing or from some creature.

Sure Dean was always distant to people, but he was when they were little, Sam some how thought it was because of their mother dying, or maybe it was genetic since John Winchester is cold to people too. Sam was the outsider, the one that wasn't cold to people, he always figured he got it from his mother, she he didn't get it from his father.

For over an hour Sam lay there, watching his brother wondering if he would be able to keep that promise. He hoped he could. He felt like a disappointment, for not noticing that his brother was hurting, and the fact that Sam had wanted to hurt himself. Sam promised himself he would be stronger, he would be tougher, that he wouldn't cut again, that he would prove to his brother that someone can beat that feeling….he only hoped he could help Dean in the process. He some how knew if would be easier for him to stop cutting than for Dean. He knew that Dean was going to need support if he was ever going to stop, and Sam hoped he would be able to help his brother to fight that pain, he wanted to be his brothers hero, like Dean had always been to Sam.

A/N: there is one more that i will be posting in the next day, it took me a while to actually write out, and than type the story, but the last one is Dean's point of view, and what happened with the girl. The thing with cutters is that they can be anyone, not just the person that would dress in dark clothes which i have found in my experience is the stereotype of a cutter, it really can be anyone.