A/N: This is going to seem totally out of order, and to be totally honest, that's kind of how I'm intending it. Some of the oneshots (including this one) will be follow-ups to Burning Red, while others will be standalones and/or follow-ups to other oneshots I've written. That said…
All Too Well
Aria scribbled a note on the edge of her textbook as she read over the final page of a thirty page reading assignment. She was just weeks away from having her bachelors in English, but she also had a deadline to turn in the first three chapters of the third installment of Burning Red that was coming up as well, and she was clinging tightly to every idea that popped up into her head.
Squealing laughter brought her attention out of her textbook as she finished her reading. She grabbed her notebook off the coffee table in front of her and scribbled down the idea onto a fresh page before closing both her textbook and notebook and tossing them on the table.
Emberlynn charged into the room and jumped on the couch next to Aria, still giggling as she squealed at Aria to save her. Aria smiled as she looked up in time to see Ezra coming out of the bedroom, ready to charge at their daughter.
"Never thought I'd see the day when Ezra Fitz would have a teddy bear in his hands," Aria teased.
He rolled his eyes, walking over to them. "His name is Simon, incase you hadn't heard. He has a wife and everything."
Aria looked down at Emberlynn. "Is that so?"
Emberlynn nodded, grinning. She took the bear from Ezra as he offered it to her. She turned and looked up at Aria a moment later. "Momma, when's Cass comin' home?"
Aria looked up at Ezra and gulped. They'd had this discussion with Emberlynn a few days earlier when Cassidy had finished packing the last of his boxes, but she seemed to ask about his returning since the day he had initially left.
"Sweetie, remember we talked to you about this," Ezra said as he perched on the edge of the couch next to Emberlynn. "Cassidy moved out."
Emberlynn pondered what Ezra had said for a moment before she nodded. "And he's not comin' back," she said. She sat there a moment longer with a look that Aria could only assume was discontent.
Emberlynn walked back to her bedroom a moment later, and Aria sighed, brushing her fingers through her hair.
"Where's your head at?"
Aria turned her head and looked over at Cassidy, surprised by the question. "Hmm?"
He smiled in the slightest. "You seem distracted."
"Oh," she murmured. She was quiet for a few moments. "I was just thinking about how…. I guess how I thought things would be different."
A moment later, she turned in her seat as she heard cooing from the back seat. Emberlynn shifted slightly in her car seat before settling once more, still sleeping. She shifted the blanket just slightly to make sure the baby was covered before turning back to face front.
"Was he good to you?" Cassidy asked curiously. "Her dad?"
Aria nodded, chewing her bottom lip as memories rushed through her mind. "Yeah, he was great."
"Did you guys have a bad falling out?" Cassidy asked. Even in the year he had spent as her teacher, and the subsequent year after during which he helped her with Burning Red, she had never said very much about Ezra, even to him.
She shook her head, reaching for the coffee she'd gotten the last time they'd stopped to refuel. "No. He um…" She inhaled a deep breath, trying to ward off tears that were threatening to fill her eyes. She was with Cassidy now. "He was supposed to move to LA with me. At the last minute he changed his mind, and we fought. When I went back to his place to find out what was wrong, he was gone."
"He just skipped town?" Cassidy asked. There was an edge to his voice, assuming the worst.
Aria shook her head again, looking back up at him. "No. Er- I don't… He didn't know about Emberlynn. I didn't even know yet. But he was gone before I could get the chance to tell him about anything, and I didn't know how to find him after."
Cassidy nodded, and she turned her attention back to the scenery outside of the car. Leaves dropped down on the windshield as a gust of wind blew them off the trees.
"Watch the road," she reminded him as his gaze seemed to linger on her. He hit the breaks just as they reached the stoplight, just barely stopping in time as the light blinked red.
"Are you okay?"
Aria looked up from the photo album in her lap as Ezra walked over to her, carrying two wine glasses. She nodded slowly. "Yeah. It's just a completely different world. I don't think I've been this alone…well ever. I've always been surrounded."
He nodded as he took in what she was saying. "But you know that I'm here for you and Emberlynn…"
Aria nodded quickly. "Yeah."
They were in an odd situation, somewhere between friends and parents splitting the duties, even though there were feelings bubbling just below the surface. It simply just wasn't a step she was quite ready to take.
The wind blew hard as they stepped inside the house. Aria blew air on Emberlynn's fingers as the door shut behind her. Even though they had only come from the car, the wind was so blustery that it made you cold just walking those few feet.
She settled Emberlynn on the floor a moment later and knelt down to unzip the toddler's jacket before removing her boots. She stood a moment later and removed her own coat and scarf before picking her daughter up and resting her on her hip before following Cassidy through the house to the kitchen.
When the stepped into the kitchen, the mix of smells hit Aria immediately. It was a comforting smell she hadn't been surrounded by in so long that she couldn't help but smile as Cassidy led her over to where his mother and sister were standing. He quickly introduced them to Aria and Emberlynn. His mother swooned over Emberlynn, and then attention shifted to the photo album lying out on the counter. It contained pictures of Cassidy and his sister as kids, and Aria couldn't help but smile as he pointed to picture after picture, giving anecdotes of what had been going on as each photo was taken. She couldn't help but chuckle as his cheeks seemed to pink more and more as they got closer to the front of the book, getting younger in the pictures until they were pictures of Cassidy and his sister as babies.
Conversation ensued among them throughout the afternoon, and Aria happily embraced the information that was shared with her about Cassidy's childhood while she freely shared about her own childhood and what her family was like. Emberlynn spent most of the afternoon shyly attached to her, even though Cassidy's sister had kids of her own.
When the afternoon had passed into evening, they headed out of the house. Aria had her jacket wrapped tightly around Emberlynn to keep her warm from the wind gusts while they made their way to the car.
It wasn't until they were halfway back to the hotel that she realized she didn't have her scarf.
She took a long sip from her glass of wine as she turned the page in her photo album. For as many photos that coated the album, she honestly didn't remember them being taken at the time. Very few were actually posed for. Most were simply snapshots that people had taken on different occasions and shared with her.
She paused over a picture from the holidays during her junior year. Spencer, Hanna, and Emily had flown in for a few days before they were going to fly to Rosewood to spend the next few weeks with their families. Her friends had snuck down the stairs, and Spencer had snapped a photo of she and Cassidy in the kitchen.
"You know I took dance lessons when I was in high school," Cassidy said as he pulled Aria towards him.
She chuckled, letting him pull her in. She wrapped her arms around his torso, given that he was too tall for her to wrap her arms around his neck. He brushed his fingers down through her hair and kissed the top of her head.
"Is that so?" She asked. "What for?"
"Cotillion," he replied simply. "My parents were into that whole thing, and so I had to learn how to 'properly' ballroom dance."
Aria giggled, shaking her head. She buried her face in his shoulder as she struggled not to laugh too loudly to wake her friends.
When she managed to pull it together, she released her grip around Cassidy, and he took her hands, spinning her away from him before she spun back into him and his arms wrapped around her waist. She started giggling once more, unaware of the small flash of light across the room that immortalized the moment.
"Can I ask you something?" Ezra asked as he looked up from whatever he was reading. It took a moment before Aria realized that it was the original bound manuscript for Burning Red, including everything that was later deleted.
"Sure," she replied, closing the photo album.
He seemed to chuckle, and small smile played on his lips. "How do you fall in love with your teacher?"
Aria stared at him for a moment, caught off guard somewhat by the question. When she realized what he was asking her though, she couldn't help but laugh either. After all, she had met him before she knew he was her teacher.
"I honestly don't know," she replied between giggles.
Just as quickly as her laughter had started though, it finished, and her smile waned a bit. "I guess I was vulnerable, and he was there listening. He made me feel like I wasn't completely alone, considering what was going on at the time. Whether I was in love, I guess is arguable. He certainly thought it was."
Aria rubbed her temples, taking in deep breaths in an attempt to keep the tears at bay and to not start screaming again.
"Was I entirely stupid to think we could make this work when I brought Ezra back into my life," she asked softly. She slowly looked up until her eyes met Cassidy's.
"I don't know," he replied honestly. "But we don't work like we did before he turned up."
Even though she kept her opinions to herself, there were plenty of reasons that Aria had thought up for what Cassidy was saying. He was jealous of Ezra and what he meant to her. He was afraid of being replaced. Maybe he even wanted out of their relationship. It had certainly seemed that way since his birthday.
"I can't really ask him to leave," Aria replied in the same soft voice. "He's Emberlynn's father, and they love each other. He wants to be a part of her life, and it's not fair for me to ask him to leave her after all he's been through."
"See, right there," Cassidy replied. "What he's been through. What about what you've been through, Aria? All that time you spent suffering and struggling because he-"
"Because he had cancer, Cassidy!" She cried. "I can't hate him because he was trying to spare me the hell that he went through! We didn't know about Emberlynn when we split up! I didn't know I'd get pregnant or that five years would pass before I'd see him again! And Ezra and I have had our arguments about the things we missed out on by not sharing that information with each other! I can't sit back and keep being angry at him when he's going to be a part of my life until we die!"
She struggled to swallow past the knot in her throat as tears once again ran down her face. Her fingernails dug into the palms of her hands. It was the same fight they'd been having for months. She was beginning to wonder what the worth in all of it was anymore.
Aria stood from the couch and walked into the kitchen to refill her wine glass before she returned to the sitting room. Ezra was still reading the manuscript, but she could see the exhaustion seeping into him as he leaned back against the back of the chaise longue he was sitting on. If she were still with Cassidy, he would've left hours ago, but since they'd officially broken up, she held comfort in the fact that there was someone around to protect she and Emberlynn, even if he was sleeping on the couch.
"Don't spill wine on my furniture or manuscript," she teased as she settled her glass on the coffee table and began tidying up the things that were sitting on it. Ezra blinked wearily and settled his glass on the end table near him before sitting up straighter.
"Did you get the callback for the song they're using for Chilling?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes.
Aria nodded, settling books on top of each other before taking a sip of her wine. "I got the demo the other day. Want to hear?"
Ezra nodded.
Wind blew around her as she stood on the edge of the curb, holding the box that Cassidy had passed to her just moments before. It was the few things of hers that he had ended up with when he had packed up his own things.
"I'm sorry we couldn't…" His voice trailed off, apparently unsure of the right words to end the sentence with. Even so, Aria nodded, trying to hold off the need to cry.
"Hey," he said softly. He took the box from her hands and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her. She hugged him tightly.
She wasn't even entirely sure why she was crying. She hadn't seen him in almost a week and that hadn't affected her, but somehow the realization that they were officially over and that he wasn't coming back was hitting her like a freight train.
"We'll be okay again one day," he told her as he released her a few moments later.
"Sure," Aria nodded. Even as the words came out in an affirmative tone, she knew that would never happen. Not as long as Ezra was a part of her life.
Her hand thumped against her knee as the song came softly through the speakers of her stereo. She'd been very attached to the song, from the very first lyric that had been written, until the first demo had been officially recorded, given that it was the song that would be the theme for Chilling Blue. It was an homage to what that part of her life meant to her, but more than that, it was the heart of what her relationship with Cassidy meant to her.
Hey you called me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I'm a crumbled up piece of paper lying here
Cause I remember it all all all too well
Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again
But I'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But your keep my old scarf from that very first week
Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it, cause you remember it all too well
Cause there we are again and I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
Wind in my air I was there I remember it all
Down the stairs you were there you remember it all
It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well