WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

I was sweating more than I had in any Melee I'd ever fought in. My ears twitched at every movement and my tiny rodent eyes peered from inside the ventilation system to see the door to Master Hand's office.

"Okay...", I told myself. "I'm just gonna wait until Crazy Hand leaves because I do-hon't wanna get beaten up!!!" I slouched over onto the ground, crying. If that psychotic hand knew that I had a thing for his sister, WHO KNOWS WHAT HE'D DO?!?!

I waited for hours... but nothing happened. Bowser chased after Peach and Dr. Mario had to shoot a needle into him, ...but that was it.

Finally, Crazy Hand randomly burst out of Master Hand's office covered in peanut butter and started rolling around in front of the door singing some crazy lady song about kicking people to the curb unless they looked like Mick Jagger in a high little girl voice.

"Okay...", my eye twitched and I looked away. I crawled a little ways back the vent and felt something bump into my rump. I turned around suddenly, shocking myself in surprise as well as the person I bumped into.

Oh Arceus... It was a Male WireFrame...

"Sir, is there any reason you're crawling around the ventilation system?" he asked.

"But you're here too!" I shouted back at him.

He nodded. "And any reason you feel the need to electrocute people?"

"Oh...", I looked down. "Sorry, you startled me..."

He nodded again. "And any reason why your speech is slurred?" he asked, looking at me in a curious manner.

"What?! You think I'm drunk?!"

"That was a bit out of nowhere. Are you hiding something?"

"Look, I had a rough night, of course my speech is going to be a bit slurred. I'm tired! And it was fairly obvious you thought I was drunk, all the questions and the need to know why I was talking funny!"

"I see...", he looked back to his waist and pulled out a walkie talkie. "I'm going to need some back up here. I have a drunken Smasher crawling around the vents... His speech is slurred too".

"It's six o' clock in the morning!!" I shouted into the walkie talkie.

"Sir... please back away, or I'll have to use force".

"Look! Look! What can I do to prove I'm not drunk?" I asked, getting desperate, pushing my hand out from me.

He eyeballed my hand and I realized I still had my empty coffee cup from this morning.

"What's in that cup?"

"Can't you recognize a coffee cup when you see one? It's coffee!"

"No need to get testy sir, hand me the cup"

"What? Do you think it's some sort of crack coffee?" I asked, getting aggravated.

He looked at me in a familiar way and I sighed, handing him the cup.

He pointed it towards me and expressionlessly said "Open it".

I just looked at him thinking Seriously? "It's not a bomb, my Arceus. How am I supposed to drink a bomb?" I asked, already opening the cup.

He flinched as I removed the lid, then looked inside, taking a sniff.

"It smells almost like... Vanilla Scented Candle..."

My eyebrows furrowed in a ridiculous manner. "That would be the Vanilla Coffee Creamer"

"I see...", he muttered, placing it behind him. He pulled out a note pad and pencil. Then, he looked at me. "Have you taken anything this morning?"

I decided to suck everything up and get this over with. "I had a bowl of cereal"

"AHA! Oh... never mind... Any pills?"

"No"

"Any alcohol?"

"No"

"Any medicine?"

"No"

"Any allergy medication?"

"No"

"Any new types of hair gel?"

"What? No!"

"Anything to drink?"

"I thought we just established I drank a cup of coffee"

"So...?"

"No"

"Were you touched when you were little?"

"No"

"Your parents ever beat you?"

"No"

"Ever been diagnosed with Bipolar disease?"

"No"

"ADD?"

"No"

"ADHD?"

"No"

"Diabetes?"

"No"

"Criminal Record?"

"No"

"Ever wanted to kill something before?"

"No"

"Any emotional disorders?"

"No"

"Any-"

"Look, how long are you gonna-"

"Ever crawled into a ventilation system in the hopes of waiting until your omnipotent boss's pyschotic brother left so that you could enter the room and woo her, but by a twist of fate ended up ticking off some cop and having to answer a series of stupid questions while you're slowly losing confidence to confront the girl of your dreams?"

"What?"

"Mmhmm... Just as I thought. You'll have to come with me"

"Augh..." I groaned looking back to see Crazy Hand leaving and the door to Master Hand becoming clear to use.

"This way sir", motioned the WireFrame as a Female counterpart joined us.