Insanity in Pegasus
by Bil!

Part 2 of 3

Chapter Two – In Way Over Her Head

Elizabeth joined the three at the computer and listened as Rodney explained his findings, nodding at the right places even when she didn't quite follow. She didn't have to understand everything he was saying, she'd learnt that a long time ago. What was important when dealing with scientists was to force them to put their ideas into concrete words so that they could look at their findings from another angle. When they had to explain something they usually taught themselves more than they did the person they were talking to.

When Rodney and Radek descended into exchanging serious technobabble with Carson, though, Elizabeth retreated. There were some places even the leader of Atlantis didn't need to go. Then, obedient to John's pleading look, she moved back to his side where he was leaning against a table and watching her. She leant against the table next to him and sighed.

"Don't worry, Elizabeth," he said. "It's gonna be okay."

He sounded so much like the real John that she didn't protest when his arm slid around her waist to draw her closer to him. He managed to insert himself between her and the table so that she was leaning flush against him, his arms around her waist in a loose, comforting embrace.

"It'll be okay," he repeated. "You'll see."

She relaxed against him, leaning her head back against his shoulder and taking comfort in his presence. Anyone else, she would have been horribly embarrassed, not to mention worried about how he was going to feel if he remembered this when he was back to normal, but this was John. She and John had never really had any personal space when it came to one another.

He leant his cheek against her hair as she stared blankly in the direction of Rodney and the others, trying to assimilate the meaning of what Rodney had said. That this, this clingyness, this affection, wasn't something created by that truly ugly statue, but in fact something that had been inside John all along.

Elizabeth? Will you marry me? And she remembered the way he'd looked, as if this was perfectly natural, as if this was the only important thing in the world...

What the hell?

John? Marriage?

This was insane!

And sadly the idea that John secretly wanted to marry her (marry her? her?) was much much stranger than the idea of mind-controlling devices disguised as ugly walruses. Her life was officially insane.

She shook her head. The idea was too much to swallow and truthfully she didn't believe it. Rodney wasn't right just because he thought he was. It was equally possible this was all some weird sort of bogeyman conjured up out of John's friendship with her and nothing deeper than that. In fact, it was far more likely. She sighed and closed her eyes. Why was nothing ever simple on Atlantis?

"Elizabeth?" John whispered. "You okay?"

She opened her eyes and twisted her head up so that she could look at him despite the fact his arms held her in place. There was genuine concern in his face, not just the uncharacteristic besottedness she was becoming reluctantly accustomed to. "I will be when Rodney fixes this," she said truthfully.

"Okay. Can I help?"

"I'll let you know. But I don't think so."

He looked downcast – far more downcast than John should ever look – but said "Okay." She stopped looking at him before her neck could protest the unnatural angle too loudly and leant her head back on his shoulder. His arms tightened around her waist. "I wish I could help you," he said mournfully.

"I know, John," she said, wrapping her arms across his and rubbing comfortingly at the back of his hand with her thumb. "I know."

He was quiet for several minutes, while Elizabeth frowned at the scientists and willed them to hurry up, then he leant his cheek against her hair and said, "I really would like to marry you, you know."

Elizabeth froze. And could only be glad that Carson and the others chose that moment to turn around, even if they did look at her strangely. She ignored them and tugged gently at John's hands. "John, I need you to let go." Reluctantly he did so – and did he drop a kiss onto her hair or was she letting her imagination run away with her?

Deciding that it was better to ignore it even if it had really happened, she went over to the others and also ignored the curious looks slanted her way. "Have you got something?" she asked.

"Quite a lot, actually," Rodney began.

"Aye," Carson said quellingly, "but we're not sure how much is useful."

"It's all useful!"

"Not to the problem at hand," Carson retorted and looked back at Elizabeth. "That... device does seem to work as an aid to mental focus, but how or why is beyond me. We just don't understand enough about the human brain."

"Or Ancient technology," Radek said glumly.

"All right." Elizabeth bit her lip. "Will you be able to reverse the effects?" Preferably before the Wraith attacked or John drove her insane.

"If we just—"

Carson cut Rodney off. "At this point in time, no, but there's a lot of data here we have to go through and I'm certain that we'll find our answers."

"We will find a solution," Radek assured her. "There is no need to worry."

"Of course we'll find a solution," Rodney said with unconscious arrogance.

Elizabeth just accepted it as a part of Rodney. "How long?" Soon; please be soon.

Carson's answer was cut off by a quiet "Elizabeth?"

She turned, hastily quelling her impatience because it wasn't John's fault he was how he was, to see him coming up behind her, looking lost. "Shh, John," she said as gently as she could. "This is important."

He deflated a little. "Can I stay with you?"

If the device turned everyone who used it into a besotted five year old then the Ancients really hadn't got the kinks on this one worked out yet. "Of course." She turned back to Carson and the others, moving aside a little to let John stand beside her. She ignored him as he slipped his arm around her waist, intent on Carson's explanation of what needed to be done, but he managed to ruck her shirt up under his fingers and she gasped at the sudden contact as his thumb began tracing gentle circles on the sensitive skin of her waist. Maybe not so much of the five year old after all.

"Elizabeth?" Carson asked with concern. "Are you all right?"

She smiled gamely. "I'm fine. Please, continue." As he did so she wrapped her arms around her stomach so that she could unobtrusively close one hand over John's and stop the distracting movement. So now there was just his thumb lying warm and rough against her skin. God, was he trying to kill her?

Therefore it was purely in self-defence that she was the one to take John's hand when they headed back to the Infirmary at Carson's direction. Hand-holding was acceptable, but she didn't want to find out what else he might have in mind. He gave her a shy, delighted grin – definitely not John – and she fought the urge to knock her head against the wall. The universe was definitely out to get her; she just hoped he wouldn't remember any of this when it was over. In fact, she was starting to hope that she wouldn't remember it when it was over.

In the Infirmary Carson firmly directed John towards the MRI machine. John looked at Elizabeth pleadingly. "Do I have to do this?"

"Yes, John."

He sighed resignedly. "Then can we go on a date?" She knew it was stupid to think so given the circumstances, but his dogged persistence on the issue was oddly endearing.

"We'll talk about it when Carson's finished with you," she promised. By which time, she hoped, this would have worn off and he wouldn't want to talk about it anymore. Ever.

"Okay. You won't leave?" He looked like a five year old about to face the dentist and worried his mother would disappear on him.

Elizabeth spared a thought for the work piled up in her office, then looked at the genuine concern on John's face. "No, John," she said with a smothered sigh. "I'll be right here the whole time."

He heaved a sigh of relief. "Okay."

Elizabeth refused to meet Carson's eyes as the doctor led John away.

And then she spent the next half an hour twiddling her thumbs in the main Infirmary. She knew that she could duck out for five minutes and John would never notice the difference, but that wasn't the point. She'd promised him she wouldn't, so she wouldn't. Even if it was a waste of her time. Not to mention boring.

It was worth it, though, to see the delight blossom on John's face when he saw she was still there and waiting for him. Even if it wasn't a real emotion, just a chimera constructed out of that weird statue's effects, at least she hadn't broken her promise to him.

"I'm just going to see how that bloodwork's coming," Carson said. He said it to both of them, but Elizabeth was the only one listening. She nodded to him and, obedient to John's hopeful look and knowing it would be easier in the long run, sat down next to John. He would have put his arm around her but she caught his hand in hers and held it firmly between hers in her lap. His fingers curled around hers and he smiled, beamingly happy.

"I'm glad you're here, Elizabeth," he said simply.

She smiled at him and patted his hand. "I'll be here for as long as you need me," she promised recklessly.

Several hours later, though, Elizabeth was ready to explode with frustration. John, for probably the first time in his entire life, didn't care that he was stuck in the Infirmary but she did. As Carson approached, ready to conduct another test, she slid off the bed and gently undid John's fingers from her hand. "John, I'm going to get us something to eat." His look of instant dismay was so sincere she almost retracted the decision, but she stomped down on her sympathy: she needed to clear her head. "I'll just be ten minutes, fifteen at the most."

"Promise?" he asked mournfully. She might as well have just announced she was leaving for Earth and never coming back. This needed to be fixed soon.

"I promise."

His shoulders slumped. "Okay," he said reluctantly.

She could feel his eyes on her as she walked out the door but forced herself not to look back.

As the Infirmary doors shut behind her she stopped still, tilting her head back and closing her eyes before letting out a long breath. Nothing in her experience had prepared her for trying to deal with a clingy second in command suffering from artificial besottedness. If it had been anyone but John, she would have been sorely tempted to avoid the Infirmary until the fit had passed. But it was John – and she'd promised to only be away for quarter of an hour.

Elizabeth headed for the controlroom.

Everyone looked up as she entered. "Ma'am?" Peter spoke for all of them. "Is the Major going to be okay?"

She looked around at their hopeful faces and was struck suddenly with a surge of affection for them all. The Expedition had started out as strangers, but now they were family. "I hope so, Peter. He was exposed to an Ancient device – with obvious consequences." Smiles all round. "Rodney and Carson are both working on reversing the effects. With any luck, he'll be through the stargate annoying the Wraith instead of us in no time." There was laughter and people turned back to their work. "Anything happening here?" she asked Peter.

He shook his head. "No, we're fine."

Elizabeth tried not to sigh sadly. It would have been nice to have an excuse not to babysit her second in command. "Good," she lied. "I'll be in the Infirmary if I'm needed."

"Understood."

She stepped across into her office with the intention of grabbing her laptop so that she'd be able to get some work done while she (literally) held John's hand. Once there, though, she sat down in her chair and stared blankly at her desk. Away from the Infirmary – away from John – she took the moment to try and work out exactly what it was she was feeling. Because she didn't know what she was feeling and she wasn't used to that. Elizabeth might not always be in control of her emotions, but she did usually have the ability to at least identify them. But now... Worry, of course, and concern. A little discomfort but not nearly as much as had it not been John. And a lot of confused emotion she couldn't possibly put a name to.

Suddenly realising she'd spent ten minutes staring blankly at her desk, Elizabeth jumped to her feet and picked up her laptop. Confused emotions or not, she couldn't be late, not when she'd promised John.

As she passed back through the controlroom Peter looked up and asked, "Have you agreed yet?"

Elizabeth paused in confusion and looked at him blankly. She also thought she heard a muffled giggle behind her, but must have imagined it. "Agreed to what?"

He shook his head and looked away. "Never mind."

She frowned at the back of his head for a moment, then walked off. She really really hoped John's insanity wasn't contagious.

After a very quick stop at the messhall, she got back to the Infirmary fifteen minutes to the second after she'd left. John looked up with unwilling hope – conjuring up images of him spending the entire fifteen minutes looking up eagerly every time someone entered the room – and then jumped to his feet, breaking into a wide smile. "Elizabeth!"

"Oh thank God," Carson said, spinning in his chair to look at her and almost as relieved as John.

John bounced up to her. "You're back!"

"Yes, I noticed," she said with amusement.

"Never leave me alone with him again," Carson said in an undertone as he steered her over to his computer. She lifted an eyebrow; John had never been a model patient, but Carson had always been able to handle him. "Don't ask," he said flatly. "Just – don't ask."

Elizabeth smiled as he started to show her data on his computer as if he expected her to understand it, and held out a plate of food to John. He took it and put it down on the nearest bed, more interested in inching as close to her as possible. Rolling her eyes at the back of Carson's head, Elizabeth took John's hand and gripped it reassuringly.

Once Carson had finished his not-as-helpful-as-he-thought explanation, John was once again undergoing tests. Elizabeth sat on a bed, her tablet on her knee, and chewed thoughtfully on a sandwich as she looked over the latest offworld team reports. The feeling of eyes on her made her look up. John was watching her hopefully, Carson having disappeared, and she sighed, shutting her computer down.

John's eyes brightened but he said worriedly, "Am I bothering you?"

She couldn't help but smile at him. "You never bother me, John."

Beaming at her (and she was pretty sure that before today she'd never made anyone this happy), he hopped off his bed and came to sit beside her. "I'm glad," he said softly and lightly traced the curve of her jaw with his fingers.

Elizabeth closed her eyes against the feel of his hand on her skin. She couldn't possibly be wishing this was real. It had to be just the fact that it was two years since anyone had looked at her as Elizabeth-the-woman and not Doctor Weir or Elizabeth-the-friend. (She didn't think that the trader on Moloth who'd desperately wanted to add her to his harem really counted.)

"Elizabeth?" Carson said in surprise and her eyes flicked open as she pulled away from John's touch. John whispered her name worriedly, reaching out to her, and she caught his hand before it could do any more damage and held it firmly between her own.

She tried to smile at Carson. "Yes?"

"Oh." He looked between her and John. "I... I'm going to need to keep the Major here overnight for observation."

She closed her eyes a moment. Give her strength. "Let me guess, that means I have to stay too."

"You're not going to leave, are you, Elizabeth?" John asked worriedly.

"I would say so," Carson agreed, amused.

With a sigh she turned to John, meeting his frantic gaze. "No, John, I'm not going to leave."

She wasn't sure if his relief was flattering or exasperating.

Although when she was forced to spend a night in the infirmary despite being perfectly healthy, she was definitely leaning towards the latter. She tugged on the hospital scrubs Carson had given her for pyjamas (John wouldn't let her leave him alone again and Carson wouldn't let him leave) and scowled at John, who was sitting on the bed next to hers in his own scrubs and beaming at her. She felt like she was at a five-year-old's slumber party.

"I hope you realise, Major," she told him sternly, "that I wouldn't dream of putting up with all this for anyone else."

He just grinned at her until she had to shake her head and smile back. Even when he wasn't trying, John could be irresistibly charming.

"Good night, John," she said, pulling back the covers and slipping into bed.

"Good night, Elizabeth," he said happily, mimicking her and rolling onto his side so that he could lean his head on his hand and watch her. Again.

"If you're not careful," Elizabeth told him tartly, "you're going to run a serious risk of becoming a stalker."

He grinned but didn't look away. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I just like looking at you."

She propped herself up on her elbow and studied him in return. "I know this is probably a stupid question," she said, "but why?"

"Because you're beautiful," he said simply.

"So is Teyla – much more so than I am – and I don't see you mooning over her."

"Teyla's nice," John agreed, "but you're you."

She laughed. "With logic like that it's very hard to argue with you."

"You shouldn't," he told her. "Because it's true. You can't argue with the truth."

She snuggled down into the pillow and sighed, missing her own bed with the pillow she'd beaten into just the right shape. "I think you'll find most people can, John."

"Not this one," he said firmly. "I don't love Teyla."

Elizabeth slammed her eyes shut and went very very still. To her great relief he didn't add the logical extension of that statement. After a while she even remembered how to breathe again. She pretended she was asleep and he didn't push it, for she could hear him settling down in his own bed, her ears hyper-attuned to every sound he made.

He didn't mean it, she assured herself. It was just the statue talking and in the morning when Carson and Rodney figured out how to fix this he'd be back to his old self.

Still, she should have seen it coming. He'd asked her to marry him, for God's sake, it was obvious where his thoughts had been directed. Despite that, the intrusion of that word into the space between them shocked her, scared her. Scared her? It terrified her.

Because even if he was acting weirdly and developing stalker-ish tendencies, even though he was uncharacteristically besotted, even though the look of worship that came into his eyes made her horribly uncomfortable because she didn't want anyone to worship her... this was still John. John was still in there, John was the one holding her hand, the one worried about her. The one telling her she was beautiful (even if it wasn't true).

And yes, it terrified her.

Because she was identifying some of those confused emotions and they were turning out to be emotions she really didn't want to be having.

She'd discovered at some point in this crazy, mixed-up day that she did want to date John. She'd never considered the idea before; he was just John, a good, dear friend... And suddenly she had a sinking feeling that she'd discovered it was possible to tumble headlong into love with someone without even realising it. And if that was true, if she'd somehow...

Then how could she face John when this was all over and he no longer felt the way he did now?

TBC