Saiyuki Self Insert
Part 2:
--
"That was the most useless thirty minutes of my life…" grumbled Meagan as she walked out of the main temple. She had just been ordained as the next high priestess, for the current one was nearing her time of death.
"Umihara-miko-sama," scolded a miko that had scurried after her. "You mustn't speak like that! It is a great honor that the High Priestess has given you!"
"But it's still a waste of time," sighed Meagan. She was getting tired of her constant 'shadow'. "Can you please leave me alone?"
"I am your attendant, Umihara-miko-sama. I must—"
"Look," bit out Meagan. "If you insist on staying around me, there's gonna be some rules. Number one is don't call me that!"
"You aren't very polite, are you?" said a voice from behind her. Turning, Meagan saw one of the few things she never wanted to see…
A tall woman with a mannish face and a half-male half-female aura was wearing some of the most… disgustingly lewd clothes she had ever seen. The upper half of the 'outfit' was gauzy and the lower half (thank god) was solid, but she… he…. It was still showing a lot of leg.
Beside her stood a gentle looking old man. His hair was silvery-gold and long. Most of it was pulled back into a thick braid. He wore an outfit that was eerily familiar to Meagan, but she felt that it was lacking something. Meagan knew instinctively that he was dead.
"Okay… I see an ugly-assed dyke and a dead old geezer…" she drawled out. "What do you want?"
"Well, Umihara-miko-sama," started the 'dyke'. "I'm surprised at the mouth on you… and I'm not a dyke."
"So… you're a trannie?" Meagan blinked. "Don't call me that fucking name!"
The miko near her was looking at her with wide, frightened eyes. It didn't take much imagination to figure out what she was thinking… Dear ol' Meagan had gone nuts.
"You need to be a little more polite to Kanzeon Bosatsu, Meagan-san," chided the spirit next to the hermaphrodite.
"And you are?" asked Meagan, ignoring his 'advice'.
"The late Koumyou Sanzo," he said with a smile and a bow.
"That sounds familiar," said a slightly surprised Meagan. "You're a Sanzo, right?"
"Yes, he is," cut in Kanzeon Bosatsu. "And he's going with you."
"Look here, Kanseo… Kanzeooo… Kanny… Boytits…" She had to stop trying for she had started laughing and couldn't stop. Koumyou was also chuckling. Kanzeon Bosatsu looked very offended. However, Meagan couldn't stop laughing… in fact she was on her knees with tears running down her face. "Ow," she said between laughs. "My… dia…phragm…"
"That's enough of that," said an irritated Kanzeon Bosatsu.
"You got a nickname, Boytits?"
"That's the Great Kannon to you," huffed out the flustered hermaphrodite. Perverse thoughts flooded Meagan's mind and she immediately fell back to giggling. This time, Koumyou didn't join in for he didn't get it.
"Ah, ha ha ha ha! That's great! You're narcissistic! That's rich!" Meagan gasped a bit and laughed out. "Must be trying to make up for the lack of estrogen, eh?"
Kannon's eyebrow was twitching violently. "Meagan…" she gritted out.
"Yes, Sir, Boytits Sir?" said Meagan, shooting up into an almost military position, saluting her with a middle finger in the normal 'salute' position.
"You are aware you are insulting a God, right?" Koumyou said to the medium.
"Who cares? This guy's a hoot!" Koumyou could do nothing but stare.
'I'm being assigned to a lunatic,' thought the former Sanzo.
"That's enough, medium!" snapped out Kannon. Meagan's laughter stilled quickly. "You need to straighten up. Behaving like this will only get you killed."
"I've been sitting still for thirty minutes," bitched Meagan. "You expect me to be calm after having to smell that shitty stifling incense, hearing those boring-assed chants, and having water thrown at me. Fuck. YOU." She blinked. "Not literally. I take that back. Fuck yourself."
"I came to give you two gifts—"
"Presents!" squealed the new miko. "Gimmie, gimmie!"
"One of them is standing before you, girl," bit out the god. She gestured to Koumyou.
"Why do I want an old fart?"
"He's to be your new guide."
"Hell no!" She stuck her index finger in her ear, a gesture of her defiance. "Kimi is my one and only guide. Annoying as she is… no one, especially him, can replace her. She's my blood. It always comes to the blood…" she muttered that last line, remembering something that Elizabeth told her. She looked up again, scowling. "Anyway, what's the other gift?"
"… A fan."
"A fan?"
"Look." Kannon held up a large metallic fan, which Meagan estimated to be a little longer than two feet when open. It was inscribed with ancient oriental characters and seemed to glow with an unearthly light.
"Oh, shit," muttered Meagan, immediately walking up and snatching it out of Kannon's hands. "This is my fan!" Her head snapped to look at Kannon. "How the fuck did you get this out of my head?"
"It's easy to bring some images out of your head, girl. You thought about that fan a lot."
"Does it do the power thingies! With the chakras and all that!" Kannon raised an eyebrow at her like 'No fucking shit'. "Awesome!" She immediately hugged the fan to her.
"And with the fan comes Koumyou," Kannon said flatly.
"Dammit! There's no refund on him?"
"You need a guide, Meagan."
"And besides, we'll get along great!" Koumyou grinned. Meagan's eyebrow twitched.
"Are you a perv?" Koumyou looked quite offended by that.
"Of course not!"
"… So, you're a poof?"
"…What's a poof?"
"She asked if you were gay…" muttered Kannon.
"As in happy?"
"No, as in wearing the rainbow…"
"Isn't that a good thing?"
Meagan started cracking up.
"No, you hippie!" Kannon said snappishly. "She's asking if you screw guys!"
"Like you!" said the giggling medium, pointing at Kannon.
"I am not gay!" shouted Kannon, an angry tick mark making itself known.
"… I'm not gay…" pouted Koumyou.
"I'm still saying no, but… whatever… Don't hit on me."
"I'm also not a cradle robber."
--
Elizabeth was sitting at the edge of the pond, staring blankly at the woods across the way. She was feeling rather stunned. She wasn't human…
Absently, she reached up to grasp her favorite necklace. It was a silver chain with a silver peace cross pendant. However, her fingers met nothing. Startled she scrabbled around her neck, hoping to meet the chain.
Then she started patting down herself… and paused. "Huh?" she muttered unknowingly. She pulled the edge of her shirt up to look under the fabric. Her stomach, which had had a bit of a pooch, (more than normal, that is) was toned. "Woah…"
She dropped the shirttail and flopped backwards. Staring upwards, she watched the clouds scuttle past when a wolf face appeared over her.
"Hello," said a female voice from the wolf. "My name is Jun Li." Elizabeth rolled over onto her stomach. "Would you like to go running with me?"
"Sure," popped out Elizabeth. She climbed to her feet and then said, "I don't know how fast I can run, though."
"That's fine," Jun Li laughed, her tongue lolling. "Come!" She turned tail and ran into the woods. Elizabeth ran after her almost immediately. She fell into a loping pace that kept up with her new friend.
It was a long while later when Elizabeth slowed. She wasn't out of breath like she normally was and she was marveling at it. In fact, she wanted to run more.
Jun Li loped back and came to a stop next to the gray-haired woman. "What is wrong?"
"I'm not out of breath," said Elizabeth. "What exactly am I?"
"A wolf, of course. A wolf in man shape." Elizabeth blinked and looked at her.
"Okay… I've loved wolves since I was little, but this is just bizarre," muttered Elizabeth. She shoved her hands into her pockets and her right hand came in contact with metal. Curious, she drew it out and realized it was her cross pendant. "My cross!" she exclaimed, excited that she had it.
Hurriedly she put it on. The moment it was clipped around her neck, she felt strange… She wasn't quite so light…
"Your appearance has changed," the wolf said to her friend. Elizabeth looked at her. "You look more man-like."
"Excuse me? I look like a guy?" Elizabeth deadpanned, taking the statement wrong.
"No, Gray Lady, you look like a man thing." Elizabeth looked at her hands, which had been previously tipped in claws. They indeed looked more human.
"I guess so," muttered Elizabeth. Feeling very wrong, she pulled the charm off again and felt a surge of power. She carefully stuffed the necklace back into her pocket. "I should leave it off."
Jun Li dropped forward into a wolfish bow, an invitation to play. "Let's go!" she said. She bounced forward and tackled Elizabeth to the ground. Elizabeth's instincts took over and the two of them rolled under the limbs of the trees and through the grass. They tussled, growling and nipping at each other. Grass stains started to appear on Elizabeth's clothes.
They rolled and rolled and rolled. Their game attracted a number of other young wolves from the pack. Some nipped at the exposed limbs, trying to get in on it. Jun Li jumped back and they all ganged up on Elizabeth, who collapsed to the ground laughing.
Then, Elizabeth wiggled out of the furry mass and ran. The others took up chase and laughter filled the woods as both the one-time human and the wolves darted through the trees as the sun sank.
Mei Xau looked on from the crest of a nearby hill, his mate by his side.
--
Meagan walked through the Shinto temple several days later wearing an expression of absolute calm. On the inside, she was really wishing she could kill a certain shadow… okay, two shadows. One was that damn attendant… the other was a wannabe hippie.
"Meagan-san," Koumyou said, trying to gain her attention. Meagan ignored him. "Meagan-san," he tried again.
"What!" Meagan whipped around.
"I just needed to inform you of what has to be done. You must go with the Sanzo-ikkou into the west… and you mustn't tell Genjyo Sanzo about me."
"Why?" asked the miko.
"Because I am a sore subject for him," admitted a sad Koumyou. Meagan waited for the rest of it. "You see, I died a very violent death before his eyes…"
"What kind of death?"
"I was cut down by a youkai."
"You're very clean for someone that received a wound like that," mused Meagan. She had seen many different forms of death back in her world. Gunshot victims… Stab wounds… She had seen all sorts of gross shit. Of course, that had made her rather nonchalant over the years. However, no matter how used to death she was, she had to admit one form still grossed her out… Jumpers…
Remembering the few times she had seen such spirits, she shuddered violently and fought down the urge to gag.
"Kanzeon Bosatsu was kind enough to make sure my presence did not disturb you overly much," admitted Koumyou. "The wound disemboweled me… As I had said, it was rather messy."
Some random miko ran up and whispered something to Meagan's 'attendant'. She scurried off again and the attendant turned to her warily. The poor girl was becoming slowly acclimated to Meagan's sudden shouting sprees with the air.
"Umihara-miko-sama," she said. "It is said that the Sanzo-ikkou is in town. It is advised that you do not go near them, for they are not of the Shinto religion."
"I'm not of the Shinto religion, either," muttered Meagan as she saw her golden opportunity. "Come along, ya wannabe hippie…" She stalked off. Boy was she glad to get out of this place.
She swept right out of the shrine proper, through the courtyard, and through the gates. Behind her came not only Koumyou, but her attendant, too. Absently she felt about her sleeves, checking to see if the sutras were there and then at her spine to brush over her fan. She felt that it was the perfect time to exorcise a local haunted house.
Flashback:
Meagan had shoved her hands in her sleeves, trying to keep from strangling her attendant. What she had encountered was four pockets in each sleeve and in each pocket were slips of paper.
Surprised by this, she pulled one out and her eyebrows immediately shot up. It was a sutra. Reading over the flowery script, she realized it said 'Lightning'.
"What on earth?" she muttered.
"That's a sutra," Koumyou supplied helpfully. Meagan's eyes widened and she grabbed that sleeve again and looked in it. "What are you doing?"
"Wow! There's a lot of them!" said the miko, awed. She looked in the other sleeve and saw the same pockets, but one was noticeably fuller than the others. "What do they all do?"
"Well, the one you pulled out is one of your lightning sutras." Meagan pulled out the others and he began to point at them. "That one there is for fire, and that one is for ice. That one is for binding people… this one is for banishing youkai… and this one is for exorcising spirits."
Meagan lifted one of the Exorcising Sutras, fully intending to use it on the annoying ghost.
"That won't work on me Meagan-san," laughed the former Sanzo. "Kanzeon Bosatsu made me immune himself."
"Damn, that annoying dyke again," muttered Meagan. She looked over to the last stack of paper. There were only five and the others were stacked more than twenty high. "What's this one?"
"…" Koumyou looked very wary.
"Well?"
Koumyou looked at her, no joke in his eye. "You mustn't use these unless you absolutely have to…"
"Why?" asked Meagan.
"These sutras are Death Sutras. Very powerful and there are only five per person… for a very good reason. These sutras are tied to your soul and using just one can damage it. If you use all five, you'd be dead."
"…" Meagan looked at them, and asked, "Could we get rid of them?"
"No, for once written, they are tied to you. If someone else came along, they could destroy you from afar. And they can't be destroyed even if you wanted it done…"
End FlashbackFrowning slightly at the memory, she walked through the town. She strutted right past a group of four men. Of course she recognized them on sight… They were the Sanzo-ikkou.
She vaguely caught the words that came from one of them. "A miko… You don't see those too often…" Meagan flicked her head around and looked right at them. She grinned before walking on.
"Sanzo," said one of the others. "She has eyes just like yours."
"Only a bit nicer looking," said another in a very interested tone.
Meagan stopped, and smiled at herself for her evil idea. She turned, the sun shining in her copper hair. She was exotic. She walked to the Group and bowed respectfully to the Priest, "Hello, Great Sanzo-sama." The miko smiled warmly.
Sanzo's eyebrow rose, and something about this Priestess… Intrigued him? "Please, Just call me Sanzo…"
"I'm Sha Gojyo! You are an amazingly beautiful girl for a Miko. What made you give your life to the temple, and please don't tell me there is a celibacy law in the Shinto religion."
Meagan laughed, "My goodness, your hair is red, and so are your eyes. Are you a child of Taboo?"
Gojyo blinked, this priestess had… a peculiar smile on her face. Not at holy-like. Maybe she had more in common with their worldly priest than just her eyes.
Goku smiled, "You're really pretty, Miss Miko-lady! And you shut the cockroach up!"
Gojyo hissed, grabbing the boy's ear, "What did you call, you stupid CHIMP?"
"I'm NOT A CHIMP!"
"Well you sure LOOK LIKE ONE!"
"Shut UP!" a gun was drawn and aimed at the bickering pair at once, and the silence was immediate.
"Now, Now… I promise they aren't always this bad, Miss…"
"Umihara is my miko name, but you may call me by my God-given name, Meagan." She smiled warmly, bowing.
"You don't believe in Shinto, I take it?" Hakkai blinked, now confused.
The miko sighed, "I have a gift; to see the dead. I don't remember much before I came to this place. I was found in the garden of the Shinto shrine, not sure how I got there... perhaps too much saké. They call me the child of the sprigs, but, frankly, no. I'm not Shinto. I think it a crock of crap."
The four blinked, shock settled in, along with awe. The Miko blinked, "What? Was it something I said?"
They blinked, and Koumyou coughed, "Meagan-san, the house…"
"Oh, yes…" Meagan turned and smiled at the ghost, "I assume you are right, Kimi-chan."
"Kimi-chan?" the old man asked, confused, "What? Why did you call me that?"
"Who are you talking to?" The shortest asked.
"Remember? I told you already. I talk to the dead, and they talk back. Kimi-chan is my guide. He follows me everywhere, and helps me talk to the dead when they cannot hear me, Goku." She smiled, having kneeled to Goku's level to explain this. Her hand met his hair, and a gun touched the back of her head.
"I don't recall him telling you his name." The cold voice of Sanzo said.
Gojyo and Hakkai nodded, and glared at her. They where ready to fight the beautiful woman if she proved to be an assassin. She was the reason they came to this town after all.
"This isn't supposed to be happening Meagan-san!" the dead man whined next to her, "You pissed my Kouryuu off!"
You sound like a pedophile when you say that, you hippy, but you just won me my freedom, she thought to him.
"Oh? What did I do?"
The miko stood and turned, a kind smile on her face, "As I have said before, the dead talk to me." Her eyes where warm and soft, "They know things, and sometimes they tell me those things…Kouryuu."
"How the FUCK do you know that NAME!" Sanzo said, pissed.
"Hum." The Miko smiled, "A dead man told me."
"What are you doing! Your not supposed to tell them about me!"
Shove it, Kimi. Unless your going to help me out of this pickle, you can go fuck yourself!
Sanzo hissed, "You're lying!"
"Am I? If you kill me, you will never know if I truly was or not. I have seen many ghosts, Genjyo Sanzo. Many have told me things that fall in to place later. I know exactly who you are, and Sir Koumyou really proud of you and told much to me when I meet him." How truthful I wish that was…
"Meagan-san! Your going to get yourself killed!"
Sanzo's eyes widened lightly, and his hand notably shook, "How do you know that name!"
Koumyou tugged at the priestess's shirt unnoticeably, "Kinzan Temple! I smoked under the trees in the fall because I like to watch the leaves!"
"I was at the Kinzan temple last fall, and saw a handsome man smoking under the tree. He was older, but he had a kindly look. He was at peace, and he spoke of how he loved the leaves. He said he missed his Kouryuu, and I knew at once that he spoke of you when I laid eyes one you." Koumyou, I owe something, anything you want, just tell me and I will get if for you, you just saved my ass.
"Yes, well, I'll keep than in mind." The elder Sanzo breathed a sigh of relief, as Sanzo looked less threatening than before, but still looked wary.
"You saw him?"
"What, you don't believe me? He smelled of marijuana, and talked like he was a hippie." she crossed her arms, Like you do now. Now I wanna joint.
Sanzo looked at her, his expression unreadable. Naturally, he never saw the spirit nearby making a pouty face. Sanzo's gun lowered slowly. Meagan was relieved that she no longer had that Smith & Wesson pointed at her head. She made sure she didn't show it.
"Sanzo, d'ya believe her?" asked Goku. He liked the girl, for she felt like a nice person.
"…" The priest stayed silent, eyeing the miko for a very long while. Then he put his gun away and gave a slow nod. His eyes never left hers, as if he was trying to say 'I'm giving you a chance. Screw it up and you're dead.'
She too inclined her head, signifying that she understood. Straightening back up, she said, "I'm going to a house to exorcize it. Wanna come?"
--
TBC
Oh, this is gonna get good.
Oh! Please review!