Author's note: So this follows the events at the end of Doomsday, but with a significant twist. Please review - I would love to hear what you think.
Rose slowly pushed herself up from the cool floor, struggling not to cry out in her anger and frustration. She hugged her knees to her chest, leaning gratefully back against her bed. Her head was throbbing, screaming at her uncooperative body that, against her will and best efforts, seemed to be succumbing to this... whatever this was.
She let her head flop back against the comforter, breathing deeply. She had to calm down. The familiar tingling fire that always followed these "attacks" coursed through her veins, and Rose fought off her feelings of powerlessness and fear. She would not let this control her.
She couldn't say exactly when it had started. In the beginning - well, it had really felt more like the end, but, well, anyway - in the beginning of her life here, she had been so consumed by pain and loss and the sudden emptiness of life without the Doctor that she hardly noticed much at all. She had holed herself up in a room at Pete's mansion, shocked and heartbroken, trying to come to grips with the sudden, harsh reality of their separation and of the life (and love) that was lost to her. Her heart ached, physically ached in a way that she hadn't known was possible. She sprawled out on the bed, wandered about the room, stood on the balcony looking up at the stars that weren't theirs, tears falling constantly, often quietly, down her cheeks.
Eventually, though, Rose's fortitude and determination broke through her haze of grief, allowing her to struggle forward. She was a fighter, even before her time with the Doctor. Life would not trample her. The Doctor had recognized that spirit within her; he had believed in her and had helped her believe in herself. Even broken-hearted and out-of-place, Rose would not just sit idly by when she could go out there and live and make a difference.
On her own, she quietly began studying for her A-levels and working her way through Pete's library, though she knew that, unlike the TARDIS, at some point she would run out of books to read. More recently (and somewhat cautiously) she had begun working at Torchwood. She worked mostly as a "consultant," dropping by different areas as she was needed, offering up what help and knowledge of alien life she had gained during her travels with the Doctor. She wasn't ready for anything more yet, though Pete hoped that eventually she would consider training to be a field agent like Jake and Mickey. Too soon, she thought. Too similar to what she'd had, and yet nothing like it at all. Maybe one day. And she knew that Jackie had her back, at least. A small, sad smile crossed her face, knowing that while her mum hated to see her suffering, a small part of her rejoiced that Rose was here with her.
Yet now, having found a direction and summoned her courage, Rose faced something that she couldn't control, that was coming from within her, and it was driving her spare. Her body seemed to be giving out on her for no reason at all. Initially she had thought, and her mum had agreed, that the weakness was probably just the aftershocks of nearly dying, the grief of being separated from her Doctor and stuck in a universe that wasn't hers.
Almost inevitably, Jackie had fallen in love (again), and then had come the joyous discovery of the pregnancy. Rose was thrilled for her mother and looked forward to the spot of joy the future offered, the chance to be a big sister. With all of the welcome distraction, it had ended up being Mickey who had first really noticed and questioned what was happening to Rose.
They were walking out of Torchwood together, talking about his most recent mission. Mickey had stepped right back into her life, almost like he sensed how much she needed him now. From the very start, he had made almost daily visits to the mansion, often just coming in and holding her, letting her tears soak his shirt. They had been best mates for so long, and though she didn't deserve the return of his friendship after the way she'd treated him, she clung to it gratefully.
As they were walking to his car (he insisted upon driving her home whenever they worked the same shift), a strong wave of fatigue crashed over her suddenly, and she stumbled. Mickey caught her under the elbow, flashing her a look of concern. Struggling to maintain her balance as her legs trembled beneath her, she forced out a chuckle. "Long day, huh? Must be more tired than I thought."
Mickey stopped abruptly, pulling her up short beside him and turning her to face him. "What's up, Rose? Somethin's going on with you, and I'm not havin' you pulling that 'I'm always alright bit,' either, because I know exactly what that means. Now spill."
Startled a bit by his directness, Rose took a deep breath and met his gaze, only to come undone by the love and concern she saw there. "I really don't know, Micks, and that's what frightens me. It's not... I really am trying to move on, you know I am." He nodded, encouraging her to continue. "I can't stop hoping, but I'm not gonna just sit around and wait. But sometimes," she paused, swallowing down that niggling panic that she tried so hard to ignore, "it's crazy; it's like my body just shuts down. Like I'm losing control somehow, and I don't know why." Saying it aloud, admitting it like this, made it suddenly seem so real that her voice trembled. "I get weak all over, and my head starts pounding, and then this... burning, I guess, I don't know how to describe it... runs through me. At first I didn't think much of it, kinda annoying and weird, but it's getting worse." She looked up and saw worry etched across his face. "I'm just so frustrated and confused and scared... I feel like I'm losing my mind, Mickey."
She looked at him pleadingly, desperately hoping that he wouldn't think she was crazy. She watched as his look of worry was replaced by one of reassurance and kindness, and she was once again amazed at the man that stood before her - still her Mickey, her best friend, but now much more serious and confident and selfless. "I believe you, Rose, and whatever this is, we'll beat it," he said, leaning in and hugging her, then punching her lightly on the arm. "We've faced worse, right?"
As the weeks passed, Rose's enervation became more marked, the episodes more powerful, depleting her strength and making it harder to hide her distress. Mickey insisted that she see a doctor, and she agreed reluctantly, though she refused to do it through Torchwood. Despite working there now, trust was still slow in coming, and she wanted to keep her "affliction" out of the public eye as much as she could. Many of the other employees had started to warm to her, which she enjoyed, but it meant she'd had to downplay moments when the fatigue would come upon her suddenly.
When the doctor she'd seen tried to tell her that it was all mental and that she should see a psychologist for depression, Mickey had been furious. He was so endearingly protective of her, calling to check on her often during the day and sometimes staying for awhile to visit when he dropped her off. In fact, it had taken quite a lot of effort for Rose to convince Jackie that they weren't "together" again.
Rose drew strength from his friendship and support, glad that she didn't have to burden her mum and yet slightly ashamed that she was hiding something, even something unknown, from her. But Jackie was happier than Rose had ever seen her, totally in love with Pete and the child that was on the way, and she would not intrude upon that.
After her heart had stopped racing and power was restored to her limbs, Rose dialed Mickey's number, feeling only slightly guilty about waking him - she knew he'd understand. Jackie and Pete, quietly wiping the sleep from their eyes when they saw the earnest entreaty on their daughter's face, followed Rose into the study.
In front of a cozy fire, she told them about her dream, and they believed her. Tears of gratitude pooled in her eyes as she poured her heart out to the amazing people seated before her. They didn't barrage her with questions or doubts; they simply listened and believed and did what she asked of them. Whatever happened, Rose knew that these three people would always love her, enough that they would sacrifice having her with them so that she could be happy.