Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.

Author's Notes: Thank you so much to everyone who read and/or reviewed the first chapter. I'm really glad you came back for more!! I hope you enjoy it!!

All These Things That I've Done

by Kristen Elizabeth

"Who was Rose Tyler?"

It was the first time his new ears had heard the name and, as the Doctor had feared, it had just as much impact on this body as it had on the previous two.

He refused to look away from the console, dead set against Amy seeing any emotion that might be displayed on his face. She had an uncanny knack for seeing straight through him already.

On the other hand, if he ignored the question altogether that would only give her interrogation more fuel.

"She traveled with me awhile back," he replied as he twisted a random knob that he'd never noticed before. "Did you find something of hers in the wardrobe?"

"In my room. Which I suppose used to be hers." Amy started down the steps towards him. When she reached his level, she held out a red booklet that he remembered all too well. "She forgot to take her passport when she left."

The Doctor quickly moved around to the other side of the console on the pretense of needing to press another button. "Yes, well. That happens sometimes."

"And that answers another question." Amy set the passport down and folded her arms. "You do this a lot, then. Picking up passengers?"

"I'm not a double-decker," he glowered, "but I do like a bit of company from time to time, yes."

"How long ago was Rose here?"

The Doctor lifted one shoulder. "A few of your years. Hard to say." He suddenly smacked the console. "How would you like to see the first anti-gravity Olympics?"

Amy arched an eyebrow. "One more question answered. She meant a lot to you."

"I try not to travel with anyone who doesn't matter to me."

"Yeah, but there's friends and then there's..." She rocked forward on the balls of her feet. "...friends. I'm guessing she was the latter." A moment passed. "She was pretty. Why did she leave you?"

He wanted to lie. He'd done it before with Martha. Told her a tale of the Time Lords who no longer existed. It had been so easy. It would be here, too. He could say that Rose went home to be with her mother, her boyfriend--that she'd tired of the adventure and wanted a normal life. It was true of other companions he'd had.

But not Rose. Somehow, the idea of outright lying about Rose felt like a punch to the stomach. She deserved better.

So, he told Amy what he'd told Donna. "She didn't. I lost her."

Several seconds passed in utter silence. "I'm sorry," Amy eventually murmured, lowering her chin until it touched her chest. "I didn't realize she was..." She stopped short. "So!" Lifting her head, she tried for a bright smile. "Anti-gravity Olympics, you said?"

It didn't occur to the Doctor until later that she might have misunderstood his answer, but even if it had, he wasn't sure he would have set the record straight.

For all intents and purposes, Rose Tyler was well and truly gone forever.

Some say that the universe is made so that when we are about to understand it, it changes into something even more incomprehensible. And then there are those who say...that has already happened. -- Douglas Adams

He couldn't sleep and it had nothing to do with the fact that Rose had gotten up to use the toilet no less than four times since they'd gone to bed.

"Sorry," she told him as she climbed back under the covers, not an easy feat given the size of her belly. "I tried not to wake you."

"Don't worry about that." When Rose was settled on her side again, John shifted behind her and rested his chin on her shoulder, his arm draped across her thickened waist. "He's kicking?"

"She is," Rose corrected him. "No one is sleeping tonight."

"You should. You need your rest."

"Doctor's orders?" she teased. He snorted softly into her hair. "Everything's fine." She moved his hand from her stomach to her hip. "You don't need to worry about me so much."

He frowned. "Am I bothering you?"

"No. No! It's just..." She hesitated. "You're starting to sound like my mum."

Slowly, John withdrew his arm and rolled onto his back, away from the warmth of her body. "I didn't realize."

With great effort, Rose turned onto her other side to face him. "And I didn't mean that." She pressed a kiss onto the short sleeve of his shirt. "I'm sorry."

"This is all new to me, Rose. Yes, I've been a father before," he continued before she could say anything. "But not like this. And not with you." He glanced at her. "You're the most important thing in the world to me and you're carrying our child. Don't ask me not to worry."

They watched each others eyes for a long moment. "That crack in the wall...it bothers you, doesn't it?"

John sniffed suddenly and turned his face up towards the ceiling. "It's just a crack."

"No, it isn't." Rose laid her cheek on his arm. "Why are you lying to me?"

"Because it doesn't bother me." He paused. "It scares me."

She swallowed heavily. "What is it?"

"I don't know." Anger crept into his tone, making each word harsher. "And I won't know. I can't know. There's no way to know! No sonic screwdriver, no TARDIS database...and I don't think the toys at Torchwood are going to tell me a ruddy thing!" His chest rose and fell beneath Rose's head. "He marooned us here, Rose. And this world is just as dangerous as his."

"He did what he thought was best," she whispered. "For both of us."

"'Course he did. Better to believe that, isn't it?" When he felt the warm wetness of her tears seep through his shirt a second later, he silently cursed himself. "Rose, forgive me." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her as tightly as he could without hurting their baby. "Please forgive me."

"Can we just go to sleep?" she asked, her voice muffled by his chest. "I really need to sleep."

He drew back only far enough to give her a soft kiss. He could taste the salt of her tears on her lips; his Adam's apple bobbed madly. "I love you so much."

So much more than he did.

Her eyes were already closed. Her breath evened out a minute later as she slipped into her dreams. He held her until dawn when his own eyes shut...and his nightmares began.

To Be Continued