Heli-karaoke
Tony, Take the Wheel
No one was quite sure how the topic came up, or whose bright idea it was, or why all the Avengers had to be there to witness it… but for some reason Thor was being taught to drive.
Yeah, no one else knew how that happened, either. But somehow everyone was now crammed into a Suburban, listening as Tony instructed Thor on how the car worked.
Thor was in the driver's seat, Tony in the passenger's, while Banner and Natasha sat in the middle row, which left Naomi, Steve, and Clint in the back row.
"Is it really a good idea for all of us to be in here for Thor's first time driving?" Bruce asked, sounding a little nervous. "I mean, wouldn't it be better for it to just be the student and instructor?"
"What, you don't want to see Thor drive for the first time?" Tony asked challengingly.
"Sure we want to see!" Natasha said, mock cheerfulness in her voice. "Just… from outside the car, where there's less chance of crashing, burning, and dying horrific deaths…"
Thor threw a nervous glance backwards over his shoulder at the passengers. "You think we shall crash and burn and die?"
Tony put a hand on Thor's face and forced him to look forward instead of back. "Always keep your eyes forward, Thor. If you want to look at the others in the back, look in the rearview mirror," Tony instructed.
Thor blinked in confusion. "Where is the rearview mirror?"
Clint slapped a hand to his forehead as Tony had to show the god of thunder where the rearview mirror was located.
"Ah, I see," Thor smiled and looked into the mirror. "I can now see my comrades through this little mirror."
Naomi shrank down into her seat and glanced at Steve, who sat next to her. "I don't know about you, but I'm frankly kind of petrified."
Steve frowned around at everyone else. "We should all have some faith in Thor. He can do this; I'm sure he'll do brilliantly, and you'll all be ashamed that you doubted him. I, personally, am happy that I get the opportunity that I get to see Thor do this for the first time. It's going to be a special moment, and you'll be sorry if you miss it."
Tony grinned. "That's the spirit. For once I commend your bombastic motivational pep speeches, Cap!"
Steve started to smile appreciatively, then paused and frowned as he thought more carefully about Stark's words. He let out a humph and crossed his arms.
"Okay, now…" Tony returned his attention to Thor. "Ready?"
Thor began nodding vigorously and leaned down, evidently reaching for the car's floor.
"Um… whatcha doing there, Thor?" Tony asked casually.
"You said you have to push the pedals to make the car go," Thor frowned.
"Oh, yeah, but Thor… you keep your hands on the steering wheel and push the pedals with your feet," Tony explained sheepishly.
Thor brightened. "Ah, I understand."
"We're gonna die," Natasha muttered to herself.
Tony cleared his throat, appearing nervous now as well. He handed Thor the car keys, and Thor succeeded in starting the car. "Seatbelt, Thor?"
Thor nodded and strapped his seatbelt. He released the emergency brake.
There was a moment of tense silence as the Avengers screwed up their faces and prepared for Thor to slam his foot on the gas and send the car flying forward. Nothing happened for a long moment.
"Hmm… Stark? You said you press the left pedal to go, correct?"
"Oh, my God, we are going to die," Steve whispered in horror.
Tony threw a glare back at the terrified passengers. "Uh, no, Thor, the right pedal is the gas. Press the left one to stop. That's the brake."
Thor nodded in understanding, then smiled reassuringly at the man in the passenger seat. "Ah, right. I only forgot for a moment. So gas is left and brake is right."
"No, other way around."
Thor frowned. "So… left is gas, and right is brake…"
"No!" Everyone exclaimed in unison.
"Thor, right is gas. Press the right pedal to go," Banner said in exasperation. "God, I'm going to have a heart attack if he says it wrong again—"
The car lurched forward, tearing down the empty country road Tony had brought them all to for this little escapade.
Natasha and Clint let out little screams of alarm in unison, grabbing onto their seats and the grab handles above their seats. Banner looked like he was going to be sick as the car continued to gather increasing speed, a blur on the empty road. Naomi was determinedly squeezing her eyes shut, head bowed and hands clenched in her lap. Steve appeared to be both trying not to shriek in terror and pray at the same time., his hands pressed together and he was mumbling something in a high-pitched voice. Thor and Tony, however, looked like they were having the time of their lives, with huge grins plastered on their faces.
"Whoo! You're a natural, Thor!" Tony exclaimed, flattened to his seat from the speed of the car, which was still increasing. With a laugh, he hit a button on the dashboard, and 'Jesus Take the Wheel' started playing. Tony held his arms in the air like it was a rollercoaster.
Thor laughed heartily and started to throw his hands in the air as well, letting go of the steering wheel.
Everyone screamed as the Suburban swerved violently, and Thor quickly grabbed the steering wheel again, looking alarmed.
"Thor!" the Avengers shrieked in unison.
"Heh, hands on the wheel, buddy," tony laughed shakily, his face white as a marshmallow.
"I am sorry, my friends!" Thor called back to them, turning in his seat to give them an apologetic look.
"Gah! Hands on the wheel and eyes on the road, Thor!" Tony shouted as the car swerved off the road and began crashing through a corn field.
The inside of the car was now pandemonium, with various Avengers screaming curses and/or advice and/or prayers, and Carrie Underwood sang Jesus Take the Wheel in the background. At some point, Natasha had managed to scramble into the backseat, and she and Clint were clinging to each other in terror, while Rogers had found his way to behind the driver's seat, shouting something about "Left pedal! Left pedal, Thor!" Bruce had curled up into a ball on his seat, shaking his head and muttering something about "never got to meet Steven Hawking… had so much left to do…" Tony was simply sitting, frozen with shock, staring at the corn field around them, still being plowed by the Suburban, which Thor, for some reason, still hadn't stopped. After Naomi managed to stop herself from puking, she shouted up to the front of the car. "Tony, take over!"
Tony snapped out of it and looked back at her wildly. "What?"
Naomi let out an exasperated breath and… sang: "Tony, take the wheel! Take it from Thor's hands!"
The others froze and turned to stare at her, singing along with Carrie Underwood, but changing the lyrics.
"I really don't think he should drive; I don't wanna die!"
"I may have wet my pants," Natasha sang weakly, and Clint quickly shoved her away from him.
"Even my faith in Thor is gone," Steve sang out.
"Oh, Tony, take the whee-ee-ee-eel!" they all sang desperately.
"Oh, take it, take it, take it from me now," Thor sang quietly, looking just as scared as the rest of them.
"Thor, press down the left pedal!" Tony instructed, and the car suddenly slammed to a stop, sending Steve sprawling across Thor and Tony's laps, and the others to smack their faces on the seats in front of them.
"Smeg," Naomi muttered, rubbing her forehead.
Everyone was silent for a moment, except Carrie Underwood, who was apparently on repeat. They breathed hard and looked around at each other in horror.
Thor swallowed and slowly pried his fingers away from the steering wheel. He meekly unbuckled his seatbelt and opened his door. He walked around to the passenger side and opened that door. "St-Stark? Please… do the honors of driving us out of this field and back to Stark Tower. I believe we all need a change of undergarments."
"Also, you may need to buy a new Suburban," Banner said faintly. "I think we kind of made a mess of this one."
Tony slowly unbuckled his seatbelt and took the driver's seat. The Avengers all exchanged looks.
"Note to self: don't let Thor drive," Tony muttered. "Also, don't let the Avengers sing. Leave that to Carrie Underwood."
"Tony, take the wheel," the others sang quietly, sheepishly grinning.
Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Thor driving… doesn't sound like a great idea, what do you say? Lol I think this would be a funny one shot even without the parody song involved… Original song is "Jesus, Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood.
I own the parody song lyrics contained in this one shot.
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