Swans Chapter 2: You gotta go there to come back, an instant star fanfic

Summary: After seeing Tommy kiss Sadie at her 18th birthday Jude leaves. But not before saying goodbye to him one last time.

Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star or I'm alright (you gotta go there to come back) by the stereophoics

It's been 33 minutes and 26 seconds since Jude walked out my door and i'm already half-way through my bottle of whiskey. My vision is beyond foggy and the only thing inside my stomach besides the alchol is a feeling of self-loathing that makes me ache all over. "Jude," I say her name, it burns. "JUDE." I say again. I know none of this will do me any good, none of this will bring her back. But i'm still sitting here, drinking and shouting at an empty house.

I'll drink another drink for you

One, two, three, four, five, once I drank a fish alive

My head is pounding when i wake up the next morning and it takes all the energy i have to go into the bathroom and pop 3 asprin in my mouth. I swallow them dry trying to push away the huge lump in my htroat. Apparently that's not in my cards today.

I'll drop another pill for you

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, did it before, I'll do it again

I go into work the next day, i know i look like i've been hit by a truck but since jude left there's no one here to impress. I'm throwing myself full force into producing Pagan, the legend Jamie somehow managed to land. He takes one look at me and says "Poor saps, seems like no one around here is the same without that blonde."

I smiled sadly "Well that blonde was talented, beautiful, smart..."

"And you loved her." He adds in with a sad smile

"And i love her. But not as much as i love using the good studio time we've been granted. Why don't we begin."

I'll tell another joke for you

Did you hear the one about the one that looks like you

I stopped into the bar that night, i just wanted anther drink, to take the edge off. Even if my whole life was one big edge right now. 2 days 6 hours 45 minutes and 29 seconds since it had been well rounded, perfect even. Well, not perfect but right now, that life seemed pretty darn good. I ordered my drink and sat nursing it in the corner until i saw that familiar head of blonde hair...

I'll sleep with sleep arounds for you

Why don't you scratch my back and chew the tongue I chew

It wasn't her. She looked like her from behind but it wasn't her. in my head i knew that but that didn't stop me from taking her home. In the tabloids the next morning were all the pictures that proved this, in my bed that morning was the woman who proved it. I scolded myself, i knew that if jude saw these she would be hurt. Even if she tried to deny it. And the title on of these tabloids "Little Tommy Q caught sneaking around with Jude Harrison look alike.

I'm alright

I'll tell another lie for you

Tell you what you wanna hear, but that don't make it true

I left her messages on her phone telling her to call me, no games, jut to talk. I lied though, i didn't just want to talk to her i wanted to convince her to come back. I didn't really expect her to call back but when that face flashed across my screen i was the happiest i'd ever been. I smiled even, a real smile

I'll wear another smile for you

That way you know I'm fine, and having fun with you

The smile didn't last long though when i heard the voice on the phone didn't belong to jude. "Hello Mr. Quincy, this is Lara Thompson, you called my phone today looking for Jude Harrison?"

"Yes."

"Well i'm sorry sir but she's changed her number. Could you give the word to Darius Mills and mister... Kwest please?"

"Yes of course, sorry for the disturbances."

"It's alright, i don't think i'll ever have so many famous people ringing me."

"Thank you miss Thompson."

"You're welcome mister Quincy. I hope you find Jude."

"Thank you." I say hanging up.

I'll draw another line for you

That way you know I'm hip, that way you know I'm cool

I'll smoke another smoke for you

I'll blow back in your mouth and you can blow back too

I grabbed the cigarettes out of my back pocket and smoked yet another one. Jude had changed her number. Kwest and Darius had been trying to call and if Darius was trying that only meant one thing, he was going to talk to her whether she liked it or not.

I'm alright

You gotta go there to come back

I stormed into his office after throwing my cigarette onto the ground. "D, I need a favor, Jude changed her number, i need her new one."

"Ask Jamie, he's the only who's got it. That girl is going through a lot to keep it secret, she'll only send me messages through Andrews."

"Thank you D." How could i have not thought of Jamie before.

I'll take another punch for you

Tie my hands behind my back, that way you cannot lose

"I need to speak to her Jamie."

"I can't give you the number Tom. She told me not to give it to you especially. Somehing about it defeating the purpose."

I grabbed him by his collar "Damn it Jamie this isn't a game to me, I NEED that number."

"I already told you, i can't give it to you." I let go of his collar and hung my head in defeat.

"But i didn't promise not to tell you where she is." My head shot up. I think i may have loved Jamie Andrews almost as much as i loved Jude in that moment. He whipped out a piece of paper and wrote something on it quickly. I thanked him and went running for my viper.

I'll make another pound for you

So you can drive your motor car, and drive you to the moon

I drove straight to the airport quickly grabbing my credit card and passport and rushing towards the ticket bay. "One to New York, first class, I need to be on the next available flight." "The next flight leaves in 37 minutes sir. It's your lucky day, someone just gave up thier seat." "I'll take it." I said handing her my card.

I'm alright

I hailed a cab as soon as i got off the plane. With no luggage it was a lot faster to get out of the airport. I gave the cabbie the address and impatiently tapped my foot until we got there. I threw the cabbie all the cash i had, a hundered and let him keep the $56.98 as a tip. I looked up at the apartment building, somewhere inside of it Jude was sitting, writing, doing something and in a minute i'd be inside, i'd see her. Just as i pushed the buzzer to be let up the rain started to fall.

You. Me. Us. Free... we're alright, alright

Love. Pain. Hate. Rain... we're alright, alright

Give. Take. Time. Place... we're alright, alright

"Hello?" Sadie's voice came over the intercom. "Is that my chinese?" Jude asked in the background, at her voice, my heart nearly stopped. "Chinese Delivery." I said trying my best to disguise my voice. "Comon up." I heard Jude say. I pushed the door open and ran up the stairs to her apartment. I knocked on the door loudly. "Coming, coming." I heard someone yell. "Here you... you're not chinese." Kat said. A smile slowly formed on her lips. I took that as a good sign.

"Nope, i'm not." I said smiling back.