Addekislove: Thanks, and yah, she might get luckier later.

Bibleboymary4ever: Thanks and I love Addek too, but sadly all we have is fanfic since Shonda never gave them a chance.

Addiekatefan: I know, I keep sayin thanks, but well, thankies for the review. Glad you like the idea of the story, based on real life :p

Katarina: You reminded me of my English teacher, don´t feel offended, he always says „so far, so good" lol. And yeah, Shonda made my/our ship sink like the Titanic.

QUEENADDEK: Thanks, well I am starting this chapter and still have no idea where this is gonna go…

McDreamy´s Gurl: I didn´t tell you about this fic b/c I just came up with it, sorry babe, will let you know sooner next time.

Melanie: Thankies, and I´m updating now, hope you like it

The One Where we Look At The Past

It was a cold evening in Seattle as Addison stepped into Joe´s bar after work.

She had promised Derek to be there as soon as she could.

The day had been pure stress for her, probably for the both of them.

Addison saw Derek sitting on a table, drowning his scotch.

"Hey there stranger" she sat down next to him. She was right, he looked tired and exhausted.

"Hey" Derek smiled slightly.

"Long day?" she asked and ordered a Martini.

"You can say that" he sighed, thinking back to today´s events.

"What happened?" Addison eyed him curiously, taking a sip of her Martini.

"A 14 year old girl died on my table today" he sighed heavily "her heart stopped beating before. She had tried to kill herself, we put her in a coma and then her heart stopped during surgery."

Addison could see the tears that were forming up in his eyes and put her hand on his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze.

"Hey, there was nothing you could´ve done" she said softly. This was the reverse of the medal. Being a doctor didn´t just mean saving lives, it also meant losing people. And being human, they often took some cases home with them, lying awake at night and thinking what they could´ve done to save their patient.

"I know, but it´s still hard" he had a big lump in his throat, the fact that the girl´s parents didn´t care about their daughter made all of this become unbearable.

"I know and I´m sorry Derek" Addison hugged him tightly, trying to cheer him up at least a little.

"You don´t have to be, but thanks" Derek smiled at his best friend since med school after pulling back from the hug.

"You´re welcome. So, what´s wrong with you and Jillie?" Addison was referring to his wife, Jillian.

Derek sighed and looked at her "I don´t know, it´s all so complicated. We hardly see each other anymore and if we do, we´re fighting."

Addison traced the rim over her tall Martini glass with her fingers "What are you fighting about?"

"About me working too much, what color we´re going to paint the kitchen or what we do for Christmas, which by the way, is still three months ahead."

"Well, you could take a little time off work" Addison suggested, though she knew that this wasn´t really an option for him.

"I don´t work that much, besides I´ve always been working a lot"

"Yeah, to your defence, you haven ´t changed a bit since I met you"

FLASHBACK

"Hey, is this seat taken?" Addison heard a voice behind her, but didn´t look up from her book and just shook her head in response.

"I´m Derek Shepherd, nice to meet you" the guy next to her introduced himself and made Addison lift her head.

"Hi, Addison Montgomery" she shook his hand.

"So, why are you here?"

"Gee, to learn how to knit" she answered and rolled her eyes at his question.

"Fair enough, so, surgeon later?"

"Exactly"she answered with a slight smile on the lips "You too?"

"Yeah, neuro" Derek said enthusiastically, he had picked his 'dream job' when he was only eight years old.

"Interesting, so, where are you from?"

"Conneticut, Hartford to be exact. You?"

"Well, Conneticut, New York, and so on and so on. My family moved a lot." Addison had always hated moving from city to city, losing her friends whenever she had some.

"Wow, impressive"

"Not really, just… lonely." She answered, shocked about her honesty.

"I´m sorry about that. Do you maybe wanna study some day?" he asked, hoping not to be all alone.

"I´d love to" Addison smiled at him.

FLASHBACK

"Then what changed?" Derek looked desperate.

"I don´t know, it all seemed so easy before. Like meeting someone, getting married and just being happy" Addison sighed, this was how she had always pictured it, the reality betraying her dreams.

"Maybe we´re just meant to be lonely surgeons"

"We still have each other" she shrugged, knowing that even though her love life just sucked, she still had the friendship with Derek.

"Yeah we do" he wrapped his arms around her shoulder, glad to still have his best friend.

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so, bad update, I know, I know.
And the flashback was awful, anyways, hope you don´t hate me for the bad chap and still review :)