Chapter 2

James didn't go back to his house until nearly two months later, he had managed to keep an eye on Lily, without her knowing of course. He had used the invisibility cloak to follow her home from work, just to make sure she was safe. She seemed to be doing alright, she wasn't wearing her wedding rings anymore, and other than some dark circles under her eyes, he couldn't see anything different about her.

He had followed her home from work again, but this time was different. There were reports of deatheaters in the area, killing muggles and muggleborns. He had to follow her inside this time, he couldn't risk letting her go into a house that might have deatheaters waiting for her.

Lily went inside, James managed to slide in a after her. She threw her bag into the cupboard under the stairs, and kicked her shoes off. She dredged up the stairs and went into the bathroom, James stood outside listening for any sign that something wasn't right. When she came out the bathroom James knew without a doubt that nothing was alright, Lily had obviously taken charms off her face, she had huge black circles under her eyes, she hadn't slept properly since he had left, she had lost weight and just looked drained of life. His gorgeous wife was heartbroken and it was all his fault.

Lily still hadn't noticed that James was there under his invisibility cloak, she used to be able to tell when he was using it. Lily walked into their bedroom, pulled the covers up and climbed into James' side of the bed, but she didn't fall asleep even though she looked completely exhausted. To James' horror she started to cry. His guilt was threatening to crush him now, he had done this to her, she was trying to be brave but he had broken her. Suddenly she looked up, straight at where he was standing. She sat up and wiped her eyes.

"Who's there?" she said.

James held his breath and stayed as still as possible. If she found he was there, she would kick him out and he couldn't protect her if he couldn't get near here.

"Look if you're deatheater here to kill me, you might as well get it over with," she sighed looking round the room. "Because I can't remember where I put my wand."

"You can't remember where you put your wand?" exclaimed James forgetting that she couldn't know he was there.

"Yes," she sighed getting to her feet and pulling the bedroom door open. "I think it's downstairs….or maybe I left it at work."

"You left your wand at work!"

"I don't know I think so," she said, not bothering to think that it was odd that she was arguing with thin air.

"And another thing I could be a deatheater or anyone, you don't even seem to care," James shouted following her down the stairs.

"Maybe you are a deatheater, maybe I should kill you in self defense."

"I'm not a deatheater," said James pulling off his cloak.

"I don't know I've heard deatheaters can be quite handy with a polyjuice potion," snapped Lily.

"Would a deatheater know about the birth mark on the sole on your left foot?"

"If they had the right informant."

"I can't believe you just said that! You think I'm an informant…a traitor?"

"What are you doing here?" said Lily suddenly remembering that they weren't supposed to be arguing anymore.

"You didn't answer my question!"

"I don't have to answer your questions anymore," shouted Lily. "You have no right to ask me any questions! Get out!"

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"There are reports of deatheaters in the area, I'm not leaving you here alone," said James feeling his temper rise, he knew he had no right to be angry with Lily after what he had been putting her though but why couldn't she see that all he wanted to do was protect her.

"You certainly didn't care about leaving me alone when you walked out on me! You don't give a shit if they attack me or not, although you might get a big insurance settlement if I do snuff it…"

"Hey! All I've ever wanted was to protect you from this damn war and those people!"

"Sure you have!"

"Why the hell do you think I'm putting both of through this? To keep you alive," James shouted.

"What?"

"Why do you think I left you? You think I wanted to? You really think it made me happy to leave, that I didn't want to just to lie down and hold you until this war just goes away."

"What the hell are you talking about?" shouted Lily. She wouldn't even let herself feel hope that James still loved her. "Did you sneak in here to get the rest of your stuff?"

"What? Have you not been listening to a word I've said?"

"I listened but you're not making any sense," shouted Lily feeling the urge the throw something at his head, she started to look round for something.

"Oh no don't you even think about it," said James when he saw her eyes stray to plates on the sideboard.

"I wasn't thinking about anything," she protested.

"Liar," he said smiling at her, his eyes twinkling in amusement. His heart soared when she started to giggle at how ridiculous they were being, but it didn't last long.

"James what do you want?" she sighed sadly. "Why are you back here?"

"I wanted to make sure you are alright."

"I'm fine," she said.

"You don't even have your wand, you didn't turn the alarm on. You're not alright."

"I'll turn the alarm on then," she said then she closed her eyes and summoned her wand. It came flying out of the cupboard under the stairs. "See it was in the cupboard."

"You should have your wand with you at all times!"

"I will."

"You were crying," said James.

"I'm fine."

"I'm not, I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Hurt me? That's amusing, my husband leaves me without any warning or explanation and he's sorry he hurt me."

"I am sorry," he said. "I just want you to be safe."

"Safe? Safe? You want me to be safe! How the hell is you leaving making me safe?"

"You're less of a target," said James quietly.

"Less of a target? Less of a bloody target?" raged Lily. "How am I less of a fucking target?"

"They were starting to target the families of Aurors!" James blurted out.

"Oh…right so I assume you've severed all contact with Sirius, Remus and Peter then because we both know they are more your family than I ever was."

"It's not the same they're…"

"They're what? Blokes?"

"No…they're not you…they're not my wife."

"Lucky them."

"You don't mean that," sighed James.

"Don't I?"

"We weren't a mistake," he said heatedly. "Don't talk as if you regret it."

"I do regret it," she snapped. "I wish I had never married you and I wish you had never asked me to."

"You don't really mean that," said James quietly. "Please you can't mean that."

"I've been through hell because of you," said Lily looking him dead in the eye.

"I know you have," he said taking her hand in his. "I know what I've done is unforgivable, but there has never been anyone else and there never will be."

"Whatever."

"Whatever? I pour my heart out to you and you say 'whatever'?"

"What the hell do you want me to say James," Lily screamed at him. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to tell me you still love me," he said desperately.

"Of course I do," she snapped. "It doesn't disappear overnight!"

"I'll never stop loving you," said James sincerely. "Never."

"You will," she said sadly. "We both will."

"Not me," said James cupping her face in his hands. "The only reason I'm staying away is to protect you…because you can't die, you just can't. If the only way I can keep you safe is to abandon you then I'll do it."

"We'll have to file for divorce," said Lily pulling out of his reach. He said he still loved her but he wasn't coming back, he was going to keep 'protecting' her.

"Do we have to?" asked James. He didn't want to declare their marriage as legally over, for his wife to be single, to start dating. He just wanted to hide her away from the world until it was safe.

"I do," said Lily. "If I have to move on then I have to do it right."

"If that is what you want," said James closing his eyes in a child like way of pretending it wasn't happening. "I won't make it difficult."

"Thank you," said Lily. "I'm going to bed now, you can leave…"

"I'm not leaving until the deatheaters are gone," said James heatedly.

"Fine you can stay, down here though," said Lily. "Just make sure you're gone when I get up."

"I just need to protect you because if you get hurt or worse…I just couldn't…life wouldn't be worth living," said James as he ran his fingers through his hair. She had to understand that he didn't want to be apart from her, he wasn't happy. But he loved her too much to put her in harms way.

"And I don't know how to exist in a world at war without my husband," said Lily not turning back round to face him.

"I love you so much, I have never stopped loving you."

"Hmmmm…I just wish I could feel loved, I just feel alone."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah so you've said."