A/N: Thank you for the reviews, follows, and words of encouragement. They're greatly appreciated. It's good to be back. I've really missed all of you! ~Calla
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Muttering Cho's favorite four letter word under his breath as he pulled into the familiar parking place, Jane decided he really needed to reign in his thoughts. He needed to stop thinking about coming clean with his wife. The more he considered it, the more crap kept happening. Things like finding that stinking sticky note stuck in the inner pocket of his son's diaper bag earlier this morning. The one he knew hadn't been there the day before. Nope, definitely not there. He was sure of it. He'd redone that bag just last night from start to finish making sure P.J. had everything he needed for the next few days. Finding that nasty symbol tucked next to his son's favorite toy had shaken him in ways he'd yet to be shaken.
It had also galvanized him to swear Wiley to secrecy on the threat of death before having him run in-depth background checks on every daycare worker coming within a hundred feet of his child. So far, everyone had come back squeaky clean.
However, that didn't mean there weren't a few red flags he'd be checking out further as time went on. He would. Thoroughly. In fact, he'd already begun. While he didn't think any of those people were part of the Conspiracy, any one of them could be easily blackmailed or cajoled into sticking a seemingly innocent note in that bag. Jane snorted at the thought that note was anything but innocent. The elaborately scripted, elegantly intertwined BA ensured he got the message they wanted to send.
All that aside, he didn't think he or his family were in any immediate danger. More like someone was getting antsy and decided to rattle his cage to make sure the sleeping lion was still at rest. That made the most sense under the circumstances. It wasn't like any of the power players on The List had done anything to incite him to come after them. Or he'd done anything to incite them. It was more like that whole muscles were being flexed to remind him they were out there watching his every move and they wouldn't hesitate to act should the need arise display he'd endured a time or two already. Snorting yet again, Jane wanted to inform the Universe at large, and The Blake Association in particular, that that whole "the need arise" scenario was a two edged sword. One that cut both ways. He was watching THEIR every move as it related to him and what HE held dear and HE wouldn't hesitate to act should the need arise.
Right now, the Blake Association could just go…Do whatever they did to amuse themselves as long as it didn't involve him, his wife, or his kid…Yeah, that was better...Even if he didn't use certain four letter words very often, Lisbon would give him hell if he did now. Whether P.J. was around or not. She didn't want either of them getting in the habit and slipping up at inopportune moments. Not that they cussed very often; but, little ears had a habit of hearing what they shouldn't. The kid was a Jane after all. If he didn't move on little cat feet his Daddy would think something was wrong. But, what his Mommy KNEW was wrong was those little lips had a habit of repeating everything those little ears heard. At the most inopportune moments. It had only taken that happening once for his wife to become a stickler about zipping the lips and choosing words wisely.
Fortunately, he agreed with her considering their kid was a hand full on a good day without adding a potty mouth to the mix.
Exiting his car and grabbing the take-out bag from the car seat, Jane entered the FBI and made his way towards Lisbon's cubby. With any luck his wife would be free to have lunch with him. He certainly hoped so. He needed to bask in her presence. Reassure himself all was well within his domain.
With his savior and the love his life…This life anyway…The love of his other life was well represented back home…Lisbon had made sure of that….
She'd demanded not long after their marriage he confront his past openly when he'd have preferred keeping things private as he always had. It wasn't like he could refuse the woman rapidly swelling with his child anything. He wouldn't have refused her anyway. He loved her too much to offer half a man. In her wisdom, his feisty Pocket Rocket had known he couldn't continue keeping things bottled inside and she hadn't backed down. The little woman hadn't given him a choice in the matter and she'd made no bones about it.
Secrets weren't welcome in their home.
Even pre-existing ones like his not so secret pain. In no time she'd had him firmly convinced "Before Families" weren't something relegated to the shadows never to see the light of day. She wasn't settling for that. His wife was a very stubborn woman and, to his credit, he'd recognized that was a fight he could never win. Lisbon wanted their child to know the sister he'd could never meet and the woman that was her mother. He'd wisely acquiesced and provided her with the photographs she hadn't known he still had.
The ones he hadn't looked at in years.
Needless to say, Angela and Charlotte Anne were displayed quite prominently in their home in pretty, feminine frames and he was okay with that. Better than okay. If possible, he loved Lisbon even more for stance she'd taken. He was grateful his wife had refused to alter her point of view. She'd known she was right in doing so. He knew she was too. Lisbon's demands had forced him to make peace with his memories and their relationship was stronger for it. He knew that now and he was grateful for her mulish behavior. Truthfully, he hoped she never changed. He loved her just the way she was.
Shaking his head, Jane decided he was so whipped and he was fine with it.
From his perspective, there were far worse ways to be…Like walking that tightrope between keeping and breaking his promise…While the devil on his shoulder kept whispering it wasn't a secret since there really wasn't anything to tell…The angel on the other kept calling his bluff…A secret was a secret no matter how he tried to justify it.
Lisbon would be so pissed when she found out he was keeping things from her as she surely would eventually.
Unless he made sure she didn't. While he wasn't quite sure he could pull that off, he was giving it the old Jane try. If that didn't work, he'd deal with the repercussions when they came. Setting the take-out bag on Lisbon's deserted desk, Jane decided to give her a few minutes before he went looking. With any luck she'd return before their lunch got cold. If not, there was always the microwave. Settling on his couch, Jane closed his eyes for a moment certain he would hear his wife coming. Lisbon wasn't the stealthiest of creatures when she didn't have to be.
"When did you get back?"
Strike that. Apparently, he wasn't always right. Swinging upright, Jane rose to his feet, glanced at his watch, and informed his wife he'd returned precisely five minutes and twenty-three seconds ago. Smirking at the eye roll accompanying his smart butt response, Jane offered appeasement in the form of the white Styrofoam container he swiftly removed from the bag. Giving a tentative sniff, Lisbon flipped the lid before fixing him with a questioning look. Ignoring her attempt to get him off the scent, Jane watched her tuck into the grilled chicken and lightly flavored rice from their favorite Taverna around the corner in a way she hadn't approached food in a while. Like it or not, he was a firm believer in the reality actions spoke louder than words.
From his wife's actions, he wasn't the only one keeping secrets although he had no intentions of busting her chops any time soon and hoped against hope she didn't bust his.
Opening the box containing his favorite Gyro platter, Jane ignored the looks Lisbon kept tossing his way. She could play games all she wanted. He wasn't going to ruin her fun. They both knew she'd have to come clean eventually. Her body would out her if she waited too long. Somehow, he didn't think she'd let that happen. She wanted the pleasure of springing her news on him in a time and place of her choosing.
Even if he already knew.
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Hearing Lisbon bouncing down the stairs, Jane rose to his feet to pour the glass of red wine he knew his wife would never touch. Not any time soon. However, if he broke the familiar routine she'd know he knew something was amiss and he didn't want to spoil her fun. He'd been pleased when she'd told him earlier today that she'd finally arranged for a "date night" to celebrated his return. What he hadn't expected was Uncle Cho and his girlfriend were taking P.J. for the weekend. His rather serious girlfriend of a couple years duration. From what he could see, Jane had a feeling their Boss had finally met his match in the mouthy Hispanic SAC who reminded him of Lisbon in more than just looks. If he didn't miss his guess, they were using his son for a trial run.
Jane laughed at the thought if they could survive a Baby Jane, the could survive anything a future Baby Cho threw at them.
Turning to face Lisbon, Jane pressed the glass into her hand before stepping back to give her the once over. The woman was as cute as she'd always been with her freshly scrubbed face and pony tail. While she'd been beautiful in his eyes for years, he didn't need any pretense at home. He preferred her fresh faced and vulnerable. Watching her take a sip of wine before setting the glass aside, Jane's eyebrow rose in question.
That was totally unexpected.
Maybe she needed a sip of courage…Nah, that didn't sound right either…Something was off…He hoped to God nothing had happened to the…He wasn't going there….Hearing Lisbon clear her throat, he turned his attention back where it belonged.
To the very familiar woman standing before him wearing the familiar green tank and shorts wringing her hands in a most unfamiliar way.
"When were you going to tell me?" Lisbon suddenly asked.
"What do you mean?" Jane surreptitiously felt his pants pocket for reassurance both papers were there. "When was I going to tell you what?"
"This." Lisbon pulled her own sticky note out of her short's pocket and held it out. "I know if they've contacted me, they've contacted you."
Staring at the familiar square, Jane cursed softly under his breath. There wasn't any reason for this. For Lisbon to be involved. Not unless he'd missed something as it seemed he so clearly had.
"When were you going to tell me?" Jane countered her question with a question of his own. "You've left things long enough your secret is clearly not a secret anymore."
There were far too many signs to miss.
"I was waiting for you to tell me about this first." Lisbon laid the sticky note on the table between them. "I didn't want to give you another reason to worry."
So she'd kept her news to herself confident that while Jane might suspect the truth, that was as far as it went. When she'd gotten that first note a few weeks ago, things suddenly changed. She'd been shaken to her toes knowing someone had slithered up to her desk in broad daylight and slipped the damn thing into a file. She'd also known if they'd done it to her, they'd done it to Jane. She just didn't know why he hadn't told her about it. Unfortunately, he'd had to leave town on a case before she'd had a chance to confront him about it as she knew she would have.
If she'd gotten the chance.
It wasn't like they hadn't promised there wouldn't be any more secrets between them before he ever put that ring on her finger. Or she hadn't thought he meant it. She certainly had and, unlike Jane, she hadn't betrayed him. Not really. Her secrets weren't really secrets. More like joyous announcements waiting for the right moment to be sprung.
Jane's secrets were anything but.
"I wasn't worried." Jane corrected her. "But, now I am. They shouldn't have contacted you. There isn't any reason."
"There's every reason." Lisbon stated firmly. "There's about to be a big internal shakeup of some kind. Van Pelt gave me a call a while back. She stumbled on something she shouldn't have working one of their high level cases. Apparently the security wasn't what it should have been and she gained access to more than she had clearance for through no fault of her own. She doesn't know exactly what Agencies are going to be affected; but, apparently, it'll be conducted on the down low and she suspects that disc is going to come into play.
If Grace feels that way, you know these guys are going to feel threatened." Lisbon waggled the damning square in his face.
"That doesn't have anything to do with us." Jane gently reminded her. "The FBI has the disc in their possession and anyone in the loop already knows they haven't broken the code."
"Right." Lisbon's laugh wasn't pretty as he knew what she was thinking and wouldn't say aloud: The FBI hadn't; but, he had. "Like that ever stopped the monsters from coming out."
Nodding his agreement, Jane tried to ignore the unsettling feeling he was getting over this latest news. While he was fairly confident no one knew he'd broken that encryption long ago, he wasn't sure "they" couldn't still find ways to use the disc against him. He also wasn't sure the FBI wouldn't try to enlist his help in cracking that code and revealing the list. If that happened, he wasn't sure he wouldn't betray the truth subconsciously…Especially if Lisbon or P.J. were threatened in any way…From where he sat, there was nothing good about this latest turn of events. He felt like he had all those years ago and never wanted to feel again.
Helpless and hopeless without any real clue what to do about it.
Meeting Lisbon had changed all of that. He'd realized rather quickly through the daze he was living in that the CBI was his means to an end and a certain dark haired woman was his in. He'd determined to use her in any and every way he needed and he'd done just that up to a point. As she'd used him. Up to a point. Unfortunately, they'd each started caring about the other without realizing it and that change everything.
As this changed everything.
"While that may be true, I won't let anything happen to us." Jane promised her meaning every word. "You have my promise."
"I know you won't." Lisbon stepped forward to wrap her arms around him. "I just needed to hear the words."
"Consider it done." Jane squeezed her tight already thinking of the best ways to disappear if the need arose. "Now don't you think we have more pleasant things to discuss than liars, murderers, and thieves?"
"Like what?" Lisbon gave him a cheeky smile through the worry in her eyes as she lifted his palm to her belly. "This?"
Feeling the slight rounding beneath his palm, Jane decided they could ignore the unseen powers writhing in the shadows long enough to enjoy the moment. It wasn't every day a man learned he was going to be a father again. Or a woman learned how happy her man could be.
"Something like that." He agreed silently cursing the case that had kept him out of town the past four weeks and their less than perfect timing. "It isn't every day you tell me I'm going to be a father again."
"It isn't every day you pretend you don't know long enough for me to tell you." Lisbon touched his cheek appreciatively. "Thank you for giving me the time to come to terms with all of this."
Knowing exactly what she was talking about, Jane felt guilty all over again for keeping those tiny slips of paper from her. He should have told her from the start and not caused her unnecessary anxiety. Especially under the circumstances. But, he hadn't, and all he could do from here on out was level with her. He didn't have much choice.
His gut was telling him things were going to get worse before they got better.
Especially if what Van Pelt said was true.