Quick note: Wow thanks for the positive feedback and support so far, I really appreciate it. I was trying to make this story really fit the Stanford local but soon realized there wasn't a huge bar scene so I had to just drop a random, off-campus gay bar in here to make things fit. So sorry to the 1 or 2 people reading this who are like THAT DOESN'T EXIST. At least Old Pro is a real place! :-P
Spencer's POV
It was night but the air was still comfortable on my bare skin. I wore a bright red scarf to try and help Paige spot me in the crowd. The Columbia group and I grabbed seats towards the middle of the middle row.
Spencer: Tried to get in the middle. I'm wearing a bright red scarf. Saved you a few spots next to me.
While I waited for her response, I went through my calendar notes and double checked the programs I wanted to visit. Something on the Kinsey scale, another on campus grass-roots based activism. Another on LGBT legal rights. At least my parents couldn't say I didn't try to learn with all their money. Well to be fair to them, my mom was there for Emily when she came out. But I somehow didn't think the same blanket-acceptance would apply to her youngest daughter. Especially after all the stuff I put them through in high school. At least high school was over now. Only the PTSD remains right?
Tom leaned over and must have noticed what I was doing.
"Spencer seriously the point is to also party with other gay people. Don't lose sight of the mission." He jostled my shoulder gently and offered me some of his mysterious brown paper bag juice.
"I haven't lost sight by any means. But I will save the hooch till after the opening remarks." He shrugged and took another sip. At least I was making progress.
I shot a quick text to Santana saying I hoped everything was good in New York and that I wished she was here. Despite her off-putting sass, Santana had helped me out and taken me in when I had just about given up on myself. And she could break the ice with any stranger or increasingly attractive acquaintance from high school. Like Paige.
I rolled my eyes at my own train of thought. Like I wanted Santana Lopez anywhere near Paige McCullers. Worst case scenario she would make fun of her, systematically picking apart anything she perceived as a character fault. Best case she would seduce her. This was a fortunate thing for me when Santana helped me realize about myself, but bad news for other women who might fall under her spell. Especially Paige. Something told me Paige wasn't the type to just sleep around. Not after how devoted she treated Emily in high school. Paige seemed like a perfect gentleman back then. Who knows though? Now she could be a regular Shane for all I knew.
"Hey Spencer!" I looked up to see Paige standing over me, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She was accompanied by a girl sporting a Stanford hoodie.
"This is my roommate and one of the girls on my swimming team." Paige gestured towards the girl next to her. The girl smiled warmly and I couldn't help but smile back. She had the type of happiness that seemed infectious.
"My name's Claire. And just so we are clear I'm an ally. Specifically of Paige but also of LGBT people in general. My older brother is gay too." Claire reached out to shake my hand, and I noticed she was trying to read my reaction to her slightly implying I was gay. I wonder if Paige put her up to that. I shook her hand firmly, although I was caught a bit off guard by the sharing session that just occurred.
"Well I'm Spencer and it is important to have allies. It is awesome you and Paige are so close." Balls back in your court now, Claire.
Paige took the seat right now to me.
"Thanks for wearing the red scarf it really helped to spot you." Paige mentioned. "So how was traveling here?" I started to try and answer but just at that moment a hushed silence fell over the crowd as the speaker system cracked to life.
"It was good…" I was cut off by Tom shushing me. He rolled his eyes but had a bit of a smile. So much for that progress. One step forward and two shushes back.
By the time the speaker began, thanking us for being here and extolling the values of learning and using this opportunity to improve the lives of LGBT people everywhere, the sky had finally completely darkened into night. I became strangely aware of how close the seats forced Paige and I to be.
Paige's POV
"Claire please try to not do the word vomit thing in front of Spencer." I requested as we walked towards the amphitheater.
"What word vomit thing?" Claire asked innocently.
"You know exactly the kind of stuff I am talking about. Or maybe you don't and you legitimately have a condition, which would explain a lot of what comes out your mouth without any thought or regard. Don't try to figure out if she is gay. Don't try to set us up. You know? Please nod." I implored. She looked puzzled.
"Okay so I have some questions. If I don't know when I am word vomiting how will I know to stop it?" I began to try and explain I had just set some specific guidelines but she continued to talk. "And is she gay? Seriously though?"
"Seriously no…well…I don't think so. This isn't a hook up bottom line." I finished. Not that I wouldn't mind the opportunity. Spencer was beautiful. And seeing her here after over a year meant a lot. No one else understood what happened to us before, back in Rosewood. I still woke up from nightmares. Nightmares only made worse by time and imagination warping what happened.
The reality had been hard enough. In my nightmares I went to push the note in a cop cruiser, not watching what I was doing carefully enough to notice Lyndon James in the car. He would grab my wrist, smearing blood on it. Blood my mind would infer was from Emily.
"Paige! Snap out of it! Is that your homegirl? The tall girl wearing the red scarf over there?" My adrenaline spiked and crashed as I tried to shake myself out of the nightmare. This would be another night where I would have to debate taking the sleeping pill and remembering more nightmares, or being an insomniac. At least when I was awake the ghosts that seemed to haunt me weren't as fantastical and twisted. Reality was only as bad as the things that actually happened. Which come to think of it was still awful? Claire grabbed one of my hands in hers and used her other hand to grab my shoulder.
"Paige! Don't do it again. Come on we are here and you are safe." Claire assured me. Despite her penchant for saying and doing inappropriate things, she was there for me. She knew not to make jokes about the more serious stuff that I told her about from Rosewood. And she didn't even know half of what happened. I murmured thanks before starting to walk up and greet Spencer.
"So Tom, this is Paige. She's a friend from my hometown and is at Stanford on a swimming scholarship. Paige, Tom is one of the leaders of the LGBT Pride organization on our campus." Spencer said for introductions. Tom seemed somewhat distracted but managed to smile politely.
"That is great. Listen Paige if you guys don't have plans, we will be engaging in some afterhours partying back at the hotel. You are invited to join, especially if you know any cute guys." I started laughing.
"Well I'm not sure about cute guys, but I will see what I can do. Thanks for the invite!" I said. Tom then walked off. When he was out of earshot Spencer looked at me hawkeyed. That was actually the look I remembered the most from high school.
"Seriously? I have been trying to break into this group of friends for a few months and you just got invited to the afterhours party right away?" She asked, regarding me with less hawkishness. I shrugged.
"We will see about a party, the conference doesn't get us other swim practice tomorrow." After a beat I asked if she was hungry.
"Yeah. Dinner is actually a great idea so we can catch up." Again we awkwardly regarded each other, like we were imagining this whole situation.
"There are a few great places a little over a mile away from here. We can walk. Considering the weather is beautiful tonight. Claire do you mind…?" I asked, hinting this was her time to hike back to the apartment.
"Yeah yeah. It was a pleasure meeting you for two seconds Spencer. Perhaps I will see you again this weekend?" She asked on a hopeful note. Spencer briefly looked at me before replying to Claire. Something about the way she glanced at me made my heart skip a beat. There was a flash of intensity that was entirely unexpected. The look made no sense so I didn't know how to process it.
"That would be great. See you later."
And like that we were off. On whatever reunion thing this was.
We had decided on the Old Pro.
"I can't believe you got us a pitcher of beer. Neither of us are 21 yet." Spencer said, taking another sip from her glass before setting it down.
"I'm a regular here and an anchor on the swim team. One of the few perks is a beer or two isn't going to be denied." Plus I needed the beer just to calm my nerves a bit to ask what I really wanted to. Swim practice the next day was going to be rough no matter water.
"Spencer…not that I'm not…intrigued…to have you here. But what are you doing here? With me? At a conference for queer people?" Instead of answering me right away she took another deliberate sip or drink, and then of the water next to her. The restaurant had dimmed the lights since it also serves as one of the rare bars near campus. The soft light seemed to illuminate Spencer's pale skin.
"No lies?" She fired back, smirking.
"Preferably not this time. Just the truth." Spencer's smile faded a bit but didn't die down completely.
"Well the short of it was I ended up sleeping with Santana after Toby officially and unequivocally broke up with me. She was performing at a club and…" I cut her off laughing harder than I meant to, partially because I was relieved. Spencer was into girls. I immediately regretted my relief. She is maybe sort of into girls. That doesn't mean you.
"Her name is Santana?" Was the only thing I could think to say to explain my relief laughter. Spencer started to relax more, slouching back against the wooden back of the bench she was sitting on.
"Yes. And if you saw her and you weren't already aware you were gay…let's just say she is attractive and persuasive and was there for me when I needed her." She finished off but then quickly added, "that is not to say it was just a one –time thing or that it didn't mean anything…" At this point she trailed off while she started to blush.
"I ended up living with her and her roommates. They really helped me out when it was still hard to trust anyone new at Columbia. And I am proud to say at least Santana was not dating my sister when I slept with her. I have broken some bad habits." I laughed at that too. Spencer has definitely loosened up since high school. I was so used to seeing her unhappy and distressed, it was a relief to see her relax.
"Yeah I guess that was a character trait of yours in high school, huh?" She dipped her head down as she blushed. I became strangely aware of how close our legs and feet were under the table. Occasionally our shins would touch and we would leave them for a moment, sending an electric pulse up my body. I tried to gather my wherewithal.
"You go to Columbia? I thought you would be at NYU?" I asked, cursing myself for interrupting again. I took another swig of the beer that was definitely starting to hit me.
"Well…I got accepted to both but I choose Columbia to stick it to my parents. I would go to a great school, but not one they wanted for me. That sounds incredibly childish now, but I love the academics at Columbia. And they are happy that I'm happy and thus not taking drugs again." I gently touched her forearm, stroking the bare skin for a moment before sheepishly pulling my hand away. WHAT THE FUCK SELF?
"It must have been tough. What you did is huge. You are one of the strongest people I know." I added, still upset about my indiscretion.
After a beat I softly said Spencer's name but she cut me off before I could continue.
"I'm sorry about you and Emily." Spencer blurted out, the words coming so fast they tumbled on top of each other on the way out. I was so taken aback I coughed a little bit on my drink.
"I am also sorry I said that out loud. I know it is probably weird being here with me since she was our main common ground. But we also both experienced Rosewood together. And you are a good person through and through Paige. I'm sorry I pushed you away in high school so often." We were both silent as the waiter came by to drop off our check.
"Whenever you are ready ladies." He said, winking. I snatched it and promptly put my card down.
"Let's split it." Spencer said reaching for her wallet. I stopped her by gently touching her hand again. This was becoming a bad habit.
"I've got it. Consider it a thank you for coming here and taking time to see me." I reassured her.
"So…coming to the after party?" She asked coyly.
"About that…you interested in seeing the one and only LGBT bar near campus? A few of my friends will be up there. You can invite yours too." She smiled back at me, finishing the last sip of her beer.
"Let's do it. I'll text Tom."
Spencer's POV
The beer was starting to hit me much harder than I was expecting. It was a short cab ride till we arrived in front of L-Street. Paige managed to pay for the cab ride too before I could protest. We waited in the still warm, night air in a short line snaking into the entrance. I could hear Pitbull blaring inside. God at least I have never heard Rachel cover that…at least not yet.
"Hey everything okay?" Paige asked. She was standing close enough so I could smell the beer on her breath, though it didn't seem to affect her nearly as much as me.
"Yeah. Sorry. My roommates have a terrible tendency of bursting into musical numbers, including popular hits from today." I suddenly became terribly self-conscious about how weird I just sounded. Why am I nervous in front of Paige?
But my nervousness was quickly alleviated by Paige laughing. It felt good to be around someone who took things with stride, and didn't constantly try to put people down. She was down to earth, just the way she was in high school. When she was with Emily. Had to keep reminding myself.
Paige looked down at the ground. "Is this weird? Being here with me?"
"Is it weird having me here?" I shot back.
"Yeah. But it is a weird I like." She responded, still talking to the ground.
"Let me get these." I said, buying the beers for both of us. L-Street seemed extremely lax about their carding policy, so we just got served.
"So have they covered this one too?" Paige asked as Lady Gaga began to play.
"Oh my God every single one." We had some beers in our hands, awkwardly standing near the main dance floor and sipping in between conversation. Tom had finally shown up with a few friends. They were thoroughly trashed and went right to dancing, making use of the small stage that allowed the braver dancers to elevate themselves above the dance floor. Strobe lights ran back and forth, occasionally illuminating some of the crowd.
After Paige and I fell into a silence, I became aware of our physical proximity again. We were so close our hands could easily graze one another, and I was now aware of how much I wanted that to happen. In the back of my brain I knew some of that was the alcohol. But we were in college and young. And Paige smelled like a mix of Irish Spring and fabric softener. It was intoxicating.
Tom came up and pulled me onto the dance floor. He was clearly drunk but at least I was making friends. The group Paige had said would be here was supposedly running on "gay time" and hadn't arrived yet. I tried to fumble around and dance with Tom and his friends, accidently sloshing beer on a random stranger before setting my cup down.
Katy Perry's "Dark Horse" came on and suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. Paige had gotten behind me and was smiling. She leaned in, pressing her mouth to my ear to ask if Rachel and Company had ever covered this one. I smiled and shook my head.
"Not yet!" I shouted over the music and crowd. She must have tossed her beer on the way to the dance floor, because both her hands were free as she gently touched my hips and started swaying to the music.
I drew myself closer to her and we started moving together. At first it felt innocent. For a song or two we danced a platonic distance away. Just two girls dancing.
But then something shifted. It was like we were magnets. My thigh slipped between hers and her hands eagerly pulled me in even closer against her clothes and skin. I could feel her tight trap muscles as I moved my hands first to her shoulders and then up to her neck. I gasped when I saw a glance of the intensity in her eyes.
"Spencer." She growled softly. I hadn't heard her voice sound like that ever before. Small but powerful. I became aware that she had my back pressed against the stage, essentially trapping me against the wall.
Her eyes searched mine for a moment, seeking permission. I nodded nearly imperceptibly and she lowered her head to gently kiss my neck. I groaned at the unexpected contact of her mouth on my skin. I wanted this. I tilted my head back to give her better access and she complied with my welcoming gesturing, kissing more along the veins pumping blood throughout my suddenly overheated body.
I opened my eyes and braced myself to kiss her the moment she pulled her mouth away from my neck, and was shocked to see someone I recognized barely. It was Paige's roommate, staring at us with a look of sheer delight. With her stood an androgynous couple, one short and curvy and the other tall and lean with thick glasses.
Paige had just begun to give me a hickey when I reluctantly whispered that her roommate and friends were here. And they were staring at us. Claire had a tray of bright green shots in her hands. At first she rested her forehead against my shoulder. I thought maybe she hadn't heard me. Meanwhile her friends were scampering back, pretending like they hadn't been acting like a fan club a minute ago.
"Oh my fuck." She mumbled into my neck before turning to scowl at her friends. I followed after her, a little wobbly from the moment that had just been broken.
"Oh hey Paige got you guys some shots too…" Claire trailed off from the brief death glare Paige shot at her.
"Spencer this is Emily and Tara." Paige gestured towards the two holding hands.
Claire pushed each of the small plastic shot glasses towards us on the tray, like a little drunk army of pawns. We all took one and clinked the plastic together before drinking. The taste of cheap vodka burned my throat even though the green apple taste nearly masked it.
"I'll be back I am going to go to the washroom." I said.
Miraculously, there wasn't a line to the bathroom although the small room created a cacophony of gossip. One piece caught my attention while I was still in my stall.
"Did you see that girl McCullers was with?" A peppy, high-pitched voice said. I couldn't see the source from where I was.
"Smoking hot." The a throaty voice assessed. I grinned. I'll take it.
"Especially after she has been emo over her high school sweetheart for so long." The words cut through me. I hadn't thought of Emily once since Paige and I had danced together. I took a breath. It was over between them. I wouldn't exactly broadcast this situation to Emily. I didn't even know what this situation was yet.
I also felt bad for Paige. She had done what she thought was right back then. After I couldn't hear the two girls that had been talking about Paige anymore, I exited the stall to wash my hands.
When I walked out of the bathroom I found Paige and her friends around the same table. Claire was elbowing Paige's ribs and it was clear Paige was laughing and blushing at the same time. She's beautiful. There was something about the way she looked down at the ground when embarrassed or unsure of how to approach something. And about where we were. We were in a club full of people but free from the constraints of Rosewood. No one would have to know.
I marched up to her and took her hand. As she turned to look at me, surprised, I used my other hand to cup her cheek and kiss her passionately.
"WHOA!" Someone shouted from the dance floor. We just smiled against each other's lips and kept kissing. Kissing Paige was so different from Toby or Santana. It didn't feel like she was in love with me like the former or that she was partially trying to prove how hot she was like the latter. It was just sweet and hungry. And I wanted more of it and her. When we finally broke apart I pulled back to look in her eyes. It took Paige an extra moment to open hers, and when she did she seemed kind of dazed.
"That was unexpected." She said slowly. Her hands had found their way to my hips again, and she lightly tracing patterns against the side of my jeans.
"Take me back to your place?" I whispered. I was suddenly and strangely nervous she would say no and start regretting what just happened. The serious look in her eyes as she gazed into mine confirmed this was a big deal.
"Are you sure? You didn't have too much to drink or anything?" She asked.
"No why? You don't think I can make my own decisions?" I snapped back, irritated.
"I don't want to take advantage of you. Having you here, it feels good." She trailed off, looking at the ground again. I gently touched her chin to lift her face back up to mine and kissed her again. I could hear her moan against my lips.
"I don't know what this is but I want to go back with you." I whispered against her mouth. This time I could feel her posture change, her arms suddenly holding me tight enough that I could notice the strength in them. It was turning me on to know she could overpower me if I wanted her to.
"Okay." She said. "Let me just say goodbye to my friends.