By late December, the blasting had grown quiet, which meant no panic attacks at least for a while. I had lost track of the days so I was very surprised to learn how close Christmas was. I had often wondered how Americans celebrate the holiday, but now, I wondered how a family of vampires would celebrate it.

Needless to say, I was very surprised when Emmett and Edward brought home a tree and Carlisle brought Christmas decorations and lights from the cellar. Rosalie and Esme began decorating the tree with the lights and tinsel and I couldn't help but get involved in the spirit, especially since within thirty seconds of helping, Emmett felt the need to decorate me with tinsel, I was covered in the stuff and was still pulling pieces out of my clothes and hair for a good twenty minutes after the fact.

However, with the knowledge of how close Christmas was getting, the more anxious I became, my birthday was fast approaching with the holiday…my fourteenth birthday and it reminded me that from now on, each year I would celebrate another birthday without ever physically reaching the age I celebrated.

I knew I wouldn't mention my upcoming birthday to my new family, hoping to keep any celebration at bay. Perhaps Carlisle and Esme didn't even know when it was and maybe Edward hadn't told them, perhaps with the excitement of Christmas, the event could come and go.

After all, Christmas Eve…at least Christmas Eve in my family was spent at church, we always went to mass, the nativity play would occur and myself and the others in the choir would sing. I was in the nativity play twice, when I was six and seven, a few years after we had moved to London. I was one of the shepherds both times, I think. But that was only twice, after I turned eight, my focus was told to be completely on the choir.

I never went to the midnight mass when I was younger…last Christmas was the first midnight mass I attended. After all, I was getting to old for Father Christmas, not to say I didn't enjoy waking up on Christmas morning for a few more gifts, mysteriously left by St. Nicolas, on top of the ones I received for my birthday the day before.

I think I had one party where I had guests that weren't relatives, and that was when I was seven. Mostly my birthday was celebrated on Christmas day, when family came with more gifts included the Christmas ones. I never expected a lot, in fact by the time I was nine, I felt guilty about accepting gifts for my birthday as well as Christmas, knowing how my cousins must have felt, though, by the time I was ten, toys were not included in the gifts, it was mainly money, books, sweets, and the occasional cricket bat or ball from my uncle.

Thinking about Christmas time with my family, brought about a feeling of homesick… and despite the wonderful family I now had…I felt lonely.

I missed my parents, I missed decorating for Christmas with them and preparing for midnight mass...I missed the choir and all my friends who had sung next to me for what feels like forever.

I missed England, I missed Big Ben's faithful striking of the time…I was growing homesick, very homesick and each day it was only getting worse. It felt like I was dying again from the inside…a little bit each day.

As Esme and Rosalie slipped the garland around the tree I glanced at my reflection in one of the glass ornaments, oh right…there would be no midnight mass, nor any mass for me not this year at least.

I reached to my neck and rubbed my cross thoughtfully, I hadn't even thought to ask Carlisle and Esme if the family even attended church, I suddenly wanted to…I needed to go, never before had going to church felt more important then now.

I felt Edward looking at me and turned, he was holding out his hand, sitting in it was the star for the top of the tree. He grinned and gestured for me to come over to the tree.

"You're first Christmas with us, you get to put the star up." He said gently dropping the heavy ornament in my hand. I looked at him, raising my eyebrow, before glancing down at the star; I slowly walked over to the tree then looked back at the family.

"You really want me to do this?" I asked, looking specifically at Carlisle and Esme who both nodded. I looked up at the tree again.

"Go for it Chris," Carlisle said encouragingly,

"Um…I don't suppose anyone has a step I can borrow."

Emmett's booming laughter startled me,

"Forget the stool." He said, coming up behind me…uh oh…I thought not good "I've got him." Suddenly I felt his hands under my arms and I was off the floor, dangling. At first I was stunned, completely forgetting the reason Emmett had lifted me up. "Kid hurry up, your not exactly light…" Emmett said, grinning wide, I could hear it in his voice there was no seriousness, he was being funny, if there was one thing that I had come to learn about Emmett, it was that being serious is not his forte, I have yet to see him full on serious.

I rolled my eyes and reached for the tree

"Oh yes, all what twenty pounds of him?" Edward replied

"Sure, twenty pounds of him…I'm adding in the extra fifty for that star!" The whole family laughed at that one, Emmett the loudest. As he laughed I struggled to reach the top of the tree, each time I was near it his body shook with laughter thereby shaking me. "What is taking so long up there?" he managed to ask between chuckles.

"If you wouldn't mind 'olding still!" I retorted, unable to keep my own chuckles at bay. "I'd be done with this by now and you could give yer arms a break. An' fer yer information, I'm seventy pounds, no' twenty!"

Emmett burst out laughing again…this time at my accent. He had been pretty good about keeping that portion of the teasing as minimal as possible (I'm sure Rosalie had a hand in threatening him to do so)…

Little words that were perfectly normal to me, but had different meanings here in America cracked him up, such as when Carlisle asked me to go to the trunk of his car and retrieve his bag and I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about and had asked if he meant the boot, that conversation had Emmett going for a good five minutes.

Or when I asked Emmett if I could borrow a pair of braces since mine were on the verge of breaking, he of course had no idea what I was talking about until Carlisle translated for him and when Edward said (as he partially paid attention to our conversation) 'oh suspenders, sure' I thought he going mad…or was planning on borrowing some from Esme or Rosalie for me to wear, both scenarios were not what I hoped for.

It wasn't until Carlisle (while rolling his eyes at the three of us, because Emmett was completely confused and Edward couldn't contain his laughter) explained to Emmett what suspenders were in England and to me what they were in America.

Needless to say, in the month or so I've been with the Cullen's, each of us has been confused by the other's terminology one way or the other, Rosalie reads quite a lot so she's pretty aware what I'm usually talking about, especially since most of what she reads is Charles Dickens and Jane Austen, Carlisle and Esme same thing, Edward can usually tell what I'm talking about from reading my mind…but Emmett…he's a lost cause.

Most conversations between the two of us end up with him completely confused it's amusing to no end.

But with my once fading Scottish accent taking over my more dominant English accent, even for that brief moment was more than Emmett could take.

Sighing, I crossed my arms and waited for his laughter to pass, it wasn't until he nearly dropped me he was laughing so hard, that I finally managed to put the bloody star on the tree and wiggle out of Emmett's grasp before he really did drop me.

"Excellent Chris, now the tree is perfect." Carlisle exclaimed.

As he said this, Edward switched off the lamps in the room and the tree itself glowed, emanating it's warm light…our body's may be cold, but the light brought back a feeling of warmth, life…it brought back being human.

I glanced around at my family, now that Emmett had recovered from his laughter fit, he had wandered over to Rosalie and had her wrapped lovingly in his arms, Carlisle stood the same way with Esme and Edward leaned against the doorframe content in his own right…and then there was me…

I stood off to the side nearest to Edward's piano, staring at the tree. It was beautiful, probably the most beautiful Christmas display I had seen since the war began.

Christmas was my mother's favorite holiday and she would have loved this scene, it would be her perfect Christmas.

I hung my head, as the feeling of homesickness hit me again.

Esme seemed to sense this. She left Carlisle's arms for a moment, walking over to me. She took my arm in her hands and gently pulled me over to where her and Carlisle had been standing. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and Carlisle resumed his hold on her, rocking her back and forth and thereby rocking me as well.

When I looked up at them, both smiled gently and Esme leaned over to kiss the top of my head…

We gazed at it's beauty for a few moments, before Edward moved towards his piano. He hit a few keys testing the tuning before taping the keys to form a song…A grin slid across my face, I knew the song….I knew it very well…

I gently pulled away from Esme and moved closer to Edward's piano, drawn by the tune and by the memory.

"Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas tree, thy leaves are so unchanging, not only green when summer's here but also when tis cold and drear…" I sang softly.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me, Edward stopped playing, Emmett stopped rocking Rosalie back and forth…a soft smile began to appear on Esme's face... Edward looked at her for a moment then back at me and I stopped, embarrassed.

"Oh Christian…don't stop." Esme cooed softly, she looked at Edward for a moment, pushing him to keep playing.

Her body language told me that she had discovered a way to get me to really open up and she was prepared to take full advantage of the situation.

"Do you know this one?" he said and tapped a few more notes, at first the beat didn't sound familiar, but then it hit me…

"God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay, remember Christ our savior was born on Christmas day, to save us all from Satan's power when we were gone astray….o tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy…o tidings of comfort and joy." I sang softly, the memory of how much I had enjoyed the choir filled my still heart and I temporarily forgot that I was more than willing to leave it.

"This is great," Emmett spoke up as I trailed off, finishing the final chorus of the song, everyone looked at him suspiciously "the kid can sing, no more scratchy Christmas carols on the radio!" he explained.

I grinned a bit as everyone else laughed.

I looked over at Edward

"Do you know King Wenceslas?" I asked…my favorite of all Christmas carols. When Edward didn't answer I started, hoping he'd catch up with the piano "Good King Wenceslas last looked out on the Feast of Stephen, when the snow lay 'round about deep and crisp and even… brightly shone the moon that night…though the frost was cruel when a poor man came in sight gath'ring winter fuel." Edward may not have known the song, but he caught to the beat quickly "hither, page, and stand by me, if thou know'st it, telling yonder peasant, who is he? Where and what his dwelling? Sire, he lives a good league hence, underneath the mountain right against the forest fence by Saint Agnes fountain. Bring me flesh and bring wine, bring me pine logs hither thou and I shall see him dine when we bear them thither. Page and monarch, forth they went forth they went together through the rude wind's wild lament and bitter weather. Sire the night is darker now and the wind blows stronger fails my 'eart I know not how I can go no longer, mark my footsteps, my good page tread thou in them boldly thou shall find the winters rage freeze thy blood less coldly…"

"Keep going Chris," Rosalie encouraged as I paused, unsure if I should finish the song, "it's beautiful," her eyes were sparkling and she was leaning against Emmett with a joyful smile on her face.

I knew I had to finish it…I couldn't say no to her request.

"In his masters step he trod, where the snow lay dinted heat was in the very sod which the Saint had printed therefore, Christian men, be sure wealth or rank possessing ye, who now will bless the poor shall yourselves find blessing." I finished.

Esme left Carlisle's side again and hugged me tight,

"That was beautiful…" she said softly "you have a wonderful gift Christian. Don't you ever be ashamed of your talents they are wonderful."

I nodded

"I won't…I apologize." I answered.