Chapter 2: Throwing Wooden Spoons
"Kisame!" Tohru whined, jerking the white sheets as hard as she could. "Why are you being so difficult?"
Kisame smirked as he folded his arms behind his head. The sheet below him didn't budge at all.
"Who me?" he asked innocently.
"Yes you," Tohru huffed as she pulled again. "Get off the bed so I can wash your sheets."
"But I'm so comfortable. Anyway you seem like you're in such a hurry, should slow down a little."
"I got a new book," Tohru mumbled, her cheek turning pink. "And I would like to read it."
Kisame gave a long slow stretch along with a fake yawn but didn't show any signs of getting up. "Read your book then, I aint stopping you."
Tohru's hands flew to her hips as she tried staring Kisame down. "I can't read my book until I finish my chores…I can't finish my chores until I wash all the bedding…and I can't wash the bedding until you move."
"Why do you insist on doing that to her?" a cold voice drifted in from the hall.
"She's always so damn chipper," Kisame replied, lifting his head up enough to see Itachi standing in his doorway. "It's fun to see her get upset once and a while."
"Get up so she can do her job."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm moving."
"Thank you," Tohru said sarcastically once Kisame rolled off the bed.
Kisame watched as Torhu irritably tore the sheets from his bed and balled them up under her arm. "Go read your silly books and fantasize about Deidara."
"I…"
Tohru's face went completely red as she gaped at Kisame in horror. She couldn't seem to get her mouth to work properly.
Chapter 1
Establish Contact with Your Target
Kakuzu glared at the words. He had already established contact, she lived with them. He skimmed idly through paragraph after paragraph giving advice on how to introduce oneself to a woman and gain her interest. Nothing seemed to be relevant so he skipped to the next chapter.
Chapter 2
Learn More about Her
'She's pretty simple minded, I don't think there's much to learn,' Kakuzu inwardly sneered at the book. 'What do they propose in chapter three?'
Chapter 3
Take an Interest in Her Daily Activities.
"Cleaning and cooking?" Kakuzu muttered but continued reading.
Even the most mundane tasks can lead to a closer relationship. By assisting her in her daily activities you are essentially integrating yourself into her daily life.
"You make a valid point," he mused aloud to the book before closing it and tucking it under his mattress.
"Hidan-sama?" he heard Tohru's muffled voice coming from the hall.
"What?" Hidan yelled.
"I need your bedding."
"Oh. Yeah hold on!"
"I suppose this will be my chance," Kakuzu grumbled as he rose from his bed and began pulling the sheets off.
He entered the hall just in time to see Hidan's door fly open and a jumble of white fabric fly out, colliding with Tohru's head.
"What's with everyone today?" she sighed as she stuffed the sheets into the large canvas laundry bag. Deidara had refused to give up his bedding until she had told him everything that had happened that morning, then there was the whole incident with Kisame, and now Hidan was at it too.
"I'm not sure about everyone," Kakuzu said, taking the laundry bag from her to add his own sheets. "But Hidan is just a jack-ass."
"Oh, Kakuzu-sama," Tohru squeaked with a little jump. "I'm sorry I didn't see you there."
"Who else?" Kakuza asked, pulling the bag to the side before she could take it back.
"Just Zetsu-sama, but you really don't have to…"
"I would like to," he lied, cutting her off. There were about a million other things he would rather be doing but the idea of Hidan not doing his stupid rituals for three months was a good motivator.
"Okay?" Tohru said slowly.
'What's gotten into him lately? Ever since last night in the kitchen, he's been kinda nice. I wonder if he's not feeling well…or maybe…maybe he's just lonely. He doesn't seem like the type to get lonely…but with how he's acting…That must be it!...With someone like Hidan-sama as a partner I can't blame him for wanting a friend…Don't worry Kakuzu-sama I shall be that friend!'
Kakuzu decided in that moment that she was indeed crazy. Her eye's had gone all glossy and she was staring off into space again. In a matter of just a few seconds a multitude of emotions had crossed her face; confusion, concern, sadness, finishing up with a big bang of bright-eyed determination.
"Tohru?"
"Hai!" she said, giving him a bright smile.
"Zetsu?" he offered slowly. It was obvious she had forgotten what they were doing.
Her face fell almost instantly. She hated anything that had to do with Zetsu, he scared her. Not just a creeped out scared either, like with Kakuzu or Hidan. No, Zetsu absolutely terrified her. That's why she always saved his room for last.
Tohru took a deep unsteady breath as she raised her hand to knock on Zetsu's door. Her hand fell away, she had lost her nerve. She took another breath and tried again…failure. It had become a weird little ritual of hers, one that was carried out anytime she knew Zetsu was home and she needed to bother him with something.
On her fifth try Kakuzu nudged her out of the way; he could only stand so much before he would lose his temper.
"Zetsu!" he shouted, banking on the door with the side of his fist.
The door opened slowly raveling the monstrous man/plant. "Yes?"
"Need your bedding."
"Why would you need my bedding?"
Kakuzu tilted his head towards Tohru. "Helping out around the base," he said spitefully.
Zetsu nodded and turned around, retreating back into his room. He returned with the bedding, which was neatly folded, a moment later.
"I believe this is Tohru-hime's job," Zetsu said, recoiling the sheets when Kakuzu tried grabbing them.
"Tohru…Hime?" he said, holding the bundle out to Tohru.
"Thank you, Zetsu-sama," said Tohru shakily as she reached out to take the sheets.
"So pretty," he murmured.
"Delicious," his dark side added.
Kakuzu's face screwed up in disgust, it seemed like one side wanted to fuck the poor girl and the other wanted to eat her. It was no wonder she had been so scared to knock on the door. If the sick bastard was willing to go that far with him standing right there, Kabuzu didn't want to think about how it usually went when Tohru was alone.
He told himself it didn't matter, that it shouldn't matter, that he shouldn't care but he couldn't get the image of Tohru visibly trembling after talking to Zetsu out of his head. He had to at least ask.
"He hasn't done anything to you has he?"
Tohru set the washer to the required setting then pressed start before turning to face Kakuzu. "Huh?"
"Zetsu, has he ever done anything to you?" Kakuzu tried again.
"No, he just scares me," she said softly, her cheeks tinting a light shade of pink. She felt a little childish being so terrified of him.
"Don't be ashamed. I might be a little scared of him too if I were in your situation."
"Really?" Tohru asked, giving Kakuzu a small smile.
"Really."
'No actually I think I would kill him.'
But the comment did seem to make her feel better.
"So what else do you need to do?"
"Um, well after this I'll make all the beds, then I'll start dinner," Tohru smiled, lifting herself up to sit on the washer.
"So you just sit down here until all if it's finished?"
"Well, usually if Sasori hears that I've started the washer he'll come in to get me. He knows I'll start straightening up his room…er…workshop…If I'm in there long enough," Tohru giggled.
Kakuzu nodded, he'd forgotten that Sasori's room was downstairs with the washroom.
A strained silence filled the room. Kakuzu had to fight off a groan; the dull hum of the washer was going to drive him mad. He knew he needed to think of something.
'Learn more about her,' he quoted the book to himself.
"Tohru, how old are you?"
"Eighteen," she smiled.
"How old were you when Konan brought you here?"
"Fifteen."
Kakuzu nodded, hesitating before asking his next question. He wasn't sure if it would be a sore subject, but he wanted to know.
"Why haven't you ever tried leaving?"
Tohru's head tilted to the side in confusion, "I came here willingly, why would I want to leave?"
"You actually agreed to all of this?"
"It's not that unbelievable is it?" she giggled. "I had the choice between being out on my own or coming here and having a home. Konan-sama made it clear that I wouldn't ever be allowed to leave but I wouldn't want to, I'm happy here."
"Why does she always require someone to be with you when you go out then?"
Tohru laughed. "Konan says that I would allow myself to be kidnapped if the person was nice enough about it."
"Do you understand what the Akatsuki is doing?"
"A little."
"We're S-class criminals."
Tohru's face grew serious, though there was still softness to her eyes. "Konan-sama and Leader-sama…they're precious to me. If they believe what they do is required to reach their goal, I will trust them."
"I would have thought it was because of Deidara," Kakuzu said, trying to lighten her mood again.
Tohru went red as she hung her head in hopes that her bangs would hide her cheeks from view. "Why does everyone like teasing me about that?"
"So it's true?" Kakuzu mused with a small, almost inaudible chuckled.
"It's just a little crush," she mumbled. "I can't help it, he's nice to me and the only people here close to my own age are Itachi-sama, who doesn't talk much…Deidara-kun…or…"
Tohru cringed, "Hidan."
"If you ever admitted an attraction to Hidan I would never speak to you again," Sasori drawled dryly from the doorway.
"Hello Sasori," Tohru smiled, she knew it would only be a matter of time before he decided to show up.
"Tohru," he greeted, before turning his attention to Kakuzu. "What are you doing here?"
"I was helping Tohru out but I was just about to leave," Kakuzu glared. He wasn't very fond of the puppet-freak; he spent way too much money on his little projects.
"Tohru, come get me when you're about to start dinner, I'll help you," Kakuzu said in a lighter tone before excusing himself.
"Care to explain?" Sasori asked once he knew Kakuzu was out of hearing range.
"I think he's lonely," she said as she hopped down from the washer.
"Ah, yes of course that must be it," Sasori agreed though he meant it sarcastically. "Shall we?"
"I have about thirty minutes before I need to come back to start on the next load," Tohru nodded.
"It's not as bad as it usually is," said Sasori, turning to return to his 'room' knowing Tohru would follow.
Tohru surveyed her work with a victorious gleam. The floor was swept and everything, aside from what Sasori was currently using, was put away. In a way Sasori had been right, it hadn't been as bad as it usually was…it was worse. Sadly in would probably be a mess again in a few days. It had taken a while to finish, the last load of sheets were already in the dryer, but she still had enough time to do one of her favorite activities…fondle Sasori's puppets.
"He's so beautiful," Tohru murmured as she ran her fingertips down the cheek of her favorite puppet… the third Kazekage.
"You say that every time I have him out," said Sasori, looking up from his work for a moment to observe Tohru. He hadn't ever mentioned the puppets origins, the girl had no idea whose face she was actually admiring.
Tohru gave a small giggle as she played with a strand of coarse black hair. "Because he is."
"He is the most beautiful of all my creations, yes," Sasori agreed.
"I wouldn't say he's the most beautiful."
A small smirk played against Sasori's lips as he looked back down at the arm he was working on.
"Are you implying that you think I'm beautiful Tohru?"
Tohru simply smiled.
"Should mention that to Deidara next time you see him."
"The last time I said I liked your work he spent an hour lecturing me on what he thought true art was," Tohru laughed.
"Do you mind Kakuzu trying to get closer to you?" Sasori asked suddenly.
Tohru absently traced the lines running down from the corners of the Kazekage's mouth. "No why would I?"
"Are you sure he's only trying to get close because he desires a friend?" Sasori pressed. He had his own reasons for becoming a part of this whole bet business. If Kakuzu failed, true he would get more funding for his puppets but if he were to succeed…
Honestly he didn't care about the money. He wanted to see the man unravel at the hands of something so innocent. That really would be beautiful art.
"What do you mean?" Tohru asked hazily. She felt lulled, the puppet had a way of doing that to her. It looked so very real yet sat so perfectly still under her touch.
"Maybe he's looking for a lover and not a friend."
That snapped Tohru from her trance. "He's old," Tohru laughed.
"Counting the number of years he's been alive that would be an accurate description but he's ageless."
"Huh?"
"Does he look like he's in his nineties?"
"No," Tohru said with a half laugh. "But it doesn't matter anyway; I doubt that's what he's after."
"Could be."
"Then he'll be sorely disappointed."
Sasori frowned, that didn't sound much like Tohru. "How long are you going to pine after Deidara."
"It has nothing to do with my little crush on Deidara."
"What then?"
"Konan-sama once told me that I should never get attached to any member of the Akatsuki. Why would I want to fall in love with someone that could very well not come home one day?"
Sasori noted the slight tremble in Tohru's voice. He had struck a nerve, he hadn't meant to. It was one thing he was sure she wanted yet couldn't have. He assumed that was the reason she immersed herself in those silly romance novels. She was happy with the Akatsuki, he knew that, but it came at a price. She could never look forward to settling down and starting a family not unless they all fell…he knew Tohru would never wish for something like that.
With only the slightest move of his fingers the kazekage reached up just enough to catch the tear Sasori knew was there.
'I wonder if Konan knows she's instilled her own bitterness towards love in her young charge. This truly will be a masterpiece, regardless of its end."
"Thank you for helping me Kakuzu-sama," Tohru smiled. Not only had he been 'nice' enough to help her with diner but he had also agreed to her request to come with her while she made Zetsu's bed.
"Stop thanking me and stop calling me that," Kakuzu commanded as he watched over the large wok, stirring the contents as Tohru had instructed him to do.
Tohru paused after slicing through a carrot to look back at Kakuzu. "Calling you what?" she asked in confusion.
"Kakuzu-sama."
"Oh…Kuzu-kun then?" Tohru giggled, praying he didn't decide to rip her head off for the comment.
Kakuzu turned to give Tohru a fierce glare but it was wasted, she had gone back to chopping vegetable.
"Just Kakuzu," he growled.
"But it sounded so cute," Tohru insisted.
Kakuzu took a deep breath, trying to calm his temper.
'She's just trying to play with you…on the plus side she's actually trying to play with you. Maybe that book knows what it's talking about…but there is no way I'm letting her call me that.'
"Ka-ku-zu, even an airhead like you should be able to say it."
Tohru turned fully to stare wide-eyed at Kakuzu's mask embedded back. He had insulted her but there had also been a tiny bit of humor in his voice.
"Hai," Tohru smirked. "…Kuzu-kun."
Tohru squeaked as she ducked just in time to miss the wooden spoon that had been aimed for her head.
"I won't miss the next time," Kakuzu warned.
AN:
A bit of angst for Tohru…I'm sorry…but some things needed to be addressed.
Sasori…yeah a bit ooc…again sorry…It's just that when I tried thinking of him in a non-fighting sort of setting I kinda envisioned someone who likes playing puppet master with people's lives just for his own enjoyment.
MegassaTheBomber- Thank you for reviewing! I will try to keep her from becoming a Mary-sue…please feel free to slap me if she does…