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Chapter 1 - Nightmares

RPOV

I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs. Holy shit! By this point I was sobbing, thinking of the awful nightmare I just had. I saw all the events of Spokane again but then at the end, I was in a meadow just inside St. Vlad's wards and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I spun around with the speed of a Strigoi and saw-Mason. Or his ghost anyway. He told me it was all my fault he was killed and then I got pulled out of the wards. Just as the Strigoi was about to bite me, I woke up. I wasn't sure what to do next. Dimitri. I need Dimitri. I walked to the end of the hall and the dorm matron watched me warily.

"I need to see Di-Guardian Belikov."

"He's in Missoula with Lady Ozera," she told me, "Go back to bed Ms. Hathaway. You can see him in the morning."

I nodded slightly and headed back to my dorm. I slammed my door shut and slid down it, sobbing yet again. Tahsa's better than me, skinnier, prettier, Moroi. Of course he's with her. I'm fat, ugly and a dhamphir, what would he ever want with me? I thought. I then got off of my floor and made my way to my bathroom blindly. I grabbed the razor blade I had taken from Lissa from my medicine cabinet and sliced it across both of my wrists. It helped to clear my thoughts a little. If I were skinny, like a Moroi, maybe...just maybe, he'd want me. With that, I crouched in front of my toilet and crammed my fingers down my throat. I felt the bile rise to my mouth and I emptied my stomach completly. That didn't stop me from throwing up a second time. I think I might have seen some blood but it didn't matter, I'd do anything for Dimitri. If he likes skinny girls, that's just what I'll have to be. I brushed my teeth to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth then pulled on a long sleeved shirt to cover my new cuts. I finally waddled to my bed and passed out almost instantly.

I woke up to my alarm at 5:30 in the vampiric morning, but didn't get out of bed. I didn't want him to see me again until I was thin enough. With my emotions running wild, I didn't feel Lissa's until I was already in her head. I-Lissa saw Dimitri walk into the commons with a worried look on his face.

"Princess," he said in greeting, nodding to the others; Eddie, Christian, Adrian, and Tasha sat with her.

"DIMKA!" the bitch herself squealed out. Ew. And he just nodded to her. Huh? That's weird, especially since they're practically dating.

"Hello Guardian Belikov. Is something wrong? You look worried," Lissa, always the polite one, said.

"Well, possibly, Princess," he stated, sounding stressed, "Rose didn't show up for practice and I've been waiting for half an hour, she's never that late. Have you seen her?"

I pulled myself out of Lissa's head then. Why the hell would he care? Then someone pounded on my door. I stayed where I was. I knew it was Liss and I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone-even her. She tried the door knob and it turned. Shit! I must have forgot to lock it last night! I thought, slightly panicked.

"Rose?" Lissa called softly. I didn't answer, I just burried myself deeper into my bed, "Rose, are you okay?" she tried again. I sighed and sat up.

"I'm fine Liss," I said. I knew she didn't buy it but I really didn't give a shit. She came over to wrap her arms around me but I got up and walked to my bathroom to see how bad I looked. I groaned, "Liss, get me some clothes? I'm gonna take a shower quick. I'll see you in class later okay?"

Lissa walked over with some jeans and a t-shirt, "Rose? Don't you want to go get breakfast? I think I saw some donuts..."

"I'm not hungry," I cut her off, a little too harshly. Hurt flashed across her features but I didn't even bother to apoligize. "Thanks Liss. I'll see you later. You can show yourself out." I closed the bathroom door and I heard her retreat. Probably off to tell everyone about this so they can laugh together. I finally realize; I'm all alone. No one really cares about me. Well, this should be fun. Fucking nightmares; you ruin everything.