I do not own Twilight okay? See chapter 1 for my mini rant on nazi-fangirls who are too stupid to know what satire is. If you can't take a joke about it, you are not a true fan. Thanks to all who read, reviewed and faved and alerted the story so far. Anyway, enough with minirants I shouldn't need to be writing, on with chapter 2 of Dear Stephenie Meyer!
Dear Ms. Meyer,
What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck? Upon Bella's recommendation (and so you know, we still talk even though she married that leech instead of me and even became one) I read your book. I will say that the story is okay. I mean not one of the best out there and defiantly not one that both guys and girls can read. I can see why she would like it more than I would. And I do not mean you wrote a story about her and that fucking man she loves more than me. Oh no, my anger lies deeper than the fact you did not write me with Bella. Oh no, that'd be too shallow.
I hate how you wrote me as nothing more than the best friend to cry to and use in an insane plot to get the guy back. Is that all I am worth to Bella? Is childhood memories of summers spend together nothing to you? Are a best friend's feelings nothing when it comes to getting Bella back together with Edward? I guess not. I mean, I was only there for Bella when she needed me the most, when that no good leech dumped her because he had some strange idea she'd be better off. Now I don't know where you got it, and even though I talked to Bella about it, (I absolutely refuse to talk to Edward, that leech) she still does not know what it was about truly. All I know is a man Bella really would have deserved wouldn't have done that and wouldn't do anything Edward did to her. All I know is if Bella and I were to have been married, I at least would have controlled myself enough not to be so abusive to her. Don't you have an abusive faddish Ms. Meyer?
You may still be wondering what it is in your story that is making me so angry. Well let me give you a little background info so you know. I don't know if you did when you first wrote this "romantic tale", if you want to call it that, there is a show on TV called "To Catch a Predator" about men who go to young girl's houses that they met over the internet with that guy from "Dateline" hosting it. Now I bet you don't know there are people saying that I should be on it.That's right. People are calling me, Jacob Black, son of Billy Black, a chief elder in my tribe a pedophile. Yep. I am being called a pedophile. Now why am I being called such a thing you may wonder, well Ms. Meyer, I have a reasonable answer to that if you will hear me out. Here it comes; you had best be sitting down because I have a lot of fury to unleash here.
As you know, we werewolves imprint on our soul mate, our one true love that we will spend the rest of our lives with. Now, who did I imprint on? One Miss Renesme Cullen! Okay, I know she is the daughter of that leech and Bella but WHY? Why did you have me as so sore on losing Bella that I end up making her daughter my soul mate? What adds the pedophile icing to this cake is the fact I imprint on her when she is still a baby. I know she has accelerated growth and will be full grown in about 7 year or so but you couldn't have waited until she was fully grown. I know she can telepathically communicate with those she loves but come on! Are you sure 'loved ones' means 'ones you want to fuck'? I think it means 'ones you care deeply and plutonic.' I don't know if you know but there is a difference. I will have you know, I could have had almost any girl in Forks. I am an exotic kind of guy. I am a Native American and a werewolf, come on, who wouldn't want that! I can't understand why I fall in love with a baby when she says something that is completely plutonic sounding! It does sound like I will be seeing that guy from Dateline here soon and he will be saying something like, "Jacob, how about you have a seat over there." I know you did not intend for me to sound like some sort of pedophile but it came out badly like that. You couldn't have had the imprint thing set when I don't know…maybe when Nessie was all grown up.
I also hate how it feels like Nessie is a replacement for Bella when she is biologically half Bella. Come on. I have said before in this letter that I could have had almost any girl I wanted and I settle on Nessie. Ms. Meyer please, work on romantic stories and making the poor rejected souls move on PROPERLY.
I will end on a happy note for your sake though. You did a decent job on writing werewolves. I think you should stick with that, because I heard from Bella that Edward is a little annoyed about how you wrote the Cullens. Then again, I will let them say that.
Sincerely, (only because it is polite to say that),
Jacob Black