Teddy and Jem hadn't seen each other since Christmas day. On boxing day Teddy had gone back to his and Victoire's flat in London and had started work again. And on the third of January Jem went back to Hogwarts.
Jem had sent several letters to Teddy, some much longer than others. He had never received a reply. Teddy knew what was expected of him. He was expected to marry Victoire and become a proper member of the family. He doubted that the Potters and Weasleys would have a problem with him being gay but the look of disappointment on their faces when they knew that Teddy would never be apart of the family was almost unbearable for him to think of.
But the February half term holidays were coming up soon and Teddy knew that Jem would want to see him.
It was the eighth of February and Jem was in his dormitory staring blankly out the window. The Gryffindor common room was packed full of people chatting and gossiping and he had gotten tired of it. Jem sat alone on his bed thinking about what had happened and what was yet to come.
The door of the dormitory swung open and Jem's best friend Robert Ferguson wandered into the room. Rob sat down on the end of Jem's bed.
"Jamie," Rob started, "What's up? Ever since the Christmas holidays you've been weird and distant. Normally you would have been down there in the middle of it all." He gestured towards the dormitory door.
"Rob, I'm fine." Jem muttered not taking his eyes off the scenery outside the window.
"No you're not, Jamie."
Jem sighed and turned around to face his friend.
"Look, I really don't want to talk about it."
"So there is something wrong!" Rob smiled triumphantly his blue eyes twinkling with delight.
"Not wrong, no." Jem picked at his fingernails wishing Rob would just leave him alone.
Rob smile faded leaving the blonde haired boy to look slightly concerned.
"What's so bad that you can't tell me?"
"Nothing. It's just…" Jem hesitated, he didn't feel like opening up to Rob about what he was feeling.
"What, Jem?"
"It's not important."
Jem and Rob had been best friends ever since they met. They had met on the school train on the first day of school and had been inseparable since.
"It's important to me!" Rob scowled trying to read Jem. Normally Rob could read Jem like an open book but not today.
Jem ran his hand through his messy black hair making it stand up on end even more. He sighed and jumped off the bed.
Rob's scowl disappeared and was replaced by a smile. The same smile that terrified teachers, the same smile that made young children quiver, the same smile that meant Rob was feeling mischievous.
Jem looked up, surprised to see The Smile on Rob's face.
"What?"
"Jem," Rob started still grinning, "Are you in love?"
Jem's face turned a perfect shade of white. He knew Rob was smart but he hadn't expected him to guess so quickly.
"N-n-no. No! No, of course not!" Jem turned to face the window and stared out at the Black Lake. He had never been much good at lying. At least, not to his friends.
Rob jumped off the bed and joined Jem by the window. "You are, aren't you!"
Jem shook his head, he honestly didn't know what it was. But it was confusing, difficult, overpowering.
Rob didn't care what Jem said. He started dancing around the room laughing.
"Jem's in love! Jem's in love!" He continued this in a sing song voice for about thirty seconds before Jem lost his rag.
"SHUT UP, ROB!" Jem roared causing Rob to stop instantly. Jem hardly ever lost his temper with Rob so it was a shock to everybody when he did.
Jem sat back down on the bed, breathing deeply. Rob, silent now, joined him on the end.
"Well? Who is she?"
Jem remained silent. He ran a list of names of girls that he knew through his head. Problem was, they all had boyfriends.
"Hello? Who is she?" Rob pestered.
Jem didn't know what to say. How come all the girls he knew had boyfriends? Typical.
"WHO IS SHE?! WHO IS SHE?! WHO IS SHE?! WHO IS SHE?! WHO IS SHE?! WHO IS SHE?!" Rob shouted growing bored of his friend's unresponsiveness.
"TEDDY LUPIN!" Jem roared once again losing his temper. As soon as he had said this, he regretted it. Rob's face went from glee to as pale as a ghost.
"But, he's a bloke."
Jem looked up, tears of frustration in his eyes. "Figured that out for myself, thanks."
The boys sat in silence, neither knowing what to say to the other. Jem was wishing it was all a dream and he'd wake up in a minute drowning in his own sweat. But it wasn't a dream and Jem wasn't going to wake up from it.
*****
It was the day before Valentines day and Teddy Lupin sat with a book propped open in front of him. He stared at the pages blankly. He was sat at his kitchen table in his and Victoire's flat in London. They had moved there just before Christmas but it looked like they'd been living there for much longer. Cabinets were covered in pictures of family members, good friends and others. But one of them had been placed down so you could no longer see the person occupying it. Teddy had done this to Jem's moving picture as soon as he had gotten back to the flat on boxing day and it hadn't moved since. Teddy stood up and wandered over to the photo and picked up it up. The mini Jem waved and smiled at him and he smiled back. Jem would be home by now, surely. Maybe he could go…No, Teddy told himself firmly. He's with Victoire. He loves Victoire. And if this went any further than a kiss…
The front door of the flat opened and Teddy dropped the picture back onto the cabinet. Victoire floated in, closing the door behind her.
"Hi." Victoire smiled at Teddy and went to the kitchen to put away the shopping the had just bought.
"Yeah, hi." Teddy replied gathering up his Healer Training books and placing them back on the bookshelf.
He ran both hands over his face and through his hair plopping himself down on the small beige settee. He sighed and held his head in his hands. This gesture didn't go unnoticed by Victoire.
"Rough day?" She asked handing Teddy a glass of wine and sitting herself down next to him.
Teddy nodded and sipped the wine. He had never liked wine, he much preferred butter bear. He remembered his seventeenth birthday when Jem, Albus and Lily (especially Jem) had insisted on giving him a crate full it. He didn't really remember much after receiving that crate.
Victoire snuggled into Teddy's torso and he gingerly placed an arm round her bony shoulder while she swung her legs up onto the settee.
"Just don't forget what day it is tomorrow, m'kay?" Victoire took another sip of wine and the placed her glass on the table.
Valentines day. The only day that Teddy dreaded.
"I won't."
*****
Meanwhile at the Potter household.
"MUM! WHERE'S MY WAND?!"
"HOW SHOULD I KNOW, ALBUS?!"
"LILY, WHERE'S MY WAND?!"
"I DON'T KNOW! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK I KNOW WHERE YOUR SHIT IS?!"
"DON'T USE LANGUAGE LIKE THAT MY HOUSE, YOUNG LADY!"
"IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE, MUM! IT'S IN DAD'S NAME!"
"HARRY! TELL LILY NOT TO USE VULGAR LANGUAGE IN YOUR HOUSE!"
"LILY! LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!"
"JEM, WHERE'S MY WAND?!"
"I ASSUME YOUR WAND IT'S IN YOUR BOXERS, AL!"
"JAMES POTTER!"
"SORRY MUM!"
"MUM CAN YOU PLEASE TELL JEM THAT HE'S AN ARROGANT TWAT!"
"MUM CAN YOU PLEASE TELL AL THAT HE'S A LITTLE GIT!"
"GINNY CAN YOU TELL EVERYONE TO SHUT THE HELL UP I'M TRYING TO WORK!"
"WHY DON'T YOU TELL THEM TO SHUT UP, HARRY?!"
"TRYING TO WORK!"
"HASN'T AFFECTED YOUR SPEECH SO FAR, HAS IT, LOVE?!"
"EVERYONE, SHUT UP!"
And on this occasion is was Lily, the smallest and youngest out of the lot of them, who got the last word.
Jem was sat at his desk, in his room, in his house, in Godric's Hollow where he lived. But even though he lived there Jem couldn't feel less at home. He had never felt at home here. It wasn't that he didn't love his family, he did (with the exception of Albus) it's just he loved someone else more. Jem only ever felt at home when Teddy was there with him, wherever that may be.
In Jem's hand was a photograph of a smiley, six year old Teddy Lupin with baby Jem in his arms. That day Teddy had had bottle green hair and electric blue eyes. Jem looked so small, so wrinkly and so adorable nestled in Teddy's arms that Harry had insisted on taking a photo.
He placed the photo to the side of the desk and picked up is quill, a pot of ink and piece of parchment. He addressed it to Teddy Lupin and then settled himself to write. But he had run out of things to say. The amount of letters that he had sent to Teddy meant there was nothing more to say. Except…
When Jem had finished the letter it read:
Dear Teddy,
I love you.
Jem x
Jem sighed and scrunched the parchment up into a ball and threw it to the side where it landed on the floor. Teddy was avoiding him anyway, so what was the point? He stood up and lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He heard a crunching noise as he lay down and he pulled an envelope out from under his pillow. It had arrived late the previous night and Jem had shoved it under pillow with a mental note to read it tomorrow. He opened it and took out the letter. It read:
Jamie,
You're not avoiding me are you? I really don't have a problem with you being a pouf, you know. I never got to see you before we broke up for half term (possibly because you were avoiding me like you would dragon pox) so I didn't have a chance to tell you.
From Rob.
Well that was good news. As long as Jem had someone to talk to he wasn't going to launch into self destruct mode.
He swore to write a reply to Rob, tomorrow.
Suddenly the door opened and Lily came in.
"Go away." Jem groaned before Lily even had a chance to say something.
"Charming!" Lily sat down on Jem's desk chair with her most serious look on her face. Her brilliant red hair had been pulled back into a high ponytail and her side fringe hung over her bottle green, right eye like a curtain.
"Jem, what's up? You've been acting odd since around Christmas."
"Lil, I've already had this conversation with Rob and it did not end particularly well. I don't wish to repeat it." Jem answered while continuing to stare at the ceiling.
Lily fell silent and looked round the room. She wasn't done with him yet.
Several minutes passed and Jem's eyes didn't budge from the ceiling. Lily turned and saw Jem's scrunched up letter to Teddy.
"What's this? A letter Jem couldn't be bothered to send, maybe?" Lily began to open it.
"NO!" Jem launched at her but she was strong for such a small girl and she held him back while she opened it. He made several attempts to seize the parchment but failed. Lily read the letter and her eyebrows rose in mild astonishment.
"Well, who would have thought? My brother, a pouf." Lily, honestly, didn't sound completely surprised by this. She screw the letter back up and dropped in the bin.
Jem stood there and stared.
"Do Mum and Dad know?" Lily asked.
Jem shook his head. They didn't know, and he planned to keep it that way.
"Does he know?"
He nodded. Jem sat himself down on the bed and placed his head in his hands. Lily sat down next to him and placed an arm round his shoulders.
"What did he do when he found out?" She asked rubbing her hand up and down his arm in a comforting manner. Jem muttered something inaudible back.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"He kissed me…" Jem muttered quietly.
Lily's mouth dropped open. "He did not!"
"He did." Jem's voice had gone hoarse.
"Wow."
"You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" Jem asked his younger sister.
"Not unless you want me to, which, by the looks of it, you don't."
Jem and Lily had always got on. When they were younger they used to play for hours outside. They had always understood each other. However, Jem had never gotten on with his younger brother. He and Albus were constantly at each other's throats which had been the beginning of many arguments in the household
"I'll leave you to your thoughts then." Lily stood up and left, closing the door behind her.
Jem didn't even bother getting undressed. He pulled his duvet around himself and went straight to sleep dreaming, all night, of Teddy Lupin.
*****
"Jem. Jem. Jem. Jem. JEM!" Lily roared in her brother's ear.
Jem jumped. "WHAT?!"
"You gonna eat that?" She asked gesturing to an untouched croissant on Jem's plate. Jem shook his head and pushed it towards her.
She took it and started buttering it. "Thanks. That's what I hate about Valentines day. Mum and Dad steal all the food for breakfast and take it upstairs."
Jem made a noise of agreement and continued staring into space.
"Hey, have you seen the post today?" Lily asked spraying Jem with crumbs.
"Huh? Oh, yeah." Jem picked up the post, which he had abandoned on the chair next to him, and gave it to her.
"Thanks." She took the bundle and flicked through them making small piles. The first pile was considerably larger than the second.
Lily finished sorting the letters and handed the first pile to Jem who looked confused.
"They're Valentines day cards…for you, dipstick." She started opening her own pile of cards leaving the croissant to go cold.
Jem flicked through them, looking for a familiar hand writing.
"He won't send you one." Lily commented when she realised what Jem was doing.
Jem sighed, "I know…" He opened the first card and set it on the table without even looking at who it was from.
After Lily had made her way through her pile of Valentines cards she was quite giggly.
"Ooh, he's a charmer." She commented setting down her last card. "Hey, have you seen Al today?"
"He went to spend the day with his girlfriend." Jem answered blankly.
"It's seven thirty in the morning."
"Yeah."
"Why'd he leave so early?"
"No idea."
"Jem?"
"Yeah?"
"When are you going to start acting like a normal human being again?"
*****
"That was great, Ted! I never knew you could cook!" Victoire finished off her salmon with pesto crust and set down her cutlery.
"Neither did I," Teddy smiled and set down his cutlery too. "Do you want to watch a movie? I got a selection of those soppy muggle films you like."
When Teddy and Victoire moved in they found that they what muggles called a television and DVD player. They'd fallen in love with it and were constantly watching movies and muggle day time TV.
"Yeah, sure." Victoire nodded and made the dirty dishes float over to the sink and start cleaning themselves. "What have you got?"
"Erm, a few." Teddy pulled a few small boxes out of a small plastic bag he'd abandoned by the door. "This one looks good. Love Actually."
"Sounds good. Put it in."
Teddy bent down and opened the DVD player and put the small disc in. He turned the TV on and sat down next to Victoire on the settee fingering the small box in the pocket of his jeans. It made him feel sick.
They sat in silence and watched the movie, Victoire enjoying it thoroughly. Teddy was running his plan over and over again in his mind. Get down, one knee, ask her. Get down, one knee, ask her. Get down, one knee…
When the movie ended Teddy panicked. It's now or never…
Teddy got down off the settee, pulling the small box out of his pocket. He kneeled down on one knee and opened the box to reveal a small diamond ring. He felt sick. He could do this. No he couldn't. But he had to!
Victoire gasped and slapped her hand to her mouth.
"Victoire-" Teddy started and his blood ran cold. He thought of Jem. He thought of how much he wanted him. He thought of what Jem's face would look like when he found out. "I-I-…"
"Yes?" Victoire asked breathlessly.
"Can't do this…" He stood up, dropping the small box on the floor. "Victoire, I'm so sorry…"
Victoire stared at the fallen box on the floor her eyes flooding with tears. She stood up and slapped Teddy, hard.
"WHY?! WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT?!" She screamed, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"
For a second, she looked horrified and then her face turned red with rage.
"IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE?! THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE ISN'T THERE?!" She screamed in his face.
He gulped, his eyes also filling with tears. He nodded silently, a sob catching in his throat.
"WHO IS SHE?!" She slapped him again, this time leaving a mark. "WHAT'S HER NAME?!"
"James Potter…" Teddy muttered staring at the floor a tear falling to the ground.
Victoire stopped. She looked confused. Very confused.
"What?" Her voice was gentler, still threatening but not as.
"Victoire…I'm gay." Teddy took a deep breath in and another sob caught in his throat, his hair and eyes turning brown
Victoire stood and stared. She couldn't believe it. They'd been together for over five years. Teddy wasn't gay, he couldn't be.
"Get. Out." her face had turned red again and her cheeks were damp with tears. "Now."
"W-what?"
"I SAID GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!" She screamed pushing Teddy towards the door.
"Victoire, I-" Teddy started.
"I DON'T WANT EXCUSES!" She sobbed. "GET OUT!"
She opened the front door and pushed Teddy outside and slammed it in his face. Teddy banged on the door for half an hour, trying to reason with her before deciding it was no use. He'd have to find somewhere to stay for the night…but where?
He made a decision and apparated off into the night.