A/N: First scene takes place a little after the previous chapter's last one. The next ones take place a little over a month later. Hope that's not too confusing.

This fic is probably considered AU now, after Michael has aired.

Step 3: A family affair.

Blaine has things he should be doing. Papers to finish and homework to catch up on and songs to rehearse. But the simple truth of the matter is he does not want to move. Ever. Kurt is warm and inviting and all around him, laid out right here on his bed at a Saturday afternoon, with the sun setting outside his window and he feels like he should be writing poems and making glorious Kurt-inspired art instead of doing any of the stupid things he has to do.

"Will it be incredibly corny of me to say that I've missed you?" Blaine asks. "I know you were sick for only a few days but… still."

"Now who's the silly romantic?"

"Me. It's always been me."

"I've missed you too." Kurt gives him one of those rare unguarded smiles that Blaine doesn't get to see often enough. "But we need to get up."

"Noooo." He does not sound childish and whining at all, he's sure of it. And even that look from Kurt can't convince him otherwise.

"Yeeees." Kurt says, as he starts to disentangle himself from – the clearly not whining and pleading- Blaine. "Your parents will be home any minute now, and I'd rather they not find me in bed with you."

"But we're not even doing anything." Blaine tries one last time. Still definitely not whining.

"Still, I really don't want to give them more reasons to dislike me. And I've got to go, in any case." he says with a tired expression. "I have homework to do, and I'm sure you do too."

"My parents don't dislike you." Blaine clarifies, choosing to let the comment about homework pass.

"Really." Kurt states more than asks as he's putting on that really beautiful red coat that makes his skin look heartbreaking and makes Blaine almost forget his next argument all together so that he can tear it off him again.

"You just got to get to know them a bit more. They're very guarded people, not very much unlike someone else I know." He adds pointedly. "It takes a little time. But they do not dislike you. Come on, wasn't last time we had dinner all together fun?" He quickly regrets saying that when Kurt flinches, almost unnoticeably.

"Were you at a different dinner than I was? Because I distinctly remember your father saying that I should stop encouraging your "unreasonable" pursuit of a musical career. After your mother had mentioned about 50 times how you're wasting your future by following me to that "academically inferior school" that I obviously blackmailed you into attending."

"She didn't say it like that." Blaine tries to save the unsalvageable.

"Maybe not in so many words."

They hear the unmistakable sound of his father's car pooling into the driveway outside, and it only seems to make Kurt move faster.

"Stay for dinner?" Blaine asks again, even though he knows the answer.

"It's not even polite. I can't invite myself to your family dinner."

"I'm inviting you."

Kurt looks like he has finally stopped his pursuit to erase all proof that he was ever in the room, to spare a moment contemplatively looking at Blaine. "But I don't want to be an inconvenience. I don't want your mother to have to put another plate on the table at the last minute."

"She has unexpected guests over for dinner all the time and I'm sure she's cooked enough for a small army, just like any other day."

Kurt knows he's losing the argument, but he doesn't stay deterred for long. "I still have to go." He sighs. "Homework."

"God, fine." Blaine says exasperated. "I can't believe you are even afraid you won't get into NYADA. You've been studying way too hard this year for any college to not accept you. By that rate you'll graduate as valedictorian."

"You're not by any chance calling me a nerd now are you?" Kurt teases.

"I wouldn't dare to. You've taught me well." Blaine smiles into the quick chaste kiss Kurt brushes on his mouth.

"Call me later?"

"Of course. Have fun studying boring homework." Blaine says, walking Kurt at the door.

"Too close to calling me a nerd again Blaine." Kurt notes.

Blaine mimics zipping his mouth shut, and Kurt is out the door with a final farewell kiss.

Sebastian looks annoyed at his phone again, the screen lighting up unsatisfactory blank. He's been waiting for Blaine for the last half hour. The least he could do was text Sebastian he'd be late.

He looks around the Westerville café he's in, gazing bored at the people sitting around tasteful little coffee tables, clad in clothes that the patrons of the Lima Bean would probably have to save up for months to acquire. Not that they'd have the good sense and taste to actually buy them.

Except maybe that Hummel kid, he thinks to himself, straightening his expensive coat almost with a sense of pride. Because it feels like even if all else fails, at least he'll have that: his full wallet and the very expensive, very high end clothes on his back while Kurt will still have to go around in Marc Jacobs knock offs or originals that he's slaved away in his father's greasy store to be able to buy.

It's little consolation, when said boy gets to have Blaine, but Sebastian takes what he can get.

Sebastian was the one to bring Blaine to this joint, what was probably about a month ago. His plan of course still required frequent attendance at the Lima Bean, but seeing as Hummel had made it his sole purpose to invite himself along whenever he'd make plans to go there with Blaine, Sebastian had to settle for a different café, one that wasn't so close to Lima.

Not that it wasn't a joy, watching Kurt biting his lip and fixing him with those icy glares while he tried with all his might not to insult Sebastian too harshly in front of Blaine.

Sebastian was certain Kurt had not shared their little exchange at the Lima Bean with Blaine, probably due to some misplaced sense of pride. Like he thought he could get rid of Sebastian without bringing Blaine into their fighting. And as Sebastian and Blaine hang out more and more often, and they seemed to stick and fit better as time went by, with Blaine starting to view Sebastian as a friend rather than someone threatening, Kurt was getting all the more trapped in that endless cycle of having to play nice. Still Sebastian could sense he was very close to showing his little kitty claws and that he had to restrain himself with more intensity. Sebastian almost felt sorry for the poor kid. Almost. As stated before, he still had Blaine wrapped around his finger while Sebastian had to watch from the sidelines, so he was just getting what was coming to him in the end.

Blaine seemed to harbor a false nuance that they could all be friends- Sebastian scoffed at the mere thought- but he wasn't stupid. Sebastian was sure he could feel the awkwardness and palpable hatred, so it wasn't with too much reluctance that he agreed to meet Sebastian outside of Lima more and more. He still invited Kurt along whenever he could, and he still insisted of informing his beau of all their outings it seemed- which Sebastian found nauseatingly romantic and illogical, but there wasn't much Kurt could do about it anyway. He and Blaine might go to McKinley together, but the fact of the matter was Westerville and Lima were a couple hours apart, while Sebastian conveniently lived no more than a ten minute car drive from Blaine. And he had taken full advantage of that knowledge, asking Blaine to meet him at hours that it would be almost impossible for Kurt to make that trip to Westerville and back to his little rat hole of a town.

Hours like these: for example today he had called Blaine while the boy was already making his way to his car and back to his Westerville home. Now, Kurt could of course abandon his little pretend family and take the car ride here as well, but Sebastian was sure he wouldn't be able to pull it off on such short notice. That was the thing with good obedient teenagers' parents, he had come to realize: they have all sorts of crazy rules about staying out late and leaving on short notice. Thank god his parents never really cared either way.

He glares at his telephone again. Nothing. Blaine was supposed to go home, leave his stuff and come straight here for a quick cup of coffee. Surely if Blaine's own parents had some sort of illogical demand he stay for dinner- because unfortunately Blaine was one of those goody two-shoes teens too- Sebastian would have gotten an apologetic text by now.

He decides to wait just a little more. If anyone's worth it, it's Blaine. Ever since he's started spending more time with him, Sebastian has found that chatting him up doesn't necessarily have to serve as a means to an end. Blaine is witty and fun and all the little perks that Sebastian would have found annoying under different circumstances are actually kind of… endearing. It's a strange concept for him, enjoying Blaine's company. He always found other people tolerable at best- especially people he wants to sleep with.

He's starting to get generally pissed and offended though –because Blaine or no Blaine, no one stood up Sebastian Smythe- when finally the object of his musings enters the café and makes a bee line for his table.

"Sorry I'm late. I got held back." Blaine says, sitting on the table with an apologetic glance at Sebastian.

Sebastian is about to say something caustic, when he notices the still damp hair on the base of Blaine's neck – hair that he's itching to run his fingers through- the seemingly hastily worn clothes, the slightly manic look with which Blaine is eyeing his surroundings. Like he's just had a meeting with a ghost and he's not about to let anyone know, so that they won't take him for a crazy person.

Of course. Mullet man said he'd be waiting for Blaine at the parking lot today. To catch him off guard.

"Did you just take a shower?" Sebastian asks, looking at Blaine expectantly.

"Uh yeah. Glee practice. Makes me sweaty sometimes." He says, looking not at all certain if his own words make sense but continuing with the façade nonetheless. "Sorry I kept you waiting, I should have called."

"I wouldn't mind it if you came here sweaty. In fact for future reference, I'd encourage it." He smirks in what he knows is a suave and sexy manner, and it seems to catch Blaine by surprise.

Blaine trips a bit over his words when he speaks again, and Sebastian's smirk grows in satisfaction at the effect he's having over Blaine. "Uh…Trust me, you would not want to see that. Again…. sorry for being late. Have you been here long?"

"Naah, just arrived myself." Sebastian says, all anger from earlier forgotten.

They start their usual ritual of seemingly harmless back and forth, but soon enough he notices how distracted Blaine seems to be. He looks almost sad. Contemplative surely, and with his thoughts a million miles away.

Sebastian thinks of the slushies, he thinks of Mullet man and the parking lot and the stories he's heard about Blaine's Sadie Hawkins dance experience.

There is a pang of guilt, but he pushes it away.

He has a plan, and he has to stick to it. It's all for the best. The best for Blaine. Blaine will be thanking him later. He'll see, he'll realize how much better his life can be back at Dalton. That Sebastian is here to save him from the mediocrity he condemned himself to the moment he chose to be with Kurt.

"Are you sure you're ok? You seem upset." Sebastian asks. He's mentally preparing for it, for Blaine admitting to all the horrible things that are going on at McKinley.

But the confession doesn't come.

"Yes, everything's fine."

"Blaine…"

"You've never told me. How does someone like you end up in small town Ohio?" Blaine cuts him off before he has a chance to finish.

"Changing the subject?"

"Maybe." Blaine answers cryptically.

It stings a bit, his pride mostly, that Blaine doesn't trust him yet enough to tell him anything about the slushies. But he lets it pass for now. They'll get there.

"I don't know, how did you get here? You're just as much out of place in this god forsaken place as I am."

"I grew up here." He shrugs. "I'm not the one who's lived in France and who's had more affairs than a Hollywood superstar."

"You could be." Sebastian says, but he decides to indulge him. "Well, I used to go to this private school before Dalton Academy. Very strict, very… elite. Organised. Charming classrooms. You know the kind."

"I do." Blaine smiles. He's thinking of Dalton, Sebastian knows it. He misses it. It's at times like these when Sebastian wants to shake him, to ask him why he ever thought that ice princess of a boyfriend of his was worth leaving something he loves behind.

"Well they had very lovely staff too. This one math teacher in particular. Dark hair, big eyes... And this pair of really cute dorky glasses."

"You didn't!" Blaine acts shocked, but he's leaning closer, his breathing has picked up, his eyes are shining. He's excited, he always is when Sebastian is recounting one of his many hookups.

"I did." Sebastian says simply. He takes a sip of his coffee slowly. He's waiting. Ah, at last a decent cup of coffee. The Lima Bean clientele thinks an espresso is high cuisine.

"Well go on then! What happened? Did they catch you?"

"Unfortunately. And in a very compromising position. I had him spread over the desk" he gestures with his hand, his flat palm, stroking the air as if he can still feel the smooth wooden surface below his touch " crying out and wanting. His glasses skewered just so. His papers were scattered around the floor, most of them in pieces. He was the one that shred them- insisted on it! Saw it as some sort of rebellious act or something."

"And?" Blaine asks, eyes wide. It's so reassuring, it confirms that he's made the right choice in going after Blaine, this interest. Because when he looked that teacher in the eye and went straight for it, going down on him just as the students were filling out of the school that day, he had expected the guy to freak out, to run and rat him out to the principal. And when he looked at Blaine, at first, he'd expected him to have the same reactions while listening to his stories. But he doesn't. He doesn't do anything, doesn't even cringe, just stays there and listens intently every time.

"We got caught. Obviously. A cleaning lady came in and saw us. Shrieked her head off. But you know what the best part was?"

"What?"

"We didn't stop. He didn't stop. He kept on going until we both came." He pauses a little, just to cherish this look on Blaine's face. He loves that look. He doesn't know what to call it. But he loves it. He thinks about it, when he jerks off, during the day, during classes. It haunts him.

He thinks Blaine gets off on his stories. Afterwards, after they've parted. He's not sure of it, but even the little suspicion that he does something, says something that could have this effect on Blaine is one of the biggest thrills in his life.

"Anyway, he got shacked and I got expelled. Sent to France for the summer, to "straighten my act" and when I came back, the whole family had relocated to escape the scandal. To glorious Ohio!" He raises his coffee mug in toast.

Blaine stares at him some more, shaking his head a little.

"Was it worth it though?"

"For him? Definitely. For me… yeah I guess."

Blaine lets out a little laugh after a while. "Wow."

"What?" Sebastian asks, acting confused, but he's so pleased it's hard to hide a smirk.

"You're like… that guy from Gossip Girl. The rich one. Only gay. Well, gayer."

Sebastian looks at him in shock. But he soon sees the signs of a smile playing around Blaine's lips. Oh he's teasing then. Ok then, he can play along.

"Gossip Girl? You're comparing me to Gossip Girl characters?"

"Just the one."

"I am nothing like Chuck Bass. He's a douche bag. And he's ugly."

"Oh you watch it then huh?"

"No." Because he doesn't. Mostly. Well maybe except a couple of times. A month.

"You sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! God, I've never been insulted more in my life. "

"Well it's true though. You even get that look, that predatory glint. You should try out for the role. If they ever do a musical version."

" Musical Gossip Girl." Sebastian deadpans and Blaine shrugs noncommittally. "And for the record, everyone in there is rich. It's their thing. Snobby emo rich kids."

"You would know, you're the one that watches it."

Sebastian had this step in the back of his mind, but he wasn't sure if it'd be worth it. Sure, talking to a potential fuck partner's parents was never quite up his league, but he had thought it might be useful, as just one more little step into the deconstruction of the Kurt Blaine relationship that he's attempting. From what he had gathered, Blaine's parents are not exactly PFLAG material. They might not have an outright problem with Blaine doing a great justice to the G in the LGBTQ initialism, but they weren't enthusiastic about it either.

And Sebastian suspected having their son date Kurt-I'm so gay my tears are Swarovski diamonds and my poop is the color of rainbows- Hummel was rubbing it into their face a bit too much.

So he had already figured out Kurt's relationship with the in laws can't be that much of a merry go ride, but the little complaint Blaine had let slip a few days earlier only came to confirm his suspicions.

Apparently trouble had a way of arriving at paradise when it came to that topic. And even though Blaine immediately shut up the second he realized his slip up –and jeez that boy has some serious trust issues- and resisted all of Sebastian's efforts to coax the rest of the story out of him, that little tidbit of information was enough to make the metaphorical light bulb over Sebastian's head shine bright and clear.

They had been enjoying their evening when Blaine realized his trusty cell phone- which seemed to be glued to the inside of his palm like a lifeline and vibrated obnoxiously every ten minutes with messages from Kurt every time Sebastian was around- was not on him.

Blaine wanted to quickly head on to his house, pick up the phone and return, but Sebastian insisted they go together. He'd never been to Blaine's house before and it's the perfect opportunity to snoop around undetected, especially with the way Blaine hurriedly scurries about the big house in search of the lost item.

The Andersons' house is certainly upper middle class. Nothing too impressive, but tasteful and carefully put together, it speaks of a family that has no problems making ends meet, or hiring a maid to keep everything immaculately well organized. Sebastian makes his way along the second floor slowly, observing. There is a row of pictures on the wall, mostly Blaine's. Summer vacations and pictures of him holding a violin at a young age and that photo of him in the Warbler blazer that's also on Thad's Dalton yearbook that Sebastian conveniently borrowed after he'd met Blaine.

"Violin?" he calls out, and Blaine's head appears for a second at the doorframe of his room. He looks confused until Sebastian shows him the picture.

"Oh, no, I gave that up years ago. Not my style." and he's back to tossing clothes around the bedroom and turning bed sheets upside down.

Sebastian observes a different photo for a bit too long –it's a picture of Blaine looking about 12, with that too big smile and rosy cheeks that Sebastian just wants to pinch- before shaking his head and moving into the bedroom at last. Because really. Baby pictures. These should not hold any interest for him, whatsoever.

Blaine's bedroom is a different tale. Sebastian pays little attention to the hurricane that Blaine is currently causing in the room, to look around, but there are no pictures of Blaine anywhere in this room. He moves to the night stand, and there is one photo there, but it's of that Kurt kid, wearing a black suit. Next to it is a box of tissues. Talk about subtle and classy.

Sebastian is fighting the urge to deface the picture, but since Blaine has disappeared into the bathroom, he does mostly unconsciously look around for markers. When he finds one lying on a small desk in the far corner, his hand is itching to draw a curly mustache on the photo so much that he has to drop it quickly on the floor.

He hears commotion from downstairs, and he chooses to check the source of the noise to distract him from exercising his most artistic tendencies.

From the bottom of the stairs, he can see a middle aged man and woman changing out of coats and putting down shopping bags. The woman is small, with long black hair that's starting to go gray around her temple, and the man looks older than her, with relatively small stature himself. They seem oblivious to his presence in the room.

Sebastian quickly amends that with a small cough.

"Oh honey I was just going to…" The woman turns toward him and stops dead in her tracks. "Who are you?"

Sebastian steps off the staircase with an outstretched hand. "Sebastian Smythe. You must be Blaine's parents. Don't believe we've met."

He finds the stupid phone lying on the floor between the laundry basket and the bathroom wall- he has no idea how it got there. He takes a full minute to glare at it before checking for messages.

1 missed call.

Four texts.

from: Kurt Hummel (18:15)

Brittany is trying to do my hair. Help.

From: Mom (18:21)

We're at the supermarket. Will you be home for dinner around 8?

From: Kurt Hummel (18:35)

Watching Santana tutor Finn and Brittany in Biology is like watching The Black Swan. It both confuses and terrifies me but I can't stop wanting to know if it'll end in success or a bloodbath.

From Kurt Hummel (19:26)

And now Finn asked Santana how scissoring works. I'm thinking definitely bloodbath. Seriously. Help.

Blaine smiles to himself, appreciating the fact that he can hear about the train wreck currently going on at the Hummel/Hudson household, without having to witness it unravel. He starts composing a response, while making his way back into the bedroom. He steps on a marker and looks down confused. Honestly, he needs to clean his room more often. How the hell did that end up there?

To: Kurt Hummel (19:45)

How come you guys are all together? Should I be jealous?

He calls out for Sebastian, when he sees he's not in the bedroom anymore, but there is no answer.

That's when he hears the conversation coming from the living room. Crap, he knew he heard his parents coming home. And now they're apparently talking to Sebastian. He can just imagine a million ways that exchange can go wrong.

At least he hopes Sebastian hasn't felt the need to share his many stories of sexual prowess with them.

He goes downstairs, preparing for the worst. But the sight that greets him is nothing like he'd thought it would be. Sebastian is making chit chat with his dad about politics of all things, and the two of them seem completely in agreement with each other, if the friendly arm his father has on Sebastian's shoulder and their smiling faces is anything to go by.

"Blaine honey, it's rude to stare." his mom says when she catches sight of him. Blaine quickly closes his mouth and takes the final steps towards them.

"What are you guys… doing?" he looks at the bags laying on the floor and the way both his parents and Sebastian are wearing almost identical welcoming grins on their face.

"We're just talking to your friend here." his father says, releasing Sebastian's shoulder with a final squeeze. "How come you've kept this wonderful young man a secret when we get a parade of your friends every other day?" He doesn't miss the way his father pronounces "friends", and thinking back on the last time Kurt came to visit with Puck and Tina, he's sure his father's tone means something among the lines of "juvenile delinquents and misfits."

"Did you know Sebastian speaks Tagalog?" his mother butts in before he can answer the last question.

"Just a little bit." Sebastian interjects quickly. "I spent some time in the Philippines two years ago. But my accent is horrific!"

"Don't be so modest! You're doing wonderful." His mom says quickly, swatting a hand at the air. "You boys will be staying for dinner right?"

They all turn to look at him. Blaine is sure his mouth is gaping again. He has no idea what is going on, he can feel the cell in his pocket buzzing and he's staring at Sebastian who is wearing the politest expression Blaine has ever seen on his face.

"I'd love to stay for dinner, if Blaine's ok with it."

"Blaine?" his father calling his name brings him back to reality.

"I…uh…"

"Oh, Blaine, don't be rude." His mother says again. He doesn't have the time to be annoyed, because the cell phone keeps buzzing. Kurt.

"We'd love to have you for dinner dear." she says to Sebastian. "I'll set the table. Come help me." she motions to his dad and they disappear in the kitchen, carrying the bags with them.

Sebastian's smile slowly changes from that unrecognizable politeness to a self satisfied grin Blaine is much more familiar with. "What?"

"Just… what happened right there? Is it the full moon, or… How did you get my parents to like you?"

"I have my ways." Sebastian smirks wider. "Come on, don't look so surprised. I can be proper."

" But…" the phone stops buzzing and Blaine quickly gets it out to call Kurt back. "Hold that though, I'll be right back."

He climbs the stairs quickly, hitting the return call button. Kurt picks it up on the second ring.

"Thank god you called, I'm going insane with all these mental cases around here."

Blaine hears Santana exclaim an offended "Hey!" from the background but the surrounding noise dies down, as Kurt probably moves to a more isolated area.

"Hi."

"Hi yourself stranger. I was starting to think you're ignoring me."

"Sorry about that. I was out with Sebastian. What's going on over there?"

Kurt pauses. " You know, the usual… Finn thinks he might fail."

"But why is Santana tutoring him?"

"Because she likes to make him cry. Brittany is moral support. Did you say you were out with Sebastian?"

"Uh… yeah. Is that all right?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't it be?" He lets out that small laugh the one that Blaine immediately recognizes as Kurt Hummel laugh number 17: the fake one. "Did you guys have fun?"

"Sure. It was ok. I'm sorry I didn't tell you to come, I thought you'd be busy already."

"You don't have to tell me to come along every time you go out with friends Blaine, come on. So, are you driving home now or…?"

"We're home already actually. We're just about to have dinner."

"I'm sorry, "we"? Sebastian's still with you?"

" Yes? He sort of invited himself… Well, my parents invited him, to be honest."

"Your parents." There is that pregnant pause again. "I didn't realize he knew them."

"They just met."

"And they invited him to dinner." Blaine knows what he's thinking. Knows that every time Kurt has stayed over, none of them was after his parents' request. "Fantastic."

"Kurt…"

"So it's just me they don't like?"

"Don't be like that."

Kurt scoffs.

"It's not that they don't like you…"

"It's just that they like Sebastian better. Try not to have an arranged marriage over dinner ok?" he plays it off as a joke, but Blaine can hear the bitterness in his voice.

"Look, I'm not responsible for my parents. I can't tell them what to do."

"No, it's fine. I understand. We've been together for a year now, but the moment Sebastian sets foot in your house they start planning the invitations together."

"You could try a little harder you know, if you want them to like you that much." he says it because he's starting to get pissed off, but he regrets it the moment the words leave his mouth.

"I am trying Blaine." Kurt sounds tired now. "Enjoy your dinner."

"No, Kurt wait!" he's sure Kurt was about to hang up on him, but the line stays connected. It's insane. They never hang up on each other, no matter how bad they're fighting. "Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad at you." Kurt sighs. "Look, I've got to go, I think I saw Santana holding a knife earlier, and I can't actually let her murder my brother."

"Ok, just… talk to you later?"

"Later." and he's gone.

Blaine takes a long deep breath, trying to recollect his thoughts. He has a feeling that he just screwed up royally.

"Problem?" Sebastian's standing at the door frame, looking at him expectantly.

"No. I'm coming. Just give me a minute."

"Ok."

When he's alone he looks down at the screen again. He considers texting Kurt with an apology, but he can't seem to find anything that won't making sound too blasé or too desperate.

"That cunning snake! Evil…mean spirited… pig…" Kurt is muttering under his breath when he gets back to the others.

"Woah, are you mad at Blaine? What's going on?" Finn is the first one to break his tirade.

Kurt looks up at him, lost. He had forgotten anyone was in the room.

"No, I'm not mad at Blaine. Well, yes. Maybe. A little bit? I don't know."

"Sebastian?" Santana asks knowingly.

"But I thought he was a meerkat, like Timon." Brittany murmurs.

"Oh, he's upgrading. He's upgrading fast."

"Is that dude giving you trouble again? Cause I can totally kick his ass." Finn says.

"Finn, can you get me a cup of coffee?" Santana interjects.

"What? But… I want to hear what happened…"

"I just spent an hour explaining the difference between DNA and RNA to you. I didn't even know the difference between them until I had to explain it to you. You had better get me that coffee or so help me god."

"Fine. Just… don't finish talking before I'm back." He looks pleading around when he realizes he's being dismissed "Kurt." He extends a finger and his eyes turn into slits. "I will kick this guy's ass. I'm serious." he says with solemn conviction but any menacing effects his threat might have held disappear when he knocks into a table on his way to the kitchen.

"Ok." Santana takes a minute to pass a hand through her hair. "Now that Clifford's gone. What happened? Do I have to kick the guy's ass?"

"No, Santana. There will be no ass kicking."

"What did he do?"

"He's having dinner with Blaine's parents."

Santana looks at him confused. "Ok, you're going to have to help me a little here, cause I'm lost."

Kurt sighs. "Blaine's parents hate me. They've always hated me. And now, Sebastian's there, acting like the perfect prospective groom. And I just… god, I just know, I know what he's doing! He's playing tricks with my head. He puts up this whole fake friendly persona when he's around Blaine but it's all one big fat lie. He's trying to turn Blaine against me. And I don't know how long I can take this for anymore."

Brittany has a comforting hand on his knee. She's cooing softly in his ear, probably the slow version of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, if Finn poking his face to take a peak from the kitchen and Santana's following glare is to be taken into account, but Kurt really can't pay attention to anything right now. He's been keeping everything in for too long, having no one to complain to, and now that there is an understanding audience, he just can't get himself to stop. "He keeps showing up at our dates. And worse than that, he's having dates with Blaine. He schedules them around me. I have no idea how he does it, but he seems to know every single move that I make. And he is always calling and texting and just… He is always around. And I am sick of it!"

"Why are we still sitting here? How exactly do you want to do this? Because I just ordered my copy of The Cannibal's Cookbook, and I ain't afraid to use it. Or we could just slash his tires? Drop him in a pool infested with manwhore craving piranhas? Give me something to work with here, but make it quick because I'm probably gonna need Puck for that last one."

"No."

"Why the fuck not?"

"I will not result to violence. I built a whole campaign around stopping dodgeball, you think I'm going to encourage slashing tires and cannibalistic cookery?"

"No one says you've got to encourage it, I'll do it on my own."

"Santana. No."

"Pffft. You are no fun. Why don't you just tell Blaine to stop hanging out with him?"

"I can't do that. He'll think I don't trust him."

"But you don't trust him."

"Of course I trust him. I don't trust Sebastian. Besides, I can't just tell him who to be friends with. Especially now. You know even the Warblers stopped talking to him? Which, by the way, I am sure Sebastian has something to do with. And getting accepted into the New Directions didn't exactly go smoothly, mostly thanks to Finn."

"I apologized for that!" Finn yells from the kitchen.

"You're supposed to be making me coffee, not eavesdropping." Santana yells back, and Finn disappears into the kitchen again. "That was a million years ago."

"All I'm saying is, he doesn't have a multitude of friends in Glee Club."

"Hold on. What do you mean he doesn't have friends? What the hell are we?"

"Doesn't Blaine like us?" Brittany looks just as upset as when she found out Puck's pet chameleon is not actually a T-Rex.

"No, Brittany he likes you just fine don't worry."

"What is that supposed to mean? He doesn't like me?"

"Well. Not exactly doesn't like you. But you are kind of mean to him." Kurt says, matter of fact.

"I am not!"

"You told him his face belongs on a tub of Murray's natural beeswax."

"But…"

"You asked if he shops at Abercrombie kids."

"One time!"

"You gave him a walnut and asked him if he wanted to play Thumbelina."

"But that was just teasing!"

"That's how she shows her affection." Brittany comments, brushing a lock of Santana's hair behind her ear.

"Britt's right. That's how I show affection."

"Yeah, but he doesn't know that. And I can't just tell him to start losing friends after I made him come to a school he doesn't like just to be with me. I don't want to be one of those annoying couples…"

"You already are pretty annoying." Santana cuts him short.

Kurt proceeds to remind her exactly how he won that contest for most fear inducing bitch glare back in 2008. "I don't want to be one of those annoying couples" he repeats "that are together 24/7 only to realize they have no friends beside each other."

"Fine. Whatever." Santana lets out a long suffering sigh, knowing she has lost this battle. "But you know, some time you're going to have to stop acting so damn superior. Because you might be a little toy choo choo train going up your high road, but Sebastian is a monster truck coming at full speed. And he's going to crush you Kurt."

A/N Thanks for reading and/or reviewing ;)