Chapter 2

Things had gone from bad to worse between Gibbs and Jenny in their last months in Paris. The only one who knew of the marital problems was director Vance, who had discovered by the director of the French agency, but he didn't want to get involved in the couple's personal problems.

Jenny had been sleeping alone in bed, trying to ignore how big it looked without Gibbs right there beside her. Jenny had almost laughed the first time she slept there alone, because when they'd bought the bed, Gibbs thought it was too small for them, since the woman was spacious. No one was there to hold her when she had a nightmare about her father's death or with her meeting with Svetlana, no matter how much she sobbed, grabbing the cool sheets with her fingers searching for Gibbs and then laying her body on the mattress again, her hands always going to her heart, remembering about Gibbs.

Jenny felt the strong contractions of her baby, as she held tightly Ziva's hand, who had received permission to come and see the birth of her goddaughter. Gibbs had gone to the hallway to call the doctor, which would make her birth at home, and was finishing a complicated surgery and trying to get there as soon as he couldm because they couldn't move Jenny right now that the baby was in the way,

"Breathe Jenny..." Ziva said, gritting her teeth as Jenny held the brunette's hand harder, in pain, her huge belly rising and falling with her breath.

"Oh my God..." Jenny cried.

Everything hurt, the pain of labor, her belly and her shoulder where she had taken the bullets a few months ago. It was hot and her face had red spots while she grunted.

"Gibbs." Ziva called, turning her face to the hallway, her voice urgent.

Hurried steps came from the hall into the room while Ziva brushed Jenny's damp bangs from her forehead.

Jenny soon felt Gibbs's strong hands holding her heels firmly, keeping them bent and she saw, between her legs, his blue and worried eyes turning serious as he raised the hem of her nightgown, a tray with sterilized materials and towels on a table beside him.

"I'll make the child-birth, Jen."

"What? And what about Dr. Francis?" She asked, her green eyes wide.

"We can't wait for him Jen, he's in the middle of a surgery and the child is going to be born!"

"Okay..." She shook her head and he smiled at her, as he stroked her knee leaving her calm, despite the pain.

"I want you to push when I ask."

Gibbs had been taking with him all night a pillow and blanket to the couch from the living room, where he spent sleepless nights, drinking his Bourbon to forget. His usual nightmares with the loss of Shannon, Kelly and Kate were now filled by Jenny taking Lucy away from him and he often would wake up screaming and sweat, turning his face to the pillow to avoid waking his daughter.

One night, a month after their fight, Gibbs was sitting on the couch, with the second glass of bourbon beside him, with messy hair and wrinkled clothes. Without a space to build a boat there in the apartment, he now was building a chair for Lucy. Jenny came into the living room and threw him a blanket, without looking at him. She just said, crossing her arms over her robe, twitching her lips to the sawdust on the newly clean table:

"Don't forget that we have a meet with the lawyer about Lucy tomorrow at 9."

Gibbs just made a motion with his head, his eyes never leaving the chair he was working. He couldn't believe that in just one month, they could barely stand to be together in the same room.

"And director Jacques wants to see the report from the last case until tomorrow." She continued and Gibbs dropped his tools, taking the rest of his drink and turning to the redhead, angry.

"I know Jenny."

"Well I just wanted to remind you." She replied, angry, her eyes narrowing. "And clean up this mess when you finish or Lucy will end up cutting herself with all these splinters."

Gibbs stood up abruptly and Jenny seemed to be scared as he advanced towards her and for the first time in a month she looked at him in the eyes and he caught a flash of her green and narrowed eyes, masking her sadness. Gibbs's eyes didn't soft, staying cold while he was just inches from her body, both feeling the heat radiating from their bodies

Jenny held her breath, feeling his eyes lower to her chest and she felt her face flush as she crossed her arms over her chest even more. But then he passed by her, going to get a broom and a shovel that was there in the hallway, turning his back to her. Jenny let out a breath and said indignantly:

"Hey, don't turn your back to me when I'm talking to you!"

Gibbs laughed coldly, turning and waiting for her and she flinched.

"Yes?"

Jenny's eyes narrowed even more, turning into a slit and she turned back, going to the bedroom and closing the door.

He had to admit that this small explosion between them had been something, compared to the month of silence between them. Gibbs waited a moment to make sure that she was asleep and he stood up, brushing the sawdust from his shirt and going to Lucy's room.

She slept peacefully, unaware of the fights and he took her from the crib, hugging her and feeling her baby's scent, as she buried her face on his chest in her sleep. Gibbs kissed her red hair, pulling her closer against his chest, cradling her in his arms while singing the lullaby that Jenny sang to her before putting her to sleep. The lullaby she had sung as soon as she had given birth.

"This is for you, is for you, my little daughter who now sleeps..."

The doctor who had arrived in the middle of the labor and Ziva had left the room, giving privacy to the couple and Jenny quiet's voice filled the room with a lullaby that talked about woods, birds and children. Jenny was lying in the middle of the bed, tired but satisfied with their newborn daughter, Lucy Shepard-Gibbs, who was being feed.

Gibbs was lying on the bed with his head resting on Jenny's shoulder, watching their daughter. She had her little eyes closed and her red hair was short and plump and Gibbs patted her rose cheek fondly. Gibbs deflected his attention from the baby, looking up and seeing that Jenny watched him intently.

"Jen?"

"It's nothing. I'm just happy that our daughter was born healthy and to see you so happy." She smiled, kissing his lips and he returned it, giving a slight bite on her lower lip, smiling mischievously.

"Thank you for bringing her to the world Jen, I know it wasn't easy."

"But worth every minute of pain." She said in a mix of passion and satisfaction.

He sat with his daughter in the chair that was there and ran a hand over her face gently, careful not to wake her with his calloused fingers of the woodwork, looking at some of Jenny's traces there, like her red and soft hair, delicate nose and pink mouth forming an 'o' in the same way that Jenny's mouth did when she slept with her mouth open.

Gibbs couldn't imagine losing Jenny and Lucy. He had already lost a lot of people in his life and didn't want to give up on his child.

"What am I going to do Lucy?"

The next morning, Jenny went into her daughter's room, already dressed up for the hearing in a suit and stood in the door, touched to see that Gibbs had slept in the chair, with a protectively arm around their daughter and the other over his tired face. Jenny bit her lip and stood there for a few minutes just watching them, knowing that in a month or two only one of them would be with Lucy and seeing how they were tired and stressed with the audiences, he sleeping on the couch and she alone.

The redhead walked in silence into the room, holding Lucy gently in her arms without waking her and putting her in the crib. She then turned to Gibbs, who opened his eyes, feeling the lack of Lucy's weight in his arms and he rubbed his red eyes. For a moment she wanted to push him against her body and tell him that everything would be fine, seeing him there, off guard in their daughter's room. But Jenny shook the idea from her head, knowing it would be a lie.

"Jen." He said, without looking at her for real, massaging his back.

For weeks they hadn't been looking at each other and at work that wasn't different. They worked in different teams so they didn't need to see each other unless it was time to go home, both in silence in the car, an established routine and at dinner, where all the attention was focused in Lucy's welfare.

"Jethro. There's coffee on the table. Go get ready because the audience starts soon." And she went to get clothes for Lucy.

Gibbs made a motion with his head and stood up, while Jenny went back to the crib and his arms brushed lightly into hers, before he left to drink his coffee. Jenny let out a sob when she was alone with her daughter noting that he walked awkwardly from sleeping on the couch.

Dressed, Gibbs grabbed the car's keys and opened the apartment door to Jenny walk with Lucy and they went in silent to the garage. Gibbs got in the car while Jenny straightened Lucy in the seat. He stared at her quietly in the mirror, noticing for the first time the dark circles, disguised, under her eyes, which seemed red. A lock of hair fell in front of her face and she straightened it, giving a slight sniffle, as she fastened the belt and closed the back door and got into the passenger seat and put her own belt.

"Can we go?" Jenny asked, looking forward and Gibbs nodded, starting the car.

The second audience hadn't yet given much because they weren't married but both had a stable job and a third audience was scheduled in a few weeks. The couple left the courtroom and Jenny sat on the wooden bench that was there, handing Lucy to Gibbs, as she ran a hand over her face, wearily. It had been just a year since the shooting, and then the birth and occasionally she still felt the fatigue from her body.

"Are you okay?" He asked worried, holding Lucy with one arm and kneeling in front of the woman, trying to see her face.

Jenny nodded, resting her head in her hands and saying:

"I'm tired Jethro. So tired." She said, wearily, in a voice her had never heard Jenny Shepard use.

Gibbs closed his eyes for a moment, feeling part of her stress lay on him and then opened them again, running a hand over her knee reassuringly and she lifted her head in surprise. It was the first touch between them since they'd started going to the court. He stood up with Lucy and said:

"Let's go Jen."

In the apartment, Jenny had gone to bed with a headache and Gibbs was in the couch with an opened photo album. Photos from the last year showing the Shepard-Gibbs family in several tours in France. Gibbs watched his favorite where Jenny was holding Lucy and smiling at the camera, holding her little hand. They were in front of a fountain. Gibbs removed the photo from the plastic and read its back where Jenny had written From Paris, with a lot of love, Lucy and Jen, in her neat handwriting.

He took a deep breath, putting the photo in his wallet next to the photo of Shannon and Kelly, reliving his head in the last month, the fights and discussions turning into a cruel silence and he suddenly stood up, going to Lucy's room, straightening her blanket and putting her teddy close to her. He then kissed her one last time, wanting to save that image in his head forever and then he walked away slowly, turning his back just when he reached the door and then left, going to the master bedroom and opening the door silently, grabbing his bag.

He saw that Jenny should have taken something to sleep, and was in the middle of the bed, clutching Gibbs's pillow. The agent had to control himself not to go to her and hug her or kiss her. He just watched the in the dark, her chest moving slightly as she breathed and he muttered a goodbye, before leaving, heading toward the door of the apartment, desolate.

It comes and goes in waves,

I am only let to wonder why

It comes and goes in waves

I am only let to wonder why

Why I try