Chapter 2: No Rest for the Weary

Part 1

Susan Ivanova sat in Sheridan's office chair going over the schedule of departure and arrival times of ships for the upcoming week. She managed to leave C and C before a crisis happened. As of late, it seemed there was always a crisis to avert, prepare for, or overcome.

But what really had her mind spinning was the brief conversation she had with her captain not more than ten minutes ago. She really didn't want to know why he was trying to gain access to Delenn's quarters at two o'clock in the morning. And why hadn't Delenn answered the door? Was she even inside? If not, where was she this time of night? Had they had an argument?

No, she definitely didn't want to know.

It's none of your business, Susan. Just leave it alone. They're both adults and can handle . . . whatever in the hell is between them.

And she honestly had no idea of the extent of their relationship, if she could even call it that. It was obvious to anyone with eyes, even an impaired one, that the captain and the Minbari Ambassador had developed relationship beyond a working one, beyond platonic. But how far past platonic was anyone's guess.

Susan shook her head, trying to focus on her work, her shift, hours from being over.

"John, I . . ."

Susan looked up to see a figure in the doorway. The entire form was covered in a cloak, making it unable for Susan to see her unexpected visitor, but she thought she'd recognized the voice. Uncertain, she slowly reached for the PPG at her side. She gripped the weapon and started to pull it from the hoister, her eyes fixed on the intruder.

"Sorry, Commander," the familiar voice came, "I thought John would be here."

Realization hit and Susan relaxed.

"Delenn, you were almost the victim of friendly fire."

Even with the hood covering her face, Susan knew the ambassador was displaying her typical confused Minbari frown. The look that said humans were the strangest species in the universe in need of lessons in etiquette.

Delenn removed her hood. Yup, she'd been right.

How can she make that frown appear so deep without eyebrows?

Susan shivered, not wanting to think about that either. Unfortunately, she knew why Delenn was here and she damn sure wasn't going to go down that rabbit hole.

"Sorry to disappoint, Ambassador, but it's only me. The captain won't return to duty until 0800 hours."

What in the hell is going on here? How can two intelligent people run around the station looking for the other when they could've simply called each other's quarters first; thereby preventing this comedy of errors? Not your business, Susan, try to remember that.

"Of course," Delenn said, looking around. "He wasn't in his quarters so naturally I assumed he would be here. I didn't mean to disturb you, Commander, perhaps I should leave."

She said this but made no move to exit the office. In fact, she was fidgeting, which wasn't like the composed Minbari at all. She bit her lip and twisted the edge of the cloak. Susan stood, walked around the desk, already regretting her next words.

"Is there something on your mind, Delenn?"

It was obvious something was on the ambassador's mind or she wouldn't be out this time of morning with a cloak that shielded her from prying eyes. The question was whether she would cop to it or not. And while Susan had initiated the little sister to sister pow-wow, she really hoped Delenn would refrain, images of a newly transformed Delenn with hair issues rushing to the fore.

She fidgeted a bit more then came fully into the office, settling down on the couch.

Me and my big mouth.

Susan sat at the other end of the couch, eyeing Delenn wearily. Her last glimmer of hope was that Delenn was probably too proud to go into too much personal detail. Then again, she reasoned, the questions Delenn tended to ask about human customs had absolutely nothing to do with her Minbari pride. In fact, she tended not to understand how brutally uncomfortable her innocently probing queries could be.

Ah, hell.

Susan watched Delenn open and close her mouth several times. Seems she wasn't the only one disturbed by the prospect of opening Pandora's box of secrets.

Finally, she flopped back on the couch in exasperation and said, "I don't understand human males."

Despite herself, Susan couldn't help but laugh.

"At least you have an excuse, I'm human and I don't understand them either."

They both laughed then, Susan leaning back against the couch pillows as well.

"Did you and the captain have a fight? Is that why you're trying to find him, to make up?"

She shook her head. "Nothing like that, Susan. I wish it were that simple."

Delenn took a breath, pulled up her sleeve, and moved her left arm in Susan's direction. "He asked me to marry him."

Now it was Susan who took a deep breath; several in fact, the floor seeming to jump up and smack her in the forehead saying, 'Gotcha.'

"What? What?" she managed to stammer in an undignified manner.

See, this is the reason why I mind my damn business. When in the hell did they go from making goggling eyes at each other to 2.5 kids and a picket fence?

Delenn rolled the sleeve back down and resumed her position, the one that said she was anything but relaxed.

After picking her face up off the floor, Susan donned an air of professional bystander.

"I assume since you're wearing his ring, you accepted his proposal."

Delenn nodded and Susan grimaced.

"And now you're having second thoughts."

She nodded again.

Oh boy.

When would she ever learn? Susan was the absolute last person anyone should come to for relationship advice, and here was Delenn, in a quagmire searching for a rope to pull herself free. And the only person she could find on the other side of the life preserver to haul her out of the swamp was a relationship impotent commander with Marcus issues.

"Why did you say, yes, if you didn't want to marry him?"

"I never said I didn't wish to marry him. You asked if I was having second thoughts."

Minbari and their damn logic.

She felt a headache, or was it a jackhammer banging its way into her cerebral cortex, doing irreparable damage.

"So," she said with annoyed patience, "if you want to marry, John, why are you having second thoughts?"

Delenn sighed and started playing with the diamond ring, swirling it around her long, thin finger. It was a lovely ring, Susan thought, wondering when in the hell John had time to purchase the thing once returning to the station a resurrected man. Or had he intended to ask her before Anna returned and all hell broke loose, and he ran off to Z'Ha'Dum and to his untimely death?

"It's complicated."

"Is that Minbari-speak for you'd rather not talk about it?" she asked, feeling a tad piqued.

Delenn turned her head toward her and raised an absent brow.

"No, Commander, I just . . . just don't know what I'm going to do."

She ran a nervous hand over her neck, and blinked back exhausted, red eyes.

"Minbari and humans are different, Susan, sometimes more different than I realize."

Susan gave Delenn an appraising look, and then scowled.

"Are you telling me you won't marry John because he's human? That doesn't sound like you."

Now it was Delenn's turn to give an annoyed sigh of her own.

"Minbari and humans see the universe from disparate perspectives."

"Too disparate to build a life together, to get married and have children?" she asked, genuinely concerned about the ambassador.

This really wasn't like Delenn. She was one of the rare breed who actually built bridges instead of standing on her own self-imposed cultural island.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I'm not sure I can make him happy, be the woman he wants me to be."

"What makes you think John wants you to be anyone other than who you are?"

She didn't answer.

Susan leaned over, placing her elbows on her knees, taking short, controlled breaths. She really needed to get back to work and mind her damn business. And then she thought about John and what he must be going through not knowing where Delenn was. He would probably space her if he knew she had Delenn in his office and hadn't informed him, putting his mind at rest.

She didn't know exactly when it happened, perhaps when Delenn was kidnapped by those Nightwatch assholes and took the knife meant for Sheridan. No, probably before that, definitely before that, Susan reasoned, sparing a glance at Delenn, who looked like she was meditating with her eyes open. The bottom line, Susan told herself, was that the Minbari Ambassador and the Earth Captain were shining examples of what can happen when species put aside their prejudices and learn to work together. They can save the universe, liberate the weak, and fall in love.

And there was no doubt Delenn loved Sheridan and him her. So, why was the ambassador here doubting herself instead of in her bed, a blissfully engaged woman, with images of John Sheridan dancing in her Religious Caste head?

Susan straightened, rubbing a fatigued hand over her eyes.

"Don't make a decision tonight you'll regret in the morning, Ambassador."

Delenn gradually turned to face her, the woman's eyes the same sad, defeatist shade of green she'd seen when the two of them, along with Lyta Alexander, went to Z'Ha'Dum after Sheridan and found no sign of him, concluding he was dead. They were wrong then, as wrong as Delenn was now.

If anyone could make an interspecies marriage work, Delenn and John could. Susan was sure of that. Unfortunately, the woman beside her wasn't. And if Susan knew anything about Delenn of Mir, it was that she wasn't easily swayed once she'd made up her mind. Such a stubborn trait was not one unique to Minbari, she freely admitted, counting herself as one who possessed the same trait . . . in spades.

So, Susan knew she would do nothing but waste her breath trying to talk reason to Delenn. There was only one person who could do that and he was probably tearing the station in two looking for her. In fact, Susan was surprised she hadn't heard from the captain again, all quiet on the Sheridan front, if you will.

That's not like him; not when it comes to Delenn, at least.

She almost laughed aloud, realizing where he was—the one place Delenn would eventually appear.

Her quarters.

"Tell you what, Delenn. Why don't you return to your quarters and try to get a good night's sleep. You look as exhausted as I feel; John's death and return taking its toll on all of us."

Delenn nodded numbly and stood.

"You're right, Commander, it's very late and I can't remember the last time I slept."

She said this calmly but with a tone that suggested she didn't believe she would be able to sleep, or sleep peacefully. Susan ignored it, hoping her hypothesis about John being in Delenn's quarters was correct. If left in this state of mind and given more time to convince herself that she and the captain weren't meant to be . . . well, Susan wasn't confident that even John could tell her otherwise.

Needing no more encouragement, Delenn silently, if not absently, made to leave, returning the hood to her head. And in her unspoken departure, grief, guilt, uncertainty washed over Susan like a tide over a pebble. Not her own, but Delenn's, her low-level telepathy, making it difficult for even Susan to miss.

God speed, Delenn.

Part 2

Delenn made her way to the transport tube and back to green sector. She thought it would be done by now, all her hopes to end the engagement quickly dashed when John wasn't in his quarters. She waited several minutes, ringing the bell, hoping to rouse him from his sleep before realizing that he may have been called to C and C.

She went to Command and Control, praying there hadn't been yet another emergency. No emergency. No John. The only other place she thought he would be at such a dreadful hour was his office. So, she made her way there only to find Ivanova sitting behind his desk.

Now, she was in front of her door, having accomplished nothing other than prolonging the inevitable and nearly falling apart in front of Susan.

She lifted her left hand, preparing to input her security code, but she stopped. The diamond ring glistened in the bright artificial light of the hallway. She sighed, closed her eyes, remembering.

"Is it?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know, you and Kosh came to my quarters. You showed me images from Z'Ha'Dum of Anna and the crew of the Icarus . . . waking up the Shadows. You gave me every reason to believe she was dead! How could you do that when you didn't know for sure?"

"Those who would not serve the Shadows were killed. That we knew without question. We assumed she would not serve. Perhaps we were wrong.

"Anna would never work for those things!"

"Then I have no explanation."

"You have no explanation. That's it? Damn it, Delenn, I have always felt that you were holding out on me . . . on a couple of things. I figured you had your reasons, but this? I mean, if you weren't sure, if there was even a chance of her being alive . . . why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you would have gone . . . to Z'Ha'Dum after her. We couldn't allow that."

"You and Kosh. You couldn't allow it. I trusted you, Delenn. I cared for you. I let myself start to love you. Do you know what that means? Do you know how hard that was for me? A little part of me was still in love with Anna, even though she was gone. I had to fight that part off every time I thought about you, about . . . about holding you, about building a life for the two of us."

"John, you must believe me. I didn't know she was alive. We assumed that she had died with the rest of the crew . . . that only Morden had survived."

"And had you known . . . would you have told me?"

"It would depend. It would depend on what she had come become. Z'Ha'Dum is the Homeworld of the Shadows. No one leaves the same as they arrived."

"You would've denied me the right to make that choice. How can you say that and expect me to ever trust you again?"

He said he had forgiven her, but how could he when she couldn't even forgive herself. He'd jumped, he'd fallen, he'd died. Because of her, that she could never forgive, never forget.

She raised her right hand, removed the ring, and stored it in the pocket of her cloak. She should have never accepted it in the first place, she chided, vowing to rectify the situation come morning.

Delenn entered her code, the door slid open, and she entered, relieved to be home, relieved to have a few quiet hours to herself before she faced John.

TO BE CONTINUED