Chapter two
I have to thank Animelover4lifeZeroLuluHei for reviewin and actually reminding me that I have a major story to write. Just proves once again how much reviews help. Sorry for the long wait everybody!
Again I don't own anything
Renji woke up gasping for breath. Coughing and spluttering he tried to take in some sweet oxygen but his lungs refused to fill. Tears were starting to roll down his face. When Renji opened his eyes he saw the furious rage of Uryuu Ishida.
"Renji! Tell me, exactly, why there is no laundry done!" He growled.
Renji could only splutter for breath, trying desperately to grab at Uryuu's hands which were now choking him. Ishida had that murderous look in his eyes again.
"And because you two BOZOS forgot to go shopping we now have no food. Did you know, Renji, that there is currently NO coffee in this house as of now?"
Renji's face, if possible, paled even more. Uryuu finally let go after Renji's lips started to turn blue.
"I. … gasp . . . Have no idea . . .gasp . . . What your talking about."
"Don't play dumb I specifically told Kurosaki. . . " Uryuu's eyes widened. "KUROSAKI!"
Ichigo was sleeping soundly. Enjoying the fact that his idiot roomates alarm didn't go off. He knew he should get up but the fog in his brain was too tempting to refuse and he lingered between sleep and being awake.
That is until his door slammed open with all the force of a drunk rhino. Ichigo, because of his honed reflexes from the years he spent with his father, was on his feet immediately. His face paled when he saw a red faced Uryuu dragging a lifeless Renji through his room.
"Whoa Uryuu! Um . . You look good this morning. And who knew you were so strong!"
If looks could kill then Ichigo would already be roasting in the fiery pits of hell. Uryuu was just about to wring out the orange strawberry's neck when heard a weak voice from the floor.
"Wait Uryuu! Before you kill him lets think rationally and talk this out! C'mon just give me 5 minutes an you can have your coffee."
*5 minutes later*
Uryuu was nursing a cup of life at the table with Ichigo and Renji. Everyone was still in their pajamas. Ichigo in black boxers and a t-shirt, Renji in just a pair of sweat pants, and Uryuu in his blue striped pajamas.
"Renji, where did you get the coffee?"
"I asked our neighbors."
" . . . Renji our neighbors hate us for one and two they all are at work right about now."
"well not all of them lock their door."
"You didn't"
"lets just say that if you hear some noise downstairs, whatever you do DON'T go check it out."
After a while Uryuu finished his coffee and was able to have a conversation with the two idiots without killing them.
"Ok Renji you sounded like you had a plan."
Well duh! We should all just take a day off ."
Ichigo and Uryuu stared blankly at him for two seconds before exploding.
"WHAT!"
"I CAN'T TAKE A DAY OFF I JUST GOT PUT ON A CASE!"
"URAHARA WILL KILL ME IF I DON'T GO TO WORK!"
"I'VE NEVER TAKEN A DAY OFF BEFORE."
"whoa whoa guys calm the fuck down. Look theres no way we're gonna be able to get to our jobs on timeso instead of killing ourselves for no reason lets just take a day to relax."
They hated to admit it but Renji was right.
And so operation take a fucking break commenced. Everyone called in to give whatever lame excuse they could think of. After that they were finally able to relax. With one problem. They still didn't have any food. Due to circumstances being that Renji and Ichigo couldn't be trusted without adult supervision in a supermarket. They had to wait around in their boxers until they at least had some clothes done.
(A/n hey just so there isn't any confusion the next segments are gonna be the conversations that each guy has with their bosses calling in sick. For my special readers I will tell you that the order is Ichigo, Renji, Uryuu.)
I just know I'm gonna get shit for this, thought Ichigo as he dialed the number engraved into the deepest part of his mind.
"Ichigo how are you? Well I hope." Urahara's annoyingly cheery voice greeted him on the other end of the line.
"Uh yeah. I'm feeling a bit too sore today. I think I may have pulled something." Well its not totally untrue, he thought. Sorely reminded of the pain in his muscles with every shift of his body.
"Come now Ichigo. Do you really think I would believe that you let a little sore muscles would slow you down? I've seen you complete missions with both legs broken and an arm tied behind your back."
Ichigo smiled despite himself. He remembered that mission like it was yesterday. That was one of the fun ones. "Well what can I say. You've been training me really hard lately. And with my latest success don't you think I deserve a little break?"
"Don't get cocky. Which reminds me, we have another mission. You'll get the info tomorrow after you finish you double sets of training. After all, we wouldn't want you getting to comfortable now would we."
"No because allowing me to get some rest once in a while is totally out of the question."
"That's the spirit! Now I'll see you bright and early tomorrow?"
"Yeah yeah."
"Hello Kuckiki company, Renji Abarii's office Rukia Kuckiki speaking."
"Hey there's my favorite girl."
"Renji so help me god if you are calling in sick again . ."
"Now now Rukia . . "
"This is the 7th time this year!"
"What is it this time? Sports game, concert, date, chores . ."
Renji coughed.
"Aho so what did you forget to do this time, huh ?"
"Jesus Rukia you could be a little nicer to you childhood friend."
"Not when I'm the one who has to pick up the slack! Do you even know how much paperwork there is already?"
"I'll make it up to you Ruks I promise."
" . . . . . I'm listening."
"Ill buy you chappy."
"Oh no I've got something else in mind."
Why did I just feel a cold shiver in my wallet?
"There's a new restaurant now Chez Fillet and I want us all to go out."
"All of us?" he whined.
"Do you want to come in today"
For a second Renji had an image of him strutting through his office clad in his boxers.
"Fine you got a deal."
"I still can't believe your making me do this."
"Oh by the way on your lunch break I need you to come take us to the grocery store. Bye!"
*Click*
"Wait! Hold on! RENJI YOU BASTARD!"
Uryuu sighed, he knew he was gonna get hell for this. With each drawn out ring of the phone a thousand thoughts ran through his head. What if nobodies in. what if I just hang up now, Im sure I could think of an excuse for tomorrow ill just say I was to sick to call or I had an accident or I fell asleep and just woke up from a mini coma. Uryuu was about to chicken out and hang up the phone when his commanding officer picked up on the other line.
"Uryuu! Where the hell are you? I put you on a case and you suddenly can't handle it?"
"Its not that sir its just that I've come down with the cold a sort of 24 hour bug if you will." Uryuu meekly replied.
"Cut the crap Ishida! Now look," his voice got considerably lower and seemed to have a gentler, more caring tone to it. "I know that this is a big case, hell it's the biggest one we've got. But damnit I need you to stay strong ok? I understand if you need to take some time off to get your nerves in order but I need you to be straight with me and tell me the truth."
"Sir? Im afraid I don't understand. I swear its just a bug and I'll be at work first thing tomorrow. But what happened? I somehow feel that this isn't how you handle the other detectives."
There was a pregnant pause.
"Does this have anything to do with Shinji leaving the case?"
… Hitsugya was silent for a few minutes. Then Uryuu heard a loud sigh that reverberated through the phone.
"This is one sick sonofabitch we're up against here. I'll give you the run down when you get beck in. Let that be your incentive to 'recover'!"
At the office Hitsugya slammed down on the phone. Damnit. That Ishida is too sharp for his own good.
"Captain is everything ok in there?" Singsonged Matsumoto.
"Im fine Matsumoto! And don't you have work to be doing"
"Poo your no fun." She pouted. "I know what you need." She spread her arms and glomped Hitsugya. "A big hug!"
"MATSUMOTO!"
Uryuu heard the click from the phone which signaled that his captain had ended the conversation. What was that about?
"Hey Uryuu he finally got a some clothes done!" Shouted Renji from the other room
"How much"
"Lets see, about an three shirts, some jeans, a pair of shorts, and some slacks."
"That's it? Its been three hours! What have you two been doing!"
"Do you know how long it takes to do laundry? You have to wash it and dry it and fold it!" Renji said coming into the kitchen.
"It should have taken you two idiots at least an hour! And what are you covered in." Renji's sweats were covered in white foam and he was dripping wet.
"Yeah well its not my fault Ichigo put too much soap in the washer."
Ichigo's head popped from the doorway.
"Hey it was your stupid idea to have a wet clothes fight when they were finally done!"
"Oh yeah well when soap came out of the—"
"On second thought I don't want to know"
… "Do I even want to see the laundry room?" Uryuu asked rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"I wouldn't."
Ichigo came in just then wiping his hands off. "Wouldn't want to do want?"
"look in the laundry room."
"Oh yeah not advised."
"WELL DON'T TALK ABOUT IT SO CASUALLY!"
"By the way Renji when did Rukia say she'd be here." Ichigo asked.
"Well she said she'd come by on her lunch break so any minute now."
"How did you get her to let you go today haven't you been absent like 10 times this year alone?"
"7 jackass. And I don't want to talk about it." Renji said, practically breaking into tears at that last part.
"Ok . . ." Ichigo sweat dropped.
"You'll find out soon enough anyway." *Knock knock* "oh that must be her now."
Renji went to open the door. "Rukia wel-oof" as soon as the door was open a tiny fist came through and punched Renji in the face.
"All right you bastards I'm here. Now what do you want." She walked in the apartment, keeping her fist tucked in and a tick mark appearing on her forehead.
"Ah Rukia welcome, I'm afraid you'll have to take these two idiots shopping again." said Uryuu.
"And remind me again why these two can't go grocery shopping."
"Don't you remember Rukia? Last time me and Renji went shopping we were wrongfully accused of setting the cerial isle on fire. Then they took our pictures and thumbprints and Uryuu said that we couldn't go without supervision again. By the way I love you." Ichigo added seeing that Rukia was surrounded by the flames of her rage.
She turned to Uryuu pointing "And You! Why can't You take them!"
"W-w-well you see Ms. Rukia I have to do the laundry. Y-you see we have no clean clothes." said Uryuu sweat dropping.
.. . . . .
"Renji." rukia growled. "Don't tell me this is the reason you couldn't go to work today."
"Well you see I, Ichigo back me up here buddy! Ichigo?" There seemed to be a lack of a certain orange haired strawberry around.
"Well he must be in the car I'll you down there Rukia!" he shouted as he sped off to the elevator.
Sigh. "Rukia aren't you going to yell at him."
"I would but I can already feel a bit of a sore throat coming on and don't want to loose my voice completely."
"Me too. Hey could you remember to pick up some lozenges."
"Will do."
"Renji did you even make a list of what you need?" Rukia asked. The had to find a store that didn't have Renji and Ichigos face plastered on the door.
(A/n btw they live in Karakura city so its not rly like it is in the bleach universe. There are a lot of grocery stores but its like any major city where they are not that far a way from each other. So they didn't have to go far from their penthouse apartment but you can still see why Rukia's upset.)
"Why bother. We have no food. What am I gonna do put what not to get?"
"Ok, Renji." a tick started to appear on her forehead. "then why don't you just get stuff you would normally eat."
"Sure." Renji started to throw random things into the cart when Rukia noticed that Ichigo was missing.
"Renji go find Ichigo. AND DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING."
"Ok ok no need to yell"
"which reminds me I need to pick up lozenges."
Renji looked all around for Ichigo but couldn't find him. He was about to go and endure Rukia's wrath when he saw Ichigo by the Rotisserie chicken area. Ichigo was staring at the check and Renji caught him mumbling to himself.
"Do we need chicken tonight? Sure it would make good sandwiches and the bones could always be used for soup."
"Hey Ichigo we need to go back Rukia is probably flipping her shit."
"Yeah sure just let me get our dinner for tonight."
"Chicken? Cool what else?"
"Hell if I know and didn't you already have lunch?"
"Meh. Here let me get it. Which one do we want?"
"You choose."
"Hey there's a honey chicken all the way in the back here!" Renji leaned foreward till his entire hand went into the shelf that the chickens were resting on."
"Carefull, hey why not just get a rosemary there are, like, five that I'm looking at right now."
"No wait! I've almost got it!" suddenly his hand slipped and fell right on the hot metal of the bottom shelf. "OW! SON OF A BITCH!" Renji yelled holding his injured hand.
Ichigo was shaking his head. "language Renji, language."
"Oh shut up. Son of a bitch that thing is hot."
"Hey try throwing some fruit in there."
"Ha" Renji grabbed an apple from the nearby shelf and put it the shelf. The apple started to fizzle and then caught on fire. When the fire went out all that was left was a burnt husk.
"Haha now put this cheese on there." As soon as the cheese touched the hot metal of the plate it started to melt. Till there was a black spot that smelled really bad.
The boys then started to throw things onto the shelf randomly. The entire section of the store was starting to smell bad and some of the employees were getting curious. All of a sudden the pile of burning things started to let out a high pitched whine. Ichigo and Renji looked at each other and then examined the pile. They realized that someone must have put cooking spray on there without realizing it.
"Renji you idiot you put cooking spray on there?"
"Don't look at me Ichigo this was your stupid idea!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
Before either could say another word the pile of burning food exploded and burst into flames. The explosion sent Renji and Ichigo into a stacked pile of cans which toppled over as soon as the boys touched them. The smoke alarm went off and Ichigo could hear at least six employees rushing towards where they were.
"shit Renji! Quick get to Ruckia."
They both got up as quietly as they could and made their way to the front of the store.
Meanwhile Rukia was checking out with a grocery cart full of food.
Where are those two idiots? It's not like they could have gotten lost, they made it so an brain dead monkey could make its way through the isles. The cashier told her that her total was 110.60$ and Rukia paid with the debit card that the three boys used for food and emergencies.
Suddenly a fire alarm went off throughout the store and people started to run out the door. Coincidently the two idiots were back.
"Where were you? I was getting worried."
"Oh Rukia look at that your all done wonderfull. Here let me and Renji take the bags! Leave the cart here and lets just get home. Now."
"But Ichigo, there are, like, twenty bags here! We need the cart."
"No see - Renji shes not cooperating." Ichigo bent down and flung Rukia over his shoulder while grabbing as many bags as possible. Renji somehow got the rest of the bags.
"Ichigo you got the keys?"
Ichigo grabed them from a furiously protesting Rukia's back pocket. "Yeah"
"Good. Go go go!"
They ran out of the store and just managed to see more employees run towards the part of the store that had 10 foot tall flames that could be seen over the isles. Most had fire extinguishers.
Uryuu sighed as he finally sat down. All the laundry was done. All of it!
Then the others burst through the door. Rukia had an unreadable expression on her face.
"Oh don't tell me . ."
"Hey Uryuu guess what? We didn't get caught!"
"That would imply that you would have done something Kurosaki."
"Crap."
Rukia came up and hugged Ishigo. "Don't worry Uryuu I gave them an earfull in the car."
"She gave the entire city an earful OW my foot rukia!"
"You should learn to keep your mouth shut Renji. Oh and Ichigo forget our date on Saturday."
"What! Rukia did I do something wrong? Ok Im sorry for whatever I did - -"
"No, it's not that silly. It's just that Renji promised us that he would take us all out that night." Rukia winked at him.
Ichigo catching on "Well if Renji insists."
"Oh shut the fuck up."
"Ichigo I have to get back. I'm late enough already."
"ok ok bye." Ichigo gave her a quick peck on the forehead. Before she sped off.
"I still don't get why she hasn't dumped you yet Kurosaki. She is way too forgiving."
"Hey I have some good qualities."
"Like what?"
"Like nonofyourbuissness."
Renji then piped up "Hey Ichigo?"
"What?"
"Whats for dinner?"
Aaand that's all folks. If anyone is super curious they had hamburgers for dinner. So anyways sorry for the suuper long wait but school kicked my ass this year. But at least I have the entire summer to write. I've been tryin to get back into this and its workin so far. This chapter was almost like a filler of some sorts. The next chapter will have some juicy stuff like what really goes on at Urahara's and what happened to shinji!
I love you my little lemon drops and stay tuned!