I don't own the Twilight Saga. That's Stephenie Meyer. I don't own I Won't Say (I'm In Love) that is the property of Disney.

I Won't Say I'm In Love

By: Alunamai

Esme POV

December 15, 1921

The lights sparkled on the evergreen as I came down the stairs. Edward was just about finished with trimming the tree. Carlisle should be on his way home from the hospital. I watched silently from the bottom step as Edward wrapped the garland around the tree, knowing that he could possibly hear every thought that raced thru my mind. Almost every single one of them were about Carlisle, the others consisted of Charles or the baby I had lost. None of the ladder were pleasant and I noticed that every time that one of the ones of Charles raced thru my mind Edward would wince.

"Your save here. No one will harm you." Edward had told me in February. I didn't realize then that I would never want to leave them. I was rabid with hunger and couldn't understand why both of them were so patient… well at least Carlisle was. Edward tried to be as patient as he could, but patience was something you acquired over time. I learned to control myself as best I could.

It's hard to believe that only ten months had passed since I came here, since my attempted suicide, since my baby died, y little boy, the one and only thing that I ever held so close to my heart. The one and only thing that I held were I felt the world would be perfectly fine only to have him taken away from me before he ever had a fighting chance.

Now I have Edward and Carlisle. Edward is like a son to me… well almost. I am not quite sure of where I stand here. I look at him like he is my son and I look at Carlisle as if…

Carlisle.

No. I mustn't see him as anything more than a friend. I learned my lesson the last time. Though the circumstances were different, I still came to love… in a sense… my husband. The pain of that decision is still a memory that I wish not to remember. I want to forget about him. I want only the memories I have Carlisle. The one before I met Charles and the ones I have made since the kind doctor saved me. He is forever my savoir.

If there's a prize for rotten judgment,
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history,
Been there
Done that

I really had no clue what was in store for me here. I did not know if I would be loved. I only agreed to stay because of the look in Carlisles eye that suggested that I would be loved, that I would be put on a pedestal and that I was accepted.

"It's alright. Everything will be alright." Edward said quietly. I hadn't even realized that he was holding me in his arms. I didn't even know that I had broken down. I never want my child to see me this way. "He's on his way. Carlisle is on his way." He whispered.

Was I calling for him? I asked him.

"Yes." Was all Edward said as he lifted me from the stairs and placed me on the sofa in front of the tree of glittering lights. "He loves you." Edward said sitting on the floor beside me. "More than you think."

Who'd ya think you're kidding?
He's the earth and heaven to ya
Try to keep it hidden, honey we can see right through ya
Girl ya can't conceal it
We know how you're feelin', who you're thinking of

"I love him like a friend." I said immediately. I watched as Edwards eyes laughed. "I don't think I could ever love again. Not after…"

"That was not love Esme. You know that deep down. You know that was all out of fear. Every thing that man put you through. You deserved better then that and you know that." Edward had an absolute hatred of Charles. As did Carlisle when Edward finally told him because I had refused to remember such horrid events. "Your loved here and nothing is going to change the way we feel about you."

The door opened and Carlisle walked in, placed his unneeded winter coat on the coat rack and came over to the living room.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

"Nothing." I said turning over on the couch and burying my face into the back of it.

"Oh."

No chance, no way, I won't say it, no no
You swoon, you sigh
Why deny it, uh oh
It's too...cliché
I won't say I'm in love
(Oooooh ooooh oooh)

I refused to admit that I was in love with him. I wasn't. There is no way that he and I would ever work out.

"Stop thinking like that Esme. Because your wrong." Edward said and then he left the room.

"You'll have to tell me eventually, Esme." Carlisle whispered as he took Edwards place beside me.

"I can't." I said quietly.

"Can't is not a word in my dictionary." He answered me. "And it sure as hell should not be in yours Ms. Platt." He never calls me Mrs. Evenson or Ms. Evenson. To him, that name does not exist. To him, all that exists is Ms. Esme Ann Platt. Though I know he wishes it to be different.

I turned over to face him, to view his angelic face. His eyes were smiling as he watched me. He smiled and then reached into his pocket. I sat up on the sofa.

"I almost forgot." He said happily. "I know it's a week early, but, Merry Chrismas." He held out a ring box. I just stared at him. "I swear it's not an engagement ring." He told me as I took the box.

The box read Tiffany's and Company. I just stared at it wondering why he would give me such an expensive gift.

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when ya start out
My head is screaming "get a grip, girl!"
"Unless you're dying to cry your heart out!" Ooooh oooh

You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feelin'
Baby, we're not lying, hone we saw ya Hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown up
When ya gonna own up that ya got, got, got it back?

I opened the box and gasped at what I saw. It was a gold single heart shaped diamond ring. I took it out of the box and looked at the ring. It was then that I noticed that the inside was inscribed.

To the one and only girl who will ever hold my heart in her hands. Carlisle, 1921

I couldn't believe he would go through all this trouble for me. I never realized how he truly felt about me, even though Edward told me constantly that Carlisle was in love with me.

I slipped the ring on my finger and stared at it in the light. I smiled to myself as I admired it in the light.

"I know you don't feel the same about me, but I just thought that I should tell you that I love you, Esme. I always have. Ever since I mended that leg of yours."

I knew that if I told him that I loved him in return that he would think that it was only because of the ring, which it was not. I truly did love him. I know that now. I can't exactly say this to him now.

Woah
No chance, no way, I won't say it, no no
Give up, give in
Check the grin, you're in love!
You're doing flips read our lips you're in love

You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say I'm in love

"Thank you." I said as I leaned forward and hugged him. "Thank you for everything." I really didn't know what to say.

"You are very welcomed."

Ooooooh
At least out loud
I won't say I'm in...love

Sha la la la la la...(sigh)

A/N: Okay, I know I'm on a Disney Song Kick… get over it. I also know that this song doesn't completely fit the story but it was the closest thing I could find that would fit.

Please review. Maybe an update tomorrow, I'm not sure. Song suggestions are also welcomed.