Her smile quickly faded, eyes darkening as a shadow fell across her features. Hot tears formed, threatening to spill over and expose her emotions to the world, to the man standing before her. Every sound echoing through the corridor vanished as Kate's world plunged into silence. A sudden aroma of bleach and sterile linen hit her, every one of her senses backfiring as an overload of emotions crashed through her, one after the other. Her mind desperately tried to grip his words and make logic of them.
She caught his eyes, searching for an answer to the question burning into her brain. Why? Why the brilliant author whose novels in her darkest times eased her pain now caused it?
"Kate..." Castle stepped forward, closing the distance between them. He reached out to wipe a single tear from her cheek. "Kate, I—"
"Don't...Touch me, Castle." She glared at him, her voice cold.
Shifting uncomfortably, he studied her eyes, trying to read her next move. "I had already... Kate I just wanted to help, I mean— " Stuttering, he reached for her again. She pulled back.
Castle was smart enough to keep his distance, knew not to push his luck, and even so, he still found himself fighting the urge to take hold of her. They both looked away, turning to a nurse moving between them. Kate managed a polite smile and waited until the nurse was out of sight before spinning back on the writer.
"Don't! Just don't." She snapped. "How much of an idiot could I be, huh, Castle! Thinking you would actually listen to me, right?" Her tone dropped to a sharp whisper. "If I were anything to you—," she paused, "Forget it. Your book and this little partnership...WE... are done."
Castle remained still, shocked at the intensity in her eyes, once again fighting the urge to pull her to his chest. He hadn't predicted this, and it had completely thrown him off page. "I never meant for it to hurt you, but you need to know what I've foun—"
"No." She cut him off, keeping her tone controlled. "Forget it. Understand? Oh my mistake, you don't know how to listen, do you, Castle?"
He opened his mouth to speak, struggling to find the words he needed to say. "I couldn't keep it from you! I just wanted to help." He paused, studying her for a moment. "I thought with more resources and us working together on it, with strong leads, we could solve... I did it for you, Beckett." Castle stepped forward, fiercely pulling her into him. He pressed into her hips, facing danger for the solitary need to feel the heat of her body.
The Detective struggled against his arms aggressively, her hands balled into fists, pushing at him, desperate to free herself, to hit him, hard. Son of A... She parted her lips to growl a threat, just as his mouth captured hers. Startled, she punched into his chest, pushing one last time before her body surrendered, deepening the kiss. What is happening? This is Castle. This is— the words froze in her mind when his skilled hands suddenly shifted from their grip, sweeping across the bare skin along her hips. She gasped into his mouth as they moved to glide under her top, a thrilling yet soothingly delicate sensation. The light brush of his fingertips sending jolts of electricity throughout her, surge after surge.
Suddenly Kate's heart accelerated, the need for him exploding into overdrive as the charge coursing through her body began raging with a new voltage. She swung her arms around his neck as he drove her against the corridor wall. Oh god! Her hands were in his hair, every inch of her body pressed against his own. She twirled her tongue in his mouth, moving to gently suck at his bottom lip, an act that proved to be a definite trigger, kicking his libido into full strength. He stilled for a few moments before he dragged his mouth from hers, launching an assault on her throat, leisurely savouring the pure tang of her skin. The sweet aroma of cherries and vanilla hit his senses, no doubt her body wash or her perfume mixed with what could only be described as Kate Beckett.
He heard a small moan as his lips trailed the base of her neck to her shoulder. Smirking, he backtracked to the spot that evidently triggered her urge to scream. Kate bit her lip, struggling to restrain the cry that threatened to break from her. Yes, oh god yes! One of his hands found the back of her neck and gently tilted her head for better access. He sucked lightly, darting his tongue out as her head fell back in pure ecstasy, a small whimper escaping her lips.
Hands tangled in his hair, he continued his attentions, nipping at her skin and soothing the mark with a swirl of his tongue. Holy crap! Stop... Too close! She tightened her grip on his hair as his teeth grazed her neck, pinching the flesh and taking her another step closer to the edge. His hands continued on their journey, easily reaching the button on her pants. Oh god, take me now! Every nerve in her body suddenly tensed, where they were and why instantly flooding back to her.
Her eyes flew open as she pulled back abruptly, unravelling herself from his arms. Oh my god, did I just think that? I can't believe I thought... Kate froze. Castle tensed. They stood motionless, gasping for the air they desperately needed to reclaim a steady heartbeat. The sweet sensation of her lips lingered on his, the silken sensation of her skin hidden beneath her pointless attire. Pointless because she was overwhelming, and though Castle had never seen her unclothed, he could see it in his mind, vividly in this moment, every curve and contour of her body.
His heart raced as he met her eyes. She was trying to suppress the explosion of emotions in her, and it was all too much. He watched helplessly as she swiftly spun and rushed toward the elevator, relief flooding her as the doors slid open immediately. She stepped in, her face burning, and tried to ignore the expressions of shock through the room. Her eyes caught Castle's for a split second before the heavy doors pulled her into solitude.
Detective Beckett breathed a sigh of relief as she sighted her car, finding it right where she had parked it. She had gone to the wrong section of the lot twice looking for it. She couldn't think. Fumbling in her bag, her fingers closed around the item she was looking for. She pulled her keys out and quickly spun, drawing her gun as a loud thunk echoed through the parking lot. Her eyes scanned the lot for movement, finding everything still. What was she going to do, shoot Castle? Re-holstering her gun, she spotted her phone on the ground in two parts.
It was then she connected the pieces; it had fallen out in the process of getting her keys. "Crap," she muttered, picking up the sections of her phone and clicking them back together. She turned it around, noticing a large scratch as she waited for the screen to flicker to life. Could this day get any worse! She threw the phone into her bag, not bothering to look for other damage, and quickly unlocked the entry to her sedan. Tossing her bag into the passenger seat, she dropped into the driver's side, slamming the car door.
She sat motionless, her keys held tightly in her hand, and let go. Pummelling the steering wheel she let out a scream, cursing until a rush of calm overcame her. Her eyes closed as her fists slowly began to limit their attack. She tipped forward, slotting the keys into the ignition as her head rested on the wheel, the sensation of exhaustion washing over her. Sighing, she turned the keys, relieved to hear the engine roar to life. The only place she wanted to be was the safety of her home, right now. She took a deep breath, still hearing the echo of Castles voice in her head, calling out to her as she had escaped from the hospital. How he had gotten down the stairs in time to catch her, she had no idea. But somehow, she was able to weave her way through the busy floor, to reach the main doors, before him.
She shook her head vigorously, trying to erase his voice shouting her name ever so loud. Wait a minute, she was hearing it. Kate's eyes flew open. Her head snapped up, instantly searching for the source. He was maybe twelve feet away, calling her name again. Oh god, she thought I can't deal with this! She slammed into the right gear, pressing her foot on the accelerator, hard. He jumped back as she lurched forward, veering out of the lot to disappear into the busy streets of Manhattan.
Kate pulled the vibrating phone from her bag as the elevator climbed to her floor. Scanning the caller ID, she hit reject and tossed it back in her bag.
What was that? All right, he was the first person she called for anything, case related of course. But he needed the interesting 'stories' for his research, and she was duty-bound to make sure he got whatever he needed. She had no choice... Fine, working with him for so long, she would consider him a friend, but anything else?
Startled by the chime of the elevator, Kate warily stepped out onto her floor, half expecting Castle to be camped out in front of her door. She wouldn't put it behind him. No other man had the distinct ability to turn her into a ball of fury, not like Castle. No. Richard Castle was unlike anyone; he was annoying, arrogant, self centred, egotistical, and what irritated her the most: she couldn't deny the attraction.
Gripping her keys tightly, she paced the hall to her apartment, breathing a sigh of relief as she unlocked and closed the door to her sanctuary. The one place she always felt safe. Stripping her coat and bag off onto the coffee table, she dropped onto her lounge, the intensity of the day finally catching up with her. She buried her head into her hands, closing her eyes as quiet tears slipped to her cheeks, her shoulders faintly trembling with every sob. Within moments the tension she had been carrying finally released its hold, unleashing a torrent of sorrow streaming down her face. She sat there for a moment, letting the stress pour out of her until the sobs grew fewer and far between.
All of a sudden, Detective Beckett stood up, wiping her cheeks to erase the evidence of her pain. Setting the alarm system and dead bolt, she picked up her jacket and hung it on the coat rack in her foyer, then turned and headed for her bedroom. She slipped off her father's watch and her mother's ring hung from the necklace and placed them carefully back in their box, tracing the photo on the closed lid for a fraction of a second. Sliding her gun into its drawer, she grabbed a set of yoga pants and a tank, folding them onto the shelving in the bathroom as she stripped out of her clothes. Kate stepped under the steady rush and turned the heat up, the significance of time disappearing. She didn't know how long she stood there, willing it to thaw the chill that resonated within her body, and with any luck, wash her misery down the drain.
The last rays of dusk had faded by the time Kate entered her bedroom, quietly vanishing behind the lights of the city. She could still feel the sensation of Castles lips on her neck, the scent of him surrounding her as if he was still in the room. She could trace the exact path he took with both of his hands, where that part of her skin still seemed to burn with his touch. The spot that he had centred on felt sensitive and she swore, even after showering, the evidence, his fingerprints, were all over her. She passed the dressing mirror in her room and paused. What the? Her hand moved to touch the mark appearing on her neck, a mark she recognized immediately. Not quite a hickey, but visible. "Son of a—" she muttered, quietly cursing the final word in her mind.
What annoyed her, she knew she couldn't blame Castle alone. She had let him. Oh god, what the hell was she thinking? After finding a clip on her dresser, she tugged her hair up until it was off her shoulders. She wasn't thinking. For once in her life, she had done something impulsive, without having control of the situation, and it terrified her. She sat on the bed and took a deep breath, jolting when she heard the ring of her intercom. Standing up, she quickly headed toward the foyer. This...better not be Castle.
After pressing the button, a stern voice filled the room, "Miss Beckett? There's a Miss Parish here to see y —" she heard a scuffle on the other side as Lanie's voice picked up.
"If you don't give me that phone, boy... Just let me speak to her!" Another scuffle and her voice came on the line. "Kate! I'm comin' up. Tell this IDIOT I know you."
Before Kate could reply, the security guard's voice came back on. "Ma'am?" She paused for a moment. Did Lanie know? Did someone see? Well, the entire recovery floor saw them, but Ryan, Esposito? Oh god, would the captain find out?
"This is state of the art security in this building! You are not to go up without permission!"
She heard her name called again, and shook her head, casting her thoughts to the back of her mind. "Let her up."
By the time Kate had disarmed the system and unlocked the door, Lanie was marching out of the elevator, slightly wobbling on a rather high set of cherry red heels, complete with a crimson dress and shawl. She looked up at Kate, casting a trivial smile. "You didn't tell me you had a new security guard in the building."
Kate returned the gesture "Sorry, I must have forgotten."
"Forgot... My booty! You enjoyed that, a LOT."
She laughed. "Okay, maybe I enjoyed it a LITTLE, but I did forget."
"Girl, you're very lucky you didn't have a murder in your own building, about to strangle him with my wrap... So you going to let me in, or leave me decked up in the hall all night?"
Kate stepped aside for her closest confidant and friend, watching as Lanie strode past her into the living room and plonked herself onto the lounge. She smiled, observing how comfortable Lanie was in her place, they had been through a lot together, and there was no way she would be able to keep anything from Lanie. She was far too perceptive. She knew Kate, and she knew when something was up. There was no avoiding it, she had to tell her. Kate relocked the door and activated the system before joining her on the lounge.
"So," Lanie quipped, catching the detective's eyes.
"So," Kate mimicked. "Were you on a date?" she motioned to Lanie's dress.
"Don't go changin' subjects."
Kate sighed, deciding she might as well just say it. "Okay yes, we kissed. Well...more." She winced. "Actually, I don't know what you would classify it as."
"After stringin' you along for 6 months, then droppin you because you wouldn't follow his ass across the country, have you lost your mind girl? Comin' back don't make him a better man, in fact he's probably back for his own selfish reasons."
"Will? No... What?" Kate frowned in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"What are you...?" Lanie's eyes widened. "CASTLE! You got your freak on with writer boy! Details!"
"The hospital...I thought you knew..." Kate's frown deepened. "What did you mean by...how did you...?"
"Never mind that. Spill, now. When did Castle happen?" Lanie grinned, a playful smirk forming on her lips. "HOW?"
"Hold on. He told me something."
"Girl, you had better start giving me the scandalous part of this story, or I'll be forced to strangle it out of you."
Kate shook her head, a small smile forming at her comment. "No, Lanie, he looked into my mother's case."
"What...? As a favour?" Was Kate really going to brave that road again?
"You really think I'd ask Castle about my mom's case? No. He did it after I told him not to."
"Oh."
"Yes. Oh."
"Wait... Before or after you hooked up with him?"
"Uh before..."
Lanie frowned, completely bewildered by the woman in front of her. "Huh? Who are you and what did you do with Kate Beckett? You got a serious case of crazy hormones girl. You're not the least bit furious?"
"Yes, I was—Am! I am angry with him."
"You don't sound too convinced of your own case, Kate, and please for the love of god, explain how that situation turned into a make out session?"
Kate sighed. "I'll start from the beginning."
"Please do. You got me lost."
"I'm assuming you don't know about Will." Kate paused, noting the blank expression on Lanie's face. "Well, long story edited, he got shot after a meet I set up. Teflon round, just missed his heart. He's fine now." She watched her friends eyes widen. "Castle asked me yesterday about my mom's case, and I told him if he touched it, we were through. I thought he would respect that, at least..." She stopped. I really thought...
Lanie placed a hand over Kate's, gently prompting her to continue. "I was at the hospital with Will when Castle asked to talk. When he said it was about my mom, I knew he had... He said he found something I had to know, but I didn't want to hear it. I just..."
"With good reason. So, like the amazingly brilliant woman I know, you hit him, right?"
Kate laughed, continuing. "I was going to. One minute I was ready to kill him, the next, he had me and I was hitting him, but then he kissed me, and I... let him."
"Whoa! After telling you that he betrayed you, he kisses you? Well... gotta give him points for courage, that or stupidity." Lanie managed to hold back a laugh, but it only reflected in her eyes. She smiled jokingly. "What was he thinkin', takin' on Beckett!"
"Lanie! Not helping."
"Okay, okay! Continue."
"Next thing I know... I'm against the wall."
"What!" Lanie's eyes widened, a broad grin spreading across her face. "Are you serious?"
Kate frowned. "No I just made it up to see your reaction... of course I'm serious! And...it gets worse."
Lanie stared at the detective, intently waiting for the next part of the story.
"He... had a hand under my shirt, and then he started on my neck..." Kate shivered at the memory. "I swear Lanie, I have never met a man who could do that to me, I almost... we..." She hastily swung her attention to the floor, hoping the M.E. wouldn't notice the flush spreading across her cheeks.
Lanie tilted her head, noticing the small mark flawing her skin. She broke into a wide grin. "I can see he went to town... You almost... hold up! You didn't... In a hospital!"
"NO!" Kate's head snapped up. "No, Lanie Parish. We did NOT... have sex." She shifted uncomfortably. "But his cologne, what he was doing, all of it together, just... we could have, if it weren't for the corridor... his hand was south, by the time I stop—"
"Whoa, back up!" Lanie interrupted. "Kate Beckett, you were in the corridor! Okay really, what have you done with my girl?" The M.E. broke into a fit of laughter, briefly glancing at Kate's reaction. Catching the scowl the Detective was throwing in her direction, she quickly stifled the humour of the situation, suddenly looking very stern. "Okay, I'm pretty certain one of you would have realized you had an audience once your pants were dropped, and judging by your account..." She raised an eyebrow "It would have been yours."
Kate flinched at the thought. "Ha, ha, very funny."
"Only the truth." Lanie grinned.
"What I meant was, if we weren't in that hospital...If the circumstances were different—"
"You would have jumped his bones like there was no tomorrow?"
"A-gain, with the side-splitting humour, seriously?" Kate tilted her head, a sarcastic smile reaching her lips.
"Kate, remember when I said you needed some, fine, I will say it again. Writer boy is damn fine, and he is head over heels hot for you, and ONLY you. Don't you notice it?"
"Huh!" Kate scoffed, a skeptical smirk crossing her face. "You've got that wrong, Lanie. Castle is a player. When it comes to women, it's celebutants and mindless bimbets who throw themselves at him, woman who seriously lack in the self-respecting department, and trust me, he loves it!"
Lanie threw her a disapproving stare. "That is a little harsh!"
Kate bit her lip, a touch uncomfortable at her judgement of the author. She sighed. "But then I see the different side to him, and he's kind of... sweet, sometimes... even comforting. Fun, when he's not being a wiseass! But he loves women, just like most men, we are conquests to him... He's been married twice, he's not a one and done type, he said so himself. Loves the institution, hates the day-to-day..." Her thoughts skipped to a playback of conversations she'd had with him, admissions that would challenge everything tumbling out of her mouth. If only her thinking wasn't tainted with resentment. On one hand the sincere, sweet, charming partner, on the other, the attractive, immature, playboy. Huh. She frowned. "He doesn't stick to one woman, at least... He is a contradiction in itself..."
"Again, you don't sound too convinced. Tone it down on him, he's a fine guy and you know it. How many women have you actually seen him with since he met you? None. He's a damn celebrity, girl! He's good looking, he's got brains, com-pletely loaded, and you are going to pass that up! He could have any woman in the world and he wants YOU. Not Nikki Heat. Kate Beckett. The book is just an excuse to follow you everywhere, to be close to you. Because you block people out so much, he's gotta weasel his way in... He doesn't love women, Kate. He is in love with one woman. So what he's been married twice! We all make mistakes. Maybe he just hasn't found the right woman... until now."
Kate shivered. It was the same words Castle had used. Maybe I just haven't met the right girl... In one of the many moments where she couldn't decipher where sincerity began and arrogant flirting ended. She could never figure him out completely. Hell, it frustrated her! Not to mention wondering if everything between them was substance for the book. If anything between them was real! There were moments...
"He's been with his ex-wife," the Detective quipped. "He's always flirting with other women and has no difficulty doing it in front of me. And you are referring to marrying him Lanie; we haven't even slept together!"
"Yet, and don't tell me you haven't thought about it... And besides the flirting, and the deep-fried Twinky, I mean."
Kate bit her lip to keep a serious tone. "How does flirting not count? And so what, we get married and the ex is always in the picture, he flirts with every woman we come across on cases, all his fans..." Kate froze in horror, realizing exactly what she was entertaining the idea of.
Lanie tilted her head, staring the detective straight in the eyes. For someone as smart as Kate, she sure seemed clueless when it came to Castle. "The fact that you would even mention that... You never even thought of that word with Will. And flirting doesn't count, because it's harmless and how he deals. The same way you hide behind your tough, 'I'm untouchable' image, he hides behind his humour and charm. You're both just afraid of getting hurt, taking a chance with each other. You can't tell me otherwise. He's in love with you."
"I was making a point of his character." Kate stated, her mind hazing over with conflictions. "Aargh fine! Let's say you're right. And I'm not saying you are. Then IF he cared, why would he have done the thing he was clearly warned would end things, huh?"
Lanie smiled. "I'm just sayin', Kate, he found something, and he decided not to keep it from you, he might have already known when he brought your mom's case up. Testing the waters... The point is, he looked into it because he wanted to help, because he cared... He had good intentions."
"Not you, too!"
"I'm not backing Castle, and I'm not saying his actions can be justified. I'm just saying look at all the facts before you draw a conclusion. Don't be quick to write him off."
Kate frowned, shaking her head. "All right, all right, can we forget Castle now, please?"
Lanie laughed. "Sure, Beckett, but while you're figuring things out, know you got me, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for the long haul, pointing out what is staring you fair in the face, what are friends for." She leaned forward, pulling Kate into a tight embrace.
"You're squishing me," Kate squeaked
Lanie pulled away, a look of disbelief crossing her face. "Quit complaining."
Kate laughed. "So, were you on a date?"
"I was, but the man was as dull as a dishrag, so I bailed. You are far more entertaining company, which rings a bell. I left my car back at the bar, had a bit to drink." She relaxed further into the lounge. "Might stay here tonight?"
Kate smiled. "Sure, Lanie, but off the lounge."
"It's comfortable here..."
"Do you want hundreds of dollars in chiropractic bills? Guest bedroom, come on, up!"
Kate stood up and yawned, taking Lanies hand, and tugging her from the lounge. Both women made their way toward the bedrooms and crashed on their beds. Lanie shook her shoes off and stretched out, a smirk written across her face. "Sweet dreams! Don't let Castle bite!" She paused, listening as a gruff reply came from the other room. "Go to sleep, Lanie!" That girl may have found her match. There might just be hope for Castle... Yep... hope for Castle. Laughing to herself, she closed her eyes, willing sleep to come.
Kate lay awake, replaying the day's events over in her head. Will being shot, Castle mentioning her mom, the kiss, the conversation with Lanie. When did she get feelings for Castle? It didn't make any sense. Did she really like him? Clearly her body responded well, clearly she was attracted to him, but that was purely physical, right? She liked the way he challenged her mind, too, their heated debates often became something close to intellectual foreplay. She liked that he was outspoken and driven, even dare she say, honest. But the way he challenged her, pushed every single button she had and more, invaded her space, relentlessly tossed suggestive comments toward her, that part of him drove her mad. Oh god, it's true. Everything Lanie said... it's all true. Kate rolled over, aargh! She had to not think about Castle.
After a few moments, she turned onto her back again, listening to the nightlife echoing through her window. Her fingers smoothed across the dark violet satin sheet, swathing her body in a delicate sheen of cool, a welcome escape from the sultry summer air. Her equally dark, but wine shaded duvet, had been shoved to the bottom of the bed. Even though the new AC was proving to be effective in repelling the heat, Kate hated the weight of covers, especially on these nights. From the sanctuary of chilled comfort, she focused on the hushed resonance of the city she loved, the hail of taxis, the sure sound of citizens escaping the confines of the stifling humidity outside, retreating to the security of their homes to the loving embrace of family and the cheer of friends, to the passion and romance of a lovers bed. All with the quiet telltale hum of chilled air, no doubt cranked up to ride out the temperature through their slumber. She wondered if he would be asleep, or if he would be in a similar frame of mind - her frame of mind. Unable to close her eyes, burying the urge to run to the person she secretly knows deep down she has fallen for, hard. Burying the urge to scream it from the rooftops and fall into his bed, into the shelter of his arms.
The roguishly handsome writer himself, the arrogant wiseass, the fun loving, smart character, and the gentle family man, every facet of his personality, she was in love with. But the indestructible walls she had built many years ago always rose to her defence, blocking the possibility of pain, and in the process, happiness included. Joy, romance, passion, she was so tired of fighting it all. Kate sighed, allowing herself to drift as every last bit of strength drained from her body, the sensation of exhaustion finally claiming her and luring her mind into another reality.