A/N: Sorry for the delay, real life is being very uncooperative at the moment. Hope the 5k word count of the chapter makes up for it. I don't have a beta so if you spot any mistakes, gross OOC-ness, or anything that offends your sensibilities kindly let me know.

As always, C&C's are appreciated! I'm not going to be one of those authors who require x amount of reviews to upload the next chapter, but I do write faster when I get feedback, just putting it out there. :D

Chapter 2: Love, the Kind You Clean Up With a Mop and Bucket

"I have gathered you here today," Dino says to his grand audience of two (three if you count Enzio dozing on the table), "For a matter of utmost import." He looks around at the vacant seats with a frown. "Yamamoto, where are the others?"

"Gokudera says he doesn't have time for this; Ryohei-senpai has boxing club. The kid says he's too busy polishing his gun," Yamamoto answers, ticking off people one by one with his fingers. "And you told me not to invite Chrome because you don't want to risk Mukuro finding out, and you said Lambo should not be aware of this at all costs." He gives Dino an apologetic shrug. "So it's just me."

"And me, boss," Romario pipes up, ever the reliable right hand, even if he's sporting that long-suffering look he gets when he knows his boss is about to do something supremely embarrassing.

Dino's shoulders hunch down. "Oh well, more pizza for us then."

Yamamoto takes notice and merrily grabs a slice from an open box and puts it on a plate. "So what's this about?"

"Well," Dino starts, plopping down onto a chair. "I need a second opinion on something."

"About what?"

"Boss wants to form a mutually exclusive alliance between two unlikely parties and he's recruiting accomplices," Romario says.

"Allies, Romario, allies."

"Fellow scapegoats."

"Romario! You say it like I'm planning a crime," Dino complains. "I'll have you know that what I'm about to do is a benevolent act of pure human good will."

"Boss," Romario answers patiently, "The last time you did something out of pure human good will, you ended up with a small-scale gang war, a gargantuan fluorescent penis painted on the high walls of the Cavallone headquarters, and equine afterbirth in the west-"

"-How was I supposed to know she was married to the illegitimate son of the Rossi Don? I can't turn down a lady in need Romario, what kind of a hooligan do you think I-"

"—This alliance," Romario interrupts turning to Yamamoto, before Dino could further grouse about Romario's disappointing lack of faith and derail the discussion to places he never ever wants to look back to, "Is really a fancy way of saying m—"

"—Mission!" Dino shouts, now sounding every bit as crazy as he looks. "Yes, this is a good will mission!"

"Yes," Romario exhales, pushing his glasses up. "A possibly suicidal good will mission."

"A good will mission to connect people," Dino corrects.

"A crazy and very much optional good will mission," Romario insists.

"So, like a side quest to the mafia game right?" Yamamoto clarifies.

"Yes, Yamamoto, that's exactly it!"

"No, it's not boss," Romario says, and decides to put a stop to this ridiculous charade once and for all. "Matchmaking is exactly what it is."

This earns him a scowl from his boss but when Dino looks back at Yamamoto, his eyes hold that kind of look small children usually get when they're caught with one hand in the cookie jar.

Yamamoto folds his arms. "So you called us over here to play matchmaker?"

Dino hangs his head, readying himself for rejection. Ha. Rejection from Yamamoto, that's gotta be some kind of new low or something. "I was trying to make it sound cooler and more official sounding, but um. Yes?"

To his delight (and Romario's consternation), Yamamoto actually laughs. "Sounds interesting! Who's involved?"

"Hibari Kyouya and Sawada Tsunayoshi," Romario replies, hoping that the names are enough to make Yamamoto change his mind about what he's about to agree to. It's not that Romario's objecting to a relationship between the Vongola sky and cloud guardian; he's objecting to his boss' insistence in taking part of it. He's already long accepted the fact that Dino Cavallone has the survival instincts of a kamikaze pilot as long as his family, Sawada Tsunayoshi and Hibari Kyouya are involved, but as his right hand man, it's Romario's duty to curb it, or at least be around to provide some semblance of resistance, should Dino take it too far.

And really, you don't have to be a genius to figure out that meddling with the potential love life of an agoraphobic sociopath like Hibari Kyouya is the very definition of taking it too far.

"Hmm. Interesting and challenging. I like it already!" Yamamoto says, eyes twinkling. "Can you give me a recap of what happened?"

Romario reminds himself that he's not allowed to knock his head repeatedly on the table. Of course it figures that his boss would get an enabler on the one time he badly needs someone to knock him down a peg or two. If it's Rokudo Mukuro or Gokudera Hayato in Yamamoto's stead, Dino would only have to mention Hibari's name before the immediate murderous intent would choke the rest of the words right out of his mouth. Romario never imagined he'll see the day where he'll be willing to enter a discussion with the Vongola male mist guardian or the storm guardian over the rain, but a lifetime of dealing with the hyperactive lunacy of his boss has a way of setting his priorities out of whack. Resigned, he shakes his head and reaches for a pizza.

Dino on the other hand, would've stuck his tongue out at Romario and gloat but that wouldn't do much for his already fragile credibility, so he opts to take the high road and simply regale Yamamoto with the background info he rightly deserves. "You know that Tsuna and I had training last Saturday right? Well…"

He then gives Yamamoto an accurate, if somewhat biased summary of last Saturday's training, or as Romario calls it, the "Forest Destruction via Reptilian Schtupping" incident. Yamamoto nods and laughs at the right moments. He gives no sign of surprise at all, not even when Dino tearfully recounts his pain upon witnessing his precious Enzio engage in wild passionate congress with Mukuro's foul creation.

And this is why Dino likes Yamamoto. They live in a world where the encumbrance limits of one's sanity is tested on a regular basis, what with superhuman babies, time-travel bazookas, monster turtles and magical bullets in the fray. Anyone else would be struck dumb with the utter weirdness of this life, yet Yamamoto takes it all in stride, like some freaking avatar of zen.

But then, Dino gets to the part touching on his favourite little student's unprecedented display of sexual intent.

That's when Yamamoto pulls a time-out.

"Wait- hold on," he says, leaning forward, brow scrunched up in disbelief. "Hibari got turned on watching Mukuro and Tsuna fight? Are you serious?"

Trust Yamamoto to readily believe in monster turtle copulation yet harbour doubts about his upperclassman's budding sexuality. Dino nods. "Dead serious."

Yamamoto gives a low whistle and leans back. "Wow, that's unbelievable. I mean, I've always thought Hibari was asexual or something."

"I know right?" Dino exclaims, glad that someone is seeing the situation his way for once (no thanks to you Romario). "It's like seeing a unicorn or something. A unicock!"

Only a deeply embedded sense of professionalism (and alright fine, fierce and eternal devotion to his boss) keeps Romario from facepalming at that god-awful pun. Sometimes, it's really difficult to believe that this is the same man who saved the Cavallone family from imminent financial ruin. Romario chalks it up to quarter-life identity crisis of the childhood regression sort.

To nobody's surprise, Yamamoto laughs. "Good one, Dino-san!" he says, sounding genuinely impressed. Dino beams.

Romario sighs. Peas in a pod, the both of them. At least Yamamoto has the excuse of being a teenager.

"Well anyway," Dino continues. "I wasn't sure if I should interfere but then I had a bad omen last night."

"Omen?"

Oh here we go, Romario despairs inwardly.

"Last night," Dino starts solemnly, "I dreamt that Tsuna had a heart attack upon seeing Kyouya drop his pants in front of him."

Yamamoto's eyes widen in concern. "That's terrible!"

"That's what I was telling Romario, but he just laughed!" Dino says, shooting Romario a resentful look before rounding back to Yamamoto. "I mean, it's clearly a sign."

"A sign that you've gone past passing interest and jumped straight to mild obsession over this," Romario deadpans.

"No, it's a sign that I have to do something so that Kyouya doesn't sabotage his budding romance with Tsuna with his…" Dino does a weird waving thing with his hand as he gropes for the right words. "…caveman methods of seduction!"

"Haha, come on, I'm sure Hibari's not that bad," Yamamoto says. "He's just a bit… unorthodox."

"You weren't there Yamamoto," Dino says, with a dramatic shake of his head. "Kyouya was studiously watching Enzio banging Enzilla, like he's getting tips from it or something. No offense Enzio," he adds, nodding towards his turtle, which has woken up and is nibbling on the pizza crusts Romario left on the table. Enzio may or may not have given his owner an affronted little blink.

Yamamoto taps the side of his chin thoughtfully. "Well he does like nature documentaries, so it must've been a treat for him."

"Well yeah, but that's not the point. The point is, Kyouya's a jerk and a total ignoramous when it comes to human relationships, so someone needs to step in and provide him with much needed guidance."

"That's all well and good boss, but Hibari-san is only one half of the equation," Romario points out.

Dino blinks at Romario, confused. "What are you saying? Tsuna's a total sweetheart, and he's adorable to boot. I don't need to worry about him treating Kyouya right!"

"Hmm, but Romario has point," Yamamoto says hesitantly. "Tsuna… well, he doesn't exactly bat for the same team."

"Yes, exactly boss," Romario remarks, jumping on any chance for Yamamoto to acknowledge the obvious fact that this whole shebang is five kinds of insane.

To Romario's chagrin, Dino hand waves it away. "I know that," he says. "I mean, I looked at every angle. I even researched the existence of a sex changing bullet, but so far, the last test bullet resulted to the eyes and nipples exchanging places, and while that's a very novel experience, I can't imagine that it would be very pleasant."

Romario turns a little green.

"No it wouldn't," Yamamoto agrees.

"But then," Dino continues, "I just thought that if Tsuna's anything like I was- which he is, I am certain, because Reborn said so, he should still be in the correct age for… experimentation."

"Experimentation huh?" Yamamoto muses thoughtfully. "Maa, I suppose so."

Dino could have kicked himself for not noticing the obvious. "Wait – you're Tsuna's age!" he exclaims, pointing to Yamamoto. "Have you been feeling up to experimenting?"

Yamamoto doesn't reply right away but he raises his head to meet Dino's eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. For a moment, Dino wonders if he somehow offended him. Which is an extremely worrying thought, because you have to be some kind of giant douchecanoe to offend someone like Yamamoto Takeshi.

After a few moments, Yamamoto's expression resumes that relaxed state of carefree disheveledness. "Yeah," he finally replies. "Who isn't?" He then grabs another slice and bites down, using his tongue to gather the string of mozzarella cheese stubbornly clinging to the rest of the slice. "Man, this is some serious pizza," he says, and punctuates it with a pleased "mmmm" sound.

For some mind-boggling, perverse reason, the sight is suddenly doing disturbing things to Dino's groin.

He swallows. No way. No fucking way. He is Dino Cavallone, Decimo of the third most powerful family in Italy, and he is not a creepy pervert who gets turned on by watching high school sophomores eat pizza. Even if they're really attractive high school sophomores with enough natural charm to dominate the soul of even the severely menopausal.

"What about you, Dino-san?" Yamamoto prods, when Dino doesn't say anything. He sucks some errant tomato sauce from his forefinger and looks at Dino inquiringly. "Have you outgrown experimenting?"

Okay, Yamamoto's inherent charisma may make it difficult to tell when he's being serious or making a pass, but there is absolutely no way that last bit wasn't deliberate. Well, two can play at that game. Yamamoto may ooze sex appeal out of his pores but Dino isn't a mafia boss for nothing. Dino's smile is a bit wobbly, but he manages to let out a very smooth, "I'm always in the mood to experiment."

"I see." There's a strange glint in Yamamoto's eyes, and Dino's fairly certain it's not because of the pizza. He doesn't break eye contact as he takes a drink from his soda, lips closing around the tip in a way that makes Dino irrationally envious of the bottle. "That's good," he says, setting the bottle down with a definitive thud.

Then he smiles.

And it's that kind of smile. Yamamoto cheats.

Dino now fully understands where Reborn (and on some level, Squalo) is coming from when they say that Yamamoto is a natural born assassin. Because Dino can tell right now that Yamamoto does not need his sword to disarm opponents; he could just eyesex the hell out of them until they suddenly notice that they're missing a limb. Only in Dino's case, he's not missing a limb, but is currently forming something akin to one, right between his-

The sound of Romario clearing his throat couldn't have had better timing.

"A- Anyway, I'm going to be a good teacher and volunteer to inform Kyouya about the dos and don'ts of homosexual courtship," Dino says, injecting a measure of determination in his voice to cover up for his ridiculous flustering. "I just need someone to make sure Tsuna won't run away when Kyouya makes his move. You know how he gets."

Before Yamamoto can reply, Romario intercepts. "Boss, with all due respect, your agreement with Reborn regarding Hibari Kyouya's training only includes battle tactics," he says. "You didn't sign up for sex ed."

Dino frowns, but is inwardly grateful for the opening with which to distract himself from Yamamoto's sudden pizza-driven aura of sexy. "Romario, my turtle has a better sex life than Kyouya does," he argues, opting to ignore the relevant bit where Enzio's girlfriend happens to be the unholy lovechild of Godzilla and Rokudo Mukuro's twisted imagination. "Also, dearly though I love my student, he is still, frankly, one of the most emotionally retarded dicks I've ever met in my life. He needs to be guided into the correct social paradigms if he wants to get anywhere with Tsuna."

Yamamoto doesn't comment, but he does laugh at that, reverting back to happy jock mode, as if the previous weird exchange didn't happen. Dino convinces himself that he's not disappointed with that.

"Boss, if that's your argument, then Enzio has a better sex life than seventy percent of the Mafia," Romario says. "Also, you do realize you're using your pet turtle to justify your meddling right?"

Dino does not budge. "Yamamoto will help me. Right?" He throws the Vongola rain guardian his best beseeching look, and tries not to notice how pretty Yamamoto's mouth is when it's red from hot sauce. He's normally above employing kicked-puppy tactics but desperate times call for desperate measures and Romario's not exactly being helpful. "Because deep inside," he soldiers bravely on, "I know Tsuna has his own hidden urges to be bitten in the throes of manly carnal relations. And I also know that deep inside, Kyouya can be nice to people. Well, those he doesn't want to kill too badly at least."

Yamamoto tilts his head sideways. "Do you mean 'deep inside' in the same sense as 'deep inside, the moon is really made of cheese' which is theoretically possible, but you'll just need some weapons grade excavation to find out?' "

Romario fights back a chuckle. Reborn wasn't kidding when he said Yamamoto is more astute than he looks.

Dino's lower lip trembles into what he will emphatically deny is a pout. "If I say yes, what will you say?"

There's a slight pause, as Yamamoto sits up slowly, his brown eyes turning knife-sharp for a split second before mellowing to its usual state of tranquillity. He flashes Dino an easy, reassuring grin. "Let's start excavating then."

Dino's happy smile could blind a man at twenty paces.

Romario shakes his head, and makes a mental note to restock the medical kits.

0

"Oh Kyouya~!"

Hibari automatically hurls his paperweight at the intruder's general direction without looking up from the documents he's perusing. The lack of a yelp and the distinctive sound of porcelain crashing against the concrete wall indicate that Dino has dodged successfully. Oh well. The thing was an eyesore anyway.

"Was that the pony figurine I gave you last Christmas?" Dino asks, glancing at the shattered remains that are hurriedly being swept away by Kusakabe.

"Yes. Get out."

Dino ignores him and plops down irreverently on the black leather couch. "For your information, that was an authentic Cavallone heirloom you just tried to kill me with," he says, with a childish pout. "You wound me Kyouya."

"No I didn't. I missed," Hibari replies flatly, as he affixes his signature on a school play proposal. "Or do you want me to try again and make that statement come true?"

"You're so uncute," Dino mutters, and scrambles to duck the cup Hibari pitches at him. It hits the back of the couch, and rolls down, Dino's parka stopping it from heading over the edge.

"Tea, Dino-san?" Kusakabe asks, appearing at his side with a celadon pot.

"Yes please," Dino answers, holding out the cup Hibari threw at him, as Kusakabe pours. Hibari says nothing so Dino assumes that this is his moody student's way of letting him know he's being permitted to stay in Hibari's presence for a few minutes longer. He takes a sip, and almost burns his tongue. He makes a face, and puts the tea down on the table to cool, then turns back to Hibari. "Don't you want to know what I'm here for?"

Hibari ignores him and proceeds to drop several papers in the paper shredder. Dino sighs, stands up and walks over to his pupil's desk, making sure to cast an obnoxious shadow on Hibari's papers.

Hibari finally glances up from his work, eyes narrowed in warning.

"I'm here to help you out with Tsuna," Dino announces cheerfully, not budging from his position.

Hibari grips the pen in his hand like he wants to stab Dino with it. "What gives you the idea that I need help on anything?"

Dino makes a tutting sound that he knows will irritate Hibari. "Denial is always the first obstacle in the path of romance," he says wisely, before taking a precursory glance out the window, smiling slyly when he catches sight of Tsuna, Gokudera and Yamamoto chatting while waiting for their turn at the school pool.

He timed this meeting perfectly. It's 09:20 in the morning, which means that Hibari has already had his breakfast AND his morning fill of inflicting latecomers and out-of-dress-code students with his personal brand of disciplinary justice. More importantly, it's also the scheduled Swim P.E. for Class 2-B, the venue of which happens to be situated for an ideal view from the DC office windows on the 4th floor.

Which means that despite two recent attempts to disfigure Dino's face, Hibari is in a good mood, for he has had Tsuna's ass in his direct line of vision for the past twenty minutes.

"Cease your gibberish or I'll bite you to death," Hibari answers with an irritated huff. Dino's smile widens, because this is a much better response than what he's expecting; Kyouya would normally have winged the heavy-duty stapler at him by this time. So he pushes his luck.

"You have a really nice view up here," Dino remarks, absently checking out Yamamoto's broad, glistening back.

"It's necessary to catch all misbehaviour happening in my school," Hibari replies, going back to his papers.

"Yeah, among other things," Dino says, and opens the window for a better look.

The sound of pen scratching on paper stops. Hibari follows Dino's line of vision, and for some reason, suddenly feels aggravated. "I ought to bite you to death for staring indecently at Namimori students."

Dino whips back around, holding his hands up in protest. "I wasn't looking at Tsuna!"

"Who you're looking at is irrelevant."

"Like you don't do the same thing."

Hibari is unfazed. "Unlike you, it is my duty to observe all students in my school."

"Sure," Dino says flippantly, turning his attention back to Yamamoto's ass. "Whatever you say, Kyouya."

Hibari growls, and in a flash, Dino's backed up against the open window, a tonfa pressed against his windpipe. "You are doubting me?"

Dino, all too used to his student's use of violence as a second language, just stares back knowingly. "You like Tsuna don't you?"

The non-sequitur throws Hibari off a bit. "Like?" he scoffs, adding pressure to Dino's throat. "Don't be absurd." He's Hibari Kyouya. He eats fear for breakfast and washes it down with the quivering tears of emasculated herbivores. He does not like anyone, least of all the king of herbivores, though he will admit to tolerating some people more than others.

"Okay, sorry let me rephrase the question," Dino says, carefully adjusting his position to avoid accidentally falling out the window. "There are things you would like to do to him."

He appears to have done the correct thing because Hibari nods. "Yes."

"So you want him then."

There's a vast difference between like and want, and Hibari is well aware of it. "Yes." He sees no reason to lie. Lying is for herbivores who want to hide weakness, and he is not a herbivore, nor does he have a weakness to hide.

Long and well-earned experience has taught Dino that for all Hibari's status as Japan's apex predator, he is laughably easy to bait. Dino does his best not to sound too pleased with himself. "And you always get what you want, don't you?" Hook.

The corners of Hibari's lips slowly turn upwards, feral and sharp, all teeth and lips. "I do."

Dino fights down the grin threatening to bloom on his face. "Well then. How are you planning to do that?" Line.

At that, Hibari frowns. He really hasn't thought that far. He's aware that human social rituals are infinitely more complicated than those of animals, which is a major setback, because everything would be so much simpler if he only needs to kill the competition to claim exclusive rights to his chosen mate. As it is though, from what he knows of human behaviour, there does exist a loosely defined process for obtaining the end result of copulation, but everything is a mind-numbing process of trial and error. More importantly, there are two variables that Hibari needs to consider 1.) the fact that Sawada Tsunayoshi is male and 2.) there has to be mutual consent. Hibari's smart enough to know which of the two is more difficult to deal with.

Conclusion: Being human sucks.

So, not liking it, but knowing the necessity, Hibari shakes his head. "I don't know."

Sinker. Dino wraps his fingers around Hibari's wrist, taking note of the lack of resistance, and leans a bit forward, his voice carrying the soft finality of a coup de grâce. "I do."

Hibari eyes Dino appraisingly for a few moments, and Dino stares back calmly, neither breaking contact. Then, with a decisive flick of his wrist, Hibari removes the tonfa from Dino's neck and steps back.

"I'm listening."

0

Tsuna surfaces and quickly taps the edge of the pool, pushing out his wet hair from his eyes whilst filling his lungs with quick sharp intakes of air. He looks around and is pleasantly surprised to see that he isn't last place this time. As it should be; Reborn has been making a sincere effort to hone Tsuna's swimming skills by tossing him overboard every time they're in a motorized water vehicle. Sometimes there are sharks involved.

Today is shaping out to be a pretty good day. He woke up on time, managed to defend his breakfast from Lambo, got to school with minutes to spare, and just recently found out that he passed his geometry test. As far as school days go, this is definitely one of the better ones, and it's not even third period.

He climbs out the pool, shivering slightly at the cool morning air, and smiles at Gokudera, who immediately heaps praise upon his amazing fish-like performance, and together, they make their way towards Yamamoto. Yamamoto pats the spot to his right as he simultaneously hands Tsuna a water bottle, which he accepts gratefully.

"So Tsuna," Yamamoto starts, slinging a friendly arm around Tsuna's thin shoulders. "I heard from Dino-san that you had an interesting training session last Saturday."

And just like that, Tsuna's good mood plummets. "Yeah, it was… interesting," he mutters, unwilling to say anything more. Interesting like watching a train wreck, that is. If he isn't underaged, he'd have drunk his weight in alcohol back then to jumpstart the process of scar tissue forming over his memories.

"Yeah, I heard Hibari had a little tent problem in his pants," Yamamoto says, laughing. "I wish I was there to see it."

Tsuna accidentally chokes on his water. He cannot, for the life of him, understand why everyone seems to be paying unusual focus on that section of training. A part of his brain has not stopped screaming yet at the close-up view of giant turtle cock, for god's sake, does no one care about that?

Gokudera worriedly pats Tsuna's back, before shooting a disgusted look at Yamamoto. "Gross. Why do you even want to see something like that?"

"Well it's Hibari, you guys. The most sexual thing I've heard about him are the wang jokes about his tonfa," Yamamato says blithely, and Tsuna instinctively looks around to check that Hibari's not in any position to hear them blaspheming his choice of weaponry. " Dino-san put it in a better way though- it was like seeing a unicorn!"

It takes all of Tsuna's force of will to stop from slamming his head unconscious against the wall, because now he has giant turtle cock and word association of his cloud guardian's erection to fantasy equines stuck in his brain. Honestly, is there anyone in his family who isn't dedicated to destroying his sanity?

Gokudera recovers first. "Shut your filthy mouth, you heathen!" he yells, aghast, and for a split second, Tsuna actually thinks that someone else is taking issue with Yamamoto's careless discussion of Hibari's privates, until Gokudera follows this up with, "How dare you besmirch the name of the most revered of mythical beasts?"

"Haha, you're so funny, Gokudera! I just meant that it's rare, like urban legend rare."

Gokudera snarls, but before he could go through his usual cache of Yamamoto-specific insults, their P.E. teacher calls him. "Gokudera Hayato! Please get in line for your test."

"Tch. I'll be right back Tenth," Gokudera says, smiling at Tsuna then glaring at Yamamoto. "Stop being gross, Baseball-freak."

As soon as Gokudera is out of earshot, Yamamoto turns to Tsuna, his expression now unusually serious. "Does it really bother you Tsuna?" he asks.

Tsuna forces out a smile. "Well, it's not that bad," he lies, feeling a little guilty for being so damn sensitive. "I'm just not used to discussing those kinds of things so casually that's all."

Yamamato breathes out a sigh of relief . "That's good," he says, leaning back. "I was worried you'd be uncomfortable talking about it, seeing as you're the one who brought it out of Hibari."

There's a moment of stunned silence, as Tsuna briefly considers that he's going deaf too, on top of going crazy. Because there's no way Yamamoto said what he thinks he said. So Tsuna just responds with a very eloquent, "Buh?

Yamamoto grins and taps Tsuna's nose playfully. "Hibari wants to bone you."

The last protective layer of Tsuna's psyche has now reached critical levels.

"Isn't that great? Haha, I've always thought you were special, Tsuna."

In a desperate, last-ditch attempt to stop himself from completely entering systemic failure, Tsuna blurts out, "But I'm not a girl!"

Yamamoto shakes his head. "Tsuna." There's a sombre edge to his voice, and his eyes hold none of their usual mirth. It sufficiently convinces Tsuna to hear out whatever else Yamamoto has to say, even though his hyper intuition is making a valiant rear guard action against it.

Yamamoto places a heavy hand on his shoulder. "There comes a time in every man's life where he has to play the homo litmus test game."

Tsuna dimly hears the sound of his mind fracturing into a thousand tiny shards.

"But don't worry too much about it, okay?" Yamamoto continues, sporting his customary good guy cheery smile this time. "I'll help you figure it out. That's what friends are for, right?"

Tsuna says nothing but he does make a sound like a sheep stuck in a fence.

Yamamoto deems that as a good enough response, and pats Tsuna's leg in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. He gets up just as the previous batch of swimmers end their turn, and walks away to take his own test, trusting Tsuna to Gokudera's care.

As Gokudera's hysterical shrieks permeate the edges of his hearing, he looks up at the fourth floor window, sees a flash of blond hair, and grins.

-tbc-

Post A/N: Yamamoto's my fandom bike and I fangirl him like a woman possessed, but man, he is such a bitch to pin down, because I always agonize over having to find the right balance between his happy-go-lucky jock and deadly assassin personality. Hibari, on the other hand, is such a joy to write, even though he's one my least favourite characters. What the hell, brain.