So… My Math Teacher was Eaten by a Pokemon…

By: The Pinball Wizard & Bring Your Own Kites

Disclaimer: C'mon. We don't own Pokemon, you should know that… or do we?

Ownership: Jonas Murphy…is…ours…

Vs. Houndoom

"Why things are getting so strange. I'd hate to tell you everything I see."

-Sweet (Ballroom Blitz)

I rub my eyes viciously as I walk to my car. I only managed to get…what? Two hours of sleep total. Probably not even two hours. Obviously my body was too afraid to go back to sleep after the whole nightmare with Celebi… Remind me to burn my games later.

"Jonas…you do realize your walking into the car, right?" I hear Flint say.

Ooooooh. That's what that is… "Yeah, why?"

"Just making sure…"

"Hey, Flint?" I ask, turning to face my brother. He basically looks like me…but with a lot more facial hair. He's putting his keys into his car. How come Flint has an f'ing Mustang and I have a shitty old Scooby Doo Van? I swear! My parents play favorites. As a matter of fact I'm their least favorite child.

"What Jonas?" He raises an eyebrow to me.

"Can you…drive me to school?" I ask, yawning.

"Catch the bus."

"I'm claustrophobic, remember?" I remind him.

"Ask Beth," He says closing the door of his car and letting the windows down so he can hear the rest of what I have to say.

"But Beth is going the complete opposite way of the school…"

"Ask Noah."

"Noah's in second grade, dumbshit."

"Doesn't hurt to ask…" He smiles.

"Funny," I roll my eyes.

"Just get in already…" My brother sighs.

"It's the end of the world as we know it," I sing to my brother for the eight time, "It's the end of the wor-"

"SHUT UP!" Flint snaps, punching me in the arm. We nearly swerve in front of incoming traffic.

"Aww, you're just mad cause the world's gonna end today…" I giggle, trying to sound as girlish as possible.

The car comes to a stop. Argh! Damn Five Corners and it's long ass red lights!

"That's such bullshit. You can't possibly believe that the world is going to end today."

Yup, today is December 21, 2012! It's the end of the world… as we know it! Well, supposedly it's the end of the world. I'm still alive now so I'm beginning to doubt that the world's ending. I kinda picture the world ending on… I dunno… a rainy day?

I just shrug.

"It's the end of the world as we know-"

"GET OUT OF MY CAR!"

"Jooooooonnnnnnaaaaassss!" My best friend Roland Cavangh yells once I enter our first period class of the subject I dread the most- Math. He has short, spiky brown hair, that for some reason seems a little red today… His eyes are a dark blue color. He's wearing track pants similar to mine. Well, we're both on the track team, so what can I say? He's also wearing red t-shirt with the words "Zombie Repellent" hovering over a shotgun of some sort. He's taller than most of the people on our team, including me.

"What, Roland?" I snap.

"Hey, hey. Someone clearly woke up on the wrong side of the bed!" He shakes his head.

"Woke up?" I laugh, "I wouldn't consider two hours of sleep sleep at all…"

"Tough, man! Because we have a meet today! Against our rivals- Sachem East!" He throws his hands into the air enthusiastically. "Gotta be pumped up!"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you say…" I groan as I walk over to my desk. I literally throw myself into the seat right in front of Mr. Hemmingway's desk. I lay my head on my cold hard desk. Maybe I can get a few winks before the bell r-

""

Fuckin' bell.

A few stragglers dash into the class taking their seats almost immediately, so the man doesn't have a heart attack about being a few seconds late. Ugh, this guy just pisses me off so damn much. I hate being even within thirty feet of the stupid mother fucker. And you know what makes it worse? I have him for two periods in a row. Just because I loathe this class so much, it goes by so damn slow.

"Take out last nights homework!" Mr. H yells as he walks into the classroom. Yes, come in whenever you like. I don't care.

I flip open my notebook to last night's homework. All 50 fucking questions! I spend about five or six hours everyday on homework. I hate AP! I hate this stupid invention called Math. No. I hate school. That's what I hate.

Whoa… Is it just me or is everything mad blurry?

I wipe my eyes.

Oh, Jesus Christ. I need to go to sleep. Fuck Math.

I lay my head back on the desk and close my eyes.

Blue. Oh god, no.

"It is time…" Celebi says.

"You're going to kill me again…aren't you?"

"At least you know," It grins.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I scream sitting up.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Mr. Murphy…" My teacher says tapping the edge of my table with his pen.

"Pleasures…mine…" I pant, running my hands through my hair. I hear stifled giggles erupt from the class.

"Quiet the smart ass aren't we?"

"Perhaps, sir," I reply. I can't even take a simple nap without seeing that shit!!! What the fuck!?

"Then would you like to do number one on the board for us?" He asks, smirking.

"I'd love to sir. Just for you," I reply standing up. I grab my book and step around my prick of a teacher.

"Ah. Ah. Ahh," He waves his finger in front of him. He snatches my book away from me. Just great.

"Can I have a calculator then?" I ask. I don't really care if he makes me look like a complete idiot in front of the entire class. Then once he's done I can attempt another nap. I don't even care if he kicks me out of class for the day either. Ahah. If I curse him out, I'll have the grand opportunity to go to ISS, then I can try to nap all day with my occasional "AAHHHH!".

"No, I thought you were beyond a calculator!" He snickers.

"Oh, yes. Silly me," I roll my eyes.

I stare at the problem on the board like it's got twenty heads. What the hell is that? Is that even the first question? No! No, it isn't. That son of bitch.

"Can't do it," I shrug.

"Really and why is that?"

"Enlighten me, please. Y'know on why you think that is instead of asking me a million questions," I snap. God. So fucking annoying. I just want to slap him- not even just once. Like eight times. Maybe even a hundred.

"Well, I think it's because you haven't done the right homework assignment."

"Nooooo really?"

"Actually, the problem on the board isn't last night homework," Some kid with a dark blue beanie says.

"Shut up, Newman. I was talking to Mr. Murphy here."

"More like picking on him."

"Really, Mr. Newman, would you like to join Mr. Murphy up here?"

"I guess, if he doesn't mind a little company," The kid says.

I honestly start laughing.

"You think this is funny?"

"Pfft…yeah…" I can't help it. This whole situation just went to hell in hand basket when that kid started talking. Ah…

"RRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

Was that a dog?

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH!"

Yep. Dog. But where-

"Oh my god! What the fuck is that!?" Someone screams pointing at the door.

I slowly look over at the door.

Holy…shit…Am I dreaming? Is that…?

"Is that a fucking Houndoom!?" Roland screams, scrambling out of his seat.

Took the words right out of mouth. A Houndoom stands in the doorway staring directly at me, the closest target. My god, it looks absolutely hideous in person. The bones that frame it's ribcage on the outside of it's body are stained with something red- and I'm guessing it's not cherry Kool-Aid…

And then it lunges.

"OH MY GOD!" I scream clambering out of the way.

"!!!!!!" Mr. Hemmingway's shrills pierce the air. I trip over some kid's backpack and smash into the floor.

Suddenly screaming just erupts throughout the room. I get to my feet and turn around to what the fate is of my math teacher.

I stare in absolute horror as the lone Houndoom claws at the insides of my math teacher. It tears fiercely at the flesh, and swallows a chunk of what appears to be his intestines. While all the other kids are screaming all I can think is… "Resident Evil"- minus the zombies, replaced with man-eating Pokemon.

Some kids take the opportunity to flee the classroom through the door from the entryway. Others open the windows and jump out. And a good majority of us just stand there, screaming.

"Jonas! Don't just stand there!" I hear Roland shout over the screaming.

I can't help but think of Celebi as I'm running towards my friend. Am I going to fucking die at the hands of a Celebi?! Oh my god! This is bullshit! And I'm even wearing the clothes I'm supposed to die in too! What the fuck!?

"Um, d-don't look now…" Some nerdy kid with huge glasses says, "But it think it's noticed us."

I turn around to see the Houndoom charging at me. "OH SHIIIIIIIT!" I grab someone's string backpack and swing at the bloodied Pokemon's face. It impacts sending the Houndoom off of its feet.

"Someone grab the fucking flag pole!" I scream as the Houndoom comes back for round two. I hop onto a nearby desk to escape the Houndoom. It smashes into the desk that I'm in and I nearly lose my balance and fall into it's clutches. Lucky for me, Roland catches my hand and pulls me forward.

"Catch!" Some girl with one of those "Hollow" Necklaces from Bleach yells tossing me the flagpole. I catch the flagpole. Roland kicks the desk into the Houndoom and the beanie kid shoves the desk on the other side of it into it. We trap its head.

I stare at it. It yelps trying desperately to get free from the desks. I need a cool catch phrase. I mean everyone has their cool badass catch phrase when they kill they're arch-nemesis or something. Something that will stand out. Something that will be remember when this day goes in the history books. Ahah!

I raise the flag and charge at the Pokemon. "THIS. IS. SACHEMMMMMMM!" I scream stabbing the hell hound in the throat. Blood slowly leaks from the wound. The blood soaks the wood. It thrashes around for a few seconds, but finally stops. Imagine how weird it looks having a Pokemon with an American Flag sticking out of it's throat. Gross, right?

"So… My math teacher was eaten by a Pokemon…" The beanie guy says breaking the silence.

Well, that just pretty much sums everything I'm thinking up…

End Chapter Two

The Pinball Wizard: So I was writing this chapter… and there was a huge ass spider on my lap… and I didn't even realize till Elliott was all like "L-Lanni! D-don't move!". I feel so…invaded… Anyway, I kind of liked writing this chapter. For some reason I have a soft spot for zombies, gore, and well…man-eating Pokemon. Kind of creepy, yes. But what the hell. Everyone has their own little things. Till next time…

Next Chapter: Vs. Alazakam