NEVER ENDING TROUBLES

"Where the hell are you taking me?!" and do you think you could slow down a bit? I don't even drive this fast.

"Relax…and I'm not going that fast Emmett. It's only 197 miles per hour," I said sarcastically. "We're going to Walgreen's. I need your help on something… something concerning condoms."

Emmett tried to hold in his laughter, but he couldn't help it. He burst out in a roar of laughter.

"Laugh all you want my brother, but I think it's time for me and Bella to…"

"OK! OK! I'll help you with your sex life, but please, PLEASE, don't go into detail about you and Bella. Ok?"

"While you're talking about not going into detail and stuff, next time you and Rosalie make love, please don't make so much noise. Ok, 'tiger'?"

We finally arrived to Walgreen's.

"Whoa!! A whole isle of gloves!"

"Damn it Emmett! Be quiet!"

I look up and that's when I saw what Emmett was amazed by. One whole, double sided, isle of condoms. It was amazing. Every possibility was right there, in front of me. My whole love life depends on what flavor or size of condom I choose to buy. I never knew this, but my life depends on this isle.

"WOW." Emmett and I both said.

I started looking around the isle and that's when I saw a girl staring at me and Emmett. She was a blonde. I'm not surprised.

HELLOO sexy. I get the one in the leather jacket.

I looked down and I noticed that I'M the one wearing the leather jacket. Huh. I guess Bella was right, I DO dazzle people. I can't blame them though, look at my, I was made in heaven.

"WOW!!! There's banana flavored ones! I never saw these. I'm guessing their new in stores. Oh, oh! Look, they also have ice tea," Emmett shouted, "Hey, what do you think of ice tea?"

Damn it! They're probably gay. The hot guys are always gay. Why is that?

Quick note: the girl had a few sexual pictures of her, Emmett, and Edward. I left that out.

Oh lord. Why does that girl always think so sexual about us….well, me.

I started looking through all the condoms not being sure on which one to get for me and Bella. I saw a Coca-cola one. Does Bella like Coca-cola?

"They also have chocolate flavored ones. Does Rosalie like chocolate? I'll get it anyway. All the fun we can have!"

"Ew!! Emmett please don't think sexually about my sister when I'm near you. It's very unpleasant."

Emmett gave me a quick grin, but his eyes still wondering around, same with his mind.

I left Emmett in his curiosity and kept on looking around the isle. I saw these condoms that were cold at first and as you kept on 'working' with your partner, it started to warm up. The harder you did…it, the warmer it got. Weird, huh? I held the small box in my hand. Emmett, on the other hand, had a cart full.

I walked up and down the isle, looking for something good.

I wonder what Esme is doing right now.

"Emmett, are you thinking about Esme?"

"No, why?"

"Well, someone is."

"Shit! I see Carlisle! Run to next isle."

"Go! Go!"

We ran to the next isle, at a human pace, so no one would notice that we were… (Looking around…eyes to the left…eyes to the right. I see no one) vampires. Emmett was so worried and scared that he forgot how to breathe, and we don't even need to breathe. After a silent pause, Emmett got his breath back.

"Hello Emmett, Edward. What are you two you guys doing here at 1:30 in the morning?"

I looked around the isle that we ran into not knowing what we just got ourselves into. Realizing that there were all kinds of colorful makeup supplies and nail polish surrounding us.

"Um… Edward is just helping find the right kind makeup fights me best. You know Rosalie and Alice. No one understands me these days. I want something to bring out my facial expressions. Something different, unique, something that no one has ever seen before."

"Trust me Emmett, it'll be a sight to see," Carlisle chuckled.

"Ha-ha, very funny. But I'm being serious, I was thinking about going with Cherry, Cherry Red, but Edward told me that Tusk, Tusk Orange was more of my color."

I looked at Emmett with the 'You- Are- So- Stupid' look.

"Now for my eyes. Ocean Blue or Ever Green?"

"Oh, Ever Green. Definitely," Carlisle mentioned sarcastically.

"Finally, someone takes me seriously," Emmett whispered.

I looked at Emmett, wanting to know why he came up with a stupid excuse. I seriously think that he has some brain damage. First Rosalie and now this? How much more stupider can he get?

"Ok, guys. I'll you two at home. And don't take too long in the makeup section, people are going to start to think that your weird," Carlisle said while leaving.

"Don't worry, Carlisle, Emmett already accomplished that for us."

Edward, I really know what you're up to. You don't have to hide it from me, I'm your father. But I understand I'll always be there for you.

I'm really grateful to have Carlisle by my side. He turned his head towards me and I nodded to him saying thank you. While Carlisle left, I'm going to take advantage to get a few more… condoms.

Tusk, Tusk Orange and Ever Green really Do look good on me. I wonder why I never did this before.

I turned around to Emmett who was applying eye shadow on himself. I think Emmett was having too muck fun with the makeup. I grabbed him by the head saying:

"Come on beautiful."

"You messed up my eye shadow! I'm going to look like a freak now! and do you really think I'm beautiful?!... I'M BEAUTIFUL!!!"