Zim For President

AN/ Wooo! Time for another chapter, guys! I can't believe that this got some reviews, you're awesome!

Chapter 2: Chickens

President Man sat in the Wite Howz, worried. This year, the competition was fierce and he was sure he'd lose his position if he didn't come up with something fast. At the moment, his greatest adversary was Mike the Headless Chicken, who'd raked in thousands of supporters in just the last few weeks with his promises to lower the rent (which the people apparently believed to be 'too damn high'). Yup, President Man was screwed this year for sure. At this rate, Mike the Headless chicken would outdo him by miles.

If only some unfortunate accident were to happen that would render the poor fowl unable to participate in the election…

President Man grinned as he began to draw plans for his last line of defence.

Meanwhile, Dib stared at his computer, baffled. How on earth had one of his random videos gained over 9000 views overnight? Even Dib knew by now that most people dismissed his proof of Zim being an alien as nonsense, so even he was sceptical that this many people would see the footage he'd uploaded. Not having anything better to do, he scrolled down and read some of the comments. Even more shockingly, not even one of them was about aliens.

It seemed that they thought Zim's rant made perfect sense, and was in fact the most intelligent point made by anyone on the internet. How an alien yelling about world domination and pointing out humanity's flaws could gain so much support, Dib had no idea. Since this was clearly going nowhere in Dib's plan to expose Zim to the world as an alien, he decided that the only thing left that this video was good for was annoying Zim.

Dib couldn't wait to see the look on the Irken's face when he found out that his privacy had been violated and exposed to the world. Dib wondered for a moment how exactly he'd go about getting the video across so that Zim would see it when he least expected. A new idea crept into his massive head, and after another few minutes of thinking, he got on the phone to the presenter of Mysterious Mysteries.

Dib was sure that it would work. You see, that presenter owed Dib a few favours, all thanks to the time when Dib saved his job by appearing on the show. He was positive that it would go off without a hitch. And he'd be watching Zim's reaction when the video of him was aired on TV. Surely making such a bold move as this would draw the Irken out and force him to make some kind of rash move, the Dib would have him cornered.

But at this stage, it was mainly for the lulz. For the lulz, and for the FUTURE OF MANKIND! Or so Dib had convinced himself. Anyhow, he'd been on hold for the past 3 hours and was starting to doubt that he'd get an answer. He swallowed his frustration by thinking of how awesome the payoff would be. Patience was a virtue, after all. Suddenly, the annoyingly cheerful music cut off and the TV presenter finally answered.

"Ugh, not you again….I was going to just not answer, but my receptionist apparently couldn't put you on hold forever. So what do you want this time?"

"I just have a favour to ask." Dib replied smugly.

"Another one?"

"yup."

"Fine… but this is the LAST one!" he finally caved in. Yes!

Dib clenched his fist in triumph. Everything was going perfectly. Perhaps too perfectly…

Zim sat in front of the TV. He'd recently figured that constant watching of television would provide him with a whole load more information about Earth. He'd spent the last hour or so staring blankly at one of Mike the Headless Chicken's award-winning speeches. Mike was the current favourite to win the upcoming elections, and even Zim had to acknowledge the chicken's prowess. It was more intelligent than the humans, anyways.

As the beheaded bird finished the speech with a few patriotic words and stepped of the podium, the crowd erupted into passionate applause, some of them even wiping away manly tears. Thoroughly bored and weary of the human's fickle antics, Zim changed the channel to see a familiar bald black guy talking about werewolves that secretly inhabited the stationary cupboards of most offices. Zim then recognised the show as Mysterious Mysteries. Having appeared on the show once before thanks to another of Dib's failed plans to expose him, he decided to watch the remainder of the programme out of mild curiosity. It seemed like it was nearly finished anyways.

"But before we go," the show's host began, his expression turning slightly exasperated. "We wish to share this, erm….shocking footage with you." The screen then flipped to show the video.

Minutes later…

Zim's eye twitched and his mouth hung open, dumbfounded. How the hell had this happened? It didn't help that Gir had been giggling and pointing hysterically the whole time that he'd been mortified by what he was watching. Somehow, this was all Dib's fault.

"That filthy Earth boy!" Zim cursed. "I shall make him PAY!" He yelled, standing up. "Come, Gir! It is time for REVEEENGE!"

"Can I bring mah Piggy with me?" the little robot asked.

"Yes, bring the piggy, for it is necessary for Zim's MIGHTY plans for VENGEAAANCE!"

"Wooooohooooo! We're doin' vengeance, Piggy!" Gir cheered.

So Zim set off to Skool the next morning, the early fragments of a plan fitting themselves together within his superior Irken mind.

Mike the Headless Chicken walked along, surrounded by an escort of bodyguards. Things were going well for him. Soon he'd have the support of the nation behind him and then the elections would be a walk in the park. As he made his way to his limo, a fat guy in a long jacket and dark glasses approached him.

"Excuse me, sir, but you'll have to come with me." The fat guy said. Mike recognised the voice as President Man's, though it may have been his imagination. Before he could say anything, he was scooped up by the fat guy and jammed into another car parked down the street. He let out a terrified gurgling squawk when he realised he'd been kidnapped.

AN: YEAH, HEADLESS CHICKENS! Okay, not much has happened in this chapter, but I promise there'll be more of Zim's crazy views on politics in the next one. Keep reading, doods!